Sageflash
Anbu Operative 🎭
- Joined
- Mar 10, 2014
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Here's parts 1 and 2 for those joining this soap opera in progress or need a refresher.
Here's the story on what has transpired between me and her since Part 2 of the thread.
And here we are. The crossroads of this 3 year roller coaster... and I feel differently. I've basically torn the heart out of my chest and handed it to her after swallowing my pride and admitting my faults as a boyfriend and a man, which wasn't easy. I don't know when I'll hear from her, and to be frank, I'm not worried about it. I've grown immensely over the course of these months of hell with my (ex? paused? Not sure what to call her at the moment) girlfriend and the trials we've been through.
And if that's not good enough for her... then I simply don't care anymore. I know why jackass men are the way they are with ladies. Because, at one point, I bet 95% of those guys were like me. Madly in love with a girl and offered her the world, only for her to decide it's not good enough and she doesn't know if you're up to par. I don't like to play the blame game, but these problems aren't exactly my fault. She doesn't trust me, never has, for no reason and we fight CONSTANTLY because she comes at me like the Spanish Inquisition about it. Or, god forbid, I EVER try to initiate some intimacy, I get screamed at and I'm just with her for some tits and ass. Don't even get me started on her stupid ****ing friends and the lies they fill her head with about me. I'm not perfect and I don't claim to be; I have a tendency to ignore her when she needs me and pester her when she doesn't, I'm slightly overprotective and it makes her feel babied (I won't apologize for that. You know the percentage chance for the typical college girl to get raped? It's scary high and she thinks she's it's perfectly safe for her to walk across town at 2 a.m. drunk as **** after a party all the way to her dorm, either alone or with another shitfaced skank she calls "friend"), and she feels pressured by me, though I don't know how but I'll take the blame for it just because I'm sick of hearing about it.
Point is... despite the bad things I own up too, I've got a lot of good in me. And I've made more sacrifices for this relationship than she has fingers and toes. If that's not good enough for her, if she thinks she'll find better, which she's sorely mistaken if so, then I've lost capacity to care. Not just about women, but at life. What's the point of it all when it just gets thrown in your face? Why should I pay my bills and taxes on time when the noisy dickhead next door doesn't, yet lives like a king? He's on welfare with 5 kids, but he's already got an iPhone 6. How? Don't ****ing ask me.
TL;DR - Gave my all and reached my breaking point. I understand why ******* guys are *******s, because we've had our hearts torn out mercilessly and stepped on. Decided if this shit arises again or she's decides I'm not good enough to be with, it's all about me smashing every decently attractive girl I lay my eyes on, taken or not, ESPECIALLY her friends. If I don't get an appropriate answer, I'm going from Sageflash to Eminemflash. This is a crossroads not only as far as women and relationships, but for my life from now on.
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,
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.Here's the story on what has transpired between me and her since Part 2 of the thread.
I'll pick up where I left off. I went to her sister's party that Friday and it was actually amazing. Awkward as all hell at first, but we got past that and had a lot of fun together. At the end of the party, I asked her to go for a walk and we did. We talked out our problems and I thought we'd FINALLY laid this bullshit to rest once and for all. She came back to my place and we watched some shitty romantic comedy with her falling asleep in my arms. And I won't lie, even though it sounds soft as all hell... I was in heaven with her beside me again.
Next day, shit hit the fan again. Old problems resurfaced, we had the same argument we've had from the inception of our relationship, she turned tail and ran when the going got tough. But we stuck through it for a couple weeks, fighting and making up. Until I couldn't take it anymore and I was the one who asked for a break this time. I asked for a week to clear my head and for her to do the same. We exchanged exactly 6 texts over the course of 9 days, and it was quite an experience.
Today, I decided to call her. Over the break I thought about us and our problems and I decided to be man enough to take the blame and accept that I, as a boyfriend, hadn't been up to snuff just as she, as a girlfriend, hadn't been up to snuff. I laid ALL my cards on my table and I poured my heart out for her, to which made her bawl like a baby and profess her love for me. I asked how she felt and she said she'd tell me later that night, that she needed to take care of some stuff with her sister and take a minute to think clearly.
Next day, shit hit the fan again. Old problems resurfaced, we had the same argument we've had from the inception of our relationship, she turned tail and ran when the going got tough. But we stuck through it for a couple weeks, fighting and making up. Until I couldn't take it anymore and I was the one who asked for a break this time. I asked for a week to clear my head and for her to do the same. We exchanged exactly 6 texts over the course of 9 days, and it was quite an experience.
Today, I decided to call her. Over the break I thought about us and our problems and I decided to be man enough to take the blame and accept that I, as a boyfriend, hadn't been up to snuff just as she, as a girlfriend, hadn't been up to snuff. I laid ALL my cards on my table and I poured my heart out for her, to which made her bawl like a baby and profess her love for me. I asked how she felt and she said she'd tell me later that night, that she needed to take care of some stuff with her sister and take a minute to think clearly.
And here we are. The crossroads of this 3 year roller coaster... and I feel differently. I've basically torn the heart out of my chest and handed it to her after swallowing my pride and admitting my faults as a boyfriend and a man, which wasn't easy. I don't know when I'll hear from her, and to be frank, I'm not worried about it. I've grown immensely over the course of these months of hell with my (ex? paused? Not sure what to call her at the moment) girlfriend and the trials we've been through.
And if that's not good enough for her... then I simply don't care anymore. I know why jackass men are the way they are with ladies. Because, at one point, I bet 95% of those guys were like me. Madly in love with a girl and offered her the world, only for her to decide it's not good enough and she doesn't know if you're up to par. I don't like to play the blame game, but these problems aren't exactly my fault. She doesn't trust me, never has, for no reason and we fight CONSTANTLY because she comes at me like the Spanish Inquisition about it. Or, god forbid, I EVER try to initiate some intimacy, I get screamed at and I'm just with her for some tits and ass. Don't even get me started on her stupid ****ing friends and the lies they fill her head with about me. I'm not perfect and I don't claim to be; I have a tendency to ignore her when she needs me and pester her when she doesn't, I'm slightly overprotective and it makes her feel babied (I won't apologize for that. You know the percentage chance for the typical college girl to get raped? It's scary high and she thinks she's it's perfectly safe for her to walk across town at 2 a.m. drunk as **** after a party all the way to her dorm, either alone or with another shitfaced skank she calls "friend"), and she feels pressured by me, though I don't know how but I'll take the blame for it just because I'm sick of hearing about it.
Point is... despite the bad things I own up too, I've got a lot of good in me. And I've made more sacrifices for this relationship than she has fingers and toes. If that's not good enough for her, if she thinks she'll find better, which she's sorely mistaken if so, then I've lost capacity to care. Not just about women, but at life. What's the point of it all when it just gets thrown in your face? Why should I pay my bills and taxes on time when the noisy dickhead next door doesn't, yet lives like a king? He's on welfare with 5 kids, but he's already got an iPhone 6. How? Don't ****ing ask me.
TL;DR - Gave my all and reached my breaking point. I understand why ******* guys are *******s, because we've had our hearts torn out mercilessly and stepped on. Decided if this shit arises again or she's decides I'm not good enough to be with, it's all about me smashing every decently attractive girl I lay my eyes on, taken or not, ESPECIALLY her friends. If I don't get an appropriate answer, I'm going from Sageflash to Eminemflash. This is a crossroads not only as far as women and relationships, but for my life from now on.
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