Naruto : The Shadow army [chapter 1 : The attack]

[sky4life]

This plays a long time after the war,Naruto is hokage,married with hinata etc.
naruto has a child with hinata named minato(after his dad)
Sasuke has made a child with sakura,But is missing now.
Miga is sasuke and sakura and has 3 tomoe sharingan.
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It is night in the village.
naruto lies next to hinata in bed.
[Sfx]BOEM
A huge explosion goes trough the village.
Naruto & hinata wake up synchronized.
naruto walks to the window,
naruto:Shit!The village...Its under attack.
Naruto opens the window and says to hinata:Get minato to safety!
Naruto sees thousends of ninja's destroying houses and killing villagers.
Naruto yells:HEY DONT ATTACK PEOPLE IN THIER SLEEP,ATTACK ME!!
out of everywhere ninja's jump to naruto.
Naruto:Shadow clone jutsu!
The clones make a shield around naruto while the original charges up chakra.
Naruto:Almost!
the clones dissapear and the ninja's come closer.
Suddenly miga & kakashi(miga's teacher) come and kill al the ninja's with chidori.
A ninja in black hood jumps in front of naruto.
?????:Soo naruto,The hokage and savior of the world..
He plans to use a jutsu but before that sakura punches him away.
Naruto:thanks sakura.I owe you one!
sakura:Thank me later,as a hokage you need to protect the village remember?
10 Shadow ninja's jump out of nowwhere.
naruto:what?!? where did they come from?
one of the ninja's says: Ninja art:Shadow Dragon barrage!
Hinata throws a couple Kunai's at naruto.
naruto catches them and throws one of them and charges 2 rasengans.
The kunai misses.
suddenly naruto dissapears and appears behind the ninja's,And uses his 2 rasengans to take 2 of them out.
Sakura punches one and miga and kakashi take 4.
3 shadow ninja's remain.
One of them uses a summoning jutsu:The Shadow lord!
The shadow lord:sooo this is the legendary naruto?The one who saved the world from the juubi?HAH!So pathatic...
Naruto:Hmpf...What did you say?
the shadow lord:I called you pathatic.
Naruto charges up kyuubi mode.
Narutorepare to pay!
The shadow lord:And i should believe you?
the shadow lord:Ninja art:Giants Shadow Lion attack!!!
Naruto Gets pierced by it.
naruto spits blood:Ugh..t..this wont stop me!
naruto runs at the shadow lord with a Nine tails rasengan.
the shadow lord:So you are supposed to kill me with that speed?
Suddenly behind him miga jumps and kicks him near naruto.
Naruto misses rasengan and the shadowlord says:I got you now!Ninja art:Shadow Snake!
Naruto gets bitten and draged near the shadow lord.
The shadow lord:Now..Lets get the power i deserve!
the shadow lord uses a seal to take out the kyuubi.
And seals himself with it.
Then a wild lightning flash piercing his cheek.
the shadow lord:What?!?
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Next time:The unindentified character.Friend or Foe?|
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Guys i made this in a hurry,might have many grammar mistakes and its short but next time il do it better.

 

[Scarecrow.]

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[Zee Seh]

that was a cool one bro... r u writing in place of kishimoto.. well i'll be waitimg fr the next release...

 

[sky4life]

that was a cool one bro... r u writing in place of kishimoto.. well i'll be waitimg fr the next release...

Thank you,it will be ready tonigth or tommorow.

 

[Hori]

impressive work. mark a true genious

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[sky4life]

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[Sir Aaron]

HHHEEEEEERRRRRREEEEEESSSS REVIEW TIME!!!!

In all honesty this wasn't very good. Story in FanFiction these day's are only a small portion of what is needed. They require preparation, grammar and English skills, and much more to be majorly successful.

Your description is lacking. You could say, "Naruto and Hinata wake up frightened from their comfortable bed to the booming sound of an explosion."

The constant stops are getting annoying. This should be a story, in paragraph form, not a poem. Combine sentences, let them flow.

This seem's more like a Naruto movie than the continuation of the story. Just sayin'.

What I disliked:
Grammar (1)
Description (1)
Length (.5)

What I liked:
Story (.5)

.5/3

If you ever want to thoroughly talk about what's wrong, message me. I'm always open for help.