Thane
Anbu Operative 🎭
- Joined
- Apr 13, 2012
- Messages
- 3,025
- Reaction score
- 432
Warning: Very long and contains character bashing for the sake of lulz.
...
Onoki: We will never agree to creating a Ninja Alliance!
Gaara: What if I insult you?
Onoki: I instantly have a change of heart!
Danzo: Hm, looks like I didn't need to use Shisui's eye. Oh well I'm sure this won't affect me in any significant way, eh.
Mifune: There are Samurai here guys. Isn't that cool! Guys! Pay attention to the Samurai! Why doesn't anyone care?!
...
Naruto: Lucky there's a giant turtle here which gives me access to special Jinchuriki training. It also lets me more or less block out the feeling of hatred. If this isn't plot no jutsu, I don't know what is.
Killer B: By the way, there's totally not a war going on out there broseph.
Guy: Absolutely not, and you're not being guarded by some of the more powerful Ninja of the Leaf. No siree!
Naruto: Well that's good. It's even more lucky I haven't had any serious character development since the first arc, otherwise I might have been smart enough to realize something fishy was going on.
...
Random 1: We will never ally with you guys!
Random 2: And we will never trust you!
Gaara: Sigh, here I go again...Passionate speech no jutsu!
Random 1: Want to be my life partner?
Random 2: Do I ever?!
Kakashi: Did you just ally every single Ninja in the entire world who have had basically nothing but animosity and distrust of each other for several generations with one speech?
Gaara: Pretty much.
Kakashi: I won't even begin to explain how messed up that is.
...
Hinata: It looks like we have ordinary Chunin outfits now, I guess we have finally been reduced to nothing but fodder standards.
Kiba: Look at it this way, at least your face doesn't look exactly like everybody else's in this "army". Hell I'm not even sure there are any nameless women here.
...
Kabuto: I will join the bad guy's side, then people will finally pay attention to me!
Obito: Wouldn't it be better if you used your awesome powers and just became a hero on the other side instead? I mean I'm pretty sure I wouldn't last more than a few hours without you.
Kabuto: No, my Edo Tensei is sure to make this series look dramatic!
Obito: I don't get it, why not just let Orochimaru do that?
Kabuto: Pff, it's not like he's ever coming back. By the way, I have two guys we have never heard of before who have some Nine-Tails chakra in them, thus allowing us to continue the plot without anything bad actually happening to Naruto.
Obito: What the fu...
...
Second Mizukage: I manage to plow through fodder, yet I'm not important enough to be given a name. Seriously, why am I even here? I contribute absolutely nothing to the story! Who cares if I kill a bunch of nameless Ninja? No one has even heard of me before!
Third Raikage: Yeah I know that feel. Did you know apparently I survived for three days and nights against 10.000 people?
SM:...What?
TR: Yeah, apparently I'm more or less invulnerable, except against my own attacks.
SM: Didn't the Second Hokage get killed by twenty followers, and he had at least five Ninja accompanying him? What the hell happened to numbers being an advantage?
TR: It became obsolete the minute the term 'fodder' came up. I mean, everyone here is trained since they're kids, right? Then how come some people are simply that much stronger? 10.000 people? Really? What, am I immune to getting a knife in the back?
SM: If this war is supposed to demonstrate how much better the current generation is, then it's not doing a very good job. We're killing people by the dozens until a main character shows up...
TR: Hell, we're not even being stopped by minor characters either. They've simply disappeared.
...
Shikamaru: How is this a 'war'?! It's just nameless Ninja killing f*cking SENJU DNA CLONES!
Choji: And when someone of supposed importance is resurrected, the nameless Ninja have to be rescued by a character with a name. I don't think this is how wars are supposed to be...aren't Ninja supposed to be elite warriors? Then why are we losing half our strength after the first day?
Ino: I also thought this would be a great time for minor characters to shine, and introduce a few new ones, but instead we have to witness two things: Tobi's power and Naruto's power.
Shikamaru: Scratch that, we have to, once again, see how powerful the Uchiha are, and how far beneath them we are simply because we weren't born into the right family. It makes you wonder how the hell one 13-year-old managed to kill them all in one night.
...
Madara: I have all important power-ups in the Narutoverse and I know everything. I also have a kickass outfit and gravity-defying hair.
Tsunade: Yeah? Well we are the five Kage.
Madara: I'm an Uchiha who has barely been mentioned, but when I was, it was about how powerful I am.
A: Is he talking to us or to himself?
Madara: Also, Hashirama was apparently the strongest Hokage. Not Minato, not Hiruzen, but Hashirama. Accept it without any sort of proof.
Mei: Not only is he designed to become a fan favorite even though he is a horribly written character, but he is also changing what we thought we knew about Hokage strength levels. That bastard!
Madara: I will make cocky remarks and just demonstrate how utterly broken I am.
Gaara: Surely people can't like him just because he looks nice? I mean, they have to see he is an utterly uninteresting character, right?
Madara: On the contrary, people love it when someone is too powerful for their own good and then proceed to mock one's opponents. And since I look good, I will eventually pose in various ways just to increase the fan wank.
Onoki: Oh well, at least I'm sure someone is on their way to disable the Edo Tensei...
...
Itachi: If I hadn't been so incredibly popular I'm sure my story would have ended a long time ago. Seriously, it just doesn't stop. Oh well, time to one-shot Nagato, because no one but me can do it. I'm sure the forums won't be using this as yet another one of my many strengths, seeing as it clearly is a 3v1.
Nagato. Bleh!
Naruto: So yeah, what happens now?
Itachi: I'll go and make sure the plot progresses, you guys can go ahead and kill some nobodies and make sure White Zetsu don't kill off your fodder.
Naruto: Wait, I thought I was the protagonist?
Itachi: Yeah but I'm far more popular. Seriously, go on to any forum and you'll see at least three theads with my name on it.
Naruto: Still, this seems like something the neglected support characters could take care off. It would make them look at least somewhat capable.
Itachi: Nah, Uchiha bonding moment is far more important. Besides, your support characters are being held up by White Zetsu.
Killer B: This is f*cking priceless...
...
Madara: Oh dear, I'm disappearing.
Onoki: Thank Kakko-sama, for a minute there I really thought we were all going to be beaten by a zombie even though it was five on one.
Madara: Hey did you chaps know I can break the Edo Tensei contract?
A: Please tell me that at least involves Izanagi so you will have to sacrifice an eye.
Madara: Nope, you simply have to know the hand signs, making the Orochimaru vs Hiruzen fight even more confusing.
Gaara: This is f*cking ridiculous...
...
Naruto: Huh, apparently Tailed Beasts have emotions, and my father wanted me to become best buddies with the Fox. He sure planned far ahead considering he had like five minutes to come up with a plan...
Nine-Tails: I say Naruto, why don't we work together?
Naruto: You bet new best friend! This isn't cheesy at all!
...
Obito: Oh no, my mask.
Naruto: I just smashed a Tailed-Beast Bomb in your face and all it did was shatter your mask?
Obito: Plot no jutsu. Anyway, aren't you surprised it's me?
Naruto: Kind of, yes, but on the internet I'll say I suspected it from the very beginning and make myself look like a douche.
Guy: Hey look, an interesting plot twist, this arc might still be saved.
Obito: This is all because Rin died!
Guy: So close...
Naruto: Hey, Kakashi, shouldn't you tell him the reason why you killed Rin?
Kakashi: Meh, I'm sure it's not important to him at all.
...
Madara: Since I have an unlimited amount of chakra, there's literally nothing stopping me from just making a bunch of Susano'o and kill them off one by one and wear them down, but I'll just stand on this giant Pokémon and cross my arms and look intimidating while Obito repeats the same line over and over.
Obito: Isn't it convenient how we can control the supposed God of this universe with Senju DNA?
Ten-Tails: Hold the phone here guys. I'm the Ten-Tails...I'm literally made up of all the other Tailed Beasts, yet the Nine-Tails and the Eight-Tails are standing in front of me, care to explain that?
Obito: No worries, I just absorbed some of their chakra instead of actually capturing them, I'm sure it won't matter.
Ten-Tails: But...But that's just idiotic. If I'm a ten-storey building, you can just skip the vast majority of the eight and ninth floor! That simply doesn't work!
Madara: Not even with Senju DNA?
Ten-Tails: This is f*cking ridiculous...
...
Naruto: Apprently, I have to give chakra to everyone in order to finish off two people and their pokémon, because 40.000 people against two clearly favors them, and my allies are helpless without me.
Kakashi: Wait, so now we have to rely on you to get power-ups? Why can't we do anything ourselves?
Naruto: I don't know, I still remember when Sakura got some chakra from the Nine-Tails and it acted like a poison. Oh well let's go.
Obito: It sure looks like they're coming against us awfully fast, and that Naruto has somehow powered up every single individual in that army. Perhaps we should dodge the incoming attack?
Madara: Nah, I'm sure nothing bad will...BLEH!
Lee: Hey look! The second good scene in this arc! Too bad this is just thanks to Naruto's chakra and not my own efforts!
Ten-Tails: Don't mind me, I'll just stand here so you can hit them. Also, good luck in taking those two down. It's 40.000 people versus two Uchiha, so the odds are clearly in their favor.
Obito: This is f*cking ridiculous...
...
Orochimaru: Where the hell did these robes come from and what happened to my shoulders?
Sasuke: Orochimaruuuuuuuuuuu, help meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Orochimaru: Fine, I'll bring back the dead, sealed Hokage so you can have a simple conversation with them.
Jugo: I'm not even sure what I'm still doing in this story.
Hashirama: Instead of doing the sensible thing and killing Sasuke once and for all, I'll tell him what he wants to know in unnecessarily great detail for no reason whatsoever.
Tobirama: SCREEN TIME!
Minato: I'll just stand here looking pretty.
Hiruzen: This is f*cking ridiculous...
...
Onoki: We will never agree to creating a Ninja Alliance!
Gaara: What if I insult you?
Onoki: I instantly have a change of heart!
Danzo: Hm, looks like I didn't need to use Shisui's eye. Oh well I'm sure this won't affect me in any significant way, eh.
Mifune: There are Samurai here guys. Isn't that cool! Guys! Pay attention to the Samurai! Why doesn't anyone care?!
...
Naruto: Lucky there's a giant turtle here which gives me access to special Jinchuriki training. It also lets me more or less block out the feeling of hatred. If this isn't plot no jutsu, I don't know what is.
Killer B: By the way, there's totally not a war going on out there broseph.
Guy: Absolutely not, and you're not being guarded by some of the more powerful Ninja of the Leaf. No siree!
Naruto: Well that's good. It's even more lucky I haven't had any serious character development since the first arc, otherwise I might have been smart enough to realize something fishy was going on.
...
Random 1: We will never ally with you guys!
Random 2: And we will never trust you!
Gaara: Sigh, here I go again...Passionate speech no jutsu!
Random 1: Want to be my life partner?
Random 2: Do I ever?!
Kakashi: Did you just ally every single Ninja in the entire world who have had basically nothing but animosity and distrust of each other for several generations with one speech?
Gaara: Pretty much.
Kakashi: I won't even begin to explain how messed up that is.
...
Hinata: It looks like we have ordinary Chunin outfits now, I guess we have finally been reduced to nothing but fodder standards.
Kiba: Look at it this way, at least your face doesn't look exactly like everybody else's in this "army". Hell I'm not even sure there are any nameless women here.
...
Kabuto: I will join the bad guy's side, then people will finally pay attention to me!
Obito: Wouldn't it be better if you used your awesome powers and just became a hero on the other side instead? I mean I'm pretty sure I wouldn't last more than a few hours without you.
Kabuto: No, my Edo Tensei is sure to make this series look dramatic!
Obito: I don't get it, why not just let Orochimaru do that?
Kabuto: Pff, it's not like he's ever coming back. By the way, I have two guys we have never heard of before who have some Nine-Tails chakra in them, thus allowing us to continue the plot without anything bad actually happening to Naruto.
Obito: What the fu...
...
Second Mizukage: I manage to plow through fodder, yet I'm not important enough to be given a name. Seriously, why am I even here? I contribute absolutely nothing to the story! Who cares if I kill a bunch of nameless Ninja? No one has even heard of me before!
Third Raikage: Yeah I know that feel. Did you know apparently I survived for three days and nights against 10.000 people?
SM:...What?
TR: Yeah, apparently I'm more or less invulnerable, except against my own attacks.
SM: Didn't the Second Hokage get killed by twenty followers, and he had at least five Ninja accompanying him? What the hell happened to numbers being an advantage?
TR: It became obsolete the minute the term 'fodder' came up. I mean, everyone here is trained since they're kids, right? Then how come some people are simply that much stronger? 10.000 people? Really? What, am I immune to getting a knife in the back?
SM: If this war is supposed to demonstrate how much better the current generation is, then it's not doing a very good job. We're killing people by the dozens until a main character shows up...
TR: Hell, we're not even being stopped by minor characters either. They've simply disappeared.
...
Shikamaru: How is this a 'war'?! It's just nameless Ninja killing f*cking SENJU DNA CLONES!
Choji: And when someone of supposed importance is resurrected, the nameless Ninja have to be rescued by a character with a name. I don't think this is how wars are supposed to be...aren't Ninja supposed to be elite warriors? Then why are we losing half our strength after the first day?
Ino: I also thought this would be a great time for minor characters to shine, and introduce a few new ones, but instead we have to witness two things: Tobi's power and Naruto's power.
Shikamaru: Scratch that, we have to, once again, see how powerful the Uchiha are, and how far beneath them we are simply because we weren't born into the right family. It makes you wonder how the hell one 13-year-old managed to kill them all in one night.
...
Madara: I have all important power-ups in the Narutoverse and I know everything. I also have a kickass outfit and gravity-defying hair.
Tsunade: Yeah? Well we are the five Kage.
Madara: I'm an Uchiha who has barely been mentioned, but when I was, it was about how powerful I am.
A: Is he talking to us or to himself?
Madara: Also, Hashirama was apparently the strongest Hokage. Not Minato, not Hiruzen, but Hashirama. Accept it without any sort of proof.
Mei: Not only is he designed to become a fan favorite even though he is a horribly written character, but he is also changing what we thought we knew about Hokage strength levels. That bastard!
Madara: I will make cocky remarks and just demonstrate how utterly broken I am.
Gaara: Surely people can't like him just because he looks nice? I mean, they have to see he is an utterly uninteresting character, right?
Madara: On the contrary, people love it when someone is too powerful for their own good and then proceed to mock one's opponents. And since I look good, I will eventually pose in various ways just to increase the fan wank.
Onoki: Oh well, at least I'm sure someone is on their way to disable the Edo Tensei...
...
Itachi: If I hadn't been so incredibly popular I'm sure my story would have ended a long time ago. Seriously, it just doesn't stop. Oh well, time to one-shot Nagato, because no one but me can do it. I'm sure the forums won't be using this as yet another one of my many strengths, seeing as it clearly is a 3v1.
Nagato. Bleh!
Naruto: So yeah, what happens now?
Itachi: I'll go and make sure the plot progresses, you guys can go ahead and kill some nobodies and make sure White Zetsu don't kill off your fodder.
Naruto: Wait, I thought I was the protagonist?
Itachi: Yeah but I'm far more popular. Seriously, go on to any forum and you'll see at least three theads with my name on it.
Naruto: Still, this seems like something the neglected support characters could take care off. It would make them look at least somewhat capable.
Itachi: Nah, Uchiha bonding moment is far more important. Besides, your support characters are being held up by White Zetsu.
Killer B: This is f*cking priceless...
...
Madara: Oh dear, I'm disappearing.
Onoki: Thank Kakko-sama, for a minute there I really thought we were all going to be beaten by a zombie even though it was five on one.
Madara: Hey did you chaps know I can break the Edo Tensei contract?
A: Please tell me that at least involves Izanagi so you will have to sacrifice an eye.
Madara: Nope, you simply have to know the hand signs, making the Orochimaru vs Hiruzen fight even more confusing.
Gaara: This is f*cking ridiculous...
...
Naruto: Huh, apparently Tailed Beasts have emotions, and my father wanted me to become best buddies with the Fox. He sure planned far ahead considering he had like five minutes to come up with a plan...
Nine-Tails: I say Naruto, why don't we work together?
Naruto: You bet new best friend! This isn't cheesy at all!
...
Obito: Oh no, my mask.
Naruto: I just smashed a Tailed-Beast Bomb in your face and all it did was shatter your mask?
Obito: Plot no jutsu. Anyway, aren't you surprised it's me?
Naruto: Kind of, yes, but on the internet I'll say I suspected it from the very beginning and make myself look like a douche.
Guy: Hey look, an interesting plot twist, this arc might still be saved.
Obito: This is all because Rin died!
Guy: So close...
Naruto: Hey, Kakashi, shouldn't you tell him the reason why you killed Rin?
Kakashi: Meh, I'm sure it's not important to him at all.
...
Madara: Since I have an unlimited amount of chakra, there's literally nothing stopping me from just making a bunch of Susano'o and kill them off one by one and wear them down, but I'll just stand on this giant Pokémon and cross my arms and look intimidating while Obito repeats the same line over and over.
Obito: Isn't it convenient how we can control the supposed God of this universe with Senju DNA?
Ten-Tails: Hold the phone here guys. I'm the Ten-Tails...I'm literally made up of all the other Tailed Beasts, yet the Nine-Tails and the Eight-Tails are standing in front of me, care to explain that?
Obito: No worries, I just absorbed some of their chakra instead of actually capturing them, I'm sure it won't matter.
Ten-Tails: But...But that's just idiotic. If I'm a ten-storey building, you can just skip the vast majority of the eight and ninth floor! That simply doesn't work!
Madara: Not even with Senju DNA?
Ten-Tails: This is f*cking ridiculous...
...
Naruto: Apprently, I have to give chakra to everyone in order to finish off two people and their pokémon, because 40.000 people against two clearly favors them, and my allies are helpless without me.
Kakashi: Wait, so now we have to rely on you to get power-ups? Why can't we do anything ourselves?
Naruto: I don't know, I still remember when Sakura got some chakra from the Nine-Tails and it acted like a poison. Oh well let's go.
Obito: It sure looks like they're coming against us awfully fast, and that Naruto has somehow powered up every single individual in that army. Perhaps we should dodge the incoming attack?
Madara: Nah, I'm sure nothing bad will...BLEH!
Lee: Hey look! The second good scene in this arc! Too bad this is just thanks to Naruto's chakra and not my own efforts!
Ten-Tails: Don't mind me, I'll just stand here so you can hit them. Also, good luck in taking those two down. It's 40.000 people versus two Uchiha, so the odds are clearly in their favor.
Obito: This is f*cking ridiculous...
...
Orochimaru: Where the hell did these robes come from and what happened to my shoulders?
Sasuke: Orochimaruuuuuuuuuuu, help meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Orochimaru: Fine, I'll bring back the dead, sealed Hokage so you can have a simple conversation with them.
Jugo: I'm not even sure what I'm still doing in this story.
Hashirama: Instead of doing the sensible thing and killing Sasuke once and for all, I'll tell him what he wants to know in unnecessarily great detail for no reason whatsoever.
Tobirama: SCREEN TIME!
Minato: I'll just stand here looking pretty.
Hiruzen: This is f*cking ridiculous...
