[Adventure] Naruto FF - The Tale of Obito Uchiha | Chapter 4 - Despair .

Klad

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That day finally ended , the day that changed Obito's life . A new day was "born" . In the hideout in Hidden Grass Village/Kusagakure , the two shinobis were talking about somthing . It was a peaceful morning . " What did you want to talk about ? " Obito said . Kuromi says " I want to know what is your chakra nature , will you show it to me ? " Obito sighs , and forms a handseal , after a few seconds , Obito released a strongly pressured chakra . Kuromi protecting his face with his two hands " I – I see , no wonder they call you " The Monster Chakra " , your chakra is incredibile " . Obito stops releasing the charka and asks " So , what chakra do I have ? " Kuromi replies " I can see you becoming the best wind user " . Obito surprised " So , my element chakra is wind ? That's awesome ! " Kuromi smiles " With your incredibile amount of chakra and wind , you will probably surpass me . Not to mention that the Mangekyou Sharingan can be awakened not only by seeing your loved one dying , but also training hard " Obito confident " I will surpass you ! " . Kuromi smirks " Heh , don't me so sure yet . " Obito went outside , enjoying the nature view . Kuromi at his back " What do you plan to do now ? " Obito turns his head to Kuromi " I will train hard , of course . Though , I said to Minato sensei that I'm not your ally , you'd be wise to remember this " Kuromi smirks " You sure are a tough one . You have a high possibility of defeating Hiruzen even now , he is an old geezer … Hahahaha " Obito serious " I know that , I just want to show him how strong I've gotten ! "

Many days passed, Obito is training everyday to get stronger . " Today is the day that you will show me that jutsu you talked about , Obito ! " Kuromi said . " Yeah ! Just wait " Obito getting ready . They went to a grass field . The wind blowed fast . " I'm ready . " Kuromi serious . Obito forms 5 handseals Snake Rat Sheep Dog Rabbit . After a while , Obito's chakra slowly appeard from his body . Obito charging … Kuromi was amazed from his amount of chakra . " You ready ! " Obito gathering chakra . Kuromi amazed " Yes ! " . At those moments, Obito released an incredibily amound of chakra . His chakra was transforming in a green color and was covering his whole body . Kuromi amazed yet scared " What is this … ? " " There's still more ! " Obito yelled . The chakra that was covering his body , went up and was slowly expanding. Kuromi forming some handeals " This is … that thing is on the same size of my Susano'o ! " Obito formed the final handseal TIGER and then stopped doing handseals . " How's this ? ! " Obito panting . Kuromi was shocked " This is … " In front of Kuromi was standing a wind dragon . The dragon was covering the whole body of Obito . Kuromi thought that it would be a wind Susano'o , but it was not . It was just a product of the chakra of Obito . " I call this Wind Style : Holy Dragon of the Holy Land : Mitsukabia ! " . Kuromi was completely shocked at those moments . And then suddenly , the dragon disappeard . Obito fell down . Kuromi smiling " I see , it must have been tough for you . That jutsu probably surpassed my Susano'o " . Kuromi then picked Obito up and returned to their hideout .

Many hours passed , Obito slowly opened his eyes … " W-wha—t happen—ned … " Kuromi said " You just performed an incredibile jutsu , now just rest .. " Obito was powerless , and fell in sleep again . Kuromi then left the room Obito was in , and went outside thinking " How can this boy perform that jutsu… ? Even I cannot perform that , just how much did Obito improve since the last time I've met him before I fought with Tobirama… ? " It was night , the birds were returning to their nest . Every living things went to their home . Kuromi was standing in a small cliff , viewing the panorama of the forest of Kusagakure . Kuromi raised his head up and began to view the sky . " What am I doing… ? " he thought " shouldn't I be there in Konoha…? " He nods his head " No , until I find that scroll , there's no way I'll come back … But if I find it , will Konoha accept me …? No ! I will not return to Konoha… , but , I'm worried about my brother and mother… " . After a while , Kuromi lefts to the hideout . Obito was awake , and was training to improve his Taijutsu . Kuromi smiling " You're awake already ? Hahaha , you sure are a reckless one " . Obito punching the wall " I promised to myself that I would become stronger , I will kill Hiruzen ! " Kuromi thinking " Obito is still an immature shinobi , he thinks that revenge is everything . But , saying those words to him won't change anything . I think I will keep my mouth shut for a while …"

And so , many months passed . Obito finally became 14 years old . He was fully confident of his self , and he's ready for his battle and his goal , to kill Hiruzen . Kuromi smirking " The day finally came . Are you ready for killing the teacher who trained the teacher of Minato ? " . Obito putting his new sword at his back " I'm ready for everything , Kuromi . Thanks for training me . " Kuromi says " I will come with you to see the battle . Don't worry , I will hide somewhere . I don't want the villagers belive me to be alive , though Minato probably would have tell it to Tsunade , but I will not risk. " Obito serious " Where do you think to battle ? I think not in Konoha because destroying it is not my goal . " Kuromi guessing " How about The Valley of the end ? The battle has the potential to be the third legendary battle …."

With that being said , Obito and Kuromi start to jump through the trees to Konoha . Obito wondering " Something does not feel right… " Kuromi bothered " Yeah , it seems " .

After a while , they arrived to the forest of the Konoha . Obito and Kuromi were both viewing Konoha from the trees , hiding in them , but , they saw a unpleasant thing . Konoha was attending a funeral , and the one who was dead was : HIRUZEN SARUTOBI ! . Obito lost his mind and got depressed " How can this be … ? … ? Who killed him… ? " Kuromi looking Obito and thinks " It seems that he is consumed by the hatred … " . Kuromi asked him " What will you do … ? " Obito looking at Kuromi depressed " What will I do … ? It's obvious . I will go and ask who killed him ! " . Kuromi got scared " Hey , don't be reckless , Obito ! " But Obito already went where the funeral was . Obito stands in the back of Minato and with a low voice " Long time no see , sensei " . Minato gets astonished and tries to attack him , but Obito dodges and gives him a kick . Everyone is astonished . Kakashi and Rin " Obito ? ! " . At those moments Kuromi arrives " Yo , Minato , this brings memories back huh ? The nostalgia when we were in the team of Jiraiya-sensei . Too bad that Miwako is dead , she was killed by a Kiri Ninja " Minato angry " Kuromi Uchiha ! " Everyone gathers and tries to attack Kuromi , but he easily dodges their attacks . Kakashi shocked " Obito ! You… " Rin continued " came … ? " . Obito serious " Of course , Kakashi , Rin . It's been a long time . You will tell me who killed Hiruzen . " Kakashi replied " Don't get too cocky you idiot ! " Obito says " What did you say you brat ? " Rin thinking " It seems that they don't hate each other at all " . Tsunade arrives " Obito ! " Obito looks at her and says " Granny Tsunade , you haven't change one bit . " Tsunade rushes at him . Obito draws out his sword and rushes at Tsunade too . They both clash with each other , and Obito was the winner . Tsunade falls down " To be defeated by Obito … " . Obito with an evil smile " This is not the Obito you knew ! " Minato refreshes the situation " Hiruzen was not killed by anyone , he was already too old and died naturally . " . Obito confident " How do I belive you ? Proof ? " . Minato serious " Ask whichever you want ! " . Obito looking at Kuromi " Guess there's no choice … I will join Kuromi's side . " Minato is shocked " Will you turn your back to your friends again… ? " Obito confident " There's no such thing as friend . Friend… what is that word …? " Minato feels helpless " I-I see , whatever , Obito Uchiha , but remember one thing . " Obito decides to hear it . Minato continues " You're my enemy now ! " . Obito didn't get shocked by his words " Whatever , I knew you'd say this . Let's go , Kuromi … "

Kuromi and Obito left . Everyone in Konoha were speechless . Rin sad " He left again… "

At those moments , Kuromi says to Obito " I think you made the right decision , Obito " . Obito jumping " Hmph…"

What will happen to Obito now ?
 
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0jordinio0

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Okay. No offense, but you need alot of work. First of all, do not ever have more than 1 character speaking per paragraph, otherwise it become harder to discern who is talking.

You need more description aswell. Don't just write this - Obito confident - No, instead describe it more like this - Obito was resolute and confident though as he opened his mouth to reply - See? Makes a much better read.

And finally, don't write in present-tense unless your writing it from a first-person POV. Write in past-tense. Instead of 'Obito is looking at..' go with 'Obito was looking at..' See? Very simple and will make your overall fanfiction much better.

Ofcourse, you also need to think up an actual plot because there wasn't anything really worth getting into in this fanfiction.
 

Klad

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Okay. No offense, but you need alot of work. First of all, do not ever have more than 1 character speaking per paragraph, otherwise it become harder to discern who is talking.

You need more description aswell. Don't just write this - Obito confident - No, instead describe it more like this - Obito was resolute and confident though as he opened his mouth to reply - See? Makes a much better read.

And finally, don't write in present-tense unless your writing it from a first-person POV. Write in past-tense. Instead of 'Obito is looking at..' go with 'Obito was looking at..' See? Very simple and will make your overall fanfiction much better.

Ofcourse, you also need to think up an actual plot because there wasn't anything really worth getting into in this fanfiction.
I'm not good in grammar , + this is my first fanfiction . Sorry if it is bad , but I hope you will like it in upcoming chapters. Plus , how is this not a plot ? I've planned it , so don't worry for the plot . I don't write randomly . And by the way these are tales , on other words , adventures of Obito .
 
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