Naruto Tensai Gaiden: [Part:1] "The New Prodigy"

Kagerou

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Naruto Tensai Gaiden: [Part: 01] "The New Prodigy"

Hey guys, As promised here's the first part :D

This is the story of a hero
a hero who will carve a new legend
a hero who will carry on the legend
his Will of fire will burn ever brighter
his will to never give up will never change
that story was about a boy named Naruto Uzumaki
This story is about a new prodigy
a prodigy that will carve a new legend in set stone.​

*Haru opens his blinds and looks at the 10 year later konoha*
Haru: HERE I COME KONOHA!!
*Haru rushes down with his clothes on, eats and goes outside*
?: Haru.
*The women hands Haru his lunch*
Haru: Thanks Mom!, You're the best!
*Haru rushes to the academy*
Haru Uzumaki is a enthusiastic child who looks up to his highers...His goal like naruto is to be the hokage.
He has Blue eyes, Black spiked hair, He wears a white shirt with a red sweater (Similar to PTS Naruto's), He wears a red scarf around his neck, and wears normal shinobi pants, shoes, etc
Haru: Hey Hikari
Hikari: Shouldn't you be studying?
Haru: Heh, Say's the one who stared Aiko for 5 minutes.
*Hikaru blushes*
Hikaru: Just get back to your seat
*Hikaru uppercuts Haru back to his seat*
Hikaru Kasai is Haru's childhood friend,He has a quiet but a kind and careful personality, He has light blond straight hair, Light green eyes, he wears a T-shirt with his clan on the back of it, He wears normal shinobi pants, shoes, etc
Yuki: Good morning Haru-kun.
*Yuki twiddles her fingers*
Haru: G'Mornin, Yuki!
*Yuki blushes and looks back*
Yuki: B-B-BAKA!!
*Yuki upppercuts Haru*
Haru: OUCH! that was the third one today...the first was mom.
Yuki Ayano is a shy but tsundere-ish type girl at some times, She has short but long brown hair, turqoise eyes, A green shirt with the Ayano crest on both sides of her arms and her back, normal kunoichi leggings pants,shoes, etc
Iruka Umino: Alright, everyone take your seats, we have a special announcement
Iruka Umino: Next week we will be announcing teams and you will be taking the genin test with your new sensei
Haru: YOSHAN!!!!! (Alright)
Iruka Umino: Haru take your seat...*Jeez, He's like a new naruto*
Iruka Umino: That will be all for today everyone is dismissed...Don't forget to train!
Haru: YOSH! TIME TO TRAIN DAY N NIGHT!
Hikari: Haru, Wanna go spar for a bit?
Haru: YES!, ONLY IF WE GET TO TRAIN AFTER!
Hikari: We are...
Haru: NO BUTS, LETS GOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Hikari: *sigh* Sometimes I wonder why I'm his friend.

And thats the first part guys, Hope you enjoyed :D

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Kagerou

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It was a nice, quick read. My only suggestion is that you add much more narraration. Besides that, it's a good beginning.
My story is kinda more dialogue-ish, it doesn't have to much narration but focuses more on the dialogue, But yeah I'll add some narration at the Beginning of each part :)
 

key 2 victory is avarice

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Are you going to reveal the characters physical appearance and clothing in the next chapter? If not i suggest you do because that is usually a key indication into that person's personality (whether the person is benevolent or malevolent) and the first impression the reader has.
 
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