[Adventure] Over in a Flash of Red Chapter 3

FaHaD 5212

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Chapter 3: Reasoning

Hey guys, how are you doing? Thanks for the positive feedback up until now. Here's the next chapter, I hope you enjoy it.

"Ohayo" - Human Speech
'Time to prank them' - Human Thought
"Puny little humans" - Biju Speech
'Nuisances, all of them' - Biju Thought

Katon: Gōkakyū no Jutsu (Fire Release: Great Fireball Technique) - Jutsu

Quote of the day:

"Light and dark are like two sides of a coin, you cannot have one without the other"~Uchiha Madara

Disclaimer: I FaHaD 5212 do not own Naruto in any way.

Chapter 3: Reasoning

Uzumaki Namikaze Training Ground - Konoha


It had only been a few weeks since he started training and he had already mastered water walking. When we look out at the ground, not much has changed but looking at the river we could see what a civilian would call 'an unnatural occurrence'.
Uzumaki Naruto was currently running on the river with some Kunai balanced on his fingertips. He learnt that exercise after mastering water walking. He figured that his large Chakra reserves would be a liability without control so he decided to do several exercises simultaneously.

He hadn't mastered any of the exercises per se, however he was very proficient in them and they were like second nature to him. In all honesty, he knew that he couldn't truly master the more technical exercises, like the Tree Climbing and Water Walking Exercises, in such a short time considering his reserves. And no matter how much he wanted to rush things, he knew it was a bad idea.

In a display no five year old should be capable of, Naruto unknowingly recreated the Kugutsu No Jutsu (Puppet Technique) and used Chakra Strings to hold the Kunai a small distance away from his hands.

"Well that should be enough, let's read the part of the Chakra control scroll which Kaa-chan wanted me to read after the Kunai balancing" said Naruto as he walked inside the mansion. Looking at his attire, a completely drenched black short with an equally wet black shirt, he mused 'That'll have to come later, I'd rather not be seen as trying to wash my clothes while wearing them.'

=====OFR=====
Hokage Office - Konoha

In the office of the dictator of Konoha, we could see an apparently weak old man; however anyone with such a thought would be in for a rude awakening. After all, this was the man who had survived all three of the Great Shinobi World Wars and was ready to fight further to protect his village. This was the man who earned the moniker 'Shinobi no Kami' (God of Shinobi).

However, right now we could see the 'Professor', who had mastered all the Jutsu in Konoha, contemplating on an issue.

'What am I to do with Naruto?' was the lone thought of Sarutobi Hiruzen, 'It seems that the Mokuton he used was unconscious so I'll ask Tenzo to give him lessons during his Genin days.'

Then he thought of the perfect idea for Naruto's Sharingan. "Tori" he called as a bird masked Anbu appeared in a swirl of leaves signifying the use of a Shunshin. "Go call Tora" as the soldier did as he was told. In a moment a Tiger masked Anbu appeared, "You called, Hokage-sama" said Tora.

"Take off your mask" commanded the Hokage. As he took off his mask, we could see a young man with unkempt black hair and a broad nose. He had well defined eyelashes which were curved upwards and coal black eyes, which belong to the Uchiha clan.

"Shisui, you must be aware of a boy named Naruto, the Jinchuriki" it was more like of a statement than a question, "You are to train the boy, make him experienced in the use of his Sharingan. Yes, he has a Sharingan, I am currently working out how" requested the Hokage.

"Hai Hokage-sama. If I may ask, how did you find out about his eyes?" were the words that left Shisui's mouth.

"Good question, however you already should already be aware of the answer." replied the Hokage and added, "You are to work as yourself so you have no need for Anbu gear, you will be of Jonin rank for the mission."

'So the villagers went that far with him' mused Shisui and said "Hai, Hokage-sama" as he left in a swirl of leaves.

=====OFR=====
In front of the Uzumaki Estate - Konoha (AN-From here on out, it will be just called the Uzumaki Estate)


We could find a lone Uchiha casually strolling towards the fairly large mansion at a casual pace. Enjoying the scenery and taking in the sights, Shisui had an almost unnoticeable smile on his face as if he was reminiscing something of his past, something pleasant.

'So here's how I go about this, I go there and be direct. I tell him everything and see if he trusts me' let it be known, Uchiha Shisui has never been one to lie to a child were he not ordered to. 'Hokage-sama did order me to train him, hence become his friend, and he will trust me as a friend if I am honest with him.'

Seeing a person he recognized as Shunshin no Shisui (Shisui the Teleporter), also known in the Bingo Book as Bureizu Bureidu Shisui (Blaze Blade Shisui), in front of his house, Naruto left his scroll went to greet him. Yes, he knew about quite a few famous people, when he took a break from training during the week, he read all sorts of books, be it Bingo Books or History Books.

"To what do I owe the pleasure of having an S-class Shinobi at my front door" greeted Naruto upon seeing Shisui in his standard Uchiha clothing.

"The pleasure is all mine, Uzumaki Naruto, rather, Uchiha Naruto" replied Shisui after Naruto, reached the end of the barrier clad in black trousers and a dark navy blue shirt.

"I see, so why exactly are you here?" asked Naruto.

"You see, my short little friend" Naruto glared at Shisui for that, "The Hokage has asked me to train you, as well as to be your friend" said Shisui.

"Well I do need help for my Sharingan," 'and a friend' "so when do we start?" asked Naruto in reply.

"Good, meet me at training ground 4 at 6:00 am sharp. It's displaced from the main village so it's private enough" said Shisui as he disappeared in a swirl of leaves.

"Training huh, I suppose life is starting to look up to me" said Naruto to himself as he went inside his home.

=====OFR=====
With Naruto


'He called me an Uchiha, well that's to be expected with the Sharingan. Well technically I am an Uchiha, Madara had a son with an Uzumaki so my Kaa-chan had stronger genes than my Tou-chan's were they not sealed. Tou-chan was only a Senju, Kaa-chan was an Uchiha and an Uzumaki. I will take one of Kaa-chan's names, either one will do' Naruto thought.

Getting back to the task, he read about the display he put on earlier and about how it was actually a modified version of a Jutsu, the Kugutsu No Jutsu (Puppet Technique). "Interesting, I can definitely use this in a fight, once I learn it properly that is. Now then, let's move on to Jutsu" said Naruto to himself.

Reading the scroll, he found out that his parents had wanted him to learn a godsend for Uzumaki Jutsu, which was useful for training and for a fight. The Kage Bunshin No Jutsu (Shadow Clone Jutsu). It was basically made for stealth and recon, by the Nidaime Hokage. A clone on being expelled gave the user its memories. It cost a lot of Chakra and an experienced Jounin could on make three or four clones which were actually useful in a fight. But for an Uzumaki, and one like Naruto to boot, well could make an army of clones, each of which being capable of using at least one S-class Jutsu; that was a privilege reserved for the future.

'This is just what I needed; coupled with the Sharingan it would enable me to increase my progress rate from a Jutsu every few months to a Jutsu every few days.' It helped that they could be used for Chakra Control training but they couldn't help in physical training.

"Let's see so this is how to do it" Naruto said and made a cross hand sign and channeled a little Chakra, after all he didn't want to damage the house by filling it with clones, not that it was possible due to the seals, but cramming it up would be rather, unpleasant, to say the least.

In a puff of smoke appeared ten clones, "Let's see, dispel yourselves for now" ordered Naruto and they vanished in a puff of smoke. "It's too noisy and the smoke gets in the way during infiltration missions" let it be known, Uchiha Naruto was never one for imperfections unless absolutely necessary.

"Now then, let's make a plan" muttered Naruto as he thought. He made ten more Shadow Clones and said, "You each have enough Chakra to make about ten clones each. When you reach the designated area you are to multiply and use the Sharingan for perfection. Now then, five of you will go to the the river and do every Chakra control exercise you can until you are just about to dispel. Two of you will go and practice the Kawarami Jutsu (Substitution Technique) until you can do it without hand seals, even then continue to practice. The last two will go to the Library and start studying everything there is to know. One more thing, dispel yourselves in groups of ten, with a five minute interval. I would like it if you consulted other groups at the time of dispelling, I'd rather avoid a migraine" and with that the clones went to do as they were told.

'I'd better start on physical training. Where are the weights' thought Naruto as he began to search around the table and saw a seal with a note placed beside it.

Dear Naruto,

These are weight seals, you place then on your limbs and channel Chakra in them. Their weight will be directly proportional to the burst of Chakra they will receive. To turn them off, stop disrupt your Chakra flow, much like how you dispel a Genjutsu.

A proud Uzumaki Seal Master,
Uzumaki Kushina


'Thanks Kaa-chan, I'm definitely getting stronger, at least for your sake' thought Naruto. He placed the seals on his limbs and sent and small amount of Chakra through them. Suddenly he fell to his knees, "This is perfect, I am going to surpass my ancestors, the founders of Konoha, that's the lowest target I can set for myself" said Naruto to himself with determination as he walked to the physical training scroll.

After reading it, he went to the training ground to start his ten rounds around the Uzumaki Training Grounds which had a ten kilometer circumference.

=====OFR=====
In Naruto's Seal


In the sewer that was the mind of our blond hero we could see one 'monster' capable of destruction in deep thought.

'That brat, sometimes he reminds me so much of Hagoromo-jiji but on others he is so much like Indra and Madara. Can he really do it? Bring eternal everlasting peace? Of course he can, but will he? Seeing him now the chances are little.

I know for sure he is the Child of Prophecy. He is also the reincarnation of Asura and Indra in one body, the next Sage of the Six Paths. He is bound to get the Rinnegan and with that godlike power he will either be the light of this world of the one to plunge it in a world of darkness.

The foolish villagers have brought about their own end, and except for a few, Naruto will destroy the Konoha.

I have agreed to 'train' him. It's not like I have much of a choice, I'll be stuck here for Kami knows how long so why not make things interesting plus he said he'd work out on a way to free me.

I suppose it's beneficial for both of us that I help him, but I suppose that since he was given a tutor, I don't have to trouble myself for a while.'


Finishing his line of thought, the Great Kyūbi no Kitsune (Nine Tailed Fox) went to sleep.

=====OFR=====
Next Day Training Ground 4 - Konoha


Upon entering the ground we could see that it was arguably the largest training ground in Konoha. There was a river flowing at a side and a large pond at the opposite end. There were some rock formations opposite to the entrance. There were a few sets of trees, large enough in number to be called mini-forests and there were several round clearings in between these large trees. To anyone looking to train here, it was a paradise, only short of the Uzumaki Training Grounds.

Uzumaki Naruto was never one to be late, especially when coming early was his benefactor. He was at the ground at and had finished with his warm ups.

Shisui would take some time to arrive so Naruto decided to reminisce yesterday's training. He had completely mastered the two Jutsu he wanted to learn and could substitute without hand seals. His Chakra control had improved by leaps and bounds. He was also fairly knowledgeable on quite a few subjects.

He was just reorganizing it all when the thought struck him, 'Should I trust Shisui?' His parents did warn him not to trust Konoha but that didn't include the Sandaime Hokage. 'If Jiji trusts him, I guess that I can too.'

In a swirl of leaves, appeared the subject of his thoughts, "Yo, Naruto" greeted Shisui.

"You're a second late for training, now you have to teach me a cool new Jutsu" regardless of what anyone said, Uzumaki Naruto was still a five year old child.

Chuckling at his antics, Shisui replied, "If you can still stand up after training". Child or not Shisui would not cut any slack for a student of his, he will train the very best.

"You can count on it" replied Naruto excitedly.

"I see you have started weight seals judging from the seals on your limbs. Tell me Naruto, do you know your parents?" asked Shisui to which Naruto nodded in positive.

"I see. Did you learn any of the Jutsu Kushi-sensei set out for you" asked Shisui once again.

"Yes, I know the Kage Bunsh- wait a minute, MY KAA-CHAN WAS YOUR SENSEI!" exclaimed Naruto in shock 'If that's true then he can really be trusted.'

"Why of course, she made me the man who I am now, as such it is my responsibility to make you a person greater than your parents" replied Shisui.

Getting over his shock, Naruto replied, "As I was saying, I know the Kage Bunshin No Jutsu (Shadow Clone Technique), the Kawarami No Jutsu (Substitution Technique) and the Henge No Jutsu (Transformation Technique). I can also consciously activate the Sharingan, but as for the Mokuton well I can consciously do it at a very small scale, let me check" said Naruto as he manipulated the trees behind him and made two chairs of wood. "Have a seat" said Naruto, being polite.

"Show off" muttered Shisui under his breath.

Taking a seat, Shisui then gave Naruto his tasks for the day, "Okay, don't expect me to go easy on you because you're Sensei's son, in fact that'll make me even more strict. Make as many Kage Bunshin as you can."

Kage Bunshin No Jutsu (Shadow Clone Technique) cried Naruto as three hundred clones were made .and he said, "I can make about twice as many which can use a few A-rank Jutsu but I think that fewer clones with more Chakra will be better for training and to avoid headaches."

'Amazing, if he can make these many clones and they all have enough Chakra to cast at least a dozen A-rank Jutsu, then this world better be ready for a monster when he grows up' thought Shisui surprised.

"Good job Naruto, as is going to be expected from you in the future. Since you have this many clones, make about fifty of them practice Chakra control exercises, if you know any, otherwise there is a scroll near the lake that you can use. I will make some clones in a while, twenty-five of them will go with a few of them to practice Shurikenjutsu. I will test your Chakra affinity later, keep the rest ready for those exercises. Dispel in groups of ten every two minutes, migraines are a *****" ordered Shisui and made fifty-five clones and sent five of them for the Shurikenjutsu group.

Taking a piece of paper out of his pocket, Shisui said, "This is Chakra Paper, it is made from trees grown with the help of Chakra. Pass your Chakra through it to determine your Chakra Nature. If the paper is cut, you have wind. It burns for fire. It gets soggy for water. It gets crumpled up for lightning. It gets aged or turns to dust for earth."

Naruto took the paper from Shisui and did as told. The paper cut into four pieces, one burned in a brilliant flame, one turned to water, one turned into very fine dust and the last one got crumpled up and expelled some sparks of lighting.

'Impossible, all five Chakra Natures at the age of five' was the lone thought of a surprised Shisui.

"I know I'm awesome but could you please stop gaping at my greatness" said Naruto rather smugly. He had read that no one other than the Rikudo Senin had all five Chakra Natures.

"Now Now, no need to get cheeky. This just means that you're gonna have a shit load of more work to do" said Shisui.

"Bring it" retorted Naruto.

"Okay, Now each of you divide in groups of forty-five and go to the designated area to train. Fire group, go the forest up ahead, lighting group go to the forest near the rocky hills, wind group go to the forest near the river, water group go to the river, and earth group, go to those rocky hills. I have left a scroll in each of these locations, find it and start Elemental training as described in the scroll" said Shisui.

"What about me?" asked Naruto impatiently. In response Shisui crouched and poured some Chakra into the weight seals and almost instantly, Naruto fell face first into the ground. Our favorite blond groaned and said "Ugh that hurt like a *****".

"Get used to it, don't expect me to go easy on you and when I feel that you're getting used to the seals I'll increase the weight" said Shisui and threw a scroll, "Pick it up and start following it to the letter".

This was hell but it was the only way for him to get stronger. "Don't underestimate me, I can take everything you can give me and more, ttebayo. Let's get this dance started" said Naruto with burning determination.

'Ttebayo, he is so much like Kushi-sensei. But dance, according to history books only Uchiha Madara referred to fights and such as dances. I hope he doesn't turn out like Madara' were the thoughts of the raven haired Anbu Captain.

"Do your best, if you need any pointers, I'm here to help" encouraged Shisui and so, Uzumaki Uchiha Naruto's training officially began.

And that's a wrap.

I hope you enjoyed it. I haven't much to say so once again, if you don't get something don't hesitate to ask in a review or PM. By the way, what happened to you guys? I'm positive that I got more reviews last time I reached this point.

Ja Ne

As always, Read & Review.


 
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Michael92

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First of all, sorry for being late.
Second, why have no one posted on here yet?! :mad:
Thirdly, I won't be doing a long review this time around, so I have to apologize for that. Shouldn't be too short either though.

First thing that hits me is that I now finally understand the "OFR" thingy between each scene. I can totally see it now where this is animated and we see the logo in some type or way as the scene changes. I like it =p
I'm also starting to see a bit of where this "alternative story" is going. All the angles are pointing to this not being anything like any of the canon story, which is cool, haha. The Hokage being angled as the Dictator was only one of the points I found amusing.

Another thing that hit me was that you said 4 great shinobi wars had passed which would make this story fit where exactly? XD

Okay for a second there I started thinking that this story was so strange that it's actually happening in the future with a new generation being named after past folks xD Then again, the coincidences are also too strange to take into account, lmao. But yeah, I understand that this is an alternative universe alright. And another thing... I can see that you have improved overall with this story, but there are still some hiccups here and there. Then again at the end of the day, it might not matter that much.

Yet again the seals comes into play, and once more do you make it in a creative way xP Weights seals instead of actual weighs. I like that!
And Naruto seems to be so arrogant that either he will become the SoSP before he turns 10, or he will die xD

On second thought, those seals are probably similar to what Lee uses, no? :p

I could totally imagine the Chakra nature test happening XD This is beyond anything!! How do you come up with all of this bro? =p

Overall this was a good read. Heck, I think I liked this one the best so far due to the fluency. Keep it up is what I am suppose to say now I guess, haha ;)

As for you break it only comes natural. Just let me know okay?

Edit: Oh and another thing. Now that you have three chapters in total, and since it's going to take some time before the next one (May), you might want to "advertise" them as much as you can to get more readers. You should join the next month's FanFiction contest. Might help you along the way and also keep you entertained while not writing ;)
 
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FaHaD 5212

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First of all, sorry for being late.
Second, why have no one posted on here yet?! :mad:
Thirdly, I won't be doing a long review this time around, so I have to apologize for that. Shouldn't be too short either though.

First thing that hits me is that I now finally understand the "OFR" thingy between each scene. I can totally see it now where this is animated and we see the logo in some type or way as the scene changes. I like it =p
I'm also starting to see a bit of where this "alternative story" is going. All the angles are pointing to this not being anything like any of the canon story, which is cool, haha. The Hokage being angled as the Dictator was only one of the points I found amusing.

Another thing that hit me was that you said 4 great shinobi wars had passed which would make this story fit where exactly? XD

Okay for a second there I started thinking that this story was so strange that it's actually happening in the future with a new generation being named after past folks xD Then again, the coincidences are also too strange to take into account, lmao. But yeah, I understand that this is an alternative universe alright. And another thing... I can see that you have improved overall with this story, but there are still some hiccups here and there. Then again at the end of the day, it might not matter that much.

Yet again the seals comes into play, and once more do you make it in a creative way xP Weights seals instead of actual weighs. I like that!
And Naruto seems to be so arrogant that either he will become the SoSP before he turns 10, or he will die xD

On second thought, those seals are probably similar to what Lee uses, no? :p

I could totally imagine the Chakra nature test happening XD This is beyond anything!! How do you come up with all of this bro? =p

Overall this was a good read. Heck, I think I liked this one the best so far due to the fluency. Keep it up is what I am suppose to say now I guess, haha ;)

As for you break it only comes natural. Just let me know okay?

Edit: Oh and another thing. Now that you have three chapters in total, and since it's going to take some time before the next one (May), you might want to "advertise" them as much as you can to get more readers. You should join the next month's FanFiction contest. Might help you along the way and also keep you entertained while not writing ;)

Hehe, thanks for pointing out that mistake, only 3 wars have taken place.

I will make some corrections tomorrow because there are some points that are illogical (even for a story as crazy as this).

Yeah, the weights similar to Lee's but at the same time different. You can easily change the weight.

Well I thought, 'I'm writing a Fanfiction so why not make it a little bit different'. (I took some ideas, for example the Sharingan, from some other works I read) but other than that it's an original piece of work.

I agree, I should advertise. So the next contest is on May?

I'll upload upto Chapter 6 before the break.
 

Michael92

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Hehe, thanks for pointing out that mistake, only 3 wars have taken place.

I will make some corrections tomorrow because there are some points that are illogical (even for a story as crazy as this).

Yeah, the weights similar to Lee's but at the same time different. You can easily change the weight.

Well I thought, 'I'm writing a Fanfiction so why not make it a little bit different'. (I took some ideas, for example the Sharingan, from some other works I read) but other than that it's an original piece of work.

I agree, I should advertise. So the next contest is on May?

I'll upload upto Chapter 6 before the break.
Lmao. If you're going to edit it though I think you need to do it soon, because the limit of editing a post is 7-10 days I believe xP

I see. Well at first I thought the concept seemed fresh and new but I realized that something like it already existed when I thought of Lee. However I could clearly see the difference, and it's something that adds to the craziness of this storyline for sure xD

Yeah I understand. Let me just say that it's different than anything I've ever seen before, haha.

Nah the contest is a monthly thing bro which means that it's one for January, February, March, April, and so on and so forth. How do you think I managed to rack up 22 awards if it wasn't a monthly thing? XD

I see. Keep me posted ;) I should in fact get my own next chapter on the road soon too, haha.
 

FaHaD 5212

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Lmao. If you're going to edit it though I think you need to do it soon, because the limit of editing a post is 7-10 days I believe xP

I see. Well at first I thought the concept seemed fresh and new but I realized that something like it already existed when I thought of Lee. However I could clearly see the difference, and it's something that adds to the craziness of this storyline for sure xD

Yeah I understand. Let me just say that it's different than anything I've ever seen before, haha.

Nah the contest is a monthly thing bro which means that it's one for January, February, March, April, and so on and so forth. How do you think I managed to rack up 22 awards if it wasn't a monthly thing? XD

I see. Keep me posted ;) I should in fact get my own next chapter on the road soon too, haha.
Noooooooooo!! *Cries Anime Tears* I wonder what to do now that I can't edit my chapters. I don't think reposting the story will be any good. (Suggestions are welcome)

I hope I'll be able to get a few awards.

Don't worry, you'll be updated ASAP after the release of any chapter.
 

Michael92

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Noooooooooo!! *Cries Anime Tears* I wonder what to do now that I can't edit my chapters. I don't think reposting the story will be any good. (Suggestions are welcome)

I hope I'll be able to get a few awards.

Don't worry, you'll be updated ASAP after the release of any chapter.
Fixed this one, a request to change the previous ones has been sent.
All Chapters fixed.
Triple post O__O Haven't seen that in ages, haha XD

As for the problem, I already know that it's fixed, so yeah.

As for the contest, I am sure you have a fair chance. If I won 22 of them, I'm sure you can get at least one ;) xD
 

FaHaD 5212

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Triple post O__O Haven't seen that in ages, haha XD

As for the problem, I already know that it's fixed, so yeah.

As for the contest, I am sure you have a fair chance. If I won 22 of them, I'm sure you can get at least one ;) xD
I didn't feel like editing the post.

Thanks, I suppose I could. Though I doubt it when you're around.
 

Omega

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finally read all 3 chapters. I actually like the direction its going. It was so unique and crazy I had to stay invested to see how you would pull it off and Im glad I stuck through it. Great job. I think Chapter 2 was my fav out of the three, but they are all good. I will read more after I get done reading the other ff's, write my own, and finish my work load. >_> *sigh*
 
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FaHaD 5212

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finally read all 3 chapters. I actually like the direction its going. It was so unique and crazy I had to stay invested to see how you would pull it off and Im glad I stuck through it. Great job. I think Chapter 2 was my fav out of the three, but they are all good. I will read more after I get done reading the other ff's, write my own, and finish my work load. >_> *sigh*
Thanks for the support, hope you stay until the end.
 

Kuroi Honoo

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Wow, child Naruto is cruising through his training! I was very surprised that Shisui made an appearance and not just that but he will have a pivotal role in raising Naruto is the usage of his doujutsu! =D I’m pretty blown away at how rapidly child Naruto is exceling! Oh how I enjoy the Kurama’s comments lol I really liked that Kushina was Shisui’s sensei and that revelation inadvertently granted Naruto another connection to his late parents :) Shisui is very good at teaching, I thought the way he’s handling Naruto’s training is well done ^^ So Naruto is revealed to even have all five chakra affinities-that’s crazy! At his ripe young age, he is overwhelmed with power! O.O

This was a pleasant read ;)
 

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Not bad, not bad at all.

I'm going to help and give you a few pointers again.

It had only been a week since he started training and he had already mastered water walking. When we look out at the ground, not much has changed but looking at the river, we could see what a civilian would call 'an unnatural occurrence'.


'It had only been a week since he had started training, and already he had mastered water walking. When we look out at the ground, we will realise not much has changed, but looking at the river, we would see what a civilian would call an 'unnatural occurrence.'

You seem to have a habit of using third person, but switching into 'we' a lot.

'It had only been a week since he started training, and already he had mastered water walking: and when we look out at the ground, we will realise not much has changed, but looking into the river, we would see what a civilian would call an 'unnatural occurrence.'

In a display no five year old should be capable of, Naruto unknowingly recreated the Kugutsu no Jutsu (Puppet Master Technique) and used Chakra String to hold the Kunai a small distance away from his hands.

'In a display no five year old should be capable of, Naruto unknowingly recreated the Kugutsu no Jutsu (Puppet Master Technique), and used Chakra Strings to hold the Kunai a small distance away from his hands.'

In the office of the dictator of Konoha, we could see an apparently weak old man. However, anyone with such a thought would be in for a rude awakening. After all, this was the man who has survived all three of the Great Shinobi World Wars, ready to fight further to protect his village. This was the man who earned the moniker 'God of Shinobi'.

If it were me, I'd do this.

'In the office of the dictator of Konoha, we could see an apparently weak old man; however, anyone with such a thought would be in for a rude awakening. After all, this was the man who had survived all three of the Great Shinobi World Wars, and ready still, to go on and fight further to protect his village. This was the man who earned the moniker 'God of Shinobi, and rightfully so.'


You seem to have a habit of putting a single quotation before a full stop, so it'll look like this, '. when it should be this. .'

Finishing his line of thought, the Great Kyubi No Kitsune went to sleep.

Not to nitpick, but in Japanese, 'No' is 'no.'

'Finishing his line of thought, the great Kyubi no Yoko went to sleep.'
(Edit: Only titles, names, and the first words in a sentence or right after a full stop and or quotation marks should be caps).

I know a little Japanese myself, not enough to be considered a master, but just enough to get by; as such, I think I should mention, that in Naruto, Nine Tailed Demon Fox (九尾の妖狐) would be, 'Kyubi no Yoko,' not 'Kyubi no Kitsune.'
However, 九尾の狐 translates to Kyuubi no Kitsune, which means 'Nine Tailed Fox.'

In Japanese, the word tailed isn't there, it is simply 'tail.' The word 'bi' from Kyubi is actually Chinese pronunciation, in Japanese it's 'shippo.'
However, Yoko (妖狐) is actually a term for Demon Fox, thus, it should be 'Kyubi no Yoko.'
 
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FaHaD 5212

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Not bad, not bad at all.

I'm going to help and give you a few pointers again.





'It had only been a week since he had started training, and already he had mastered water walking. When we look out at the ground, we will realise not much has changed, but looking at the river, we would see what a civilian would call an 'unnatural occurrence.'

You seem to have a habit of using third person, but switching into 'we' a lot.

'It had only been a week since he started training, and already he had mastered water walking: and when we look out at the ground, we will realise not much has changed, but looking into the river, we would see what a civilian would call an 'unnatural occurrence.'




'In a display no five year old should be capable of, Naruto unknowingly recreated the Kugutsu no Jutsu (Puppet Master Technique), and used Chakra Strings to hold the Kunai a small distance away from his hands.'




If it were me, I'd do this.

'In the office of the dictator of Konoha, we could see an apparently weak old man; however, anyone with such a thought would be in for a rude awakening. After all, this was the man who had survived all three of the Great Shinobi World Wars, and ready still, to go on and fight further to protect his village. This was the man who earned the moniker 'God of Shinobi, and rightfully so.'


You seem to have a habit of putting a single quotation before a full stop, so it'll look like this, '. when it should be this. .'




Not to nitpick, but in Japanese, 'No' is 'no.'

'Finishing his line of thought, the great Kyubi no Yoko went to sleep.'
(Edit: Only titles, names, and the first words in a sentence or right after a full stop and or quotation marks should be caps).

I know a little Japanese myself, not enough to be considered a master, but just enough to get by; as such, I think I should mention, that in Naruto, Nine Tailed Demon Fox (九尾の妖狐) would be, 'Kyubi no Yoko,' not 'Kyubi no Kitsune.'
However, 九尾の狐 translates to Kyuubi no Kitsune, which means 'Nine Tailed Fox.'

In Japanese, the word tailed isn't there, it is simply 'tail.' The word 'bi' from Kyubi is actually Chinese pronunciation, in Japanese it's 'shippo.'
However, Yoko (妖狐) is actually a term for Demon Fox, thus, it should be 'Kyubi no Yoko.'
You know, you're really helping me improve. When I'm done with chapter 7, I'll try my best to keep it as 'mistake free' as possible.

I didn't know for sure about putting the full stop before or after quotation marks. '. .'

I do know what both mean but I'll be alternating between both titles.
 
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