Chakra Wizard
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Sorry this took forever (college has been a pain in the ass lately). This chapter’s pretty long, but I just had to get every bit of this info in here. It’ll keep my pace more intact that way*_* lol I’m a little worried about the big pieces of dialogue near the middle (I probably could’ve worded those better), so let me know if I did alright there. Anyways, enjoy
Previous Chapter:
I stayed up for another two hours after talking to Seishin for about twenty minutes. By the time I went to bed, it was already ten o’clock – suppose those cops had something to do with that. I can’t remember what I dreamt about as I slept, though it was probably a nightmare, because I woke up just past one and couldn’t go back to sleep for the rest of the night. I ended up just saying “to hell with it” and slipping something on before going outside – maybe the fresh air would help, I thought. Even in the midst of winter, Hawaiian nights weren’t the coldest in the world, but I still threw on a red pullover hoodie to help block out the chills – I would’ve worn one no matter what temperature it was, but what the hell? I spent about ten minutes smoking on the front porch as I looked out past the gates at Hanauma Bay. The ocean was relatively calm that night, with the shores of the bay completely void of the small number of beachgoers it attracted this time of year. …Now there’s an idea, I thought.
Two or three guards usually stood by the main gate at night, but I went ahead and climbed over the side instead, making sure not to impale myself on the pointed tips as I went over the top. I tried avoiding interaction with the lowlifes around the estate whenever I could, and besides, the guy watching the cameras knows what I look like, anyways. From there, it was just a short stroll down the hillside to the beach. I made sure to walk towards the water as softly as possible – I didn’t want to get any sand on my pants or in my shoes. The temperature gradually dropped as I moved closer to the water, stopping just short of where I last saw the waves touch. The tide’s never the same, though, and I remember having to step back two or three times as I stood there, puffing on my cigarette as I gazed out at the open ocean. It was quite the peaceful night, I had to admit, and it almost made me glad that I wasn’t able to sleep through it. …Almost.
“Been a long time since you came down here, Brother.”
Much to my surprise when I turned my head, I found Mao standing beside me. It seemed that he’d been walking along the shoreline long before I arrived.
“Why aren’t you in bed, Mao?” I asked him once he came close enough. Strange time to start talking like an older brother, I thought. …I’d never done it before.
“I always come down here at night.” he answered, looking out past the horizon as he spoke. I looked down at him for a moment, eventually turning my gaze towards the target of his own.
“…I see.” I said softly. We must’ve stood there for another thirty seconds before he spoke up again.
“If you had paid any more attention to me than Father did, you’d already know that.”
I stared at him briefly after he said this – it seemed the two of us had been thinking the exact same thing. For a moment, I thought back to the night when I killed Yatsumi, what Mao said to me just before I walked off to do it.
“…At least he paid an ounce of attention to you.”
At the time, I thought it was just bullshit, something he conjured up to hide his real intentions. And true, he did fail to tell me that he planned on taking over the yakuza after Yatsumi was dead, but I never once stopped and thought that maybe there was some merit in his words. I just stood there thinking about this – and all our encounters since then – wondering if I had been prejudging him all this time. The thought was pretty sickening, to be honest, and a bit heartbreaking. …He was my little brother, after all.
“How long’s it been since Mom died?” I asked him. I’m sure he looked up at me when I said this, but I was too busy looking out at the ocean to actually determine this.
“Almost two-and-a-half years. …She used to walk down here once or twice a week, with all three of us.”
It seemed he caught on to where I was going with that question. I remembered those walks pretty well, how she and Mao would walk side-by-side as they held hands – he was so pure back then, I thought. Seishin would run on ahead like the big oaf that he was, meanwhile I would walk just behind them with my hands in my pockets, glad to be out of the house but not enough to actually converse with them – unless Mom invited me to, of course. Even she was hard to have a one-on-one talk with most of the time, mainly because no matter what subject we started on, it always trailed back to that fat bastard whom we had no choice but to live with. …I thought back to the day the bodies of her and her lover were found. I was there on the beach after they brought her in, just standing there staring into her cold and lifeless eyes, wondering how much torture that piece of shit put her through before he finally put that hole in her forehead. …My eyes were watering up just thinking about it.
“…I’m sorry, Mao.”
This time, I actually looked at him to see his reaction. He had the face of a small child anxiously awaiting the answer to a question he had just asked – without the huge grin, of course. That was probably the first time I really saw him as a young boy.
“We both know Seishin’s not cut out to be the big brother between the three of us. …It should’ve been me looking out for both of you after she died.” I admitted, rubbing my eyes with my fingers as I spoke.
“And you have been, Bro-”
“Don’t try to defend me, Mao.” I interrupted, a bit of involuntary aggression in my voice. Upon noticing this, I quickly returned my hand to my pocket and looked back out at the water.
“I’ve spent the last two years looking out for myself and no one else. My reasoning doesn’t come close to justifying my actions. …I only ever helped Seishin because he came and asked me for it. If he never voiced his problems, I never would’ve even tried to help him solve them, …just like I didn’t with you.”
I looked at him again, earning the same reaction. Apparently, he wasn’t used to seeing such sincerity from me – that’s understandable, though – and started questioning it.
“Brother, if you’re trying to find an explanation for why I wanted to-”
He stopped once he saw the look in my eyes. They were filled with sadness and insistence, I’m sure, like a plea for him to stop questioning my intentions, cause truthfully, I had none at that moment.
“I know why you wanted his position, Mao. It was never really a secret to me. …Power’s an addicting thing to have, …especially when it comes with control over someone else’s life.”
He looked at me as though I had a misunderstanding – that same look he had given me almost every time we talked since he took control of the yakuza – and I gave him the same look of certainty I had given him many times before.
“Brother, I told you already. I don’t plan on keeping the yakuza running forever.” he assured me.
“And all the better if that’s the case.” I assured him in return.
“Whether you run it into the ground or not, though, …just know that I intend to be there for you, helping out along the way.”
Before that point, I had always assumed that being offered help by your older brother was a very joyous experience, especially for kids his age. Apparently, I was wrong, though, cause he just looked at me as though I had no idea what I was talking about.
“Doing what, might I ask? Selling drugs? Selling guns? Women? …Killing people?” he asked me, obviously trying to test just how far I was willing to go to help him. Honestly, I was a bit peeved that he thought this is what I was referring to.
“I was actually thinking something more along the lines of an advisor. There’s only one person I ever wanted dead, Mao. …I guess you can say I’m satisfied in that regard.”
I smiled at him as I said this, but that was only to hide those feelings of displeasure I just mentioned. It seemed no matter how lighthearted our conversations started, in the end, the two of us just weren’t able to suppress our natural distrust for one another, no matter how we tried – or I tried, at least.
“That’s a very nice thought, Brother. But, I have Hei to guide my decisions. There’s really no need for-”
“And maybe there’s not. That doesn’t change the fact that I plan to help in any way that’ll still allow me to sleep at night.” I insisted. He looked like he was starting to get the idea, but at the same time, I could tell he really didn’t want me to have that much involvement in the yakuza’s affairs…and that’s why I continued to push the issue.
“If it’s cause I’m not as cut out for it as Kaozu is, then I can just observe him for now. Take pointers, things like that. …You probably already know this, but I can tolerate Kaozu a lot more than I can Denashi, and the flipside’s probably the same way.”
He let out a lighthearted chuckle at this, but the look on his face told me that it was meant to be a sigh of reluctance. He really was trying his best to appear pleased with the idea of working with his older brother – could’ve done a better job matching it with his tone of voice, though.
“It’s definitely a nice offer. …We’ll see how things play out.” he finally answered, with a smile that was obviously fake, which I responded to in kind. After that, he started heading back towards the manor. It must’ve two in the morning by that point, so he was probably tired – unfortunately, I would have to postpone his slumber just a moment longer.
“Oh, and for the record, …” I called out to him, causing him to stop and turn around. I locked eyes with him for a moment before smiling and finishing my sentence.
“…I still can’t believe I just had that conversation with a twelve year-old.”
He returned the gesture before moving along – I assumed that his amusement was genuine this time around. I didn’t stay out on the shoreline much longer after that, going through one or two cigarettes before heading back inside myself.
The time I spent outside finally allowed me to return to sleep, but by that time, it was already past three o’clock – and I had intentions of getting up at ten the next morning and heading over to the Saimin Shop to retrieve my gun. I managed to meet my quota, albeit with much resistance from my eyelids, and slipped on my usual outfit before heading downstairs. I was about to open the door and head out when I heard a few voices protruding from the nearby sitting room, one of which I hadn’t heard in almost four days – I was honestly hoping it’d be much longer until I did again.
“This ain’t good. …This ain’t good at all.”
“Damn right it isn’t.”
“Who the **** IS this prick!?”
I knew that douchebag’s voice from a mile away – like nails on a chalkboard, if you ask me. I wanted nothing more than to just say “**** it” and keep going, but that last piece of dialogue had already piqued my curiosity, so I walked in and rested my hands on the back of the large sofa – on the side opposite Roku, of course.
“What the hell’s goin’ on?” I asked, causing all three of them to look up. To my surprise, Roku was the only one who bothered to respond, tilting his head to bring me into his field of vision.
“Huh? …Oh, it’s you. Well, just look at the screen here. Get a load of this ****in’ guy.”
He held his arm out in front of him, as though he were offering the television to me, and I proceeded to look up at it. On the screen was a man standing behind a podium, obviously a politician – though much younger looking than you’d probably expect from your average government lapdog. His curly, brown hair was just a few shades darker than his Hawaiian skin, and he was wearing a tan suit and red tie. From the look of things, whatever he was saying was getting the approval of the crowd – and the exact opposite from the people that were in the room with me.
“So, what about him? Who is he, anyways?” I asked Roku.
“Koa Iona, some spirited, young douchebag workin’ for the State Congress. ****er just came outta nowhere and said he’s running for Governor.” he answered harshly, though it was easy to tell that his aggression was stemming from a source other than me for once, which led me to wonder just what this man was endorsing before I arrived.
“It seems he heard about Yatsumi’s death and believes that now would be a good time to begin attacking the syndicate. One of his first intentions is to pass a bill that gives law enforcement more flexibility when dealing with us.”
A bit startled by this sudden intrusion, I looked beside me to find Hei standing there, twirling the lollipop in his mouth while he looked at the television. When the hell did he get there, I thought.
“Yeah, and it never would’ve happened if you didn’t send out that ****in’ report, Kaozu!” Roku barked at him, though I couldn’t tell if he was pissed because everyone now knew that Yatsumi was dead or because he might be forced to go out of his way to do something about this new threat – probably the former, knowing how much he enjoys his line of work.
“Don’t attempt to criticize me, Denashi. You want to know who killed Yatsumi just as much as the rest of us. …And besides, his isn’t a body that can be so easily disposed of, is it now?”
Hei looked at me when he said this – he obviously knew that I was going to follow it up with some smartass comment. …Well, he wasn’t wrong.
“Bet your ****in’ ass it isn’t. …A six-foot hole wouldn’t be nearly enough to cover up his fat ass, let alone bury it.” I remarked, saying it loud enough to ensure everyone in the room heard me. As I expected, all their heads quickly spun to face me, but to my surprise, the only one that didn’t look too pissed off was Roku – he’d probably come to expect this from me by now.
“He’s not here, is he?” I said to the rest of them, and they eventually turned back to the television. I stood there for another minute amongst the silent crowd before remembering what I had originally planned on doing.
“Ah, shit.”
“Hm?” Hei questioned my sudden exclamation as I headed towards the front door.
“If Mao asks, I had to run into town for a couple hours. I’ll be back.” I replied as I closed the door behind me. …I’m still not sure what the hell I was thinking when I said that.
The walk lasted the usual thirty to forty minutes, but my active mind made it seem like maybe fifteen at the most. I wasn’t really pondering anything in particular, though the previous night’s conversation with Mao was one subject that kept resurfacing. Looking back on it, it seemed as though we actually started out with a heartfelt discussion for once, but by the time he started walking back, our distrust for each other was back up in the air. It truly did pain me that we couldn’t let our guards down around each other, but at the same time, Mao was just too suspicious a character for me to ever feel comfortable with him nearby, even if he was my little brother. That thought pattern kept circling around in my head for most of the walk to the restaurant, and by the time I had walked through the door, it was gone completely, …mainly because my mind was now focused on the young woman sitting over at the counter.
“What’ll you be havin’ today, Aito?” Susume asked as I walked up to him, trying to act like he didn’t have a clue what was going through my head, even though my face made it pretty damn clear. Mahina was probably staring up at me, too, but there was no way in Hell I was gonna return her gaze.
“Sore wa ore ga, Susume o kakaete imasu monode wa arimasen. Sore wa ore ga modotte totte imasu monodesu.” (“It’s not what I’m having, Susume. It’s what I’m taking back.”)
He didn’t say anything to me, nor did I to him. Just kept standing there behind the counter, wiping his hands on a rag like a ****in’ bartender straight out of a film noir. …Needless to say, he was pretty pissed off.
“Senaka ni sono doa e mukau. Watashi wa anata ni sore o watashimasu.” (“Head over to that door in the back. I’ll hand it to you there.”)
I quickly took the hint and headed over to the small hallway in the back where the restrooms, storage room, and kitchen entrance were, purposefully glancing up at the ceiling as my eyes passed over Mahina. Apparently, he saw this, as well, as evidenced by his next question.
“Anata ga panku, Aito no koreijō nodarou ka?” (“Could you be any more of a punk, Aito?”)
I knew it was coming the moment I saw Mahina sitting at the counter, but by that point, I was too irritated to care what the old man thought of my behavior. …He didn’t have any room to talk, anyways.
“Chōdo watashi ni ore no kuso jū, rōjin o ataeru.” (“Just give me my ****ing gun, old man.”)
“Aito, watashi wa sono tōn o anata ni koitsu o ataete inai yo, soreha jigoku no yō ni kakuninshitekudasai tsumori wa jūde wanaidesu.” (“Aito, I’m not giving you a damn thing with that tone, and it sure as hell isn’t gonna be a gun.”)
As I said, I was already pissed off as it was, but even then, my next statement probably could’ve been planned out a little better.
“…Ore wa ore ni ore no yakkaina jū o ataeru to nobeta.” (“…I said give me my mother****ing gun.”)
I said that, but there were two completely different words dancing in my mind as I said them. …Bad move.
“Koko kara deru.” (“Get out of here.”)
“Nani o iu?” (“Say what?”)
“Aito, watashi no resutoran no soto ni seikō o nyūshu!” (“Aito, get the **** out of my restaurant!”)
“Jigoku! Ore wa shutoku shinai made ore j-” (“Hell no! Not until I get my gu-!”)
“Kore de, koko kara de ka, watashi wa modotte daun shite eki ni anata no tainō no o shiri o sōshin!” (“You either get out of here now, or I send your delinquent ass back down to the station!”)
By that point, I just didn’t give a shit anymore, and I completely snapped. …Wouldn’t take long before I regretted it.
“Rōjin wa, anata wa ha a tsu, ore kara nan seikō o shitaidesu ka? Ore wa tsumori kanojo ni ayamaru yo dōomoimasuka? Sono fakku! Kanojo wa ore ni deteitta! Ore wa tawagoto no tame ni shazai shite inai!” (“Old man, what the **** do you want from me, huh!? What, do you think I’m gonna apologize to her!? **** that! She walked out on me! I ain’t apologizing for shit!”)
It wasn’t until that point that I finally remembered two very important – and slightly embarrassing – details. The first was the fact that I was raising my voice in the middle of a family restaurant, not to mention that it was right smack in the middle of the city with the highest percentage of Japanese and Japanese-speaking people in the country. …The second was the fact that Mahina belonged to the latter group. I don’t know why I suddenly began to care about her feelings after realizing that, but getting back my gun was the last thing on my mind as I stormed out the front door – I would’ve cursed out loud and kicked a trash can had it not been for the glass windows. There were several stone pillars holding up the canopy, so I stepped behind the one closest to me so I could wipe my eyes in peace – I couldn’t believe I was watering up over this after basically telling Mahina that she could **** off. I was just about to start walking away when the Devil walked up behind me, hoisted me up by the neck, and dragged me headlong into Hell. …That’s what it felt like at the time, at least.
“Aito, wait!”
Damn it, I thought. There wasn’t any point trying to run away – I’d just look like an ass**** if I did – so I spun around to face her. That combination of extreme guilt and sweet innocence on her face made me wish I hadn’t, though.
“Aito, I…I, uh-”
She couldn’t even look up at me as she tried to sound it out – I assumed that “it” was an apology, but it was anybody’s guess, I suppose. For some reason, though, all these elements combined into one just served to piss me off, and I held up my hand to let her know this.
“Please don’t. …I’m really not in the mood to hear it.” I told her before I started walking away. Apparently, she wouldn’t have any of it, though, and while that no doubt surprised me, it didn’t really help my frustration, either.
“Well, I’m not really in the mood to hear that! …Look, contrary to what you might think I came here to say, I-”
“I know EXACTLY what you came here to say! Hey, Aito, I really hope you didn’t think I was walking out on you just to be a *****! It’s just that my parents don’t want me hangin’ around a guy whose FATHER…is the ****in’ devil!!”
I had to turn around and prop myself down on the pavement in order to control myself – I was already on the verge of tears. I sat there for about three minutes, trying to contort my face back into that of someone who wasn’t about to cry, before I turned back around.
“That about sum it up?” I asked her, in as smug a manner as I could manage without watering up again. …I didn’t even take a moment to realize that she already was herself.
“They’re my foster parents…and no.”
Either she’d been trying to hold it in for the past few minutes and failed or she simply wasn’t trying at all, but either way, she was already on the brink of being forced to lower her head. It was a pitiful sight, but honestly, it was more strange to me than anything. …It had been over two years since I last saw someone other than myself cry.
“The day we were supposed to go out, I came here to see if you were really Yatsumi Ryokudan’s son. …Susume told me it would break you, if I didn’t show up to meet you. He even tried calling you, just to make sure that you knew I wasn’t gonna be there, thinking it might help relieve some of your pain. …And you know what? I went to the convenience store that night and waited inside, just to see if everything he said about you was true.”
I still can’t pinpoint exactly where my thoughts were when she said that. Part of me was angry, I’m sure – she did just stand there and watch me bawl my eyes out – but another part felt almost…touched.
“I stood in there, watching you wait for me for almost an hour. I saw you take out your phone and ignore Susume’s missed calls just to keep waiting, even though I was already late. I saw you fall to your knees and start laughing hysterically, screaming out about God-knows-what. …I stood there and watched you cry for nearly ten minutes on end, praying that you would just get up and leave, but you never did. …So, when I got home that night, I looked right at Koi and Umayma and…and I lied to them about who you really were.”
I could feel my eyes widening –and watering – as she said told me this. My knees eventually gave way as I stood there and I was forced to slowly set myself down along the edge of the sidewalk before gravity did it for me. I felt so damn weak and pathetic as I sat there, head buried in my arms, listening to her carry on as I silently cursed myself.
“That was the only lie I’d ever told them, in the two whole years that I’d been their daughter, …and I told it because I honestly believed that your feelings were more important. Talk about guns and the yakuza or whatever all you want. …I still really wanna believe that I wasn’t wrong in doing that.”
She could barely even finish speaking, she was crying so much, and I couldn’t help but join in her tears. I’d honestly never felt more like a piece of shit in my entire life – and that included the overdose I suffered two years prior…and the murder I committed eight days ago.
“I’m so pathetic…so ****in’ pathetic.” I said softly to myself – if I had to guess, the subtle comment had probably caught her attention and forced her to look up, as well. I confirmed this after standing up and wiping my eyes, though the sight of her tear-covered face as I turned around made the latter act seem almost meaningless.
“I’m sorry, Mahina. …My mother’s been dead for over two years now and I…I’ve never met anyone as decent or trustworthy as she was. …You can imagine my trust in people is easily shaken by this point.”
She wiped her own eyes before nodding in understanding – it almost seemed like she was trying to squeeze out a smile for a second. The tears I was planning to shed stopped shortly after that. For some ungodly reason, I suddenly felt…relieved. I still couldn’t say why – she didn’t say our chances of being an item were still up in the air or anything – but…I was at least glad to know she bore no ill will towards me, and that meant more to me than anything.
“But still, please don’t get the wrong idea about me. I might not consider Yatsumi my father, but I’m not a saint in any way. There are things I’ve done that I…that God isn’t very proud of. Things I spend every waking moment wishing had never happened. …It means a lot to hear you have faith in my humanity, Mahina, and I mean that, but there’s no possible way that I’m worthy of your friendship or…anything beyond that.”
I almost choked on those last three words as they left my lips – and I’m sure I was red as a beet as I said them, too. It was bad enough I’d just gotten done making her cry, but God forbid I be a pansy who had trouble being intimate as it was. Thankfully, she was the angel I had originally made her out to be, and she giggled softly at both of these signs of unease.
“Maybe not, but I’m willing to see how things work out. …I think I owe you that much at least, for putting you through all that.” she managed with a smile. I would’ve kissed her right then and there if I had any less common sense than I already did, so instead, I just went with a semi-sarcastic remark. …Not the best choice in the world, either.
“I’d prefer we start off on equal terms, actually, if that’s alright with you. …I did make you cry, after all.” I squeezed out there. Again, she responded with a smile – thank God.
“That sounds fine. …Tomorrow, same place as last time?” she asked, and all the color in my face immediately vanished – half-Japanese, so that’s a good thing in my case.
“Sounds perfect, …though I should probably get your phone number first this time.” I replied jokingly, doing my best as I said it not to sound like an ass**** or a fangirl. More giggles on her part as we took out our phones simultaneously.
“That’s probably a good idea.” she said. How ironic, I thought – I hadn’t even gotten her number yet, and we had already overcome the first hurdle in our future relationship. I might’ve laughed at the notion…if I wasn’t also worried about the others that would eventually follow.
The next day just might’ve been the best in my entire life – strange, considering all the shit that happened outside my date with Mahina. Some lowlife pricks kept those of us who actually wanted sleep awake throughout the night, I had another almost violent encounter with that douchebag hitman, Mao gave me more shit before I took my leave. Hell, even the actual date wasn’t that exciting. Aside from a bite to eat at a place other than the Saimin Shop, as per my request – given the trend I discovered two years ago, there was no way in hell I was chugging down another octopus-flavored Ramune – we basically did nothing but walk around Honolulu, talking about one another. Maybe that’s why I was so pleased with the overall outcome, though. This girl not only had an interesting life – excellent grades, plenty of sports activities, even some nice vacation stories she picked up over the years that I didn’t mind listening to – but she also had personal struggles, and ones similar to mine, no less. There was just nothing about her that I could look back on and say I disliked, except maybe the fact that I didn’t reach out and kiss her as she headed home. I didn’t really mind that, though, to be honest – just the fact that we held hands during that last stretch down the sidewalk towards her neighborhood was good enough for me. In truth, that might’ve been the first time in my life that I ever went to bed with a smile on my face, …but the conversation I picked up on as I headed downstairs the next morning would eventually make me forget all that.
“Get the **** outta here!”
“I’m dead serious! I heard about it just now!”
“HeHA!! Praise the lord, right!?”
“Damn right! I tell ya, it’s about time he did something useful around here!”
“Been leeching off the boss all these years, the dumb oaf should start earning his keep.”
“Thinks just cause he’s retarded, he don’t gotta work. **** that shit!”
The fourth remark hinted to me that Seishin was the topic of discussion, but the last two really drew the line for me. I would’ve pulled out my gun to intimidate them, but the context clues surrounding their insults were what really caught my attention as I raised my voice to speak.
“What the **** are you three talkin’ about?” I asked as I walked up to them. They all turned their heads after I spoke, their semi-pleased expressions coming as a bit of a shock to me – normally, that would’ve been the point where I earned a few looks of disgust and maybe a dismissing remark.
“What, you didn’t hear? Your big bro’s gonna get a chance to prove his worth to the family.” one of them replied. The sound of it alone made me sick to my stomach – still referring to the yakuza as “the family” and all – but I just had to hear all of this.
“That right? …By doing what?”
I would quickly end up regretting ever asking that question…and everything I had done that ultimately led up to that point.
“By assassinating that prick running for Governor.”
To Be Continued…
Previous Chapter:
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- Reconciliation -
I stayed up for another two hours after talking to Seishin for about twenty minutes. By the time I went to bed, it was already ten o’clock – suppose those cops had something to do with that. I can’t remember what I dreamt about as I slept, though it was probably a nightmare, because I woke up just past one and couldn’t go back to sleep for the rest of the night. I ended up just saying “to hell with it” and slipping something on before going outside – maybe the fresh air would help, I thought. Even in the midst of winter, Hawaiian nights weren’t the coldest in the world, but I still threw on a red pullover hoodie to help block out the chills – I would’ve worn one no matter what temperature it was, but what the hell? I spent about ten minutes smoking on the front porch as I looked out past the gates at Hanauma Bay. The ocean was relatively calm that night, with the shores of the bay completely void of the small number of beachgoers it attracted this time of year. …Now there’s an idea, I thought.
Two or three guards usually stood by the main gate at night, but I went ahead and climbed over the side instead, making sure not to impale myself on the pointed tips as I went over the top. I tried avoiding interaction with the lowlifes around the estate whenever I could, and besides, the guy watching the cameras knows what I look like, anyways. From there, it was just a short stroll down the hillside to the beach. I made sure to walk towards the water as softly as possible – I didn’t want to get any sand on my pants or in my shoes. The temperature gradually dropped as I moved closer to the water, stopping just short of where I last saw the waves touch. The tide’s never the same, though, and I remember having to step back two or three times as I stood there, puffing on my cigarette as I gazed out at the open ocean. It was quite the peaceful night, I had to admit, and it almost made me glad that I wasn’t able to sleep through it. …Almost.
“Been a long time since you came down here, Brother.”
Much to my surprise when I turned my head, I found Mao standing beside me. It seemed that he’d been walking along the shoreline long before I arrived.
“Why aren’t you in bed, Mao?” I asked him once he came close enough. Strange time to start talking like an older brother, I thought. …I’d never done it before.
“I always come down here at night.” he answered, looking out past the horizon as he spoke. I looked down at him for a moment, eventually turning my gaze towards the target of his own.
“…I see.” I said softly. We must’ve stood there for another thirty seconds before he spoke up again.
“If you had paid any more attention to me than Father did, you’d already know that.”
I stared at him briefly after he said this – it seemed the two of us had been thinking the exact same thing. For a moment, I thought back to the night when I killed Yatsumi, what Mao said to me just before I walked off to do it.
“…At least he paid an ounce of attention to you.”
At the time, I thought it was just bullshit, something he conjured up to hide his real intentions. And true, he did fail to tell me that he planned on taking over the yakuza after Yatsumi was dead, but I never once stopped and thought that maybe there was some merit in his words. I just stood there thinking about this – and all our encounters since then – wondering if I had been prejudging him all this time. The thought was pretty sickening, to be honest, and a bit heartbreaking. …He was my little brother, after all.
“How long’s it been since Mom died?” I asked him. I’m sure he looked up at me when I said this, but I was too busy looking out at the ocean to actually determine this.
“Almost two-and-a-half years. …She used to walk down here once or twice a week, with all three of us.”
It seemed he caught on to where I was going with that question. I remembered those walks pretty well, how she and Mao would walk side-by-side as they held hands – he was so pure back then, I thought. Seishin would run on ahead like the big oaf that he was, meanwhile I would walk just behind them with my hands in my pockets, glad to be out of the house but not enough to actually converse with them – unless Mom invited me to, of course. Even she was hard to have a one-on-one talk with most of the time, mainly because no matter what subject we started on, it always trailed back to that fat bastard whom we had no choice but to live with. …I thought back to the day the bodies of her and her lover were found. I was there on the beach after they brought her in, just standing there staring into her cold and lifeless eyes, wondering how much torture that piece of shit put her through before he finally put that hole in her forehead. …My eyes were watering up just thinking about it.
“…I’m sorry, Mao.”
This time, I actually looked at him to see his reaction. He had the face of a small child anxiously awaiting the answer to a question he had just asked – without the huge grin, of course. That was probably the first time I really saw him as a young boy.
“We both know Seishin’s not cut out to be the big brother between the three of us. …It should’ve been me looking out for both of you after she died.” I admitted, rubbing my eyes with my fingers as I spoke.
“And you have been, Bro-”
“Don’t try to defend me, Mao.” I interrupted, a bit of involuntary aggression in my voice. Upon noticing this, I quickly returned my hand to my pocket and looked back out at the water.
“I’ve spent the last two years looking out for myself and no one else. My reasoning doesn’t come close to justifying my actions. …I only ever helped Seishin because he came and asked me for it. If he never voiced his problems, I never would’ve even tried to help him solve them, …just like I didn’t with you.”
I looked at him again, earning the same reaction. Apparently, he wasn’t used to seeing such sincerity from me – that’s understandable, though – and started questioning it.
“Brother, if you’re trying to find an explanation for why I wanted to-”
He stopped once he saw the look in my eyes. They were filled with sadness and insistence, I’m sure, like a plea for him to stop questioning my intentions, cause truthfully, I had none at that moment.
“I know why you wanted his position, Mao. It was never really a secret to me. …Power’s an addicting thing to have, …especially when it comes with control over someone else’s life.”
He looked at me as though I had a misunderstanding – that same look he had given me almost every time we talked since he took control of the yakuza – and I gave him the same look of certainty I had given him many times before.
“Brother, I told you already. I don’t plan on keeping the yakuza running forever.” he assured me.
“And all the better if that’s the case.” I assured him in return.
“Whether you run it into the ground or not, though, …just know that I intend to be there for you, helping out along the way.”
Before that point, I had always assumed that being offered help by your older brother was a very joyous experience, especially for kids his age. Apparently, I was wrong, though, cause he just looked at me as though I had no idea what I was talking about.
“Doing what, might I ask? Selling drugs? Selling guns? Women? …Killing people?” he asked me, obviously trying to test just how far I was willing to go to help him. Honestly, I was a bit peeved that he thought this is what I was referring to.
“I was actually thinking something more along the lines of an advisor. There’s only one person I ever wanted dead, Mao. …I guess you can say I’m satisfied in that regard.”
I smiled at him as I said this, but that was only to hide those feelings of displeasure I just mentioned. It seemed no matter how lighthearted our conversations started, in the end, the two of us just weren’t able to suppress our natural distrust for one another, no matter how we tried – or I tried, at least.
“That’s a very nice thought, Brother. But, I have Hei to guide my decisions. There’s really no need for-”
“And maybe there’s not. That doesn’t change the fact that I plan to help in any way that’ll still allow me to sleep at night.” I insisted. He looked like he was starting to get the idea, but at the same time, I could tell he really didn’t want me to have that much involvement in the yakuza’s affairs…and that’s why I continued to push the issue.
“If it’s cause I’m not as cut out for it as Kaozu is, then I can just observe him for now. Take pointers, things like that. …You probably already know this, but I can tolerate Kaozu a lot more than I can Denashi, and the flipside’s probably the same way.”
He let out a lighthearted chuckle at this, but the look on his face told me that it was meant to be a sigh of reluctance. He really was trying his best to appear pleased with the idea of working with his older brother – could’ve done a better job matching it with his tone of voice, though.
“It’s definitely a nice offer. …We’ll see how things play out.” he finally answered, with a smile that was obviously fake, which I responded to in kind. After that, he started heading back towards the manor. It must’ve two in the morning by that point, so he was probably tired – unfortunately, I would have to postpone his slumber just a moment longer.
“Oh, and for the record, …” I called out to him, causing him to stop and turn around. I locked eyes with him for a moment before smiling and finishing my sentence.
“…I still can’t believe I just had that conversation with a twelve year-old.”
He returned the gesture before moving along – I assumed that his amusement was genuine this time around. I didn’t stay out on the shoreline much longer after that, going through one or two cigarettes before heading back inside myself.
The time I spent outside finally allowed me to return to sleep, but by that time, it was already past three o’clock – and I had intentions of getting up at ten the next morning and heading over to the Saimin Shop to retrieve my gun. I managed to meet my quota, albeit with much resistance from my eyelids, and slipped on my usual outfit before heading downstairs. I was about to open the door and head out when I heard a few voices protruding from the nearby sitting room, one of which I hadn’t heard in almost four days – I was honestly hoping it’d be much longer until I did again.
“This ain’t good. …This ain’t good at all.”
“Damn right it isn’t.”
“Who the **** IS this prick!?”
I knew that douchebag’s voice from a mile away – like nails on a chalkboard, if you ask me. I wanted nothing more than to just say “**** it” and keep going, but that last piece of dialogue had already piqued my curiosity, so I walked in and rested my hands on the back of the large sofa – on the side opposite Roku, of course.
“What the hell’s goin’ on?” I asked, causing all three of them to look up. To my surprise, Roku was the only one who bothered to respond, tilting his head to bring me into his field of vision.
“Huh? …Oh, it’s you. Well, just look at the screen here. Get a load of this ****in’ guy.”
He held his arm out in front of him, as though he were offering the television to me, and I proceeded to look up at it. On the screen was a man standing behind a podium, obviously a politician – though much younger looking than you’d probably expect from your average government lapdog. His curly, brown hair was just a few shades darker than his Hawaiian skin, and he was wearing a tan suit and red tie. From the look of things, whatever he was saying was getting the approval of the crowd – and the exact opposite from the people that were in the room with me.
“So, what about him? Who is he, anyways?” I asked Roku.
“Koa Iona, some spirited, young douchebag workin’ for the State Congress. ****er just came outta nowhere and said he’s running for Governor.” he answered harshly, though it was easy to tell that his aggression was stemming from a source other than me for once, which led me to wonder just what this man was endorsing before I arrived.
“It seems he heard about Yatsumi’s death and believes that now would be a good time to begin attacking the syndicate. One of his first intentions is to pass a bill that gives law enforcement more flexibility when dealing with us.”
A bit startled by this sudden intrusion, I looked beside me to find Hei standing there, twirling the lollipop in his mouth while he looked at the television. When the hell did he get there, I thought.
“Yeah, and it never would’ve happened if you didn’t send out that ****in’ report, Kaozu!” Roku barked at him, though I couldn’t tell if he was pissed because everyone now knew that Yatsumi was dead or because he might be forced to go out of his way to do something about this new threat – probably the former, knowing how much he enjoys his line of work.
“Don’t attempt to criticize me, Denashi. You want to know who killed Yatsumi just as much as the rest of us. …And besides, his isn’t a body that can be so easily disposed of, is it now?”
Hei looked at me when he said this – he obviously knew that I was going to follow it up with some smartass comment. …Well, he wasn’t wrong.
“Bet your ****in’ ass it isn’t. …A six-foot hole wouldn’t be nearly enough to cover up his fat ass, let alone bury it.” I remarked, saying it loud enough to ensure everyone in the room heard me. As I expected, all their heads quickly spun to face me, but to my surprise, the only one that didn’t look too pissed off was Roku – he’d probably come to expect this from me by now.
“He’s not here, is he?” I said to the rest of them, and they eventually turned back to the television. I stood there for another minute amongst the silent crowd before remembering what I had originally planned on doing.
“Ah, shit.”
“Hm?” Hei questioned my sudden exclamation as I headed towards the front door.
“If Mao asks, I had to run into town for a couple hours. I’ll be back.” I replied as I closed the door behind me. …I’m still not sure what the hell I was thinking when I said that.
The walk lasted the usual thirty to forty minutes, but my active mind made it seem like maybe fifteen at the most. I wasn’t really pondering anything in particular, though the previous night’s conversation with Mao was one subject that kept resurfacing. Looking back on it, it seemed as though we actually started out with a heartfelt discussion for once, but by the time he started walking back, our distrust for each other was back up in the air. It truly did pain me that we couldn’t let our guards down around each other, but at the same time, Mao was just too suspicious a character for me to ever feel comfortable with him nearby, even if he was my little brother. That thought pattern kept circling around in my head for most of the walk to the restaurant, and by the time I had walked through the door, it was gone completely, …mainly because my mind was now focused on the young woman sitting over at the counter.
“What’ll you be havin’ today, Aito?” Susume asked as I walked up to him, trying to act like he didn’t have a clue what was going through my head, even though my face made it pretty damn clear. Mahina was probably staring up at me, too, but there was no way in Hell I was gonna return her gaze.
“Sore wa ore ga, Susume o kakaete imasu monode wa arimasen. Sore wa ore ga modotte totte imasu monodesu.” (“It’s not what I’m having, Susume. It’s what I’m taking back.”)
He didn’t say anything to me, nor did I to him. Just kept standing there behind the counter, wiping his hands on a rag like a ****in’ bartender straight out of a film noir. …Needless to say, he was pretty pissed off.
“Senaka ni sono doa e mukau. Watashi wa anata ni sore o watashimasu.” (“Head over to that door in the back. I’ll hand it to you there.”)
I quickly took the hint and headed over to the small hallway in the back where the restrooms, storage room, and kitchen entrance were, purposefully glancing up at the ceiling as my eyes passed over Mahina. Apparently, he saw this, as well, as evidenced by his next question.
“Anata ga panku, Aito no koreijō nodarou ka?” (“Could you be any more of a punk, Aito?”)
I knew it was coming the moment I saw Mahina sitting at the counter, but by that point, I was too irritated to care what the old man thought of my behavior. …He didn’t have any room to talk, anyways.
“Chōdo watashi ni ore no kuso jū, rōjin o ataeru.” (“Just give me my ****ing gun, old man.”)
“Aito, watashi wa sono tōn o anata ni koitsu o ataete inai yo, soreha jigoku no yō ni kakuninshitekudasai tsumori wa jūde wanaidesu.” (“Aito, I’m not giving you a damn thing with that tone, and it sure as hell isn’t gonna be a gun.”)
As I said, I was already pissed off as it was, but even then, my next statement probably could’ve been planned out a little better.
“…Ore wa ore ni ore no yakkaina jū o ataeru to nobeta.” (“…I said give me my mother****ing gun.”)
I said that, but there were two completely different words dancing in my mind as I said them. …Bad move.
“Koko kara deru.” (“Get out of here.”)
“Nani o iu?” (“Say what?”)
“Aito, watashi no resutoran no soto ni seikō o nyūshu!” (“Aito, get the **** out of my restaurant!”)
“Jigoku! Ore wa shutoku shinai made ore j-” (“Hell no! Not until I get my gu-!”)
“Kore de, koko kara de ka, watashi wa modotte daun shite eki ni anata no tainō no o shiri o sōshin!” (“You either get out of here now, or I send your delinquent ass back down to the station!”)
By that point, I just didn’t give a shit anymore, and I completely snapped. …Wouldn’t take long before I regretted it.
“Rōjin wa, anata wa ha a tsu, ore kara nan seikō o shitaidesu ka? Ore wa tsumori kanojo ni ayamaru yo dōomoimasuka? Sono fakku! Kanojo wa ore ni deteitta! Ore wa tawagoto no tame ni shazai shite inai!” (“Old man, what the **** do you want from me, huh!? What, do you think I’m gonna apologize to her!? **** that! She walked out on me! I ain’t apologizing for shit!”)
It wasn’t until that point that I finally remembered two very important – and slightly embarrassing – details. The first was the fact that I was raising my voice in the middle of a family restaurant, not to mention that it was right smack in the middle of the city with the highest percentage of Japanese and Japanese-speaking people in the country. …The second was the fact that Mahina belonged to the latter group. I don’t know why I suddenly began to care about her feelings after realizing that, but getting back my gun was the last thing on my mind as I stormed out the front door – I would’ve cursed out loud and kicked a trash can had it not been for the glass windows. There were several stone pillars holding up the canopy, so I stepped behind the one closest to me so I could wipe my eyes in peace – I couldn’t believe I was watering up over this after basically telling Mahina that she could **** off. I was just about to start walking away when the Devil walked up behind me, hoisted me up by the neck, and dragged me headlong into Hell. …That’s what it felt like at the time, at least.
“Aito, wait!”
Damn it, I thought. There wasn’t any point trying to run away – I’d just look like an ass**** if I did – so I spun around to face her. That combination of extreme guilt and sweet innocence on her face made me wish I hadn’t, though.
“Aito, I…I, uh-”
She couldn’t even look up at me as she tried to sound it out – I assumed that “it” was an apology, but it was anybody’s guess, I suppose. For some reason, though, all these elements combined into one just served to piss me off, and I held up my hand to let her know this.
“Please don’t. …I’m really not in the mood to hear it.” I told her before I started walking away. Apparently, she wouldn’t have any of it, though, and while that no doubt surprised me, it didn’t really help my frustration, either.
“Well, I’m not really in the mood to hear that! …Look, contrary to what you might think I came here to say, I-”
“I know EXACTLY what you came here to say! Hey, Aito, I really hope you didn’t think I was walking out on you just to be a *****! It’s just that my parents don’t want me hangin’ around a guy whose FATHER…is the ****in’ devil!!”
I had to turn around and prop myself down on the pavement in order to control myself – I was already on the verge of tears. I sat there for about three minutes, trying to contort my face back into that of someone who wasn’t about to cry, before I turned back around.
“That about sum it up?” I asked her, in as smug a manner as I could manage without watering up again. …I didn’t even take a moment to realize that she already was herself.
“They’re my foster parents…and no.”
Either she’d been trying to hold it in for the past few minutes and failed or she simply wasn’t trying at all, but either way, she was already on the brink of being forced to lower her head. It was a pitiful sight, but honestly, it was more strange to me than anything. …It had been over two years since I last saw someone other than myself cry.
“The day we were supposed to go out, I came here to see if you were really Yatsumi Ryokudan’s son. …Susume told me it would break you, if I didn’t show up to meet you. He even tried calling you, just to make sure that you knew I wasn’t gonna be there, thinking it might help relieve some of your pain. …And you know what? I went to the convenience store that night and waited inside, just to see if everything he said about you was true.”
I still can’t pinpoint exactly where my thoughts were when she said that. Part of me was angry, I’m sure – she did just stand there and watch me bawl my eyes out – but another part felt almost…touched.
“I stood in there, watching you wait for me for almost an hour. I saw you take out your phone and ignore Susume’s missed calls just to keep waiting, even though I was already late. I saw you fall to your knees and start laughing hysterically, screaming out about God-knows-what. …I stood there and watched you cry for nearly ten minutes on end, praying that you would just get up and leave, but you never did. …So, when I got home that night, I looked right at Koi and Umayma and…and I lied to them about who you really were.”
I could feel my eyes widening –and watering – as she said told me this. My knees eventually gave way as I stood there and I was forced to slowly set myself down along the edge of the sidewalk before gravity did it for me. I felt so damn weak and pathetic as I sat there, head buried in my arms, listening to her carry on as I silently cursed myself.
“That was the only lie I’d ever told them, in the two whole years that I’d been their daughter, …and I told it because I honestly believed that your feelings were more important. Talk about guns and the yakuza or whatever all you want. …I still really wanna believe that I wasn’t wrong in doing that.”
She could barely even finish speaking, she was crying so much, and I couldn’t help but join in her tears. I’d honestly never felt more like a piece of shit in my entire life – and that included the overdose I suffered two years prior…and the murder I committed eight days ago.
“I’m so pathetic…so ****in’ pathetic.” I said softly to myself – if I had to guess, the subtle comment had probably caught her attention and forced her to look up, as well. I confirmed this after standing up and wiping my eyes, though the sight of her tear-covered face as I turned around made the latter act seem almost meaningless.
“I’m sorry, Mahina. …My mother’s been dead for over two years now and I…I’ve never met anyone as decent or trustworthy as she was. …You can imagine my trust in people is easily shaken by this point.”
She wiped her own eyes before nodding in understanding – it almost seemed like she was trying to squeeze out a smile for a second. The tears I was planning to shed stopped shortly after that. For some ungodly reason, I suddenly felt…relieved. I still couldn’t say why – she didn’t say our chances of being an item were still up in the air or anything – but…I was at least glad to know she bore no ill will towards me, and that meant more to me than anything.
“But still, please don’t get the wrong idea about me. I might not consider Yatsumi my father, but I’m not a saint in any way. There are things I’ve done that I…that God isn’t very proud of. Things I spend every waking moment wishing had never happened. …It means a lot to hear you have faith in my humanity, Mahina, and I mean that, but there’s no possible way that I’m worthy of your friendship or…anything beyond that.”
I almost choked on those last three words as they left my lips – and I’m sure I was red as a beet as I said them, too. It was bad enough I’d just gotten done making her cry, but God forbid I be a pansy who had trouble being intimate as it was. Thankfully, she was the angel I had originally made her out to be, and she giggled softly at both of these signs of unease.
“Maybe not, but I’m willing to see how things work out. …I think I owe you that much at least, for putting you through all that.” she managed with a smile. I would’ve kissed her right then and there if I had any less common sense than I already did, so instead, I just went with a semi-sarcastic remark. …Not the best choice in the world, either.
“I’d prefer we start off on equal terms, actually, if that’s alright with you. …I did make you cry, after all.” I squeezed out there. Again, she responded with a smile – thank God.
“That sounds fine. …Tomorrow, same place as last time?” she asked, and all the color in my face immediately vanished – half-Japanese, so that’s a good thing in my case.
“Sounds perfect, …though I should probably get your phone number first this time.” I replied jokingly, doing my best as I said it not to sound like an ass**** or a fangirl. More giggles on her part as we took out our phones simultaneously.
“That’s probably a good idea.” she said. How ironic, I thought – I hadn’t even gotten her number yet, and we had already overcome the first hurdle in our future relationship. I might’ve laughed at the notion…if I wasn’t also worried about the others that would eventually follow.
The next day just might’ve been the best in my entire life – strange, considering all the shit that happened outside my date with Mahina. Some lowlife pricks kept those of us who actually wanted sleep awake throughout the night, I had another almost violent encounter with that douchebag hitman, Mao gave me more shit before I took my leave. Hell, even the actual date wasn’t that exciting. Aside from a bite to eat at a place other than the Saimin Shop, as per my request – given the trend I discovered two years ago, there was no way in hell I was chugging down another octopus-flavored Ramune – we basically did nothing but walk around Honolulu, talking about one another. Maybe that’s why I was so pleased with the overall outcome, though. This girl not only had an interesting life – excellent grades, plenty of sports activities, even some nice vacation stories she picked up over the years that I didn’t mind listening to – but she also had personal struggles, and ones similar to mine, no less. There was just nothing about her that I could look back on and say I disliked, except maybe the fact that I didn’t reach out and kiss her as she headed home. I didn’t really mind that, though, to be honest – just the fact that we held hands during that last stretch down the sidewalk towards her neighborhood was good enough for me. In truth, that might’ve been the first time in my life that I ever went to bed with a smile on my face, …but the conversation I picked up on as I headed downstairs the next morning would eventually make me forget all that.
“Get the **** outta here!”
“I’m dead serious! I heard about it just now!”
“HeHA!! Praise the lord, right!?”
“Damn right! I tell ya, it’s about time he did something useful around here!”
“Been leeching off the boss all these years, the dumb oaf should start earning his keep.”
“Thinks just cause he’s retarded, he don’t gotta work. **** that shit!”
The fourth remark hinted to me that Seishin was the topic of discussion, but the last two really drew the line for me. I would’ve pulled out my gun to intimidate them, but the context clues surrounding their insults were what really caught my attention as I raised my voice to speak.
“What the **** are you three talkin’ about?” I asked as I walked up to them. They all turned their heads after I spoke, their semi-pleased expressions coming as a bit of a shock to me – normally, that would’ve been the point where I earned a few looks of disgust and maybe a dismissing remark.
“What, you didn’t hear? Your big bro’s gonna get a chance to prove his worth to the family.” one of them replied. The sound of it alone made me sick to my stomach – still referring to the yakuza as “the family” and all – but I just had to hear all of this.
“That right? …By doing what?”
I would quickly end up regretting ever asking that question…and everything I had done that ultimately led up to that point.
“By assassinating that prick running for Governor.”
To Be Continued…
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Look forward to it*_*