0jordinio0
Active member
So yeah. Anyway, I'm re-doing a fanfiction that was posted a few years back. Fixing it up and the like, and I'd like some opinions on how you think I've done so far.
Here it is! The Original Chapter 1 -
"Freak!"
"Demon!"
"Kill him!"
Naruto ran as fast as his little five year old legs could carry him. He kept running not even looking back. "Release me, and I will make them go away," whispered a soothing voice. "Who said that?" said Naruto as a beer bottle hit the ground right in front of him. He surprised himself as he was able to jump a clear foot into the air over the glass and continue running. "Trust me. If you release me then I will make sure no one ever bothers you again. You will be free, trust me," said the voice.
"It's a dead end up ahead!"
"That demon has nowhere to go!"
"Ok, ok I release you. Please help me get out of here!" shouted Naruto. His body froze as dark crimson chakra swirled around him. "Ah!" The little boy screamed as his body was ripped to pieces by the vile chakra. That is all he could remember before everything went black.
Naruto slowly opened his eyes and found himself staring at an unfamiliar ceiling. He blinked a few times wondering where he was. Strange, he couldn't remember anything except for his name. Uzumaki Naruto. Nothing else. Not what he was doing here, how he got here, or anything else for that matter. 'I wonder what happened to me?' he thought as he stared down at his heavily bandaged chest. Strange, he didn't feel hurt or anything.
He hopped out of bed and grimaced a bit. Ok maybe he is injured a bit. Still, he wanted to find out where he was. Like all children his age, he had the in ability to stay still and a huge deal of curiosity. Opening the door, he headed into the next room. It was a nice living room area. A curious look appeared in his eyes as he realized no one was home. Did he live here? The sounds of something coming outside made him turn around just as the door opened and in walked a tall handsome man wearing a white jacket. Naruto tilted his head curiously as the man had short black hair, a bit on the thing side, and brown eyes. "Oh, I see you are awake," smiled the man, "I am Doctor Higurashi. I don't think you should be out of bed with the type of injuries I found on you. Tell me, were you attacked by a wild animal?"
"I don't know," blinked Naruto scratching the back of his head.
Doctor Higurashi frowned as he pulled out a small flashlight and walked over to Naruto. He gave the boy a reassuring smile before kneeling down. "Keep your eyes open for me and follow the light," Naruto blinked a few times uncomfortable before doing as he was told. "Hmm, it seems you are fine, mentally. I think perhaps you are suffering from amnesia not surprising taking into account how you were found." A confused look appeared in Naruto's eyes. "Forgive me. Amnesia means that you are suffering from memory loss. Do you remember anything at all?" smiled Doctor Higurashi.
Naruto shook his head, "I remember my name. Uzumaki Naruto."
"Well, that is a start. I shall ask around to see if you have any relatives within the other town on the island. It may take a few days so until then you can stay here," smiled Doctor Higurashi.
"Arigato," smiled Naruto brightly. A loud grumbling sound came from Naruto's stomach and Doctor Higurashi chuckled before brining the boy over to the kitchen to get something to eat.
Three Years Later
The door to the tavern swung open and in ran a small eight year old boy. He had short blonde hair with light red streaks in it. His eyes were a sparkling ocean blue. A large fox-like grin graced his face as he ran past the patrons and jumped onto a stool. "Hey old man, have you seen pirate-san around?" grinned Naruto.
"My name is Grim, not old man," grumbled a tall fat man with a frown. Grim owned Grimm's Tavern in Shimaki Town. A man who was known to not care who he catered to as long as they followed his rule of no violence. "Bob is over there." Grim pointed to a booth wear an man in his early sixties sat drinking down a pint of rum. He had a white beard that fell down to his chest and a faraway look in his eyes. The old man wore a red pirate outfit and had a sword hanging from his wait along with a pair of pistols.
Naruto hopped off the stool and over to the booth, "pirate-san! Can you tell me another story about the Grand Line? Please!" Bob raised his tired old eyes and smiled slightly as he looked upon the grinning Naruto. Ever since he had came here two weeks ago, the boy had been hounding him for stories of his adventures. Especially when he had told the boy that he and his crew had traveled through the first half of the Grand Line.
"Don't you have anything better to do then bother me? How about friends or school?" grunted Bob pretending to be annoyed by Naruto's presence.
"Meh, school is boring. My friends just want to play. I want to become a pirate! And travel the world just like you! This place is so boring," pouted Naruto.
A hearty laugh escaped Bob. So young, so full of life. "Being a pirate isn't easy lad. I know my stories sound fun and full of adventure, but the danger out there. Talking the talk is easy, walking the walk, now that's the hard part. So many of my friends and I were unprepared for the Grand Line and many of us were lost. A hard life a pirates life is," said Bob seriously.
A look of understanding appeared in Naruto's eyes. "Hai. I understand. I watch people die all the time from illnesses or injuries that doctor-san can't heal. But I don't want to worry about things like that. Hehe, we all die, I just want to enjoy it while I can. I dream of going on the greatest adventure ever. Meeting tons of new people, fighting strong opponents, and kicking their butts," grinned Naruto.
Bob smirked. This kid had what it took to be a pirate as long as he carried that attitude. He could see this kid becoming one of the greatest pirates ever. All he needed is the proper training and guidance. "You want to do something fun? How about you and I get out of here and I teach you how to use a sword. I may not be the best swordsman in the lands, but I am pretty damn good," Naruto grinned widely and nodded vigorously. The two left the tavern with Bob laughing at Naruto's enthusiasm.
Two Years Later - Woods
Naruto sat on the ground patiently as Bob taught him all he knew about the World Government, Marines, and Grand Line. Bob may not have ever fully explored the Grand Line, but he had managed to make it through the first half before his crew was killed in what was now known as the New World. Not many knew it, but Bob had a bounty of 85,000,000 berri on his head. In fact, no one on this island knew it that Bob had been a rather infamous and powerful pirate back in his younger days. "The World Government controls the Marines, who have most of their forces in the Grand Line. They are marines in each of the four oceans, but they are nothing to the forces located in the Grand Line," said Bob taking a swing from his flask.
"If the Grand Line is so hard to navigate through, then how come so many marines are able to do so?" asked Naruto curiously.
"Simple, they have ways to move through the Calm Belt and use Eternal Poses to get to whatever island they need to. Now, there are many uncharted islands, but once you have an Eternal Pose to somewhere, you don't need to wait like you do with a Log Pose," explained Bob.
Naruto frowned, "doesn't seem fair."
Bob laughed, "nothing in life is. A pirate's life is all about facing insurmountable odds and overcoming them. Life ain't fair boy. You either accept that, or be crushed by the weight of the world." A grin appeared on Naruto's face. Unafraid.
"Tell me more about Devil Fruit," grinned Naruto.
Leaning back, Bob told him the limited knowledge that he knew. "Not much is known about them. Heck, all I know is that when you find a weirdly colored fruit that tastes absolutely horrible, you probably just ate a Devil Fruit. Each fruit is different, impossible to tell what will become of you until you take a bite." Bob's eyes became hard and serious. "In the Grand Line, be prepared to fight those who have weak powers of turning into slime to those who can call upon the very forces of nature. The weakness of all Devil Fruit users is the ocean of course. They are all hammers in the water, but no true warrior will be stupid enough to land in the ocean. Listen closely because this is the best advice I will ever give you." Naruto leaned in close. "Everyone has a weakness," smirked Bob.
"Huh?"
"Everyone has a weakness. No one in this world is a God. Everyone, and I mean god damn everyone has a weakness. Do you think Gold Roger became Pirate King without any Devil Fruit Powers off of pure luck? Hell no!" Bob pointed his finger at Naruto and spoke with a hard voice. "That man never gave up and always fought on. He knew better then anyone that there is always a way to win. One just needs to look for it." He pointed at his head. "I guarantee if you use your head to win a fight then there is no one in the world you can't beat," smirked Bob.
A fox-like grin appeared on Naruto's face. "I plan on being one of the strongest with or without a Devil Fruit. Though it would be cool to have some awesome power," grinned Naruto.
"Then you wouldn't be able to swim," smirked Bob.
"Oh well, I was never good at swimming. I feel like a hammer already in the water," the two burst out laughing.
Break
Doctor Higurashi sat in his chair with a sad look in his eyes. The marines had come to town today and they had took Bob, or should he say the infamous Pirate Cutthroat Bobby, whom had a 85,000,000 berri bounty on his head. He had known the man's identity all along but had kept it secret seeing how much Naruto loved to spend time with the former pirate who just wanted to live in peace for the remaining of his life. Naruto is out learning how to hunt from Kaiser so he wasn't here when they came. It seemed he would have to be the one to break the news to Naruto. "Doctor-san, I am home!" yelled Naruto running inside with a large smile.
"Look, I managed to kill two rabbits," grinned Naruto proudly.
"I am proud. Put those in the kitchen sink and come back out here. I have something to give to you," smiled Doctor Higurashi.
Naruto nodded as he did as he was told. The boy had become a son to him and he hated to have to tell him this news. Bob is someone that Naruto idolized and it was never easy to see one's idol disappear. The boy came running back and sat down on the couch next to him anxiously. "Ok, so what do you want to give to me?" smiled Naruto.
"I want you to read this. It is a letter from a friend of ours," said Doctor Higurashi. Naruto didn't like that tone or look. Something bad had happened. Did Alex's dad finally die from that illness? Or was it something else.
Dear Lad,
If you are reading this letter, then I guess the marines have come for me or I have been captured by a couple of Bounty Hunters. I could stay and fight them, but I am getting old and my fighting days are behind me. The truth is, I always knew this day would come and I swore when it did, I wouldn't start a fuss. I had a good and long journey. I have no regrets.
These last two years have been great. Being around you, has reminded me of the days when I used to sail the sea. When nothing in the world matter except drinking, partying, and drinking some more! Hahaha! The good times! Nothing lasts forever, and it is time for us to part ways. If you dare start crying like a baby or any of that other girly crap, I am going to pretend we never met when it comes to meet again in the afterlife. Think I am joking, just do it and my ghost will kick your ass. (Naruto smiled)
Now listen up lad. You got the spirit to become one of the best pirates. Not those rookies who talk big then run away at the slightest sign of danger. No, I see greatness in you lad! If you don't want to become a pirate at least don't become some pansy ass marine, or I'll kick your ass. Naw I am kidding, be whatever you want, just make sure you live life to the fullest.
Sail the Seas,
Cutthroat Bobby
Naruto put down the letter and smiled. "They took him while you were out. He didn't want to make a scene so went quietly," said Doctor Higurashi.
"Hehe, I'll have to kick his ass next time I see him for allowing a bunch of pansy ass marines to take him in so easily," grinned Naruto.
A light laugh escaped Doctor Higurashi. Naruto truly is something else. "Yeah, I guess you will, but first. This is now yours," said Higurashi standing up. He walked over to the fireplace and picked up a medium sized antique box with rubies all over it. A confused look appeared in Naruto's eyes as his adopted father placed it down in his laps. "That old pirate left it for you. Said it was the greatest treasure he found while sailing the Grand Line. All the remains of his great adventure. Wanted you to have it. Whatever it is, it is now yours. Do with it as you please." Doctor Higurashi ruffled Naruto's hair before leaving Naruto alone with the box.
Slowly, Naruto opened the box and his eyes widened. Their inside the box was an albino white pair with red stem and leaves. He immediately knew what the item is. A Devil Fruit. That old pirate bastard had left him a Devil Fruit. There was a note on top of it which he picked up. "Eat or don't eat. No one is invincible!" Naruto grinned. Everyone had a weakness. That is what Bob made sure to ingrain into his head. Picking up the fruit, Naruto wondered which one it was. If it was something stupid like turning into jello or if it was a cool one. "Hehe, only one way to find out!"
Here it is! The Original Chapter 1 -
"Freak!"
"Demon!"
"Kill him!"
Naruto ran as fast as his little five year old legs could carry him. He kept running not even looking back. "Release me, and I will make them go away," whispered a soothing voice. "Who said that?" said Naruto as a beer bottle hit the ground right in front of him. He surprised himself as he was able to jump a clear foot into the air over the glass and continue running. "Trust me. If you release me then I will make sure no one ever bothers you again. You will be free, trust me," said the voice.
"It's a dead end up ahead!"
"That demon has nowhere to go!"
"Ok, ok I release you. Please help me get out of here!" shouted Naruto. His body froze as dark crimson chakra swirled around him. "Ah!" The little boy screamed as his body was ripped to pieces by the vile chakra. That is all he could remember before everything went black.
Naruto slowly opened his eyes and found himself staring at an unfamiliar ceiling. He blinked a few times wondering where he was. Strange, he couldn't remember anything except for his name. Uzumaki Naruto. Nothing else. Not what he was doing here, how he got here, or anything else for that matter. 'I wonder what happened to me?' he thought as he stared down at his heavily bandaged chest. Strange, he didn't feel hurt or anything.
He hopped out of bed and grimaced a bit. Ok maybe he is injured a bit. Still, he wanted to find out where he was. Like all children his age, he had the in ability to stay still and a huge deal of curiosity. Opening the door, he headed into the next room. It was a nice living room area. A curious look appeared in his eyes as he realized no one was home. Did he live here? The sounds of something coming outside made him turn around just as the door opened and in walked a tall handsome man wearing a white jacket. Naruto tilted his head curiously as the man had short black hair, a bit on the thing side, and brown eyes. "Oh, I see you are awake," smiled the man, "I am Doctor Higurashi. I don't think you should be out of bed with the type of injuries I found on you. Tell me, were you attacked by a wild animal?"
"I don't know," blinked Naruto scratching the back of his head.
Doctor Higurashi frowned as he pulled out a small flashlight and walked over to Naruto. He gave the boy a reassuring smile before kneeling down. "Keep your eyes open for me and follow the light," Naruto blinked a few times uncomfortable before doing as he was told. "Hmm, it seems you are fine, mentally. I think perhaps you are suffering from amnesia not surprising taking into account how you were found." A confused look appeared in Naruto's eyes. "Forgive me. Amnesia means that you are suffering from memory loss. Do you remember anything at all?" smiled Doctor Higurashi.
Naruto shook his head, "I remember my name. Uzumaki Naruto."
"Well, that is a start. I shall ask around to see if you have any relatives within the other town on the island. It may take a few days so until then you can stay here," smiled Doctor Higurashi.
"Arigato," smiled Naruto brightly. A loud grumbling sound came from Naruto's stomach and Doctor Higurashi chuckled before brining the boy over to the kitchen to get something to eat.
Three Years Later
The door to the tavern swung open and in ran a small eight year old boy. He had short blonde hair with light red streaks in it. His eyes were a sparkling ocean blue. A large fox-like grin graced his face as he ran past the patrons and jumped onto a stool. "Hey old man, have you seen pirate-san around?" grinned Naruto.
"My name is Grim, not old man," grumbled a tall fat man with a frown. Grim owned Grimm's Tavern in Shimaki Town. A man who was known to not care who he catered to as long as they followed his rule of no violence. "Bob is over there." Grim pointed to a booth wear an man in his early sixties sat drinking down a pint of rum. He had a white beard that fell down to his chest and a faraway look in his eyes. The old man wore a red pirate outfit and had a sword hanging from his wait along with a pair of pistols.
Naruto hopped off the stool and over to the booth, "pirate-san! Can you tell me another story about the Grand Line? Please!" Bob raised his tired old eyes and smiled slightly as he looked upon the grinning Naruto. Ever since he had came here two weeks ago, the boy had been hounding him for stories of his adventures. Especially when he had told the boy that he and his crew had traveled through the first half of the Grand Line.
"Don't you have anything better to do then bother me? How about friends or school?" grunted Bob pretending to be annoyed by Naruto's presence.
"Meh, school is boring. My friends just want to play. I want to become a pirate! And travel the world just like you! This place is so boring," pouted Naruto.
A hearty laugh escaped Bob. So young, so full of life. "Being a pirate isn't easy lad. I know my stories sound fun and full of adventure, but the danger out there. Talking the talk is easy, walking the walk, now that's the hard part. So many of my friends and I were unprepared for the Grand Line and many of us were lost. A hard life a pirates life is," said Bob seriously.
A look of understanding appeared in Naruto's eyes. "Hai. I understand. I watch people die all the time from illnesses or injuries that doctor-san can't heal. But I don't want to worry about things like that. Hehe, we all die, I just want to enjoy it while I can. I dream of going on the greatest adventure ever. Meeting tons of new people, fighting strong opponents, and kicking their butts," grinned Naruto.
Bob smirked. This kid had what it took to be a pirate as long as he carried that attitude. He could see this kid becoming one of the greatest pirates ever. All he needed is the proper training and guidance. "You want to do something fun? How about you and I get out of here and I teach you how to use a sword. I may not be the best swordsman in the lands, but I am pretty damn good," Naruto grinned widely and nodded vigorously. The two left the tavern with Bob laughing at Naruto's enthusiasm.
Two Years Later - Woods
Naruto sat on the ground patiently as Bob taught him all he knew about the World Government, Marines, and Grand Line. Bob may not have ever fully explored the Grand Line, but he had managed to make it through the first half before his crew was killed in what was now known as the New World. Not many knew it, but Bob had a bounty of 85,000,000 berri on his head. In fact, no one on this island knew it that Bob had been a rather infamous and powerful pirate back in his younger days. "The World Government controls the Marines, who have most of their forces in the Grand Line. They are marines in each of the four oceans, but they are nothing to the forces located in the Grand Line," said Bob taking a swing from his flask.
"If the Grand Line is so hard to navigate through, then how come so many marines are able to do so?" asked Naruto curiously.
"Simple, they have ways to move through the Calm Belt and use Eternal Poses to get to whatever island they need to. Now, there are many uncharted islands, but once you have an Eternal Pose to somewhere, you don't need to wait like you do with a Log Pose," explained Bob.
Naruto frowned, "doesn't seem fair."
Bob laughed, "nothing in life is. A pirate's life is all about facing insurmountable odds and overcoming them. Life ain't fair boy. You either accept that, or be crushed by the weight of the world." A grin appeared on Naruto's face. Unafraid.
"Tell me more about Devil Fruit," grinned Naruto.
Leaning back, Bob told him the limited knowledge that he knew. "Not much is known about them. Heck, all I know is that when you find a weirdly colored fruit that tastes absolutely horrible, you probably just ate a Devil Fruit. Each fruit is different, impossible to tell what will become of you until you take a bite." Bob's eyes became hard and serious. "In the Grand Line, be prepared to fight those who have weak powers of turning into slime to those who can call upon the very forces of nature. The weakness of all Devil Fruit users is the ocean of course. They are all hammers in the water, but no true warrior will be stupid enough to land in the ocean. Listen closely because this is the best advice I will ever give you." Naruto leaned in close. "Everyone has a weakness," smirked Bob.
"Huh?"
"Everyone has a weakness. No one in this world is a God. Everyone, and I mean god damn everyone has a weakness. Do you think Gold Roger became Pirate King without any Devil Fruit Powers off of pure luck? Hell no!" Bob pointed his finger at Naruto and spoke with a hard voice. "That man never gave up and always fought on. He knew better then anyone that there is always a way to win. One just needs to look for it." He pointed at his head. "I guarantee if you use your head to win a fight then there is no one in the world you can't beat," smirked Bob.
A fox-like grin appeared on Naruto's face. "I plan on being one of the strongest with or without a Devil Fruit. Though it would be cool to have some awesome power," grinned Naruto.
"Then you wouldn't be able to swim," smirked Bob.
"Oh well, I was never good at swimming. I feel like a hammer already in the water," the two burst out laughing.
Break
Doctor Higurashi sat in his chair with a sad look in his eyes. The marines had come to town today and they had took Bob, or should he say the infamous Pirate Cutthroat Bobby, whom had a 85,000,000 berri bounty on his head. He had known the man's identity all along but had kept it secret seeing how much Naruto loved to spend time with the former pirate who just wanted to live in peace for the remaining of his life. Naruto is out learning how to hunt from Kaiser so he wasn't here when they came. It seemed he would have to be the one to break the news to Naruto. "Doctor-san, I am home!" yelled Naruto running inside with a large smile.
"Look, I managed to kill two rabbits," grinned Naruto proudly.
"I am proud. Put those in the kitchen sink and come back out here. I have something to give to you," smiled Doctor Higurashi.
Naruto nodded as he did as he was told. The boy had become a son to him and he hated to have to tell him this news. Bob is someone that Naruto idolized and it was never easy to see one's idol disappear. The boy came running back and sat down on the couch next to him anxiously. "Ok, so what do you want to give to me?" smiled Naruto.
"I want you to read this. It is a letter from a friend of ours," said Doctor Higurashi. Naruto didn't like that tone or look. Something bad had happened. Did Alex's dad finally die from that illness? Or was it something else.
Dear Lad,
If you are reading this letter, then I guess the marines have come for me or I have been captured by a couple of Bounty Hunters. I could stay and fight them, but I am getting old and my fighting days are behind me. The truth is, I always knew this day would come and I swore when it did, I wouldn't start a fuss. I had a good and long journey. I have no regrets.
These last two years have been great. Being around you, has reminded me of the days when I used to sail the sea. When nothing in the world matter except drinking, partying, and drinking some more! Hahaha! The good times! Nothing lasts forever, and it is time for us to part ways. If you dare start crying like a baby or any of that other girly crap, I am going to pretend we never met when it comes to meet again in the afterlife. Think I am joking, just do it and my ghost will kick your ass. (Naruto smiled)
Now listen up lad. You got the spirit to become one of the best pirates. Not those rookies who talk big then run away at the slightest sign of danger. No, I see greatness in you lad! If you don't want to become a pirate at least don't become some pansy ass marine, or I'll kick your ass. Naw I am kidding, be whatever you want, just make sure you live life to the fullest.
Sail the Seas,
Cutthroat Bobby
Naruto put down the letter and smiled. "They took him while you were out. He didn't want to make a scene so went quietly," said Doctor Higurashi.
"Hehe, I'll have to kick his ass next time I see him for allowing a bunch of pansy ass marines to take him in so easily," grinned Naruto.
A light laugh escaped Doctor Higurashi. Naruto truly is something else. "Yeah, I guess you will, but first. This is now yours," said Higurashi standing up. He walked over to the fireplace and picked up a medium sized antique box with rubies all over it. A confused look appeared in Naruto's eyes as his adopted father placed it down in his laps. "That old pirate left it for you. Said it was the greatest treasure he found while sailing the Grand Line. All the remains of his great adventure. Wanted you to have it. Whatever it is, it is now yours. Do with it as you please." Doctor Higurashi ruffled Naruto's hair before leaving Naruto alone with the box.
Slowly, Naruto opened the box and his eyes widened. Their inside the box was an albino white pair with red stem and leaves. He immediately knew what the item is. A Devil Fruit. That old pirate bastard had left him a Devil Fruit. There was a note on top of it which he picked up. "Eat or don't eat. No one is invincible!" Naruto grinned. Everyone had a weakness. That is what Bob made sure to ingrain into his head. Picking up the fruit, Naruto wondered which one it was. If it was something stupid like turning into jello or if it was a cool one. "Hehe, only one way to find out!"
