Shrouded In Darkness

Hemsey

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(This is my first chapter of my new series Shrouded In Darkness. I originally was only going to post this on FictionPress, but I thought it would be nice for you guys to check it out. Tell me you want more I'll gladly post keepING the chapters coming on NB.


Shrouded In Darkness

Chapter 1​
Born In Darkness​


The Corvus, a species that is believed to be the origin of darkness. That this family of birds can be a menace to the earth. A symbol of the dark realm. The big three that seemed to threaten crazed philosophizer The Crow, The Raven and The Jackdaw. All three birds somewhat of a threat but the Crow stands out. It is said that Crows were once symbolized as a god, a trickster. One who disobeys, deceives using nothing but their wits. Even death could be explained through a Crow. It said that they are the symbol of death. The last thing you would hear is that Corvus bird cawing. All these statements are somewhat true. But it's not the myths of these birds you should be afraid of it's the individual who go by the same of these birds, nothing but monsters who feed off of humans dragging them into the darkness.

A young boy walked aimlessly through the town holding a dark brown teddy bear, he looked to be about eight years old. There was a distinct look in his eye and it spelled out fear. He screamed on the top of his lungs begging for someone to come to his aid. Soon tears would rush down his cheeks as he heard no answer. Words tried to escape his mouth but only moans and cries were heard. Dead bodies were scattered across the pavement of this small town. What the toddler saw, he would never forget.

The boy was in a deep slumber, wrapped in light blue sheets and blankets he was holding his stuffed animal his most prized possession a teddy bear. His skin brushed against the dark brown cotton that was his stuffed animal. Suddenly he awoke to loud thud. That sound would be obvious of course they're was an intruder. But he was just a toddler he had no idea what was going to happen next which struck fear into his little heart.

"M-Mommy, D-Daddy." His voice low pitched and fragile as he approached his door holding his teddy bear.

The boy slowly turned a corner after exiting his room he made his way into the kitchen. No sign of danger, until his eyes were filled with disbelief, terror and sadness. He rushed to the site before him his small feet making little noise but enough noise to alert whatever was inside. There laid the boy's parents in a pool of their own blood. The father's face was now unrecognizable, his jaw completely ripped apart the remains of his jaw hanging just by a whim. There was also a deep pierce in the man's chest his heart removed from it's original place. Tears streamed down from the boy's big brown eyes. He sat on his knees crying for a significant period of time until he noticed his Mother, still alive. Approaching her quickly he rushed to her holding her hand. Her case was less brutal, the killer sexist perhaps? The boy was able to speak.

"M-Mother, how?! How did this happen?!" His eyes scanned her body trying to look for the cause of her near death.

On her lower abdomen a huge slash was shown blood continually seeped out. Even on the verge of death, his mother seemed peacefully. Her voice was fragile.

"Remember, Mommy will always love you. Now, run." The light in her eye faded.

The boy gritted his teeth as he sobbed even more. He shook her violently. "Mommy! Come back! Please. Come back!" He kept at it begging her to come back, but to no avail he was just shaking a lifeless body. "Hello Little One" A raspy voice was heard and it was extremely close. Still struck with fear the boy raised his head. In front of him was a slender and tall man, he war a black hood and black pants. His boots were stained with blood along with his jeans and white shirt. A huge smile was shown on his the menace face. His long black hair fell down to his waist and his bangs covered his left eye. Only his right crazed eye was to be shown and the color was odd, he had a glowing purple iris. He pulled down his hood that was draped on his head with his blood stained hand. "I'm Raven, and Welcome To My Private Hell."



Hemsey's Writing ©
 
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Chakra Wizard

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Pretty interesting premise, man:) Didn't see any mistakes, but I think you overuse sentence fragments, particularly in the first paragraph. There's nothing with using them, but not too often, y'know? Looks good, though. Like to see where you go with this*_*

Also, you know that you can post this in the FF section, right? Might get more readers that way:)
 

Hemsey

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Pretty interesting premise, man:) Didn't see any mistakes, but I think you overuse sentence fragments, particularly in the first paragraph. There's nothing with using them, but not too often, y'know? Looks good, though. Like to see where you go with this*_*

Also, you know that you can post this in the FF section, right? Might get more readers that way:)
Thanks for the criticism! I am trying to become a better writer. I'm reading more books. I have a feeling the next chapter will be better so stay tuned ;P
 
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