It's no problem. I don't embarrass easy, and I finally got through it enough to write about it. ^^
So when something happens, that allows you to look at your own life and other things with a bit of perspective. I really, really, really liked this girl. Literally, there was nothing I wouldn't do for her. I never fawned over her or anything(that would probably drive her away), but if she ever needed something I was there. I always came through, no matter what (even when I had my own problems). I would also do little things to make her happy the best I could. Sometimes I even surprised myself when I would do things I thought I was incapable of doing. She gave me several reasons for me to think she liked me back, so after awhile I decide to ask her out, but she tells me her own feelings for this other guy, and I notice she does (and would do) "the impossible" for him. I didn't give up right away but my efforts seemed to mean little to nothing after I was told this. It just started making me feel unneeded and worthless the more I tried. I knew her for awhile so it wasn't like I just got rejected by some random chick I thought was cute. Our friendship eventually deteriorated and that hurt me even more because I had been spending so much time with her. I felt like I lost a piece of myself. It made me wonder how long was she willing to drag my feelings through the dirt, if I was worth anything etc. Although I was mad, I still liked her (it had just happened), and wanted her to have happiness still, but the dude she liked seemed to pay no mind to her efforts. xD In a weird way this made me feel bad to see that this dude paid no mind to someone I thought was really special, even though that person did not think of me in that way. Sucks right? xD
So I was just in a really weird conflicting place, and thought about this cycle. It made me think of other people who go through having their feelings unappreciated as they try so hard to show someone their heart is worth it only to be told its not. Questions are asked "would you die for me" You can answer "Sure" but remember you can only die once. For some people that is still not enough for them even if its all you can give. There is only so much you can do as a person, but sometimes you're just not the one for them, even if you think they are the one for you. People don't want to talk about it, but I'm honest enough to realize this is a real part of life. Its not unmanly, its not uncool, its just life. (Although its a lil embarrassing at the time) Stuff happens bruh, but it gets a lot better with a little time. LOL
