Open Mic

[MetaC]

I'm performing a piece at this open mic im working on. I just wrote down some stuff on paper real quick.Lemme know how it is so far, I only wanna do about 16 bars

I piece pieces together like life is a puzzle, cuz I'm puzzled
I mean,
how can you deny me greatness, when I'm working to get out the struggle
I mean
My circle small like I stay in a huddle
And we gotta get our feet we're so we walk through puddles
I mean
Its deeper than that, its layers to it honestly
So don't scratch the surface if you don't want opportunity
I mean
That's what I tell my homies
Ill carry the weight of my city
So when they need that one yard just pass the ball to me
Cuz I
See Hawks (Sea Hawks) in a field of snakes
That mean I,
fly above in a land of prey
That mean I
Abuse words, a felony away
Of being charged of rights we never had but seeing it today
But i mean
for that charge you swipe credit for that
Cuz this nation owe us for building it on our bare backs

 

[Awkward Linguist]

You must be registered for see images

There ending is good. Get rid of the puddles and layers stuff and something more meaningful.​

 

[MetaC]

You must be registered for see images

There ending is good. Get rid of the puddles and layers stuff and something more meaningful.​

thanks man, appreciate the feedback, its a rough version but I plan to add more creativity to it!

 

[AllSixes]

You must be registered for see images

There ending is good. Get rid of the puddles and layers stuff and something more meaningful.​

I actually thought the puddle line was good. It makes you think