New Fanfiction?

[Illyasviel]

This is my first fanfiction well it will be if the prologue has atleast 7 people interested.

Prologue

40 years have past since the Fourth Shinobi World War has ended.The world is still in peace.The Allied Shinobi Forces came out as the victor but with many casuallties.Kabuto was killed by Sasuke due to the over exhaustion of his chakra tring to maintain the Dragon Sage Mode fot too long and he never undid the Edo Tensei,Madara combined the power of Amaterasu and Chibaku tensei and with hi scombined technique defeated the five kages,Gaara and Tsunade were badly wounded and Tsunade used tha last atoms of her strengh to heal Gaara and saved him at the cost of her life while the other kages passed away instantly.Naruto faced off Madara but even with the complete Bijuu mode couldn't match him and was wounded.Sakura decided that after all Naruto has done for her she had to save him and she jumped between Madara and Naruto as Madara was firing his atack with wich he planed to kill Naruto.As Sakura passes away she apologises to Naruto for all the trouble she had caused him.Naruto,enraged acives a combbinatiom of Sage mode and Bijuu mode and launched a massive Tailed Beast Bomb wich Madara failed to counter and his body was destroyed.As his body was reforming Naruto took the chance and sealed Madara and himself in an ancient Uzumaki sealing scroll,wich was later taken to Kumogakure.Tobi was left alone on the battlefield on the Akatsuki side and fleed the battlefield,Sasuke went after him but none of them were ever seen after that.

Kakashi was allected to be the temporary Hokage untill Konohamaru took his place.Gaara kept his position as the Kazekage,Chojuro became the new Mizukage and reformed the Seven Ninja Swordsmen of the Mist,Darui took the tittle of Raikage and Kurotsuchi became the Tsuchikage.

Today was the day when the new Konoha genins will get their new jounin teacher.A young eight-year boy named Nauma tied his newly receved headband and set of to the ninja academy.In the same time a newly promoted jounin teacher left his house and set of to the ninja academy wondering what will his first batch of students be like.

Meanwhile in the Land of Lighning three shadows are making their way through the clifs surounding Kumogakure.​

 

[Netsui]

Sounds interesting. I can't wait to read it. Even if 7 people don't get interested you should write it. People might get more interested after reading a chapter.

 

[Smirk]

40 years ? lol Konohamru is old and everyone else is older xd

but the prologue it self seem very interesting , i wouldn't mind reading the first chapter to see how it is

 

[-S-]

sounds interesting

 

[Illyasviel]

Sounds interesting. I can't wait to read it. Even if 7 people don't get interested you should write it. People might get more interested after reading a chapter.

I will make the new chapter in 2 days

40 years ? lol Konohamru is old and everyone else is older xd

I know but they had less then 30 so now they are like 70 they wouldn''t die yet.

but the prologue it self seem very interesting , i wouldn't mind reading the first chapter to see how it is

sounds interesting

Thanks

 

[Reborn]

The concept seems unique although I do have a few words of constructive criticism.

1) the execution of this wasn't my favorite, the way you went about telling the events of the war that took place seemed like you were just throwing out facts, there was no real interesting flavor to this oppening that enticed me to want to read more. What I'm saying is you should have had a more glamerous explination of how the Kage fell instead of simply saying they were defeated and killed besides Gaara. The same thing about Naruto's fight with Madara, because there is no way Madara would be sealed so easily. There was a stunning lack of details in this opening overall. When you make a prologue like this, which is to convey the information of the events that happened past and set up the things that will happen in your series, you have to be more detailed then this. Also this being the first opening, it's supposed to have an impact strong enough to draw the reader in and say, "I want to read this series"

2) You transition from telling about the past about the events of the war, right into the main story plot without a proper transition I should say. Again, you introduce the protagonist (who I assume is the protagonist) and another character very short and vagely. There was no development or characteristics of the two people that I could get a grasp on that would give me a initial sense of who they are as a character and what my happen as a result.

In conclusion, this prologe needs a some work in it's presentation. It needs more details about the important events that occured. You're doing a spinoff of the origional storyline, propelling things into the future meaning when you talk about the past in the way you do, you need to cover all the majorly important scenes. Where is Itachi? You mention Sasuke killing Kabuto but given the circumstances of Kabuto's new abilities, how did Sasuke go about doing that. What happened with Naruto, Bee, Gai, Kakashi and Tobi? explin the Kage situation more about them falling to Madara and what Madara did afterwards. Explain more about the two characters at the end here. Develop the plot more and try to drag people into this.

Hope this helps you

 

[kelevra]

Looking forward to next chapter

 

[Gutsy]

interesting... a little grammar mistakes, maybe a little more detail in the end but else goood

 

[REX Lex]

nice story bro

 

[Vayne]

it looks promising just one advice use font modifications and try making it longer and i know this is a prologue

 

[billprof]

Great, looking forward to the next chapter. +rep

 

[aradmehr]

I like the story,keep it up and write the other chapters.Looking forward to reading them.However,i found some grammar mistakes and some typing problems such as "Wich" and "Fot". You need to focus more on your typing.After you wrote it,re-read it before posting.You might also want to add some parts that would make the story better.Look at your FF and ask yourself: "How is this FF?What are its flaws?".
Always try to make them flawless.You do that,and it might turn out good,perhaps not flawless but still good.You tell yourself that its OK for a FF to have some flaws,everyone knows that,why waste my time and it will turn out to have many and in the end,greatly decreasing the quality of your work.
Who says you cant be like Agatha Cristine?Except for the genius part...Ok i messed up this part but try to think about the things i said.

 

[Akuma]

That sounds awesome man, but i dont want sakura to die -.-

Still great FF, hoping to read next chapter if there is one.

 

[phantomlord22]

now I got a new one to read...
thanks BRO


oh and don't forget to link new chapter in my profile, thanks again

 

[izinagi54]

man i want to see more of it happen i wonder what powers you gave a now 57 year old naruto and a 40 somthin konohamaru

 

[Illyasviel]

The concept seems unique although I do have a few words of constructive criticism.

1) the execution of this wasn't my favorite, the way you went about telling the events of the war that took place seemed like you were just throwing out facts, there was no real interesting flavor to this oppening that enticed me to want to read more. What I'm saying is you should have had a more glamerous explination of how the Kage fell instead of simply saying they were defeated and killed besides Gaara. The same thing about Naruto's fight with Madara, because there is no way Madara would be sealed so easily. There was a stunning lack of details in this opening overall. When you make a prologue like this, which is to convey the information of the events that happened past and set up the things that will happen in your series, you have to be more detailed then this. Also this being the first opening, it's supposed to have an impact strong enough to draw the reader in and say, "I want to read this series"

2) You transition from telling about the past about the events of the war, right into the main story plot without a proper transition I should say. Again, you introduce the protagonist (who I assume is the protagonist) and another character very short and vagely. There was no development or characteristics of the two people that I could get a grasp on that would give me a initial sense of who they are as a character and what my happen as a result.

In conclusion, this prologe needs a some work in it's presentation. It needs more details about the important events that occured. You're doing a spinoff of the origional storyline, propelling things into the future meaning when you talk about the past in the way you do, you need to cover all the majorly important scenes. Where is Itachi? You mention Sasuke killing Kabuto but given the circumstances of Kabuto's new abilities, how did Sasuke go about doing that. What happened with Naruto, Bee, Gai, Kakashi and Tobi? explin the Kage situation more about them falling to Madara and what Madara did afterwards. Explain more about the two characters at the end here. Develop the plot more and try to drag people into this.

Hope this helps you

Thanks for the help.

Looking forward to next chapter

I will try to make it tomorow.

interesting... a little grammar mistakes, maybe a little more detail in the end but else goood

Thanks

nice story bro

Thanks

it looks promising just one advice use font modifications and try making it longer and i know this is a prologue

Thanks I will

Great, looking forward to the next chapter. +rep

Thanks

I like the story,keep it up and write the other chapters.Looking forward to reading them.However,i found some grammar mistakes and some typing problems such as "Wich" and "Fot". You need to focus more on your typing.After you wrote it,re-read it before posting.You might also want to add some parts that would make the story better.Look at your FF and ask yourself: "How is this FF?What are its flaws?".
Always try to make them flawless.You do that,and it might turn out good,perhaps not flawless but still good.You tell yourself that its OK for a FF to have some flaws,everyone knows that,why waste my time and it will turn out to have many and in the end,greatly decreasing the quality of your work.
Who says you cant be like Agatha Cristine?Except for the genius part...Ok i messed up this part but try to think about the things i said.

Thanks for the help

That sounds awesome man, but i dont want sakura to die -.-

Still great FF, hoping to read next chapter if there is one.

She's useless and thanks

now I got a new one to read...
thanks BRO


oh and don't forget to link new chapter in my profile, thanks again

Thanks and np

man i want to see more of it happen i wonder what powers you gave a now 57 year old naruto and a 40 somthin konohamaru

Naruto is sealed so he doesn't have anything and thanks.
But konohamaru will know some new jutsu.

 

[Beifong]

i think it will be a good one but dont make it like naruto saga

 

[basegirl]

i liked it it's a nice fanfiction
and a +rep

 

[King Volcano]

I like it! Can't wait to read more!

 

[zenkutsu]

interesting. cant wait