Just_Red
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I've never started, but it's also true if I say I've never stopped. “What” you may ask? The answer is not as simple. The truth is I don't know what I've started, yet I’d know If I ever stopped it. This habit of mine, living, is very troublesome. This habit is very annoying and sometimes just plain out boring. I hate this habit, yet I feel like if I ever did stop it, I would miss this habit. Maybe that's why I haven't thrown myself off a cliff yet. Probably because I would miss the decision to jump or not; and so, as I stand on this cliff; overlooking the bright blue sea below me; I begin to wish that I was in other places, like maybe running through an open meadow, or flying through the air like a seagull. I am anything but free right now… I am bound to the chains of promise and decision. I promised myself that I'd find him: me. He was lost for as long as I could remember, but when I gained the knowledge that he was lost, I couldn't help but go search for him. I've been searching for quite some time now and have ended up on this cliff. Where it all began. I was at the culminating age, when a boy is led to believe he is now a man; when I met a girl. A girl named Dandelion.
The sun was low that evening, it's hazy colors casting long boring shadows across the grass upon the cliff. She walked to the cliff that day, with intentions I never would've guessed. I as a fool did not save her, but nor would a wise man do the same.
“What brings you to the edge of Devil's cliff,” I had asked this beautiful girl. She sat down a few feet from me, at the edge of the cliff, letting the wind pass through her grey streaked hair.
“What keeps you here? You never leave this spot,” she redirected the question. I turned to face her, seeing her soft complexities, she was only 25 but her face said otherwise.
“I come onto this cliff every afternoon until it reaches nightfall. Though, I feel as if I must come back...like there is something I need to find, something I need to notice. But I just don't know what.” The damage had already been done. Long before she entered my life. I was already longing for something, but I never knew what or who.
“I’m here because I’ve lost it… too. But I’m not sure I've ever had it.” Her voice lowers, as if it was trailing away with every word. She was lost, yet not. Dandelion was the daughter of the Velvets. The daughter of a rich and very well known family. A family that was at every event and gathering; eager to give their wealth to the town, to the world. Her parents were very kind and rich business owners that kept this town in a perfect cycle. Everyone loved them. Though in an unknown accident, they passed away on this very cliff. Her brothers all really handsome and respected gentleman who were always happy to lend a helping hand, all died by a incurable sickness. She was lost in sadness and grief. Though, I think what troubled her the most was being alone in this world.
“How do you know you've lost something that you have never even had,” I asked the girl. The girl stared into the horizon as if it would be the answer to my question. For the longest time she didn’t speak but instead watched the sunset with no interest. I could only imagine what was going through her mind, her pale white face was covered in lines of stress and troubles, yet her eyes were clear and free.
“In here,” she suddenly said. As she tried to speak tears began streaming down her face as she grabbed her chest, “In here. I...I feel it… like when you lose a child or dog. When you lose something dear to you- you feel it. But what I'm feeling is… is deeper. Like I lost myself… like I lost all of me. I'm living in a vessel and I've already been lost, I’m lost.. All of me.” She stared into my eyes as if wanting me to understand. When I turned back to face her I saw nothing. I only saw blank green eyes glued upon a pale white face. I have seen that face before. I thought to myself...when and where did I come across such familiar face? Then suddenly it hit me.
“You don't know if you were ever whole, huh.” The girl faced forward, and nodded. We sat there in silence while the wind passed through the both of us. My hair moved only slightly, but hers danced like fire.
“You're face,” she pointed out. “It looks like mine.” I looked forward, making no eye contact and only nodded.
“I guess we’re both lost.”
“Yea,” she said, “lost indeed.” Those were her last words, because soon after she fell off her spot, letting gravity do its magic. She didn't scream nor flail. She fell down emotionless. On that day I learned the difference between me and her, she had lost it all… even the habit to live. On the other hand I had lost all but the habit to live. I did not call her name and I didn’t call for help. Instead I stood up from where I sat and walked. That day, that moment I had made a promise, a decision, to find me, to find who I am, and not lose it all like she had.
Now I'm back and I'll be telling you reader, the journey to find me.
Aha ha. No you aren't, you were just a little snip-it, that's all you get.
A little depressing, I know, I wrote this in that mindset. But anyway, hope ya'll enjoyed it! That's all folks.
The sun was low that evening, it's hazy colors casting long boring shadows across the grass upon the cliff. She walked to the cliff that day, with intentions I never would've guessed. I as a fool did not save her, but nor would a wise man do the same.
“What brings you to the edge of Devil's cliff,” I had asked this beautiful girl. She sat down a few feet from me, at the edge of the cliff, letting the wind pass through her grey streaked hair.
“What keeps you here? You never leave this spot,” she redirected the question. I turned to face her, seeing her soft complexities, she was only 25 but her face said otherwise.
“I come onto this cliff every afternoon until it reaches nightfall. Though, I feel as if I must come back...like there is something I need to find, something I need to notice. But I just don't know what.” The damage had already been done. Long before she entered my life. I was already longing for something, but I never knew what or who.
“I’m here because I’ve lost it… too. But I’m not sure I've ever had it.” Her voice lowers, as if it was trailing away with every word. She was lost, yet not. Dandelion was the daughter of the Velvets. The daughter of a rich and very well known family. A family that was at every event and gathering; eager to give their wealth to the town, to the world. Her parents were very kind and rich business owners that kept this town in a perfect cycle. Everyone loved them. Though in an unknown accident, they passed away on this very cliff. Her brothers all really handsome and respected gentleman who were always happy to lend a helping hand, all died by a incurable sickness. She was lost in sadness and grief. Though, I think what troubled her the most was being alone in this world.
“How do you know you've lost something that you have never even had,” I asked the girl. The girl stared into the horizon as if it would be the answer to my question. For the longest time she didn’t speak but instead watched the sunset with no interest. I could only imagine what was going through her mind, her pale white face was covered in lines of stress and troubles, yet her eyes were clear and free.
“In here,” she suddenly said. As she tried to speak tears began streaming down her face as she grabbed her chest, “In here. I...I feel it… like when you lose a child or dog. When you lose something dear to you- you feel it. But what I'm feeling is… is deeper. Like I lost myself… like I lost all of me. I'm living in a vessel and I've already been lost, I’m lost.. All of me.” She stared into my eyes as if wanting me to understand. When I turned back to face her I saw nothing. I only saw blank green eyes glued upon a pale white face. I have seen that face before. I thought to myself...when and where did I come across such familiar face? Then suddenly it hit me.
“You don't know if you were ever whole, huh.” The girl faced forward, and nodded. We sat there in silence while the wind passed through the both of us. My hair moved only slightly, but hers danced like fire.
“You're face,” she pointed out. “It looks like mine.” I looked forward, making no eye contact and only nodded.
“I guess we’re both lost.”
“Yea,” she said, “lost indeed.” Those were her last words, because soon after she fell off her spot, letting gravity do its magic. She didn't scream nor flail. She fell down emotionless. On that day I learned the difference between me and her, she had lost it all… even the habit to live. On the other hand I had lost all but the habit to live. I did not call her name and I didn’t call for help. Instead I stood up from where I sat and walked. That day, that moment I had made a promise, a decision, to find me, to find who I am, and not lose it all like she had.
Now I'm back and I'll be telling you reader, the journey to find me.
Aha ha. No you aren't, you were just a little snip-it, that's all you get.
A little depressing, I know, I wrote this in that mindset. But anyway, hope ya'll enjoyed it! That's all folks.
