[Mystery] Over in a Flash of Red Chapter 10

FaHaD 5212

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Chapter 10: And so it Begins...

Hey guys, how are you? Not much to say other than asking for an apology for the delay; I was busy. So without further ado, here's the next chapter.

"I hear voices in my head, they council me" - Human Speech
'They understand, they talk to me' - Human Thought
"Of course I talk to you, like there's anything else to do" - Biju Speech
'This idiot's a dumbass' - Biju Thought
Mokuton: Mokuryū no Jutsu (Wood Release: Wood Dragon Technique) - Jutsu


Quote of the Day:
Sometimes you must hurt in order to know, fall in order to grow, lose in order to gain because life's greatest lessons are learned through pain. ~ Pain (Nagato)

Disclaimer: I Akaryu no Ikari 5212 do not own Naruto, trust me.

Chapter 10: And so it Begins...

One Year After Academy Years Started

Uchiha Clan Compound – Konoha


"Greetings Itachi" a voice said from the darkness in an alley.

"Likewise... Madara. I presume you want my answer?" Itachi replied.

"Yes... We've delayed it for a year now" was the 'Madara's' reply.

"I need a little more time to see how things play out" Itachi requested.

"Very well, you have two months. Remember, time is of the essence" the darkness replied ominously, an eye opened to reveal a lone Sharingan shining in the dark. At that moment a swirl surrounded the eye and all traces of the man's presence vanished.

"He will be a difficult opponent if we happen to cross paths" Itachi the closed his eyes for a moment, opening them to reveal his Mangekyō Sharingan before deactivating it the next moment. Stepping into the dark alley, Itachi broke down into a flock of crows and left the area.

=====OFR=====
With Naruto, Mea and Nana


It was around mid-day and Academy hours had finished minutes ago. Speaking of the Academy, it was a welcome experience with some nuisances here and there.

The three residents of the Uzumaki Estate had interacted the most with the clan heirs in the class. They knew of Sasuke, a boy who liked to train and get closer to his brother and idol, Uchiha Itachi. He liked his family and sweets. However a problem for him, which Naruto was fortunate enough not to share, was fan-girls. The bane of all existence, Sasuke was constantly pestered by them; so much so that he was forced to hide in the bathroom for entire one hour long half day breaks.

In fact, Sasuke's annoyance was reason enough for Kiba, heir to the Inuzuka Clan due to his sister's decline, to malign him as 'gay'. Inuzuka Kiba, a loud and brash boy with a superiority complex, so much so that he always tried to prove that he was the 'alpha', though he always failed, badly. Once, Kiba had the gall to hit on Nana and Mea, needless to say that Naruto's wrath was one thing Kiba feared that day.

In contrast there was Hyuga Hinata, heir to the Hyuga Clan though the status was in doubt due to her lack of confidence. She was everything Kiba was not, shy, timid, kind and unfortunately for Naruto, a stalker. Yes, Naruto was somewhat annoyed of her following him, though his ire paled in comparison to his two female companions. The first few days, it seemed like coincidence that they were in the same area, but later on Naruto was slowly reaching the limits of his patience, so much so that he had to actually use his mind to tactfully; wanting to hide his capabilities by not using the Shunshin (Body Flicker); get out of her Byakugan's range, which he had estimated. 'Another problem I have to deal with' he thought.

Then there was a person Naruto actually liked to be around a bit. Aburame Shino, heir to his respective clan. He was quiet and usually did not talk more than necessary, although he was fond of explaining and describing everything, a quirk Naruto could live with. Unfortunately, his silence left him with very little friends, Naruto, Nana, Mea and Sasuke being the only main ones.

Then came Yamanaka Ino and Haruno Sakura, heir to her clan and daughter of a Civilian Council member respectively. These two were similar in every way excluding the fact that they were on each other's throats on matters involving 'their precious Sasuke'. They were both annoying if you asked Naruto. They only focused on dieting and appearances, neglecting their Shinobi training, other than books smarts, the only leverage Ino had over Sakura was that she was a clan heir and had naturally superior reserves than other Academy Students, and her Clan Jutsu.

Onto two more of Naruto, Sasuke and the girls' friends, Akimichi Choji and Nara Shikamaru, heir to their respective clans. Choji had a naturally larger physique due to his clan's blood, a sensitive point for him, and Shikamaru was a genius, highly intelligent and even surpassing some of the adult Nara. Choji was a kind person who was friendly with everyone who was his friend, although he didn't take kindly to a comment on his weight. Shikamaru was lazy, a pure slacker who'd rather watch clouds and sleep than go for a bath in the morning.

Finally, there was Kurama Yakumo, technically head of her clan due to her parents' death but not in a leading role due to being underage and lacking leading experience. She was a special case which had a frail body, though slowly practicing and exercising she was getting over it, though her will to be alone was as hard as rock, her demeanor cold and indifferent. She did not want friends, she merely 'required associates' as she put it.

Anyway, the reason Naruto was spared from fan-girls was the fact that parents had told their children not to associate with him, though his looks made it hard not to. The main reason was that one day Nana just happened to be a little loud about the fact that Mea hit her in when they sleeping; while she was on Naruto's other side mind you; which did not escape the class, which turned beet red at the seemingly 'intimate' relationship, according to what a child knew, the three had hence everyone knew not to meddle with their bond, especially when Naruto made it clear by ushering his wrath upon Kiba; although a certain Hyuga heiress was still not persuaded to stop chasing after the blond.

Enough about the others, they could all be discussed in detail some other day. Currently our favorite blond and his female companions were coming back home from another day at the Academy, nothing special happened. They were walking in complete silence enjoying each other's company and for once, not teasing each other into submission.

Some changes were an obvious increase in height in the now nine year olds. Nana and Mea's hair having grown and Naruto's budding side-bangs growing until they were on level with his nose, his spiky hair growing a little longer, or would it be taller?

The year had been spent with Academy time in the mornings, Naruto and Mea training at the Uzumaki Estate and Nana training with Mikoto. They spent a bit more time with Sasuke and everything else was fairly normal.

They were currently heading home, expecting their mother figure to be waiting for them as promised, Sasuke going to train with his father. "Honestly, Kaa-chan can go overboard with her teasing" said Naruto, remembering Mikoto's stunt with Itachi around a year ago. This obviously elicited giggles from the girls who then noticed that Naruto had moved a considerable distance ahead of them and quickly ran towards him. Luckily there was no Hinata today.

=====OFR=====
Uchiha Clan Compound - A Shrine Near Main Konoha


'My progress with the Karasu Kaitai no Jutsu (Crow Dismantling Jutsu) has been quite good, soon I'll be able to use it in battle like Okaa-san.'

Itachi had come to investigate some natural herbs on an indoor C-Rank mission to get some quick money. Having finished his task, he was about to leave when he sensed a presence. "Good day Danzo-sama, may I ask why you are here?"

"You know as well as I do Itachi, why I'm here. You are aware of the tensions between the Uchiha and the village, no? In fact you were the one who gave us knowledge of the coup they have planned; I commend you for that. You should also know that Hiruzen will not hesitate to eliminate the clan should they get out of hand, and when that happens, your precious brother will also be killed." Danzo said.

"What are you implying?" Itachi replied, his tone getting an edge to it.

"Oh no, no need to be so hostile, I am merely pointing out a 'what if' scenario which can be avoided...if you do as I say." Danzo waved off Itachi's threat.

"And pray tell me what that might be?" Itachi was seriously getting a bit annoyed.

"The next time you hand us your report, I will suggest that you should kill the clan while saving two, namely your brother and the Jinchuriki's associate; do not ask how I know that. You should do as I say, I'll do my best to cover your trails and give you a way out of the village, and so will Hiruzen when he accepts."

"You're serious?! I-I...need to think about it."

"Very well, you have until our next meeting. Until then, farewell." Danzo said that and left, walking towards the village leaving Itachi alone.

'So much pressure, the fake Madara wants me to do the same. Now what do I do? Sasuke and Nana will have to be left alive no matter what. I fear to think what will happen to Naruto if Nana dies.' Itachi sighed as he thought that.

=====OFR=====
Hokage Office - Konoha


"...I see, that is the best solution available. However do reconsider; you will forever be maligned to manipulating your own kin." Hiruzen replied.

"Don't be foolish Hiruzen, using the Genjutsu is only a temporary solution, who knows when the Uchiha will rise to strike again. They have done so once, who's to say that they won't once more?" Shimura Danzo countered.

"Forgive me for my rudeness Danzo-sama, but I think that my Kotoamatsukami (Distinguished Heavenly Gods) will be more effective than killing the clan. We Uchiha have our uses, that much is undeniable" Shisui replied.

"I agree with the youngster here. Why not give him a try Danzo?" Hiruzen inquired.

"Very well, but if it fails then we kill the clan." Danzo of course lied through his teeth, maintaining his stoic demeanor throughout. 'I'll have to harvest Shisui's eyes, his Mangekyō will be more useful that way.'

"Now that the matter is settled, you are dismissed" the Hokage granted Shisui's unsaid request.

Shisui left in a swirl of leaves leaving behind Hiruzen and Danzo, the latter leaving after a 'farewell'.

"Kami, my work is getting harder by the day" Hiruzen sighed, he was doing that a lot lately.

=====OFR=====
Uzumaki Training Ground - Konoha


"Not fast enough" Mikoto said as she dodged Naruto's Ittōryū Iai: Shishi Sonson (One Sword Style Draw and Re-sheath Technique: Lion's Song). Naruto had no particular name for his Kenjutsu Style so he just called it ‘Ittōryū’, seeing that he had another sword which he was getting close to unlocking and hence developing a ‘Nitōryū’ to utilize it; Naruto was ambidextrous so a dual-wield was no issue.

Sheathing Aka Shometsu (Red Annihilation), Naruto used a Shunshin (Body Flicker) to move into the trees.

When Naruto, Nana and Mea returned home, they found some snacks sitting on the table with some juice and a note. Naruto picked it up and read it. Apparently, Mikoto wanted to take a test of Mea and Nana's progress, and invited Naruto into the mix. After that it was a three on one fight again Mikoto, the children currently losing.

Regrouping with the girls, Naruto thought up of a plan on the fly and decided to share it. "Listen up, in the fight I had with Shisui-sensei I used a Chakra Blocking Seal with a one kilometer radius, right now I want to make one with a five kilometer diameter. I want you, Nana-chan to distract Kaa-chan until me and Mea-chan manage to make the seal, and it shouldn't take more than three minutes with Kage Bunshin (Shadow Clones). Once she's trapped, she should take about four minutes to escape as opposed to Sensei's one. Here's the important part, you" he looked at Nana, "will be at the centre with Kaa-chan while distracting her. Since you already know that the seal will be activated, you will have a perfect opportunity to take care of her while she's surprised, probably a second. In that time, I want you to try your best to grapple Kaa-chan. It should take me and Mea-chan about six minutes to reach you, three to contact her if she manages to get out earlier. We'll help when we arrive. Remember, this is our last shot at securing the target and we can't do anything much other than this so make this count."

"Hai" Nana said, as she jumped tree to tree to fulfill her assignment.

Naruto and Mea formed a few clones and left using the Shunshin (Body Flicker).

With Nana

Spotting Mikoto, Nana immediately used a Katon: Gōkakyū no Jutsu (Fire Release: Great Fireball Technique), which the elder of the two dodged by jumping above it and landing on another branch.

"Nice surprise attack, too bad I'm just too good" Mikoto joked.

'I have to use Jutsu while I can so I tire her out.' the young female Uchiha thought as she jumped into the sky and formed a clone.

Fūton: Daitoppa (Wind Release: Great Breakthrough)
Katon: Hōsenka no Jutsu (Fire Release: Phoenix Sage Fire Technique)


Multiple supercharged fireballs flew at Mikoto. Inwardly pleased with her work, Nana noticed that the last Jutsu had put a considerable dent in her reserves; although she could still go on for a lot more.

Mikoto broke apart into a flock of crows and moved towards Nana, the crows attacking Nana before reforming into Mikoto behind her.

The younger Uchiha then back flipped in the air, jumping using Chakra, landing behind Mikoto before jabbing her back with a Chakra Enhanced Fist.

When Mikoto crashed into a tree, which cracked under the force of the impact, both females noticed a lack of access to their Chakra. It was flowing but they were not able to use it, it was as if it were blocked.

Nana understood that the seal activated and quickly moved to grab Mikoto who, as Naruto expected, was a little surprised at the sudden change.

Unfortunately for Nana, Mikoto regained her bearings rather quickly due to having had a similar past experience with a certain red-haired teammate. The fact that she saw the glow of the sealing array, forming a circle with a hundred meter diameter, around them was a factor in confirming her suspicions.

Mikoto blocked the punch Nana attempted to deliver and countered with one of her own making the girl stumble.
Preparing to vacate the area, Mikoto turned around...only to have her legs pulled by Nana making her fall face first onto the ground.

With Naruto and Mea

"Let's hurry into the seal Naruto-kun, we need to get to Nana-chan ASAP" Mea said urgently earning a nod from Naruto.

Using an initial Chakra enhanced dash, something Naruto hadn't factored, they made it a quarter kilometer into the seal and dashed on. In about two minutes, they were a little over halfway to the centre of the seal when they saw Nana and Mikoto exchanging blows in the distance. Mikoto managed to knock Nana to the ground, stunning her for a while, so she dashed towards the end of the seal, only to find herself facing Mea, who prepared to hit her with a lariat.

Mikoto dodged and slammed Mea through a tree with a powerful punch to the gut, however she felt a few fingers grazing the bells on her waist so she sidestepped to avoid Naruto's surprise attempt at the bells from behind.

Mikoto had decided to take a bell test today to see the children's progress and till now, she was amazed at their progress and unnatural teamwork. They would give any Jounin a run for their money, and with luck even manage to defeat them.

Seeing the three dashing at her, she quickly jumped and grabbed Mea and Nana's heads and hit them against each other, knocking the tired girls out. Naruto tried another surprise maneuver from behind Mikoto but was interrupted mid-process as Mikoto turned around and hit him in hard in the gut sending him spiraling into a tree, rendering the last child unconscious. Even without Chakra, Mikoto was capable of a lot of damage.

Catching her breath, Mikoto grabbed the children, deactivated the seal, and moved the trio to a bed. She was extremely proud of all three of them.

=====OFR=====
The Final Valley - The Land of Fire

"It's been a long time since I came here" the Uchiha no Bōrei (Ghost of the Uchiha) mused as he stood on his statue's head, "Hashirama, last time we met you beat me. Now, I wonder, who would win?" Madara looked at his rival's stone head as he said that.

"Madara-sama, I have some...unfortunate news" Zetsu rose up from the ground, the Black half speaking. Upon receiving a gesture to continue from his master, he said "Your grandson's teacher, your brother's descendant, is a target of Shimura Danzo."

"So his time has come? A pity I won't be able to save him without do setting fire on my plans, or dying. At least he was able to make my successor fertile soil for me to work on." Uchiha Madara was many things, but emotional he was not. Though his brother's blood had completely died, well not yet, he was not one to throw a tantrum over the inevitable; although hadn't formed any bond with the young Uchiha.

"It seems that there are only two months left until your Chakra stabilizes, although it will only be half as potent." White Zetsu, despite his lighthearted attitude, knew when to be serious.

"A small price to pay for an extended life, even though I am only limited to Taijutsu at the moment. From the way matters are progressing, I would give it until then that the clan is wiped out." Madara did not particularly 'care' about his clan. "Let us move back to the new hideout."

=====OFR=====
Time Skip - One Week

Trees - Konoha


Uchiha Shisui had made his decision. He was ready. He had just reported to the Hokage, and to protect his village he was about to commit a sin against his clan. In his standard Uchiha garb he moved out of the Anbu Headquarters after one final
indoor mission, which renewed his faith in protecting his home.

'Naruto, I will protect your future. I was unable to save Kushi-sensei but I will NOT fail you.' Shisui jumped to a tree and moved on as he thought that.

However fate had other plans...

=====OFR=====
Root Headquarters - Konoha


"I see you have made your decision Uchiha Shisui. Fū, Torune, prepare an ambush and a kidnapping squad." Danzo had no time to waste, his subordinates knew that and they quickly moved out.

Yes, fate indeed was about to put in a cruel twist...

*Hides in a corner* Please don't kill me for this cliffhanger (This is a cliffhanger, right?).

Anyway, I'm sure you guys wanted to read more but I think I'll let the suspense build up; remember I initially planned to complete these scenes. Besides I'll upload the next chapter quick, no worries there... Actually, I want you all to make pseudo predictions of the next chapter, the one who is most accurate gets a cookie and a special mention in the next chapter as well, remember I'll upload faster than usual.

Another thing many of you may notice so I’ll quickly point it out now; yes, I took Naruto’s sword style from Roronoa Zoro (One Piece). I might re-name it later but I won’t use only techniques Zoro uses, I’ll make some of my own as well.

Also, remember that your reviews give me a greater motivation to write and also another perspective of a situation. You can just write something like what you liked, disliked, and what you both expect and want. I'll consider all your opinions and, as long as it is possible within reasonable conditions, implement then in the story.

Fare thee well,

R&R.


Jutsu List:
Ittōryū Iai: Shishi Sonson (One Sword Style Draw and Re-sheath Technique: Lion's Song): B/A Rank: Offensive:

Placing the sheathed sword upright and listening to the "breath" of his opponent, the attacker rapidly unsheathes, attacks, and re-sheathes their sword. An interesting note is that Naruto does the technique back-handed as opposed to from the waist with a standard grip on the sword. The effectiveness of the slash depends on the user’s skill to maneuver the blade in such high speeds and the power depends on the user’s ability to form a clean cut with proper power; these factors affect the quality of the Technique.

Karasu Kaitai no Jutsu (Crow Dismantling Jutsu): B Rank: Supplementary/Defensive/Offensive:
This Jutsu is similar to the Karasu Bunshin no Jutsu (Crow Clone Jutsu) in that it uses crows as a medium to form a body. The difference is that instead of making another body, a clone, the user breaks apart their own body into a flock of crows. This Jutsu can be used for travelling short distances and to ‘dodge’ or rather get out of the way of lethal blows by breaking apart. The crows are also capable of attacking a target and cause minor damage.

Omake - WWE: Naruto Edition

Naruto and Shisui were having their last spar, Naruto's test. Shisui was tracking Naruto after having escaped the rather explosive trap set up by his crafty student.

Shisui was jumping from tree to tree when he heard a female voice from a speaker, "Out of nowhere." This left Shisui a bit confused...

... For his student's surprise attack. Naruto appeared from in front of Shisui and grabbed his neck with his elbow facing opposite Shisui's neck. RKO Naruto said as he slammed Shisui into...a wrestling ring, which mysteriously appeared.

"The Viper, Naruto Orton, in control. You don't waste this opportunity; you pound the other into the ground." From the announce table, Mikoto was speaking while wearing a headphone, Mea sitting beside her.

"Yes Mikoto, it seems that Naruto Orton will take the WWE Elemental Nations Championship from Triple S (Shisui)."
Shisui stood up and had a bewildered expression on his face as his body moved against his will to catch Naruto's head between his legs as he then jumped and slammed Naruto into the ground, Pedigree, he voiced, flowed by a "What the heck?!"

"Textbook reversal" Mikoto voiced.

"Orton may lose the title to The Game" Mea added.

He then moved against his will as he pushed Naruto's shoulders on the ground and pulled up his right leg, accomplishing the former by putting his torso on the Legend Killer.

"The Game, for the pin!" Mea exclaimed.

"1!" Nana, the referee, started the count after moving in position to confirm that Naruto's shoulders touched the floor.

"2!" She hit the ground a second time.

Naruto forced Triple S' grip on him loose and lifted his shoulders, thus stopping Nana's count.

"... And The Viper breaks out!" Mikoto exclaimed.

Ignoring the pain of the last attack, Naruto quickly stood up and hit Shisui with a right hook. Followed by a left jab, a right chop, a kick with the left leg which left Triple S stunned for a second, and finally a full-power lariat with the right arm, slamming Shisui into the ground.

"He almost broke his neck with that lariat" Mikoto commented.

Quickly moving to the edge of the ring, Orton performed a springboard dive and jumped from the ropes, on The King of Kings.

Quickly dragging his adversary to the centre of the ring, Naruto mocked him by using his own move against him.

"That Pedigree not only hurt him physically, his pride must be in jeopardy." Mea voiced.

"Orton for the pin!" Mikoto exclaimed.

"1!" Nana hit the ground.

"2!" She continued.

Suddenly from the ringside appeared to interrupt Nana, the Beast Incarnate, Itachi Lesnar. Interrupting the count successfully thus ending the match unsettled, the Itachi with muscles like he was on steroids lifted both Triple S and Naruto Orton in a bear hug.

"I don't think this is going to end well" Mikoto said.

Lesnar then lifted the two and slammed them head-first into the ground while arching his back backwards.

"Did you see that?! The Game and The Viper got knocked all the way to Suplex City!" Mea shouted.

"Oh I know... Wait, he's taking mike. The Beast wants to say something!" Mikoto said incredulously.

Looking down at the unconscious pair one last time, the over-buffed Itachi began "The Legend Killer will be slayed, The King of Kings will be dethroned, the Beast Incarnate shall take what he rightfully deserves. The WWE Elemental Nations Championship BELONGS TO ME!"

And with that his theme song got played though speakers which appeared out of thin air.

"A bold statement, let's see how The Viper and The Game will take this" Mikoto said.

"Whatever happens it's bound to be special" Nana replied.

Lesnar smirked and left the ring, leaving destruction in his wake.

... And my first Omake, tell me what you think and if you want a sequel to this. Also, if you don't know of the moves, I recommend that you watch small online videos you can find everywhere.

 
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Trea

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Kill, no. Yell at computer screen, maybe. Sometimes there has to be chapters that are short on action to progress the story so I won't kill you this time.=D Just kidding. I enjoyed it, I just wish it would have progressed past Shisui and Danzo and was a bit longer. Ask Michael, I never think chapters are long enough. Actually, I'd like to see Shisui beat the crap out of Danzo before Danzo gets his way, but I know that won't happen. Looking forward to the next part.

I'm not a wrestling fan so I won't comment on the omake, I'll leave that to real wrestling fans.
 
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FaHaD 5212

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Kill, no. Yell at computer screen, maybe. Sometimes there has to be chapters that are short on action to progress the story so I won't kill you this time.=D Just kidding. I enjoyed it, I just wish it would have progressed past Shisui and Danzo and was a bit longer. Ask Michael, I never think chapters are long enough. Actually, I'd like to see Shisui beat the crap out of Danzo before Danzo gets his way, but I know that won't happen. Looking forward to the next part.

I'm not a wrestling fan so I won't comment on the omake, I'll leave that to real wrestling fans.
I get to live :yayy: XD

Anyway, I really was planning on continuing the chapter but I had the gut feeling that adding some suspense would be better. I agree with you on that, although I'm not really showing it with such short chapters, am I? I think that the next part will be exciting, any idea on what you think might happen?

I see, I suppose I'll ask you if I should write these (note that they will be of different topics, e.g. A parody of the Uchiha Clan Massacre, a cross-over with another anime, with permission I might even do a cross-over between my Naruto and Michael's Naruto.
 

Kuroi Honoo

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It’s interesting that this chapter begins with a timeskip :) I thought the way you displayed the Itachi and Madara scene was done fantastically! =D I loved that you incorporated Sasuke into this chapter as well as a great description!!! ^^ I thought the way you handled a young Kiba was great, it felt like Kishimoto’s Kiba but with a little twist from you ;) I really liked that you kept Hinata more or less the same but I loved how Naruto, in a much less degree to Sasuke’s situation, was plagued by her stalking was also attempted to conceal himself XD It was nice to see that Naruto naturally clicked with Shino but I was very amused by how you described a young Sakura and Ino ^_^ Your version of Choji seems more pleasant and Shikamaru, I liked how you described him even more :) And a new female classmate, I suppose she’ll play some role in the near future. So the corrupting Danzo attempts to play his hand at Itachi and it’s unfortunate that he has such unimaginable burdens :( Danzou just doesn't know when to quit, know patronizing the Hokage >.< I really liked how Shisui appeared and and was able to put a temporary end to Danzou’s malicious pleads :) It’s awesome to see Mikoto actually displaying her skills whilst training the three youngsters ^^ Wow, Mikoto’s skills are superb! =D I loved how ominous the ending was and how you touched on various parts of our story in this one chapter.

It was really well done, worth the wait and an enjoyable read! ;)

Even though I’m personally not a fan of wrestling I thought it worked for this omake, it was pretty amusing and I would mind you continuing this. Oh and great job for a first time writing an omake ;)
 

FaHaD 5212

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It’s interesting that this chapter begins with a timeskip :) I thought the way you displayed the Itachi and Madara scene was done fantastically! =D I loved that you incorporated Sasuke into this chapter as well as a great description!!! ^^ I thought the way you handled a young Kiba was great, it felt like Kishimoto’s Kiba but with a little twist from you ;) I really liked that you kept Hinata more or less the same but I loved how Naruto, in a much less degree to Sasuke’s situation, was plagued by her stalking was also attempted to conceal himself XD It was nice to see that Naruto naturally clicked with Shino but I was very amused by how you described a young Sakura and Ino ^_^ Your version of Choji seems more pleasant and Shikamaru, I liked how you described him even more :) And a new female classmate, I suppose she’ll play some role in the near future. So the corrupting Danzo attempts to play his hand at Itachi and it’s unfortunate that he has such unimaginable burdens :( Danzou just doesn't know when to quit, know patronizing the Hokage >.< I really liked how Shisui appeared and and was able to put a temporary end to Danzou’s malicious pleads :) It’s awesome to see Mikoto actually displaying her skills whilst training the three youngsters ^^ Wow, Mikoto’s skills are superb! =D I loved how ominous the ending was and how you touched on various parts of our story in this one chapter.

It was really well done, worth the wait and an enjoyable read! ;)

Even though I’m personally not a fan of wrestling I thought it worked for this omake, it was pretty amusing and I would mind you continuing this. Oh and great job for a first time writing an omake ;)
Thanks, I'll make the situation with Hinata a bit better later, but all I can say for now is that this was not written due to any hate. As for Sakura and Ino, I have plans to make them better than in canon as well. I always thought Choji was like that. Also Yakumo is from a filler episode in Part 1 so check it out later. I don't know about that... I always intended to make Mikoto strong. Thanks again :)

As for the Omake, I won't be writing some for now due to the story going through some serious and dark phases, nevertheless, I will write more in the future ;)
 

Kuroi Honoo

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Thanks, I'll make the situation with Hinata a bit better later, but all I can say for now is that this was not written due to any hate. As for Sakura and Ino, I have plans to make them better than in canon as well. I always thought Choji was like that. Also Yakumo is from a filler episode in Part 1 so check it out later. I don't know about that... I always intended to make Mikoto strong. Thanks again :)

As for the Omake, I won't be writing some for now due to the story going through some serious and dark phases, nevertheless, I will write more in the future ;)
That is just wonderful to hear as you know, practically all of the young kunoichi canon-wise were fairly neglected where their prowess was concerned but to hear that you’ll do the opposite is AMAZING!!! =D Yeah, I looked into Yakumo and her story was pretty interesting :) Well nevertheless, I really like your interpretation of Kishimoto’s characters! ^^ And you’re welcome ;)

That’s understandable and it even more exciting to know that your story will become more dark as I like that type of element to stories! ^_^
 

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First thing that strikes me is the title of this chapter. For some reason, I can't help feel you've been inspired (perhaps subconsciously) by one of my many youtube videos in the contest threads, mainly this one xd;


It's also one of the first things that pops up if you search on it on google =p Coincident? Not so sure, haha ;)

Anyways, back to the review...

The first thing I notice is that your grammar at times do seem a bit rusty, which I honestly can't recall being the norm or not, but due to my "irregular" lateness (sorry xd), I'll refrain from mentioning them as the editing time has run out in the end anyways.

Well it seems like things finally have progressed and the timeskip seemed to help that. Madara seem to be a very badass from the get-go which is nice. Much of the same vibe as we got when he first was resurrected in the manga. You on the other hand chose to somehow make him "find" the fountain of youth which should be a nice twist. Also, it seems like Itachi finally vanishes in a flock of crows (hell yes! ;D).

Before I move on to discussing this chapter in overall, there's another thing I did notice, and that is the somewhat obvious "push to the side" of the otherwise main characters of the canon story. The remark about Hinata's weirdness and Sakura's annoyance makes me think that perhaps most of the character based plots in this story will revolve around original characters and of course Madara himself. The fact that you created a character with the same name as 9 Tails surely has to do with the fact that Kurama himself somehow later on will yell out a remark to Naruto that his name is the same as hers in a comedic way or something. Anyways, I find that point of view with the entire storyline and the characters going their own way, interesting... Just the fact that it doesn't even feel like this story has started yet when it should be approaching its big finale, it feels like this story will indeed end up longer than I thought it would. You better be damn sure you finish it up by Christmas, all I'm going to say xd

Danzo, Danzo Danzo... Not only has he the nerve to threaten Itachi, he has the nerve to threaten him at the Uchiha Compound where any Uchiha around could overhear him. Risky business for sure and I'm not sure if it's entirely by his character, but this might be a fact that slipped your mind. Danzo wouldn't be as open to meet Itachi in his clan's home, but then again, everything about this story is out of character, haha =p

Moving on, the dialogues seems to be a bit iffy at times, but that might just be me. I think you said something similar on Kuroi's chapter, that you too could improve. Well as a matter of fact, everyone can even me.

Something just hit me. Since this is such an alternative storyline, how did the Kyubi attack go down exactly? With Madara fining the fountain of youth, I don't really see how he would need Obito's service, or (Itachi called Madara the Fake-Madara, which means it's Obito, right? And we still haven't seen a connection between the two, hmm...)? Other than that, things seems to be going as per normal. One got to think if the "Council" that you incorporated will have a further use sooner or later? Seems kind of strange to incorporate that without giving it further thought. Then again, I too and Kishi himself, invented a lot that never really got mentioned again, so that's that...

So yeah, I liked this chapter but for some reason my excitement reading this wasn't that high today, so I'll save the next one to a day where I feel a bit more... re-energized so to speak. I think it was a 7/10 from you this time. For some reason (I've said that a lot, haven't I?), I can't help feel that realizing that this story is already at its 10th chapter, it somehow has progressed a heck of a lot slower than I thought it would. I suppose the long break you and I had from chapter 6 has helped create an image that we're still at chapter 7 or something. In the end though, things finally seems to be happening after 10 chapters I honestly can't fully recall the entirety of (except for the 3 main characters involvements at the Uchiha Compound, the training sessions and that special mission). There's something I can't put my finger on but I don't know what. Maybe I've just been missing the "real" action that will be coming next.

This review sucked didn't it? xd I tried my best, but... Well, I'll try to do better tomorrow with the next one, until then.

Oh and you like Wrestling I see? xD For some reason (once more xd) I wanted to laugh, but I found it hard to be funny, hmm... Something must be wrong today, I sound so negative, bah!


PS: "I see, I suppose I'll ask you if I should write these (note that they will be of different topics, e.g. A parody of the Uchiha Clan Massacre, a cross-over with another anime, with permission I might even do a cross-over between my Naruto and Michael's Naruto."

Since when was that on the schedule? xd I thought you were going to cross-over with Kuroi, but seeing that Shisui most likely will die (without an alternative twist) next chapter, I'm starting to doubt the fact... And how would that even be possible? At this point, my Naruto is long dead xD In fact, only Ikari is still alive in my entire Timeline at this point xd

PPS: Yet again I apologize for my lateness. Don't want it to seem like I only apologize to Kuroi when I'm late to his chapters now would I? XD

PPPS: Wait, that Yakumo was a filler character? I honestly can't remember any filler characters named Kurama, but oh well =p Maybe I should search her up on Narutowikia...

PPPPS (don't even know why I put it like this when I haven't posted my post yet, but okay xd): I just searched her up. She was indeed that Painter girl from back then. Always found that filler to be weird. I like that you as well decide to look to fillers for extra intel (I brought back the Sword of the Thunder God for my penultimate TLSoK story).
 

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First thing that strikes me is the title of this chapter. For some reason, I can't help feel you've been inspired (perhaps subconsciously) by one of my many youtube videos in the contest threads, mainly this one xd;


It's also one of the first things that pops up if you search on it on google =p Coincident? Not so sure, haha ;)

Anyways, back to the review...

The first thing I notice is that your grammar at times do seem a bit rusty, which I honestly can't recall being the norm or not, but due to my "irregular" lateness (sorry xd), I'll refrain from mentioning them as the editing time has run out in the end anyways.

Well it seems like things finally have progressed and the timeskip seemed to help that. Madara seem to be a very badass from the get-go which is nice. Much of the same vibe as we got when he first was resurrected in the manga. You on the other hand chose to somehow make him "find" the fountain of youth which should be a nice twist. Also, it seems like Itachi finally vanishes in a flock of crows (hell yes! ;D).

Before I move on to discussing this chapter in overall, there's another thing I did notice, and that is the somewhat obvious "push to the side" of the otherwise main characters of the canon story. The remark about Hinata's weirdness and Sakura's annoyance makes me think that perhaps most of the character based plots in this story will revolve around original characters and of course Madara himself. The fact that you created a character with the same name as 9 Tails surely has to do with the fact that Kurama himself somehow later on will yell out a remark to Naruto that his name is the same as hers in a comedic way or something. Anyways, I find that point of view with the entire storyline and the characters going their own way, interesting... Just the fact that it doesn't even feel like this story has started yet when it should be approaching its big finale, it feels like this story will indeed end up longer than I thought it would. You better be damn sure you finish it up by Christmas, all I'm going to say xd

Danzo, Danzo Danzo... Not only has he the nerve to threaten Itachi, he has the nerve to threaten him at the Uchiha Compound where any Uchiha around could overhear him. Risky business for sure and I'm not sure if it's entirely by his character, but this might be a fact that slipped your mind. Danzo wouldn't be as open to meet Itachi in his clan's home, but then again, everything about this story is out of character, haha =p

Moving on, the dialogues seems to be a bit iffy at times, but that might just be me. I think you said something similar on Kuroi's chapter, that you too could improve. Well as a matter of fact, everyone can even me.

Something just hit me. Since this is such an alternative storyline, how did the Kyubi attack go down exactly? With Madara fining the fountain of youth, I don't really see how he would need Obito's service, or (Itachi called Madara the Fake-Madara, which means it's Obito, right? And we still haven't seen a connection between the two, hmm...)? Other than that, things seems to be going as per normal. One got to think if the "Council" that you incorporated will have a further use sooner or later? Seems kind of strange to incorporate that without giving it further thought. Then again, I too and Kishi himself, invented a lot that never really got mentioned again, so that's that...

So yeah, I liked this chapter but for some reason my excitement reading this wasn't that high today, so I'll save the next one to a day where I feel a bit more... re-energized so to speak. I think it was a 7/10 from you this time. For some reason (I've said that a lot, haven't I?), I can't help feel that realizing that this story is already at its 10th chapter, it somehow has progressed a heck of a lot slower than I thought it would. I suppose the long break you and I had from chapter 6 has helped create an image that we're still at chapter 7 or something. In the end though, things finally seems to be happening after 10 chapters I honestly can't fully recall the entirety of (except for the 3 main characters involvements at the Uchiha Compound, the training sessions and that special mission). There's something I can't put my finger on but I don't know what. Maybe I've just been missing the "real" action that will be coming next.

This review sucked didn't it? xd I tried my best, but... Well, I'll try to do better tomorrow with the next one, until then.

Oh and you like Wrestling I see? xD For some reason (once more xd) I wanted to laugh, but I found it hard to be funny, hmm... Something must be wrong today, I sound so negative, bah!


PS: "I see, I suppose I'll ask you if I should write these (note that they will be of different topics, e.g. A parody of the Uchiha Clan Massacre, a cross-over with another anime, with permission I might even do a cross-over between my Naruto and Michael's Naruto."

Since when was that on the schedule? xd I thought you were going to cross-over with Kuroi, but seeing that Shisui most likely will die (without an alternative twist) next chapter, I'm starting to doubt the fact... And how would that even be possible? At this point, my Naruto is long dead xD In fact, only Ikari is still alive in my entire Timeline at this point xd

PPS: Yet again I apologize for my lateness. Don't want it to seem like I only apologize to Kuroi when I'm late to his chapters now would I? XD

PPPS: Wait, that Yakumo was a filler character? I honestly can't remember any filler characters named Kurama, but oh well =p Maybe I should search her up on Narutowikia...

PPPPS (don't even know why I put it like this when I haven't posted my post yet, but okay xd): I just searched her up. She was indeed that Painter girl from back then. Always found that filler to be weird. I like that you as well decide to look to fillers for extra intel (I brought back the Sword of the Thunder God for my penultimate TLSoK story).
Nope, this was all a pure coincidence. I had no idea you posted something even remotely similar... Oh and another thing, the Speech/Thought phrases in this chapter and the next are both inspired by something.

I was thinking of a re-write once I reach the 100K mark, doing it then would obviously (in my opinion) increase it to around 125K to 130K. I'll try to improve the quality from now on but I think re-writes are going to be necessary even when I'm at 200K, 250K words...according to ff.net.

I'm glad I kept up the 'badass-ness' of the great Uchiha Madara XD Well, I did recall him having perfected it by this point.

Yeah, they're pretty much the same as from Canon only a little stronger. I'll do an Academy scene when... Naruto 'recovers' and I think that should suffice for the personalities of everyone, including Yakumo.

On the contrary, I believe that this was the same location Danzo and Itachi talked in Canon so I think that it's fine...also, Itachi couldn't touch a hair on Danzo due to a political shield and Danzo knew that.

Rewrite...

Well that is something I'll reveal later, all I can say is that Naruto has the full Kyubi in him. Also, the elixir Madara drank will have some details revealed later, according to what I've said, the potion will give the person extended life for four years (I'm not looking back to check so please do that for me) so he would rather have Obito do his work over doing it himself and not living until it became absolutely necessary.

Well that is partially my fault as I moved a bit slow on the story's progress, but these were essential parts.

Don't worry, I'm sure many non-wrestling fans didn't laugh... I did this as an 'Oh BTW' and I won't do one until some time now.

I guess you could say that the Omake will be all my own work so they aren't really crossovers.

No worries ;)

See, that's what you should do...I'll tell the others to do the same in Chapter 12.

I'll leave a reply to the next tomorrow so this is it for now.
 

Michael92

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Nope, this was all a pure coincidence. I had no idea you posted something even remotely similar... Oh and another thing, the Speech/Thought phrases in this chapter and the next are both inspired by something.

I was thinking of a re-write once I reach the 100K mark, doing it then would obviously (in my opinion) increase it to around 125K to 130K. I'll try to improve the quality from now on but I think re-writes are going to be necessary even when I'm at 200K, 250K words...according to ff.net.

I'm glad I kept up the 'badass-ness' of the great Uchiha Madara XD Well, I did recall him having perfected it by this point.

Yeah, they're pretty much the same as from Canon only a little stronger. I'll do an Academy scene when... Naruto 'recovers' and I think that should suffice for the personalities of everyone, including Yakumo.

On the contrary, I believe that this was the same location Danzo and Itachi talked in Canon so I think that it's fine...also, Itachi couldn't touch a hair on Danzo due to a political shield and Danzo knew that.

Rewrite...

Well that is something I'll reveal later, all I can say is that Naruto has the full Kyubi in him. Also, the elixir Madara drank will have some details revealed later, according to what I've said, the potion will give the person extended life for four years (I'm not looking back to check so please do that for me) so he would rather have Obito do his work over doing it himself and not living until it became absolutely necessary.

Well that is partially my fault as I moved a bit slow on the story's progress, but these were essential parts.

Don't worry, I'm sure many non-wrestling fans didn't laugh... I did this as an 'Oh BTW' and I won't do one until some time now.

I guess you could say that the Omake will be all my own work so they aren't really crossovers.

No worries ;)

See, that's what you should do...I'll tell the others to do the same in Chapter 12.

I'll leave a reply to the next tomorrow so this is it for now.
Oh really xD I immediately played that scene in my head when reading your title, haha. Then again, it's a fairly average use of a title I suppose. Oh? Not sure if I've caught on to that or not... All I know is that the phrase in the next chapter is from that Linkin Park Song, so I bet this one is the same?? =p

I see... Well I'm not sure if you remember me telling you or not, but I am planning a re-release of The Legendary Sage of Konoha in a complete series thread after I'm done with The Legendary Sage of Six Paths. I'll probably rewrite most of the first series to get away with the bad grammar and such, but I'll keep the core essence which is Dialogue Style writing. So yeah, will probably focus on rewriting the first series and then let most of Returns, the sequel, and the final sequel, Legacy and the Series Finale remain as they are. I had planned at one point to try and re-release some of my work on FFnet (the Series Finale of TLSoK but with a rewrite to make it seem like a standalone instead of being a series finale and being connected to a timeline, and also my The Legend of Link One-Shot, since it doesn't require that much rewrite), but then again at this point, I think I should just focus on narrative writing from here on and out and let the past be the past basically.

Everything else in here seems interesting, and as for checking back, you're the author so you should remember the details from heart xP

So you're going to do an Omake between our series then? Sure, don't know how you will pull that off though xD =p

And yeah, reply as you like to this one.
 

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Oh really xD I immediately played that scene in my head when reading your title, haha. Then again, it's a fairly average use of a title I suppose. Oh? Not sure if I've caught on to that or not... All I know is that the phrase in the next chapter is from that Linkin Park Song, so I bet this one is the same?? =p

I see... Well I'm not sure if you remember me telling you or not, but I am planning a re-release of The Legendary Sage of Konoha in a complete series thread after I'm done with The Legendary Sage of Six Paths. I'll probably rewrite most of the first series to get away with the bad grammar and such, but I'll keep the core essence which is Dialogue Style writing. So yeah, will probably focus on rewriting the first series and then let most of Returns, the sequel, and the final sequel, Legacy and the Series Finale remain as they are. I had planned at one point to try and re-release some of my work on FFnet (the Series Finale of TLSoK but with a rewrite to make it seem like a standalone instead of being a series finale and being connected to a timeline, and also my The Legend of Link One-Shot, since it doesn't require that much rewrite), but then again at this point, I think I should just focus on narrative writing from here on and out and let the past be the past basically.

Everything else in here seems interesting, and as for checking back, you're the author so you should remember the details from heart xP

So you're going to do an Omake between our series then? Sure, don't know how you will pull that off though xD =p

And yeah, reply as you like to this one.
No more needed to be said (by me)...

I knew about the FF.net idea but not the re-write... Honestly, a re-write at this stage will make it 110% better... Go for it ;)

Well it's four years...I'm surprised (a little) that you didn't question my statement about the Kyubi.

Still in the 'maybe' category so I'll say, 'we'll see' :p

Done... XD
 

Michael92

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No more needed to be said (by me)...

I knew about the FF.net idea but not the re-write... Honestly, a re-write at this stage will make it 110% better... Go for it ;)

Well it's four years...I'm surprised (a little) that you didn't question my statement about the Kyubi.

Still in the 'maybe' category so I'll say, 'we'll see' :p

Done... XD
Haha xP

That's the problem though, re-writes take too much time. Also, I'm not that into rewriting Dialogue work and releasing in dialogue format anymore, so if anything, the only piece I could rewrite would be The Forgotten Tale, then again, that one doesn't need a rewrite in my opinion, and it's not really fitted anywhere else xD

I must have forgot xD Now I can't even remember what we talked about here, haha.

Cool and lmao.
 

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Haha xP

That's the problem though, re-writes take too much time. Also, I'm not that into rewriting Dialogue work and releasing in dialogue format anymore, so if anything, the only piece I could rewrite would be The Forgotten Tale, then again, that one doesn't need a rewrite in my opinion, and it's not really fitted anywhere else xD

I must have forgot xD Now I can't even remember what we talked about here, haha.

Cool and lmao.
How about you re-write it in narrative?
 
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