[Romance] Smile! ~

[Paramour]

I've seen in the past but never asked.
I've walked around but never passed.
I dreamed to be successful, to be grateful.

I merely thought I lived my life, so perfectly and fine.
I wish I had what it takes to have you again by my side.
...

I never surpassed the things I hold, the things I wanted to improve.
But right now I will just a move. I'll walk forward and prove.

I'll keep trying and stop lying,
I'll keep shining and stop crying.

I'll be your light and the one who holds you close at night.
​

 

[Hypemaster]

Very nice.

 

[Paramour]

Thank you very much! :bouncy:

 

[KuroKaze]

Nice !!

 

[Paramour]

Thanks, Kuro. :bouncy:

 

[Disquiet]

I've always wondered what type of poems they write up there in heaven. <3

 

[Paramour]

I've always wondered what type of poems they write up there in heaven. <3

D'aaaww! ~ You lovely sweetheart!

Thanks!

 

[sandy uzumaki]

Good one !

 

[Yo pappy]

Dat puppy love.

 

[Paramour]

Good one !

Thanks~!

Dat puppy love.

I'm 31 years old. ^^

 

[Yo pappy]

I'm 31 years old. ^^

Infatuation is ageless. ;]

 

[Asami..]

Nice poem! *_*

 

[BazzBee]

Beautiful Poem

 

[Yuka]

Such a beautiful Poem Good-work

 

[Anonn]

I really like it! ^^

 

[Yonkou Pandaman]

Are you homosexual, by any chance?

 

[Baldy]

Ehh, neatly done.
Some good things were of course, the attempt to parallel line structure within stanzas - more impacting on the reader.
There's also rhyming. Enjoyable to read.

My opinion, but you could play around with more devices in poetry ^^ Such as line breaks. Your sentences are mostly one per line. In poetry, however, it should be different, from, say a prose. A line break makes it more, enjoyable, for lack of a better word, to read when you break up the sentences.

Still, good :3

 

[Imperfect]

Take a bow, you certainly deserve it.

 

[Khallil]

very nice! I'm not very experienced in this stuff, and don't know much about it, but it's very nice! ^_^

 

[Vegeta]

excellent work, well written/presented