Naruto: Shichiyo Gaiden LII

[~Uzumaki~]

Thanks Dave ^^



xd keep trying.



Ryoko's dad is one of my favorite characters for reasons unrevealed yet but that doesn't matter.

You expect Naruto to be a child forever and neglect the fact that he has responsibilities as Hokage correct? Want to know everything Naruto's got on his plate as wellas the chuunin exams?

1) Kabuto has come back
2) Sasuke's gone and he hasn't told Sakura
3) His head advisor is in critical care in a comma
4) Iwagakure knows about the dealings of Konoha and Suna and are moving suspiciously
5) Kirigakure is up to some shifty shiz
6) Kabuto's trying to kidnap one of the genin
7) He has Sai and Konohamaru heading deep into Iwagakure to gather information...

Naruto's never had such responsibilities in his life, even now. Yes he's a Jinchuuriki in a war, his comrades are dying but just like Hiruzen was finding out, it's much more difficult to keep peace than to go to war. Naruto's encouragement? How about going boarderline parental neglect and allowing his daughter to continue with three deep blade wounds in her body and allowing it to continue only for her to stabbed in the back (quite literally but I put that in there for you

Naruto shuts up and watches because of the 7 reasons I posted up there.

You won't forgive me for showing that Ryoko's was desprate enough to kill Hime for the acceptance of her father? Let me tell you something, Ryoko and Hime are opposites when it comes to 1 thing, having people accept her.

If you notice in the earlier chapters, Ryoko wasn't social with anybody else until Koichi and Koji and her father is a butt rag to her...Hime is the magnificent daughter of the 6th Hokage, beautiful and strong everybody likes her...Ryoko resembles Naruto even more than his children in that category, but I see you don't pay attention to context or care much for character transformation when it comes to added features. Everybody wants Naruto to become Hokage but they don't wants Naruto to have to settle for the hardships and sacrifices of the Hokage position comes with. They want him to be carefree and be exactly like he was in the manga. smh

I know you're probably not going to bother yourself with any of this. either that or try to rebut it but this is how it is. But I will definately say, I was expecting this from william and not from you.

But thank you for giving your "Train" Response Nobody else gives me several points to work with. Although opposite of Train who normally balances it out with several strong points and weak points she brought up, it's still good xd

Bee was a bad rapper as a kid and grew up to be the same.
Jiraiya was a perverted kid and then became a perverted adult.
Naruto won't be an exception to the nature of his predecessors. He screams to his loved ones to never give up and he will do so as an adult. The Hokage position won't change him. Nothing ever does, not finding out he was a jinchuuriki, not losing Sasuke and Jiraiya, nothing.
I should have gave positibe reviews, sorry bout that but I guess the chap really got to me+the 'other thing' that made me mad=nothing good to say at that time.


Good stuffs-
Good flow,
Taijutsu descriptions were awesome,
Will comment more later.

 

[Reborn]

Bee was a bad rapper as a kid and grew up to be the same.
Jiraiya was a perverted kid and then became a perverted adult.
Naruto won't be an exception to the nature of his predecessors. He screams to his loved ones to never give up and he will do so as an adult. The Hokage position won't change him. Nothing ever does, not finding out he was a jinchuuriki, not losing Sasuke and Jiraiya, nothing.
I should have gave positibe reviews, sorry bout that but I guess the chap really got to me+the 'other thing' that made me mad=nothing good to say at that time.


Good stuffs-
Good flow,
Taijutsu descriptions were awesome,
Will comment more later.

Bee isn't a Kage,

Jiraiya was perverted however he also tried to save Orochimaru like Naruto did with Sasuke and Jiraiya gave up and even advised Naruto to do the same. Jiraiya wised up, he learned with his mistakes. He was prepared to kill his former students since they were on the verge of creating a war, if Naruto stuck to his mentality he would always try to save people. If Naruto were in Jiraiya's shoes and kept his mentality he wouldn't have been able to kill Pein even if Talk no Jutsu didn't work. Talk no Jutsu works because of plot. Since this isn't Kishi's plot talk no jutsu doesn't work

Jiraiya did change with age and experience although he did keep some of his old tendencies, why can't Naruto change? Why is Naruto the only character that doesn't change?

In literature you'd classify Naruto as a static character, a character that doesn't change throughout the story, isn't developed, is the same as always. In some cases that alright, but for a protagonist or a major character it's not because the character gets boring and you expect everything already, just like you expected Naruto to do things he didn't do. I'm turning Naruto into a dynamic character. You have to look at Naruto as the Hokage, and you can't overestimate Naruto's ability to be himself in the face of adversity and underestimate just how much adversity the position of Hokage entitles.

Thanks...^^''

It doesn't have to always be positive, I asked for things you liked and disliked, I'm just explaining my reasonings for what I'm doing and pointing out that if characters stayed the same all the time, they would become boring and you would never inquire about what a character would do if he/she was in <insert situation here> How can somebody be expected to be a leader in charge of an entire village if they put their own ideals ahead of everything else all the time. Sasuke hasn't changed, Naruto didn't kill him, look where he's at now. Look at the mistakes that come with you're own set of morals. Leaders are in charge of the wellfare of their people sacrifice is the definition.

 

[Shady Doctor]

Lol. Uzumaki16 you mad bro? Lol Frankly Hime is lucky to have even continued and your mad about it? Hime has one thing her father has and that's wanting to surpass the person that rivals her most, Ryoko on the other hand HAD to win! Imagine what kai would do, she already gets treated like trash by her damn dad.smh he probably still isn't proud even though she soloed the hokage' kid.

But truthfully I think I have a whole new respect for ryoko. Like you said she was literally willing to kill some little girl(Hime) to be accepted by her dad. She's no longer hated by me. But I will say she's lucky Hime isn't too adept at hitting chakra points or she'd be dead from those blows to the chest.

Oh yeah that last smug remark ryoko made to hime kinda angered me. Wanted hime to get up and air palm her in her mouth.lol

 

[Reborn]

Lol. Uzumaki16 you mad bro? Lol Frankly Hime is lucky to have even continued and your mad about it? Hime has one thing her father has and that's wanting to surpass the person that rivals her most, Ryoko on the other hand HAD to win! Imagine what kai would do, she already gets treated like trash by her damn dad.smh he probably still isn't proud even though she soloed the hokage' kid.

But truthfully I think I have a whole new respect for ryoko. Like you said she was literally willing to kill some little girl(Hime) to be accepted by her dad. She's no longer hated by me. But I will say she's lucky Hime isn't too adept at hitting chakra points or she'd be dead from those blows to the chest.

0_0'' Da faq I didn't predict you're liking Ryoko this fast :crazy: The world's ending quick.

I guess :ghehe: I'm happy about this?

 

[~Uzumaki~]

Bee isn't a Kage,

Jiraiya was perverted however he also tried to save Orochimaru like Naruto did with Sasuke and Jiraiya gave up and even advised Naruto to do the same. Jiraiya wised up, he learned with his mistakes. He was prepared to kill his former students since they were on the verge of creating a war, if Naruto stuck to his mentality he would always try to save people. If Naruto were in Jiraiya's shoes and kept his mentality he wouldn't have been able to kill Pein even if Talk no Jutsu didn't work. Talk no Jutsu works because of plot. Since this isn't Kishi's plot talk no jutsu doesn't work

Jiraiya did change with age and experience although he did keep some of his old tendencies, why can't Naruto change? Why is Naruto the only character that doesn't change?

In literature you'd classify Naruto as a static character, a character that doesn't change throughout the story, isn't developed, is the same as always. In some cases that alright, but for a protagonist or a major character it's not because the character gets boring and you expect everything already, just like you expected Naruto to do things he didn't do. I'm turning Naruto into a dynamic character. You have to look at Naruto as the Hokage, and you can't overestimate Naruto's ability to be himself in the face of adversity and underestimate just how much adversity the position of Hokage entitles.

Thanks...^^''

It doesn't have to always be positive, I asked for things you liked and disliked, I'm just explaining my reasonings for what I'm doing and pointing out that if characters stayed the same all the time, they would become boring and you would never inquire about what a character would do if he/she was in <insert situation here> How can somebody be expected to be a leader in charge of an entire village if they put their own ideals ahead of everything else all the time. Sasuke hasn't changed, Naruto didn't kill him, look where he's at now. Look at the mistakes that come with you're own set of morals. Leaders are in charge of the wellfare of their people sacrifice is the definition.

The greatest thing about Naruto is that he's always himself no matter the situation. Jiraiya never gave up on Orochimaru, he told Naruto to give up on Sasuke as a test, to see if they really are similar and they are both idiots. Its great! Jiraiya didn't want to kill Nagato, he thought he had to but he was wrong. He couldn't stay true to his peaceful ideals but Naruto came face to face with Nagato and spared him. He's himself, a lot of people have put a lot on the line believing that Naruto will ever remain the same; Tsunade, Jiraiya, Itachi, Nagato, Minato, Chiyo, Fukasaku, Shima, Sakura, the Five Kage and you know, the whole world. You can't just go around changing him.
Also you mentioned Ryoko is an underdog? Seriously? The best academy graduate? Sure.

 

[Shady Doctor]

The greatest thing about Naruto is that he's always himself no matter the situation. Jiraiya never gave up on Orochimaru, he told Naruto to give up on Sasuke as a test, to see if they really are similar and they are both idiots. Its great! Jiraiya didn't want to kill Nagato, he thought he had to but he was wrong. He couldn't stay true to his peaceful ideals but Naruto came face to face with Nagato and spared him. He's himself, a lot of people have put a lot on the line believing that Naruto will ever remain the same; Tsunade, Jiraiya, Itachi, Nagato, Minato, Chiyo, Fukasaku, Shima, Sakura, the Five Kage and you know, the whole world. You can't just go around changing him.
Also you mentioned Ryoko is an underdog? Seriously? The best academy graduate? Sure.

Compared to Hime and J-kid (naruto's kids) Koji and koichi(pure geniuses) she's an underdog. Hell, her vs. Temari or Hi would have been a challeng.

 

[Reborn]

The greatest thing about Naruto is that he's always himself no matter the situation. Jiraiya never gave up on Orochimaru, he told Naruto to give up on Sasuke as a test, to see if they really are similar and they are both idiots. Its great! Jiraiya didn't want to kill Nagato, he thought he had to but he was wrong. He couldn't stay true to his peaceful ideals but Naruto came face to face with Nagato and spared him. He's himself, a lot of people have put a lot on the line believing that Naruto will ever remain the same; Tsunade, Jiraiya, Itachi, Nagato, Minato, Chiyo, Fukasaku, Shima, Sakura, the Five Kage and you know, the whole world. You can't just go around changing him.
Also you mentioned Ryoko is an underdog? Seriously? The best academy graduate? Sure.

I highly doubt that was a test seeing as Jiraiya did pretty much give up on Orochimaru. Jiraiya did change from some of his ways even if he and Naruto are similar. Jiraiya was prepared to kill Nagato (even if he couldn't) he was prepared to do so.

There are people depending on Naruto, not necessarily on Naruto staying the same he is in the series. You continue to do exactly what I'm saying you are, you're overestimating Naruto's ability to remain true to his naive ideals in the face of adversity. So long as Naruto remains himself you could care less if Konoha or the entire shinobi world falls because Naruto will never give up on a friend, he'll never kill Sasuke, or keep secrets, or neglect anybody in need. Even if it means Killing his friend is the only way to protect his village from him, or if keeping secrets avoids revealing the truth of actions that are necessary to keep peace, or if helping others could lead to international inscidents that will harm Konoha and everybody who is depending on him.

The Naruto you want him to be, can never be Hokage and I was considering not making him Hokage but I wanted him to be in this preassure that Sarutobi was in and that his father was in as well to show a change from idealistic childhood to realistic adulthood and the inevitable fact that, as a leader you have to sacrifice some things about yourself if you're ever truely going to protect the people you care about.

In the chapter where Shikamaru was hospitalized, the Naruto you would've liked him to be would've went aimlessly like an idiot to look for Kabuto and attack him without a game plan correct? Now what would happen to Konoha if their Kage left? What if Iwa, Kumo, or Kiri decided to take advantage and Naruto wasn't there to protect the village. Would you have rathered Naruto leave Sasuke to roam about and stay as the pillar for his village or would you rather Naruto be the kid he was, going after Sasuke when the trail was hot, leaving his village only to return to an invasion?

Can you see the words Naruto (as you see him) and Rokudaime Hokage in the same sentence together without "is not capable of being" being put in the middle of them? People are depending on Naruto now to prevent war from happening again causing countless deaths and grievences. The Naruto you want cannot do that.

You and everybody treated Ryoko as if she were the underdog. And you even said yourself you expected more from a Hokage's kid than a Anbu Commander's daughter So which is it, is Hime the underdog or was Ryoko

 

[~Uzumaki~]

I highly doubt that was a test seeing as Jiraiya did pretty much give up on Orochimaru. Jiraiya did change from some of his ways even if he and Naruto are similar. Jiraiya was prepared to kill Nagato (even if he couldn't) he was prepared to do so.

There are people depending on Naruto, not necessarily on Naruto staying the same he is in the series. You continue to do exactly what I'm saying you are, you're overestimating Naruto's ability to remain true to his naive ideals in the face of adversity. So long as Naruto remains himself you could care less if Konoha or the entire shinobi world falls because Naruto will never give up on a friend, he'll never kill Sasuke, or keep secrets, or neglect anybody in need. Even if it means Killing his friend is the only way to protect his village from him, or if keeping secrets avoids revealing the truth of actions that are necessary to keep peace, or if helping others could lead to international inscidents that will harm Konoha and everybody who is depending on him.

The Naruto you want him to be, can never be Hokage and I was considering not making him Hokage but I wanted him to be in this preassure that Sarutobi was in and that his father was in as well to show a change from idealistic childhood to realistic adulthood and the inevitable fact that, as a leader you have to sacrifice some things about yourself if you're ever truely going to protect the people you care about.

In the chapter where Shikamaru was hospitalized, the Naruto you would've liked him to be would've went aimlessly like an idiot to look for Kabuto and attack him without a game plan correct? Now what would happen to Konoha if their Kage left? What if Iwa, Kumo, or Kiri decided to take advantage and Naruto wasn't there to protect the village. Would you have rathered Naruto leave Sasuke to roam about and stay as the pillar for his village or would you rather Naruto be the kid he was, going after Sasuke when the trail was hot, leaving his village only to return to an invasion?

Can you see the words Naruto (as you see him) and Rokudaime Hokage in the same sentence together without "is not capable of being" being put in the middle of them? People are depending on Naruto now to prevent war from happening again causing countless deaths and grievences. The Naruto you want cannot do that.

You and everybody treated Ryoko as if she were the underdog. And you even said yourself you expected more from a Hokage's kid than a Anbu Commander's daughter So which is it, is Hime the underdog or was Ryoko

Naruto is a personalized ideal. He is the very opposite of everything the ninja world was before he came along, you're expecting the position of Hokage to change him? He's the one who does the changing. Reality cannot and can never change him or his outlook and personality, it has tried many times and never succeeded. The reality of the troubles of leading a nation won't. That's Naruto's reality. He says something then does it no matter what it is. "I'll end this war, I'll beat Pain, I'll become Hokage, I'll remove the hatred in the Nine Tails". Even if he is incapable of doing so, reality itself bends to his will(reality meaning Kishimoto xd), example Naruto Vs Pain, where he luckily arrived when Deva entered his interval and massacred the others before the interval ended, beat a lone Deva then to make up for his being late, he convinced Pain to revive everyone he killed, all in a day's work. Naruto>Reality. So trust me, he's gonna remain the same. The ideal is never give up and it will all work out. And it doesn't just work for him, everyone willing to put their faith in this ideal has reaped great results, Gaara became Kazekage, Jiraiya died a successful and great shinobi who contributed to Pain's defeat...

There are no underdogs here, anybody this skilled at this age doesn't qualify as an underdog. The very fact that people have great expectations from both proves that they are classified as skilled, talented not underdogs. You really can't give any reasonable reason for Ryoko's victory and Hime's loss apart from let's say 'I like Ryoko more or she's a main character'. Which was why I said it would be a draw. You can't very well say she should be more skilled than Hime since Hime is the progeny of the world's strongest and one of the world's most famous clans, you can't say she was more determined as Hime also has something to prove and a rival to not lose face in front of(might I add she also has parents with a level of determination that allows them surpass their limits), there's is no reasonable excuse. She got the Byakugan's weakness is the only real reason but it isn't reasonable since the Byakugan's weakness is a secret that nobody but the Hyuga's know about. If anyone were to know about it, it sure as hell wouldn't be some Suna genin(that was truly the most annoying part of this chapter). This chapter and this battle has absolutely no logic or reason in its outcome. It didn't even help Ryoko at all in any way as she is still the desperate little girl looking for someone else's approval, at the end of the Chunin Exams she would have matured as a ninja but not as a person. There's nothing to learn from the battle unless you're trying to say to readers that desperate approval seeking is ok. All I saw were OP genins fighting but where is the deeper meaning to it all? The deeper meaning that is characteristic of every scene in Naruto? It doesn't have to be the same as Kishi's never give up but it should be something.
That's all I'm saying.

 

[Reborn]

Naruto is a personalized ideal. He is the very opposite of everything the ninja world was before he came along, you're expecting the position of Hokage to change him? He's the one who does the changing. Reality cannot and can never change him or his outlook and personality, it has tried many times and never succeeded. The reality of the troubles of leading a nation won't. That's Naruto's reality. He says something then does it no matter what it is. "I'll end this war, I'll beat Pain, I'll become Hokage, I'll remove the hatred in the Nine Tails". Even if he is incapable of doing so, reality itself bends to his will(reality meaning Kishimoto xd), example Naruto Vs Pain, where he luckily arrived when Deva entered his interval and massacred the others before the interval ended, beat a lone Deva then to make up for his being late, he convinced Pain to revive everyone he killed, all in a day's work. Naruto>Reality. So trust me, he's gonna remain the same. The ideal is never give up and it will all work out. And it doesn't just work for him, everyone willing to put their faith in this ideal has reaped great results, Gaara became Kazekage, Jiraiya died a successful and great shinobi who contributed to Pain's defeat...

There are no underdogs here, anybody this skilled at this age doesn't qualify as an underdog. The very fact that people have great expectations from both proves that they are classified as skilled, talented not underdogs. You really can't give any reasonable reason for Ryoko's victory and Hime's loss apart from let's say 'I like Ryoko more or she's a main character'. Which was why I said it would be a draw. You can't very well say she should be more skilled than Hime since Hime is the progeny of the world's strongest and one of the world's most famous clans, you can't say she was more determined as Hime also has something to prove and a rival to not lose face in front of(might I add she also has parents with a level of determination that allows them surpass their limits), there's is no reasonable excuse. She got the Byakugan's weakness is the only real reason but it isn't reasonable since the Byakugan's weakness is a secret that nobody but the Hyuga's know about. If anyone were to know about it, it sure as hell wouldn't be some Suna genin(that was truly the most annoying part of this chapter). This chapter and this battle has absolutely no logic or reason in its outcome. It didn't even help Ryoko at all in any way as she is still the desperate little girl looking for someone else's approval, at the end of the Chunin Exams she would have matured as a ninja but not as a person. There's nothing to learn from the battle unless you're trying to say to readers that desperate approval seeking is ok. All I saw were OP genins fighting but where is the deeper meaning to it all? The deeper meaning that is characteristic of every scene in Naruto? It doesn't have to be the same as Kishi's never give up but it should be something.
That's all I'm saying.

Kishimoto isn't writing this series is he? I've always disagreed with what Kishimoto has done with Naruto with the perserverance is going to work for you in the long run and that if you never give up everything will be okay. That's a lie and it's not the truth and I'll admit it's something I'm trying to get rid of in this series for the Naruto I have. So for the sake of what is believable on the plane of reality, which is what literature is supposed to convey in some way, Naruto is subject to change, he's not a God who can defy every bit of reality's hardships and we will see Naruto make good decisions, bad decisions and be forced to change his ways.

Kishimoto has also contridicted himself with the whole destiny argument. Naruto says he defies destiny but he doesn't destiny has spoken for him to do everything he's done up until now (in the manga). As far as his destiny goes about bringing peace to the shinobi world, so far that's come true. He brought peace, defeated Tobi, stopped Sasuke and ended the war so prophecy=done for Naruto but that's beside the point.

I'm now going explain to you logically how Ryoko defeated Hime since you claim there is no logic and therefore, by extention say I'm not using careful planning and logic for my chapters that I work several weeks to prepare

1) Hime is a prodigy so was Neji, Neji was defeated prodigy whatever doesn't mean shit when faced with somebody who is more skilled than she is. Also you just said it yourself there's no underdogs and you've pointed out Ryoko was the top of her class, so she's a prodigy too. One prodigy beat the other so :shrug: I don't see the problem them. You bring up the fact that she's bred from Naruto the strongest shinobi, it sounds like your saying because she's Hokage's kid she should win everything. Lets put her against Kabuto then because she's Naruto's prodigy daughter his genes automatically make her better than everybody else.

2) Oh I can't say Ryoko's more determined? I can't say Ryoko who had nobody until recently is more determined then a person who has had everything and her only goal is to face a rival who she can basically fight when she goes home for dinner if she so chose? Who's the greater rival here Jiraiya for Hime or Ryoko's stuborn ass dad's affection for Ryoko?

3) Her parents? You mean Naruto who was first hated by everybody and wanted people to adore him and look at him, and Hinata who's father disowned her JUST LIKE Ryoko's father did? Now those two have become Hokage and one of the leaders of the clan. Hime was born, raised, and treated essentially as what her name means a Princess who has never faced real adversity of the kind either of her parents or Ryoko? So I suppose she's supposed to have that determination without a stronger drive then Ryoko, I see YOUR REASON for that :y

4) Umm, how did Kidomaru know about the Hyuuga's blindspot? Pretty sure he exploited it with Neji in his fight and I suppose the question of espionage couldn't have come into play especially with Ryoko being with Kai inside Konoha for a month and the fact that they knew who Ryoko's first opponent was. Guess that logic or reason never crossed your mind but that's alright as well.

5) Naruto wanted everybody's approval as well, and apparently you didn't see her taking a step away from that for even the slightest moment when she decided not to kill her friend when her father asked her to. When, "doing everything daddy says generally gets me less of an ass kicking" is the direction she normally shoots for but for a brief moment she found something more important then that, you don't see any corrilation and you believe Ryoko's a desprate little girl who doesn't learn anything that's fine to, it's your interpritation for the chapter and all.

Sorry to spoil this for you but my name is Kevin, not Kishimoto so I'm supposed to assimilate to try and become as close to Kishimoto in appearance as I can right? Lets get one thing straight here, I'm not trying to impersonate any other author I wanted to create a story, yes I wanted to base it off his characters and I wanted to use Kishimoto's general concept for the Naruto series with the exception of the character roles.

I'm reading your comments and to me it sounds like you want me to make my own characters, the characters I've created from scratch, to imitate what you think Kishimoto might do with them. That's kinda an insult.

 

[~Uzumaki~]

Sorry, so sorry. I guess I'm too used to seeing a certain style with the names up there. Its Shichiyo Gaiden not Naruto. I get that now and well, with that in consideration, this victory is to be expected and the chap was good. -_-

 

[naruto kyuubi]

this is super dude but really are only suna going to win every thing? still it was the best fight scene man the desperation was well portrayed

 

[naruto kyuubi]

Bee was a bad rapper as a kid and grew up to be the same.
Jiraiya was a perverted kid and then became a perverted adult.
Naruto won't be an exception to the nature of his predecessors. He screams to his loved ones to never give up and he will do so as an adult. The Hokage position won't change him. Nothing ever does, not finding out he was a jinchuuriki, not losing Sasuke and Jiraiya, nothing.
I should have gave positibe reviews, sorry bout that but I guess the chap really got to me+the 'other thing' that made me mad=nothing good to say at that time.


Good stuffs-
Good flow,
Taijutsu descriptions were awesome,
Will comment more later.

you are wrong there are people who change you can see the prime example in Kakashi Hatake of Leaf, nagato changed, zabuza did, jiriaya was much more than what you potrayed people change thats the course of history. hell even orochimaru did change for worse but still he changed

 

[Reborn]

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