[Romance] Obsessed

[Waindo]

Illusions, confusion; trapped in your brain,
Making a sane person insane,
Rejection, obsession; torture within,
Shame, blame; it's a cold hearted game.

Lust, trust; play with fire if you must,
Numbest scum your soul will become,
Afraid, betrayed and completely broken,
Love or hate; what difference does it make.

Feel the feels rip trough your skin,
Feel the warm flows from within;
You're my obsession, my only will to survive
Feed my needs, fuel my fire.​

 

[Byron123]

Listen you use nice vocabulary but after a point you simply don't put your soul in it, you should not write just to write. I mean all these lines are very beautiful each one alone but, as one entity, I don't think that they have a specific meaning. It's more like a way to attract attention with pompous sentences but you fail to remember that poetry is before all the meaning. It does have as a theme how love drives you insane but I think that each of these paragraphs do not add much new from its counterparts. To put it more bluntly, I think you become repetitve, I don't see much change in the meaning, only very slighty and it's the kind of repetition that doesn't create a leit-motive for certain atmosphere but the kind that is just bandy words.


Sorry for being strict but telling you how awesome this is while I do not believe it would be just a joke.

 

[Waindo]

Yeah I'm forcing it too much actually thx for pointing it out bro, I really appreciate the honesty!

 

[Byron123]

Yeah I'm forcing it too much actually thx for pointing it out bro, I really appreciate the honesty!

No problem, I think that your problem is that you try to improve yourself by writing poems too often. By writing often you may become better but I think that your poems would be really better if instead of trying to produce more quantity, you were focusing more on the ones you have already written so you can improve instead their quality, the little detais that take more than just natural talen, rather, time. For instance this poem gave me the vibe that you were trying too hard as you said to write about obsession and in turn that became your obsession XD Let your feelings flow freely, don't force them

 

[Waindo]

Ayee Byron-sama! XD