Silverline - Chapter 2

Sin

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Silverline

Chapter 2​

Following a path stamped out on the ground, Zoey walked slowly, taking caution with the slightest noise, but still the perfume sprayed around, seeming to take note she was even there.

Zoey found a small berry it looked like a nut, but when she bit in to the shell it seemed to make her choke, she sprayed out blood and threw the nut as faraway as possible. It was strange for this to even happen in Zoey's life.
A perfect life she might have thought, but it wasn't very perfect when she could die in a forest.

She tried to ignore any thoughts, but was very nervous so she kept getting worse thoughts than before.
"ZOEY!" It was a scream from deep inside the forest, and it was Darren's scream. Zoey, made many tears that moment, but had to carry on to find Darren.

Even if she found Darren, they both could die as they tried to return home.
Blood rushed to her head, as she seemed to faint right there. A small insect was sticking to her forehead, squeaking excitedly. "Found someone, Found Someone!" Is what the small bee like insect was squeaking.

Zoey was fast asleep, unable to see or hear, but in her mind, she saw someone.

Zoey seemed to know the boy,"Tom... Tom!" Tom was a boy who became lost within the forest, and so she was surprised to see him.
Tom stood, "Zoey?"
Zoey was surprised that he knew her name, "Yes I am Zoey,"
Tom turned to the side, and thought quickly while trying to think of a reply, did she knew the dangers she could face if she was caught by the dark monsters in the forest.

Tom then asked, "Where is Darren?" Zoey became curious about how he knew Darren, it was as if, he was spying on both.
Tom needed time to explain, and so closed his eyes, spreading his arms wide, he screamed in his own ancient language, in which Zoey was spooked by.

A burst of light seemed to shock Zoey, as she fell into the once what seemed to be a floor, but then burst through, falling deeper into nothing.

"BURST!" Tom screamed, as the light burst, turning everything white.

It left nothing, he hadn't thought to explain what was happening, as everything turned to the ground where he hid and watched Zoey being dragged, but she opened her eyes, and spotted Tom, and she spotted a fish like creature carrying her.

She struggled, trying to escape, she didn't know what was going on.

She wondered where Darren was.


~~~​

Darren saw the monster burst out of the shadows, he done his best, to run from the big claws of the monster. He soon spotted a sword which was used for keeping the animals back. He ran towards the sword, and placing it in his hand, he stood aganst the monster.

He quickly took hold onto the monster's foot, which he shook to let Darren lose grip. The monster shook the foot high, so Darren flew upwards, up to the head of the monster, with a smooth cutting action, he slashed and cut the Monster's head half off.

Falling backwards, the Monster was a landing platform, as Darren landed on a soft but weird stomach of the Monster. Darren looked around, climbed off the monster.
He began to walk to where the monster came out, and there he spotted many animals. Tom was hidden in the tree, then remembering Darren, he quickly flew done revealing his wings just for seconds, then whispering to Darren, "Get to the tree, and hide in the leaves," Darren followed the instructions and soon was hidden, while Tom sat next to Darren hiding aswell on the tree.

Zoey layed on the ground while monsters took a swipe at each other waiting for something to come. The monsters must have known Tom and Darren where there.

Tom became to understand that the humans were going to be a meal, and so he knew they'd have to escape.

He quickly jumped down from the tree, releasing his wings, he dived collecting Zoey. The monsters noticed moments later, and charged. Tom took Darren, and they flew, he knew he wouldn't be able to escape so he said,"Once I drop you on a leaf, get down and run home!" He soon dived towards a leaf, and dropped them, as they climbed off, Zoey remembered she'd have to run.

She ran, and Darren ran, both ran until they were well out of the forest.

"RUN RUN RUN RUN!" Zoey kept shouting, they both crashed into Zoey's house, as they watched nothing come out they knew they were safe for now.

Neither understood the forest, neither didn't want to go back.

Neither saw Tom, until Tom saw them.
 

Gatsndshanks

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Marvellous work, Sin although some words do become repetitive as you read along and also you could have made more dramatic scenes better with more descriptive words, like for example; "Darren saw the monster burst out of the shadows, he done his best, to run from the big claws of the monster." that short bit should be made more tense and startling, instead it's quick and uninspiring :/
 

Gatsndshanks

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just try to make a plan of your key events during the chapter and broaden them, describe what the character(s) can see, hear and feel in the atmosphere during the event itself. It only takes practise and with time you'll get the hang of it.
 
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