Quality Craigslist Trolling.

Morgiana

Member
Joined
Jan 10, 2013
Messages
222
Kin
0💸
Kumi
0💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
Not sure if this has been posted already because they were posted a couple months ago on the website I got them from.
Thought it was funny as hell so I wanted to share it with NB ^_^. It might be a long read for some but it's worth it trust me.

Original ad:
**** Disguisable weapons wanted ****
Wanted: hidden blades, belt buckle knives, cane swords, etc.....
Offering: cash, items for barter
From Me to **********@***********.org:

Hey,

I saw your ad looking for concealable/disguised weapons. I have several fine-crafted items you may be interested in. Respond if you are interested and I will send you pictures and prices.

Thanks,

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

I am. lets see what you got.

From Me to Jeff ******:

Jeff,

Here you go:
You must be registered for see images



Looks like a normal spoon, right?
You must be registered for see images




Wrong. It is actually a deadly 2.5" half-smooth, half-serrated knife with tactical grip. One minute you are enjoying a bowl of cereal, and the next you are fighting off attackers with this deadly and disguised weapon.

I am asking $50 for the blade. Let me know if you want to stop by and take a look at it.

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

that is stupid as hell and looks like crap. unless you have anything better to offer, dont waste my time.

From Me to Jeff ******:

Jeff,

I am sorry you feel that way about the spoon blade. I do have some other weapons that I think you will feel differently about.

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

fine. but if it is another knife duct taped to a spoon then you can **** off.

From Me to Jeff ******:

Jeff,

Thank you for re-considering. Here are three quality disguised weapons that I think you will love:
You must be registered for see images



At first glance, this looks like a normal party cup. However, if you look close enough, you will see that it is really a fully automatic Glock 18C. You will be able to pour your enemies a nice warm cup of lead with this fine purchase. Asking $900 for the gun/cup combo.
You must be registered for see images



Still thirsty for justice? Try this badass M16A2 disguised as a 24-pack of soda. The box has two finely crafted holes on each side to allow for any kind of optics (not included) that you wish to attach. This weapon is only for sale if you have a Class III permit.
You must be registered for see images



This cleverly disguised weapon may look like a tissue box, but is actually a Benelli M3 12 gauge shotgun disguised as a tissue box. The ultra-soft quilted tissues serve as a comfortable grip on the pump-action shotgun. Also, if you find yourself sneezing during the heat of combat, you will have a handy tissue box ready for action. Asking $1500 for the weapon. Additional tissue boxes are an extra $5 per box.

Let me know if you want any of these items.

Thanks,

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

youre a ****ing dumbass, shitbrained, asswipe, retarded dipshit. you prob walk around with that shit too you dumb mother ****er. I hope you get hit by a car. **** off, eat shit, and die.

Original ad:
I am a 18 year old looking for a summer job. it is hard for me to find work and I just want a job so I can afford a car for college next summer. I can clean, babysit, answer phones, pretty much whatever as long as it pays!!
From Mike Anderson to ***********@***********.org
Hey,

I saw your ad looking for work and I think I have a job for you! I am looking for an assistant on my farm for the summer. It will involve working outdoors. Let me know if you are interested.

Mike

From Stephanie ******* to Me
Hi Mike! I am interested in your job! I love animals and used to ride horses so a farm would be great! what kind of work would I be doing, and where is your farm located? it needs to be close to ******** so my parents can drop me off and pick meup

From Mike Anderson to Stephanie *********
Stephanie,

It is very close to **********. I'm glad to hear you are familiar with horses, because you will be primarily working with horses.

My farm gets all the old horses that other farms don't need anymore, and they are starting to take up a lot of room in my stable, which I want to turn into a garage for my new truck. Therefore, the horses need to go. As my assistant, you will be in charge of killing the horses and dumping them in the lake behind my farm.

I used to have a captive bolt pistol (cattle gun) that I used to put them down, but it broke when I tried to use it to tap a keg. You'll probably have to use my 12-gauge shotgun to put them down. Sometimes they don't die right away when you shoot them, and will start freaking out. You just have to stay calm and keep shooting. Don't worry, I'll show you how to use the shotgun if you aren't familiar with one.

You then need to use my chainsaw to cut the horses into smaller parts that you can carry down to the lake. It can get a little messy, so I suggest wearing some clothes that you don't care about, or some clothes that the horse blood would compliment.

The lake isn't mine, it is my neighbor's. He gets kind of angry when he sees me dumping dead horses in his lake, so you have to make sure he isn't around when you do it. I have some cinderblocks you can use to weigh the horses down so he won't see them.

I have a lot of horses, and each horse takes about an hour and a half to dispose of, so you should have plenty of work. The job will pay $15 an hour. When can you start?

Mike

From Stephanie ******* to Me
omg that is HORRIBLE! That is truely awful and sick!! Why cant you just give the poor horses away? sorry but I am not helping you slaughter horses!!!

From Mike Anderson to Stephanie *********
Stephanie,

I'm sorry if you are a bit surprised, but this is how farms work. You can't give away old horses, you have to kill them. I thought about it, and if you don't want to use the chainsaw to cut up the horses, you can just use my truck to drag them down to the lake. Do you have your license or permit? If not, this could be good driving practice for you. You don't want to pass up on this great job opportunity.

Mike

From Stephanie ******* to Me
No that is not how farms work you are just SICK! I am NOT interested

From Mike Anderson to Stephanie *********
Stephanie you are going to regret this some day when you try to get a real job. I think this would look great on your resume.


Original ad:
Pole hedge trimmer for sale - Homelite electric hedge trimmer. Great condition. $50 OBO. Email me at russ*******@gmail.com.
You must be registered for see images


From Me to Russ *******:

Hey Russ,

That's a really nice shovel you have in the picture. Is it for sale?

Mike

From Russ ******* to Me:

Sorry guy. Only selling the hedge trimmer.

From Me to Russ *******:

I'll give you $10 for the shovel.

From Russ ******* to Me:

Cant you read? The shovel isnt for sale.

From Me to Russ *******:

You drive a hard bargain on the shovel. I'll give you $15 for it, and that is my final offer.

From Russ ******* to Me:

Here is my final offer: shut the hell up and leave me alone!

========================================================

Later, from another email account...

========================================================

From Me to Russ *******:

Hey I'm emailing you about the shovel. Your asking price of $10 sounds fair to me. And with the free extention cord, that is a steal. I'll take it!

From Russ ******* to Me:

What are you on about? The shovel isn't for sale.

From Me to Russ *******:

Excuse me? That's not what your ad says.

From Russ ******* to Me:

My ad says nothing about the shovel. I'm selling the hedge trimmer, not the shovel. Look again. Nowhere is a shovel mentioned.

From Me to Russ *******:

Quit dicking me around. This ad says you are selling the shovel!
You must be registered for see images


I can assure you I am not Jewish so you can stop pretending you aren't selling the shovel.

From Russ ******* to Me:

Oh my god...I swear I didnt put that up. Somebody is messing with me!

From Russ ******* to Me:

Can you send me the link to that ad so I can have them take it down?

From Me to Russ *******:

Sorry, I can't find the link anymore. My wife needed to use the computer so I had to delete my browsing history because I was looking at porn earlier. It was somewhere in the stuff for sale section, if I'm not mistaken...so does this mean I can't buy your shovel?

========================================================

From another email account...

========================================================

From Me to Russ *******:

Dear Anti-Semite douchebag,

I got a bone to pick with you. I came across your ad in my search for a new shovel and it seemed like a great deal. Until I read your disgusting comment about not selling the shovel to Jewish people. How the hell do you think that is acceptable in this day and age? What does it matter what religion someone is for you to sell them a shovel? This is absolutely despicable and an outrage to the Jewish community. You make me sick.

Sincerely NOT buying your shovel of hatred,

Mordecai Goldstein

From Russ ******* to Me:

I don't have a problem with jews at all! Someone else put that ad up to mess with me and I cant find where it is! Can you send me the link to the ad please??

From Me to Russ *******:

Why don't you shovel your Nazi bullshit to someone else? This "Jew" isn't buying it!

========================================================

He finally decided to email my original account:

========================================================

From Russ ******* to Me:

Look you little prick I know you put that ****ing ad up and you need to take it the **** down RIGHT NOW. I'm not selling the ****ing shovel GET OVER IT and quit being immature you son of a bitch.

From Me to Russ *******:

I'm sorry, I thought I was doing you a favor. I wanted you to see how many great offers you could get if you decided to sell the shovel.

From Russ ******* to Me:

I'M NOT SELLING THE ****ING SHOVEL LET IT GO! Tell me this ******* if you were doing a favor then why did you put that shit about the jews in there???

From Me to Russ *******:

I detected some strong anti-Semitic undertones in our initial conversation...I just assumed you were an anti-Semite. My apologies.

From Russ ******* to Me:

TAKE THE AD DOWN

========================================================

I emailed him one last time, from another account.

========================================================

From Me to Russ *******:

Good afternoon!

I saw your ad for the shovel for sale. I'm more interested in the axe you have in that picture. Are you selling the axe? I'll give you $20 cash for it.

- Dave
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: Lux and Wang
Top