my 1st ever poem

[Sasunoo the warrior god]

love forbidden

forever i walk alone
to where the sound is in distone
my soul forever shall be known
by the hell fire that glows black
on the darkest of nights
why did you not see my hurting sight
for you i gave my word and forsworn
to die by the sword on your word
yet you fell for someone else
now forever i live in sorrow
because you can no longer bear
the hollow void that is my soul

 

[darth mik3]

its great

 

[Sasunoo the warrior god]

thanks

 

[Ldude]

It was too melodramatic, and it overused many words like "forever" and "soul" for such a short poem. If you were going for a tragic/hurt poem, the best pieces are the ones that can let the reader create their own emotions.

 

[AnimeIsPerfection]

beautifully well done.

 

[NOemotions]

it's sasunoo, the new dude already posting poems, pretty good actually lol xd !

 

[MasterOftheUchiha]

DAT WUZ DEEP I COULD FEEL IT IN MY SpRiTuAlS lol