Parenting.Gradparents, and religion

[YowYan]

Your anger towards your dad shaped your schema of religion though. All humans need something to identify with, and not all people are as radical as your father in their beliefs. A hermit has no identity without people, because if there were no people, what would he be secluding himself from? I have found most anti-religious people have become "sheep, mentally enslaving themselves" to rigid political idealization. We all need to latch on to something, even if your identity is latching on to the rejection of something.

My dad is a simpleton regardless of his religious beliefs. I mentioned him as an example of personality/character being the dominant factor of moral values and social skills, not religious upbringing. A religious upbringing does not make a child morally enlightened. In the end; it's the behavioral patterns your child absorbs that will form it in some way, indefinitely. In his case; Growing up with domestic abuse didn't do him well. Overall, he's a good person but he doesn't know better when it comes to forcing his will upon his children as had been done to him.

As for religious households; I know plenty of well-mannered ones out there, yet their views are ridiculous, as any sound mind would conclude. We could go into that but I've had enough of that as they never, ever bring any legitimate argument to the table. So I just go straight to the point. Religious fanatics = simpletons.

Simpletons tend to believe that they are somehow more enlightened by ditching established religion to join in the religion of mocking the established religions.

What I would recommend is opening up a dialogue with your father. He's not as much of a sheep as you think he is, most likely; and you don't have the world figured out quite as well as you think you do.

Simpletons tend to forget that a person tends to be smart and dynamic despite what 'people' do. Don't enslave yourself to the idea that everyone is a sheep and you're the only one who isn't.

So me regularly using the word 'simpleton' means I see everyone around me as a sheep, but I stand above them? Get off your high horse, professor Google. 'Ask' more rather than 'interpret' as you seem to have your mind made up of how I think and perceive. Haven't I told you countless times I tend not to elaborate on my posts? One reason is; my browser just shut down twice already while typing.

 

[Karna]

What do you people exactly mean when you say religion? That's like saying all games/movies are 'good/bad/whatever', I mean how much knowledge do most have when it comes to religion-like how many are there? What are their belifs/origins/philosophy and history? Its like if I just said anime is bad, sure some are bad but when I say that I have necessarily isolated myself from all the good ones too. Don't generalize is all I am saying. Probably not a good way to reply to this thread but I just had to put it out there since religion is brought up.

But to your question you ask should you impose your views, that doesnt make sense- If you believe in something then thats the truth to you and I dont see whats wrong with telling your kids the truth, but when you put it like that it means even you arent exactly sure about it yourself, should you imppse something onto your kids that even you aint certain of? I will trust your intelligence to decide that. [Answer/spoiler: No, you shouldn't - give them all the info and keep them on a controlled freedom untill they are at an age/maturity to decide for themselves, if they are more intelligent then you they will find better answers if not they will come back to you and follow you-in most cases]

 

[Babadook]

Ad 1. Well, I'm not exactly sure what you mean by 'imposing'. I mean, I know the meaning of the word...but there are 2 main meanings I've found:

1. force (something unwelcome or unfamiliar) to be accepted or put in place.
"the decision was theirs and was not imposed on them by others"

2. take advantage of someone by demanding their attention or commitment.

_____

The second point reminds me of the phenomenon of 'captured audience'. F.e. you are traveling on a bus, no stops for let's say 10 minutes, and someone next to you starts telling you about his/her life...And you can't help it but politely listen. (The captured audience has legal significance in cases of hate speech but that's another issue).

Now a parent does have the right to choose the way of upbringing for his/her child (as long as it's not something against the law). But, as there is religious freedom, the parents can choose a religious education for their children. I don't think it is any similar to "taking advantage of a child's position by demanding their attention". After all, the parent could be talking about anything else, without anyone whining that the parent is imposing something on the child. F.e noone says that to teach a kid a language or a verse is imposing something on the kid. Otherwise you could blame schools for imposing all kinds of beliefs and useless knowledge on the child. Which leads us to my second point:

Ad 2. If you don't guide your kid in a direction, then the environment will. A child will find a role model. If it's not you, then it will be a teacher, a friend, a relative or a TV star. A child is exposed to all kinds of influences. I think the best is if you become the main influence. I know, I know, you were only talking about religious beliefs. But again, if you don't talk about religion to your kid, he/she will hear about it from others. A teacher might say at school that religion is bs. Then your kid will ask at home: 'Mom, is religion really bs?' If you'd just answer: 'Go figure that out for yourself'...well I don't think that's gonna work. I mean, it's quite one-sided and it'd sound as if you didn't care about what your kid believes. And it doesn't mean you have to support them in whatever they believe. Or else yoU'd just reduce your own role to financing a spoiled brat straying in the easiest direction. So don't be afraid to use discipline and direct the child in a way you see best. Of course you have to choose the best methods due to your kid's age and personality, and you have to upgrade your methods eventually. Some would say this is what indoctrination is...But nah, it's upbringing.

Also, if you are practicing religion and the child sees that you are happy with it and you do what you preach (kids spot out hipocrisy quite easily), then the child will probably follow you. If you don't practice religion and you'll just explain to your kid what pan-agnostic means: I doubt the kid will start practicing religion. He/she will just follow you in your pan-agnosticism- though later of course anyone can change. A kid raised in an atheistic family can become religious and vice versa.

This leads to my 3rd point:

Ad 3. I don't think a kid can really be forced to be religious or anything. Originally I was planning to post a long rant on this part, but I think it's enough to say that in the end, when a kid grows up, he/she can make her/his own decisions, re-evaluating his/her upbringing. It's not like you can fix a kid's beliefs for the rest of his/her life. The point is that you have to teach them to be responsible adults. For that, you have to be a good exemplar. You also have to be consistent and explain the kid why you do things and how that will benefit him/her.

PS I don't think this is the best place for asking about it...

 

[Bronze]

Forcing beliefs upon your child is a child abuse. The very first thing about religion is faith in God and practising it in God's sake. If the parent is implementing religion through deceiving and force, then the child will believe and practice his/her faith for the sake of his/her parent and not God's sake, which by religious teachings will lead him/her to hell.

The child will reach the state of puberty, and he/she will begin to understand everything from his/her own self. What the parent should do is, teach him/her about the faith but let the child take decisions on their own as time progresses. What ever decision your child takes, it is his/her doing and not yours, and you have done your job as a parent. Hope for the best.