Rate My Poem :P

[Naruto X Vasto Lorde]

Please tell me what you think...

Embrace Of The Endless Ocean
In this world I lay,
I can't wait, till I see the day,
That my life will go away,
It seems like an endless ocean,
It's motion changes my emotion,
By the way it's flow goes,
And yet I wait for this ocean,
To stop it's motion,
So i can finally be Happy...​

 

[Amaya Sayuri]

some of the parts dont rhym >.>

how bout revising it like this?

In this world I lay,
waiting for the day,
where my life will soon fade,
leaving no existance made.

like an endless ocean
changing my emotion
by the way it flows
not stopping for any shows

yet i wish for it to stop
So i can be free from such drop...

i dnt get it myself though >.>