Memory of the Water 2

Kuroi Honoo

Active member
Regular
Joined
Dec 2, 2009
Messages
1,473
Kin
0💸
Kumi
0💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
Note: I apologize for the wait, I was going to attempt to release my chapters weekly but it took longer as my new job has been devouring me lol Anyways, I hope ya'll enjoy! ;)

__________________________

Memory of the Water

Chapter 2: The Remembered, Part 2​


Yasu: (In thought) The Yuki Clan, these are very powerful individuals...I think I can defeat the other one but I'm just unsure about-

Rafu: (Screaming) Koori, you fraud! I'm going to gut you as well!!!

Koori: That is wishful thinking.

Several hand seals are formed as Yasu readied his next attack.

Yasu: (Shouting) Suiton: Touketsu Kiri! (Water Release: Freezing Mist)

Chakra imbued water is expelled from his mouth as it instantly transforms into frigid ethereal vapor which rapidly surrounds the immediate area.

Koori: (In thought) That technique.

A shadowy afterimage is all that could be seen of Koori in the now icy atmosphere and the malignant Rafu decided to face his opponent head on rather than back off. He quickly sheaths his bladed weapon and began to intertwine his fingers to invoke a technique. Although, the frosty cloudy air almost immediately makes contact with him. As a result, his body’s mobility becomes constricted before he is able to complete the proper hand seals. With the successful initiation of his plan, another technique follows in suit.

Yasu: Suiton: Shiomizu no Jutsu! (Water Release: Brine Technique)

Bursts of high-sodium chloride, chakra infused, liquid is expelled from his mouth as it swiftly soaks the swordsman youth who was unable to escape quick enough.

Rafu: (Screaming) YOU BAST-AHHH!!!!!

Excruciating wailing abruptly ceases as the Kiri student succumbs to death via the sweltering acrid liquid.

Yasu: (In thought) Yes! I’ve caught onto your location Ao...I just hope somehow you’ve survived. I’ll be there as soon as I can!

Proceeding to locate his best friend, he began heading south. Koori then flashed through his mind which caused concern though, he had a more pressing matter to attend to. Another thought then flashed his mind. There were still remaining students out there who could be just as or even more formidable than Koori and waiting for the chance to lash out with Ao at their mercy. His worries were quickly becoming distressing as the minutes passed. He knew he had to be vigilant and silent as to not alarm any other student that may be nearby though fortunately for him, his sharp perception lessened his endeavor. His worries only continued to escalate as time passed. Multiple fatal scenarios, playing over and over in his head, only further disturbed Yasu.

Yasu: (In thought) Shit! I sense Koori’s chakra approaching, this was the last thing I needed right now! Ao should be hidden but at least where I’d know...

Suddenly, his eyes sprung open as they come into view with an almost horizontal large bright white hued beam that misses his body by a few seconds due to his excellent perception. The blast pierces through the rocky contour of a nearby mountain; exiting into the ground and causing the large mass to freeze over. A dodging Yasu hadn’t even landed yet from the frontal attack, when another assault commenced; this time from the rear as Koori claps both hands.

Koori: Fuuton: Kyouretsuna Hiryuu no Tsubasa. (Wind Release: Shattering Wyvern Wing)

Chakra is then released from one of his fingertips as it materializes into a rather large wyvern covered in razor sharp scales, from head to its barbed tail.

Koori: I said my secret dies with you as well so I never fled when we were interrupted...I was close by, eyeing you and biding my time for the right opportunity to strike.

Yasu: (In thought) He’s the most fearsome person I’ve ever faced! I still don’t know if I can win against him but somehow, I have to!

A fully formed wyvern suddenly rockets in Yasu’s direction as all he could do from that point on was to continuously use his respective village’s Shunshin (Body Flicker) to evade the devastating blows. He managed to avoid the jet-like speeding winged chakra entity for a few moments as it with its sheer velocity ended up smashing several times into the nearby mountain. Gales produced by the airborne animated energy sent earthly materials and wisps of green scattering about. The youthful sensor finally decided to enact a counter in the form of seven hand seals.

Yasu: (Shouting) Futton: Zou no Dangan Kyuusokuna Kasai! (Boil Release: Elephant Bullet Rapid Fire)

A fearless Koori, rather than attempt to evade, invokes a technique of his own.

Koori: Hyouton: Hyougan Doumu. (Ice Release: Ice Rock Dome)

Steam in a bullet-like form, fire in quick succession towards Koori, who forms a single seal as icy wind suddenly appears in his immediate area. The glacial dome was able to withstand the sultry assault for several moments but soon it’s almost impenetrable defenses began to falter.

Koori: My defense...

Suddenly several shuriken launch towards the sensor by the Yuki male who abruptly appears via a Yuki Shunshin no Jutsu (Ice Body Flicker Technique). Outstanding perception however, grants Yasu evasion as he is able to avoid the sharp petite instruments.

Yasu: (In thought) A Shunshin of his clan and he can use this basic technique seemingly better than I can, shit...he really is skilled beyond his years but...I’m no pushover!

A couple hand seals are formed as vibrant red-orange liquid is then expelled from Yasu’s mouth as it quickly molds into three clones via his Futton Bunshin no Jutsu (Boil Clone Technique) which are commanded after the Yuki male. Unfazed, Koori then reveals a kunai in each hand as he readies himself for the frontal attack. As he commences to do battle with clones, he able to take two out fairly quickly. As they begin to burst, the third one immediately makes touch contact as it too explodes with each releasing a surge of luminous blood orange hued piping and bubbly fluid toppling over the Yuki youth. Ample masses of vapors is produced as Koori then appeared standing top-right against the mountain that had been partially blown apart via the chakra under his sandals. The two boys then quickly lock eyes intensively which revealed that Koori didn’t escape unscathed as he received a fraction of the bubbling blast. Second degree burns etched into the upper left hand side of his chest, just above the left hand side of his waistline and below his right hand side chest area. And yet he never displayed any sort of emotional suffering. Their eyes then lock intensively. Both boys continue to stare at one another for another moment breathing heavily due to depleted chakra. This fierce standoff is then broken by the Yuki student who invokes a technique as Yasu conjures his own.

Koori: Hyouton: Maboroshi Shiroi Senkou. (Ice Release: White Flash Phantom)

Almost instantly, Koori weaves the hand seals for Lightning Release as lightning chakra combines with the algid stream; revealing not only that he could already perform a Yuugoujutsu (Fusion Technique) but also possessed a fourth chakra nature; transforming the technique into Raiton: Raisetsu (Lightning Release: Thundersnow).

Yasu: (Shouting) Futton: Akai Wakusei! (Boil Release: Red Planet)

A single coral-like tinted bubble consisting of boiling hot liquid is blown from Yasu’s mouth as it rapidly increases to about sixteen or so feet in height and in width. It then launches with a violent force as he stretches both his arms before him, not only to guide but to restrain the technique. The two tremendous techniques then clash within seconds. With each technique now connected, both youths struggle to best one another. Unexpectedly, a third party appears and intercepts the battle via an attack of their own in an attempt to take them both out. The sensing youth felt the approaching presence, prompting him to cease his onslaught and escape via the Kiri Shunshin no Jutsu (Mist Body Flicker Technique). A bright light glazed over Koori’s visage, his eyes beginning to expand as the intruders technique then brings about an immense explosion. This potent outburst causes the already damaged mountain to demolish and devastation amongst the surrounding land with a densely layer of debris. Gradually, the detritus began clearing up with the occasional winds that blew through.

Yasu: Coughing

?: (Lowered tone) Are you okay?

Yasu was successful in his Shunshin (Body Flicker), although in the instant that he reappears, he was then caught in the blast due to not moving a sufficient distance. His body having taken a beating due to being thrashed about against the ground and his earlier bouts only further added to his distress. There were various bruises and cuts on his face and any other exposed parts of his body. His clothes were torn and he had been knocked out for an hour or so. He was even unable to speak due to the uncontrollable wheezing in which he doubled over, hoping for his symptoms to subside.

Yasu: Coughing.....panting

?: (Lowered tone) Easy now.

Yasu: Panting

?: (Lowered tone) Take it easy...

The violent coughing and heavy breathing then began to diminish.

Yasu: (Lowered tone) I thought you were dead. Pant

His cold comment was done in order to trigger any form of anger as he felt his demure friend needed to be awoken or else he wouldn’t stand a chance at survival.

Ao: (Lowered tone) I...II..II’ve been in hiding ever since you told me to run and somehow...I found you and moved you here.

Alas, the adolescent sensor figured his response would be nothing more than cowardice. On the other hand, Ao did in fact feel his friend’s callous demeanor but knew that this was solely, his grim persona.

Yasu: (Lowered tone) Do you have any idea how long I was out for since you found me? Pant

Ao: (Lowered tone) ...Twenty minutes or so, I’m not exactly sure.

Yasu: (Lowered tone) I see, are you sure this is-

Ao: (Lowered tone) I..It’s okay for now I think but we should probably get going soon.

Yasu: (Lowered tone) Right, well I’m surprised that you-

Ao: (Lowered tone) I know...but you’re my friend, I..I wasn’t going to just leave you out there in the open if I could help it. You’re the only friend I hav-

Yasu: (Lowered tone) I understand...listen carefully...I think the best method for us to survive now is for me to use a long range jutsu on anyone within a ten to fifteen or so radius since I’ll be able to scope them out. I know your combat skills aren’t the best but you have to use whatever has kept you alive up until now.

Ao: (Lowered tone) I..I..I’ll try...

Not completely pleased with his answer, he motioned for them to move out. As they moved from one mountain location to another, they kept their eyes and ears as focused as possible.

Yasu: (Whispering) Shit, I sense someone...

Not even five minutes of being on the run and they both were already quietly being approached.

Ao: (In thought) I...I must be strong!

Although he tried with everything in him, Ao just couldn’t shake off that ever consuming fear. Suddenly, out of the misty weather, a shadowy figure proceeds to pounce over Yasu who was in the lead but is instead thwarted by the sensing boy. A brief scuffle ensues with the unknown Kiri student. The assailant thrusts their kunai towards Yasu’s neck which resulted in metal clanging against the alloy clothed around his right forearm which successfully blocked the potential fatal strike. Upon catching the deflected short tool with his right hand, Yasu proceeded to pierce the abdomen of the enemy, followed by slicing the wounded enemy's throat. Blood hastily gushed out onto Yasu’s face as the gurgling male fell forward onto Yasu who then tossed him aside as he hit the ground with his last moments were spent writhing. Partially wiping away the splattered crimson off his visage, he then turned his head to the side as a few words escaped Yasu’s lips.

Yasu: (Whispering) Let’s keep going.

Ao: (Whispering) Okay…

Bright bluish and orange hues began illuminating the land; evidence of dusk.

Yasu: (In thought) Great...the darkness will only further complicate things. We’ve been lucky somehow but I just can’t tell how much longer we can continue this...

They continued making their way through the hazy and dimming land. Minutes later, something comes over the sensor.

Yasu: (Whispering) Stop, I feel several people approaching.

Ao: (In thought) I’m so terrified, I feel like I can’t even move...

It felt to Ao like he’d never again wake from this nightmare.

Yasu: (Whispering) Ao, prepare yourself.

Ao: (Distressed tone) Yy..yyes...

Sensing an even bigger number approaching, a technique is then enacted by the youthful sensor.

Yasu: Suiton: Hashira Hooi. (Water Release: Pillar Encirclement)

Chakra enhanced water is produced orally as it created four pillar-like forms. These masses immediately begin spiraling around the two youths; acting as a barricade.

Yasu: (Whispering) Shit! I sense six of them.

Ao: (In thought) There’s no way we’re going to make it out of this alive!!!

Multiple shuriken then clash against the rotating defensive cascades which quickly proves ineffective.

Kiri student 1: (Shouting) What a shame, with such talent and so foolish to have a friend!

Kiri student 2: (Screaming) Trash like you, shames us all!!!

Kiri student 3: (Shouting) You know, that cover won’t stand up for long, just give up already!

Kiri student 4: (Shouting) But the struggling is the best part! Snicker

Kiri student 5: (Shouting) And the chase always brings about such a thrill but now, I want blood! Snicker

Kiri student 6: (Shouting) You arrogant piece of shit! It’s our turn now to have fun and we’ll just leave the scraps for Isao!

Suddenly, their enclosure becomes bombarded. From the likes of various Suiton, Doton and Raiton techniques all begin to quickly jar their impediment. A few of the attacks, albeit much weaker as a result of coming into contact with the water, were able to penetrate. Yasu hastily blocked Ao and forced them both to the ground. They were able to avoid any incoming strikes; evident of his efficient sensory ability.

Yasu: (Whispering) Ao, just stay down...

A nod from the distraught Ao prompts Yasu to perform two hand seals as a Futton Bunshin (Boil Clone) materializes outside of the pillars. Several more hand seals follow suit as he calls upon a previously used technique.

Yasu: Futton: Zou no Dangan Kyuusokuna Kasai! (Boil Release: Elephant Bullet Rapid Fire)! Panting

Once more, he calls upon his rapidly firing technique as steaming hot bullet-like projectiles discharge this time, from his clone’s mouth. The clone then maneuvers throughout the field, seeking all the present foes via his accomplished sensory abilities as he unleashes blistering projectiles. Numerous sounds follow, indicating the stricken targets. Upon realization, the sensor youth felt confident enough to start moving out.

Yasu: (Whispering) Hopefully...panting..we can find someplace quick enough to rest, you know? Pant

Ao: (In thought) Yasu’s becoming more and more exhausted and I feel powerless to do...anything about it. Gasp!

Suddenly, an overwhelming feeling of uselessness had overcome the boy; it came as a bit of a shock to him. His enlarged eyes could not swell down and allow relief to drift in as he'd usually felt once his best friend dealt with the enemy. The realization of the dread continuing to remain present brought forth an ironic sense of clarity. Whilst these chaotic events were taking place, he had been solely dependent on Yasu. Ao had been dead weight to his friend, almost costing both their lives numerous times and it was almost too much to bear. Yet, as much as his heart ached immensely for everything his friend had done up until that point, Ao simply felt as if he could not efficiently contribute from his end; instead he feared he would only pose more of a hindrance rather than be of assistance. Ao still quietly vexing at his own powerlessness then agrees in the likes of a single nod as they begin making their way onwards.

End

_____________________________


 
Last edited:

Chakra Wizard

Active member
Elite
Joined
Mar 25, 2012
Messages
8,958
Kin
14💸
Kumi
0💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
Nice chapter, bro:) Boil Release, very impressive this Yasu. lol This timid Ao is pretty perplexing, too. I'm wondering when he'll have that long-awaited personality shiftxd

Only thing I really see that could be a bit better is the dialogue. It sounds a little too wooden and unnatural to me. Probably practice saying it aloud beforehand and maybe change the wording around so it sounds more realistic if it doesn't.
 

Kuroi Honoo

Active member
Regular
Joined
Dec 2, 2009
Messages
1,473
Kin
0💸
Kumi
0💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
Nice chapter, bro:) Boil Release, very impressive this Yasu. lol This timid Ao is pretty perplexing, too. I'm wondering when he'll have that long-awaited personality shiftxd

Only thing I really see that could be a bit better is the dialogue. It sounds a little too wooden and unnatural to me. Probably practice saying it aloud beforehand and maybe change the wording around so it sounds more realistic if it doesn't.
Thanks so much for reading and leaving a review! :) I actually thought that Koori would garner a bit more praise then say Yasu but I'm happy that his character has =D See, that's what I like to see from my readers, them having that need for answers :snick: ^^

Thank you for the constructive criticism as I will take it and try to improve as much as possible. Dialogue has been one definite thing I struggle with in my writing so I'll definitely take another look at this chapter and the following and attempt to make it better. I will say this however, Koori's dialogue may seem flat but that at the very least was intentional as I wanted his character to reflect a stoical persona ;)

I highly appreciate it! ^_^
 
Last edited:

Trea

Active member
Regular
Joined
Apr 12, 2013
Messages
713
Kin
0💸
Kumi
0💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
Awards
I like the premise and would like to know more about Koori and Yasu and Ao, especially since Ao is so different as an adult. I would also like to know why the Mist have this kill or be killed attitude about only proving your strength by killing others. I am enjoying it so far but Chakra Wizard is correct the dialog is a little stilted and choppy, I'm sure it will improve with time. I'll keep reading so let me know when you release the next chapter.
 

Kuroi Honoo

Active member
Regular
Joined
Dec 2, 2009
Messages
1,473
Kin
0💸
Kumi
0💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
I like the premise and would like to know more about Koori and Yasu and Ao, especially since Ao is so different as an adult. I would also like to know why the Mist have this kill or be killed attitude about only proving your strength by killing others. I am enjoying it so far but Chakra Wizard is correct the dialog is a little stilted and choppy, I'm sure it will improve with time. I'll keep reading so let me know when you release the next chapter.
Well first off, thank you so much for reading this and commenting as well! ^^

Yeah, my story is pretty short and fast-paced so I can definitely understand why you feel yourself wanting to know more about these characters. I see, I suppose I could've incorporated more information about the Hidden Mist.

I'm so happy to hear that you like my story and I completely agree with you and CW about my dialogue so I've been editing ever since and I will for the next chapter =D

Thanks for saying that and I sure will let you know! ;)
 

FaHaD 5212

Active member
Regular
Joined
Jan 8, 2013
Messages
1,365
Kin
0💸
Kumi
0💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
You've done wonderfully once again, Bravo! ;)

This chapter was quite informative and I really liked the flow and its transition with the previous chapter. I couldn't spot any grammar mistakes, nor could I find any flaws in logic as a whole (xd it's not like Naruto will come save the day). The only thing that could be desired for is a little more tactical ability from the Shinobi, especially Yasu and Koori. The dialogues were fine in my opinion, a little better could be done, however I can't say anything because I have the feeling that I've made a similar error somewhere myself.

There's only one chapter left and I have a feeling that something will happen which will forever change Ao's personality into the one we see today. I'm looking forward to the next chapter :)
 

Kuroi Honoo

Active member
Regular
Joined
Dec 2, 2009
Messages
1,473
Kin
0💸
Kumi
0💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
You've done wonderfully once again, Bravo! ;)

This chapter was quite informative and I really liked the flow and its transition with the previous chapter. I couldn't spot any grammar mistakes, nor could I find any flaws in logic as a whole (xd it's not like Naruto will come save the day). The only thing that could be desired for is a little more tactical ability from the Shinobi, especially Yasu and Koori. The dialogues were fine in my opinion, a little better could be done, however I can't say anything because I have the feeling that I've made a similar error somewhere myself.

There's only one chapter left and I have a feeling that something will happen which will forever change Ao's personality into the one we see today. I'm looking forward to the next chapter :)
Thank you so much for saying that! ^^

I’m so happy to hear that =D I see, I suppose I could’ve incorporated a little more tact into the story. Yeah, dialogue is something I struggle with no matter how much I attempt to better myself but thanks for your advice and I definitely heed your words.

Yep only one left and I’m desperately attempting to edit it the best I can :) I cannot wait to release it and to see your opinion of the outcome! =D ;)
 

FaHaD 5212

Active member
Regular
Joined
Jan 8, 2013
Messages
1,365
Kin
0💸
Kumi
0💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
Thank you so much for saying that! ^^

I’m so happy to hear that =D I see, I suppose I could’ve incorporated a little more tact into the story. Yeah, dialogue is something I struggle with no matter how much I attempt to better myself but thanks for your advice and I definitely heed your words.

Yep only one left and I’m desperately attempting to edit it the best I can :) I cannot wait to release it and to see your opinion of the outcome! =D ;)
;) You deserve the praise.

Do what Chakra Wizard says, the best solution at the moment.

I'll be waiting for it :)
 

Michael92

Legendary
Joined
Dec 3, 2009
Messages
12,968
Kin
13,725💸
Kumi
78,613💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
First of, I apologize for being this late!!

With that out of the way, I just want to say that I actually think so far, this is your best written work as of yet. I always thought your grammar, or rather your vocabulary was impressive but I've never truly been able to witness its full potential due to the style itself (Dialogue. One day you have to attempt Narrative style. I am certain you would nail it as much as I think you would). Even if this is still in dialogue style, it's much less "chopped" up than previous work (don't know if you've noticed that yourself? One thing I notice is the excluded "Narrator," which I too depended on in my early stories. Just by removing him, the story gets more fluent by itself). Your description of both events and battles has also improved in my eyes. Sure dialogue can always become better, but like I wanted to state above, it is much easier to have dialogue that become "stale" so to speak when writing in dialogue. I think much of the "problem" should be fixed in your favor if you one day adapt a more direct style like narrative ones. The following line;

"Partially wiping away the splattered crimson off his visage, he then turned his head to the side as a few words escaped Yasu’s lips."

Is just one example of your narrative/descriptive greatness.

As for the actual chapter itself, I am surprised about the "extended" focus on Yasu as the "main" character as of now but I understand why if you are intending to make the "change" Ao needs to go through in the last chapter. It's typical yet rare to see such an angling where the reader is lead to believe that one character or several of them are the main ones, only to have the focus change towards the end (the movie Alien is a prime example of that where Ripley doesn't really become the main character or the main "point of view" before the halfway mark approaches).

The different techniques you come up with are as flawless as ever. I can't help notice that you already now have gone over to a more "direct" style compared to before (where you used character entries, jutsu entries, scene/setting changes, a narrator, etc), but that is only making it so much better in my opinion.

As for the characters taking the screen in this chapter, I do wonder if we have seen the last of Koori or if he found a way to survive that blast. Maybe he even ends up as an unexpected ally at the end? That would sure be a twist of the generation. Once again a great chapter in my opinion. Hopefully you haven't stalled the "final" release just because I am/have been late, but if you have I once again apologize. In my opinion, this might be close to your best chapter yet (no bias, I'm serious), so I'd rate this a 9/10. Bravo my friend and let me know about the next! ;)
 

Kuroi Honoo

Active member
Regular
Joined
Dec 2, 2009
Messages
1,473
Kin
0💸
Kumi
0💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
First of, I apologize for being this late!!

With that out of the way, I just want to say that I actually think so far, this is your best written work as of yet. I always thought your grammar, or rather your vocabulary was impressive but I've never truly been able to witness its full potential due to the style itself (Dialogue. One day you have to attempt Narrative style. I am certain you would nail it as much as I think you would). Even if this is still in dialogue style, it's much less "chopped" up than previous work (don't know if you've noticed that yourself? One thing I notice is the excluded "Narrator," which I too depended on in my early stories. Just by removing him, the story gets more fluent by itself). Your description of both events and battles has also improved in my eyes. Sure dialogue can always become better, but like I wanted to state above, it is much easier to have dialogue that become "stale" so to speak when writing in dialogue. I think much of the "problem" should be fixed in your favor if you one day adapt a more direct style like narrative ones. The following line;

"Partially wiping away the splattered crimson off his visage, he then turned his head to the side as a few words escaped Yasu’s lips."

Is just one example of your narrative/descriptive greatness.

As for the actual chapter itself, I am surprised about the "extended" focus on Yasu as the "main" character as of now but I understand why if you are intending to make the "change" Ao needs to go through in the last chapter. It's typical yet rare to see such an angling where the reader is lead to believe that one character or several of them are the main ones, only to have the focus change towards the end (the movie Alien is a prime example of that where Ripley doesn't really become the main character or the main "point of view" before the halfway mark approaches).

The different techniques you come up with are as flawless as ever. I can't help notice that you already now have gone over to a more "direct" style compared to before (where you used character entries, jutsu entries, scene/setting changes, a narrator, etc), but that is only making it so much better in my opinion.

As for the characters taking the screen in this chapter, I do wonder if we have seen the last of Koori or if he found a way to survive that blast. Maybe he even ends up as an unexpected ally at the end? That would sure be a twist of the generation. Once again a great chapter in my opinion. Hopefully you haven't stalled the "final" release just because I am/have been late, but if you have I once again apologize. In my opinion, this might be close to your best chapter yet (no bias, I'm serious), so I'd rate this a 9/10. Bravo my friend and let me know about the next! ;)
Really it’s fine, I understand ;)

Thank you so much but truly if not for CW’s advice, these chapters most likely would’ve continued to have my old style of writing which of course wasn't that great. I’m thankful to him for pinpointing the most crucial parts that needed fixing because it helped me to sharpen myself ^^ Well thank you for having that much faith in me but I don’t know about that. Narrative writing kind of scares me lol

Yeah, dialogue seems to be my biggest enemy when writing FF and I still struggle today and I see what you mean about how narrative writing could definitely help in the dialogue department but it still kind of freaks me out. Thanks for posting that specific line out though, if only my work could continue to flow as such lol

Yasu does seem like the real main protagonist of this story eh, well truth be told his character was only going to be used for a small section of the first chapter I believe but then I changed it all around and his character and story was hugely expanded as I intended to continue this story after the 3rd chapter but at the moment, that has been scrapped. And I like your example of Ripley but who knows, Yasu could survive, etc. etc. :snick:

True, I definitely decided to leave out a lot of what I used to do in all of my works and it has felt strange but I kind of like how it’s going and I’m happy that you approve ^^

I love the way you think and your theories/predictions are as fantastic as ever! =D Well, yes you partially but I’ve also stalled to allow others who might be willing to catch up and truly no need to apologize :) However, no more, I will be posting the final chapter today!!! O.O

Ah, thanks! I really did like this FF and I’m beyond happy to hear how you felt about it! Thanks again so much and I will definitely link you ;)
 
Last edited:

Michael92

Legendary
Joined
Dec 3, 2009
Messages
12,968
Kin
13,725💸
Kumi
78,613💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
Really it’s fine, I understand ;)

Thank you so much but truly if not for CW’s advice, these chapters most likely would’ve continued to have my old style of writing which of course wasn't that great. I’m thankful to him for pinpointing the most crucial parts that needed fixing because it helped me to sharpen myself ^^ Well thank you for having that much faith in me but I don’t know about that. Narrative writing kind of scares me lol

Yeah, dialogue seems to be my biggest enemy when writing FF and I still struggle today and I see what you mean about how narrative writing could definitely help in the dialogue department but it still kind of freaks me out. Thanks for posting that specific line out though, if only my work could continue to flow as such lol

Yasu does seem like the real main protagonist of this story eh, well truth be told his character was only going to be used for a small section of the first chapter I believe but then I changed it all around and his character and story was hugely expanded as I intended to continue this story after the 3rd chapter but at the moment, that has been scrapped. And I like your example of Ripley but who knows, Yasu could survive, etc. etc. :snick:

True, I definitely decided to leave out a lot of what I used to do in all of my works and it has felt strange but I kind of like how it’s going and I’m happy that you approve ^^

I love the way you think and your theories/predictions are as fantastic as ever! =D Well, yes you partially but I’ve also stalled to allow others who might be willing to catch up and truly no need to apologize :) However, no more, I will be posting the final chapter today!!! O.O

Ah, thanks! I really did like this FF and I’m beyond happy to hear how you felt about it! Thanks again so much and I will definitely link you ;)
Well for someone who wrote Dialogue for 5 consecutive years, I can tell you that the jump to narrative was truly worth it my friend ;) It will obviously feel strange at first, but in the end it will be for the better ^^

I'm sorry that this reply and my VM was short, but I'll keep it this way so that I can rather focus on the final chapter of yours later/the next time I got some time to spend ;)
 

Kuroi Honoo

Active member
Regular
Joined
Dec 2, 2009
Messages
1,473
Kin
0💸
Kumi
0💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
Well for someone who wrote Dialogue for 5 consecutive years, I can tell you that the jump to narrative was truly worth it my friend ;) It will obviously feel strange at first, but in the end it will be for the better ^^

I'm sorry that this reply and my VM was short, but I'll keep it this way so that I can rather focus on the final chapter of yours later/the next time I got some time to spend ;)
I see, well I’m not sure when I’ll be writing again besides the collab fic. I just don’t know whether to continue this Ao fic or to start something new.

It’s fine, I mean you didn’t even have to respond to that reply of mine so thank you ;)
 
Top