Memory of the Water 1

Kuroi Honoo

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Note: This is a three part mini arc of sorts and I had planned to go further but at the moment I'm unsure whether to leave this story open-ended or continue, anyways, I just wanted to inform everyone and hope y'all enjoy! =D

______________________

Memory of the Water

Chapter 1: The Remembered, Part 1​


A mass comprised of adolescent male genin were present in their village’s main training grounds planning to take out one of their own peers. These disturbed individuals belonged to none other than Kirigakure; infamously referred to as the village hidden in bloody mist. The savage day finally came as the gathered youths prepared themselves for murder.

[A couple hours later]

Moderately bruised hands were fixated upon by a young boy in dread as he heaved. His gaze then gradually came into view with the ravage scenery that made up the outskirts of Kirigakure.

?: (Whispering) Ao get ahold of yourself.

Ao: (Whispering) ...Yasu...do you know why they’re targeting you?

An anxious Ao inquired with widened dark blue-gray eyes as he attempted to cease his trembling state. He possessed a slender figure, lengthy blue-gray hair which was slicked back with the tuft ends swirled upwards. His attire consisted of the standard blue forehead protector, a high neck collared long-sleeved pin striped teal shirt as well as pin striped dark slate gray pants and raw umber colored open toe sandals.

Yasu: (Whispering) Isao has loathed me since the first day I stepped into the academy because of my innate perception, he’s jealous.

Answered, the more calmer and brave youth who possessed a slender, medium build and retained a slightly taller height than Ao. Intense azure hued eyes, tuft sapphire hair on the sides with the top slicked back in a medium sized ponytail and thin braids draped in front of both ears. He wore a lengthy, long-sleeved pin striped dark blue shirt along with a medium sized blue cloth which contained a pinned blue forehead protector that wrapped around the center of his right forearm, dark purple pants and navy blue open toe sandals.

[A couple hours earlier]

Having felt accomplished after adhering to his acutely strict father’s obligation for training, a youthful Ao prepared to gather up his kunai and a couple of shuriken from the ground, several feet away from a group of his peers. Before he bent down completely to collect his practicing tools did he overhear Yasu’s name and the word assassinate follow in line. A terror-stricken Ao, whose eyes shot wide open instantly stood back up and exited the grounds in a hasty nature in the hope of warning the youth in question before it was too late. Fortunately for him, the boy was heading towards the grounds and he was able to confront him just a few minutes later. Ao began informing the startled youth about how a student named Isao whom they both knew was the most ruthless of their peers, assembled a group and threatened his life. However, shortly after, this mob of youths caught up to them. Isao gave Yasu an ultimatum; either play by their game which was to be hunted by them in the outskirts of their village or his parents would die by their hands. Yasu called Isao’s bluff but he assured him that there was a few of his accomplices stationed in close proximity of his household just waiting for the go ahead message. It was enough for him to surrender in order to keep his family safe, thus he agreed to their terms but pleaded to leave Ao out of the arrangement. To his dismay, however, they included him as well seeing as he was a witness. A petrified Ao had no other choice than to accept the terms as he didn’t want to endanger the boy’s family either. With a head start ordered by the leader of the group, the boys were off with their lives on the line.

[Present time]

These two forged a brotherly bond from a young age by their mothers who were friends for many years. In secret, these two mothers dared to give their child somewhat of a normal childhood as in the land of Kirigakure, friendship was a scarce occurrence and rather betrayal had been the norm amongst the villagers for countless decades. Over the years, Yasu attempted to look after Ao whenever possible and acquired mutual trust. Between the two, Ao was quick to run away in fear unlike Yasu who figured fighting was inevitable.

Yasu: (Whispering) Do you want to die?

Ao: (Whispering) No, help m-

Yasu: (Whispering) Help yourself, I’m not always going to be here.

Fiery determination burned within Yasu’s eyes as he retorted, staring at Ao. Quickly reaching into his two back pockets, what is then pulled out are a couple of kunai with an explosive tag attached to each one and some firmly coiled wire, as he handed it over to Ao.

Yasu: (Whispering) Here are some tools in case and you know how to use them from studying in the academy so no whining.

Ao: (Whispering) ...Why do you have this?

Yasu: (Whispering) I always have weapons like these for practicing anyways, just stay behind me for now and attempt to learn from me as quickly as possible.

Ao: (Rattled tone) Rrright...

He immediately did as asked, placing the obtained versatile deadly weapons into his back pockets and shifted his eyes from side to side in a frantic attempt to stay alert to any attack that might befall them. Suddenly, the misty climate around them became so thick that they could not see what lied ahead.

Yasu: (Whispering) Be silent but ready.

Ao: (Rattled tone) Unnndderstood..

No sooner than Ao finished replying, did his friend grab ahold of him and stealthily went into prone position in order to evade several oncoming sharp projectiles.

Ao: Gasp

Yasu: (Whispering) Silence...

A frantic young Ao could only nod in agreement as his mind began to pace once again.

Yasu: (Whispering) As soon as that mist appeared, it was time to begin thinking of a way to counter...if not for my perception, you wouldn’t be alive now…

Worry began to sink into Ao’s troubled mind as he felt helpless. He knew he was a burden for Yasu and felt utterly disgusted of himself.

Yasu: (In thought) I can’t believe we’re being targeted because of my perception, this is as much a curse as it is a gift and Ao is involved, damn it..

In that moment of dread, he knew he had to devise some plan, anything that would at the very least, get them out of their peril state. His eyes ever shifting, attempting to assess the situation.

Yasu: (Whispering) As soon as I grab your hand we’re going to retreat

Ao: (Rattled tone) Ookayy…

Five hand seals were then quickly woven.

Yasu: Suiton: Mizu Senbon no Jutsu! (Water Release: Water Senbon Technique)

Water infused chakra needle-like projectiles reaching roughly ten or so feet was expelled from Yasu’s mouth. Shifting his head from side to side, he attempted to spread the technique evenly, in hopes of striking any of the foes as well as enabling them to scurry with little worry of their enemies’ attacks. Yasu then grabbed hold of Ao’s right hand as they began making their way towards the mountains. Though still a misty atmosphere, the considerable high amount of mist decreased upon nearing the mountainous area. The stronger willed of the two, led them behind one of the biggest mountains.

Yasu: (Whispering) I think we’re okay for now. panting

Ao: Pant Than-

Yasu: (Whispering) No need, you have to start depending on yourself...

Ao’s eyes widened at that realization. He felt like due to his phobia-like fear of fighting, his best friend would always be there but it took for him to hear this in order to come to terms with it.

Ao: (Whispering) Pant You’re right.

Yasu: (Whispering) You need to start believing in yourself and just continue to absorb anything you can from me, understood? pant

Ao: (Whispering) Y-

Less than ten minutes later, the assault recommenced in the form of thickening mist which approached from the north.

Yasu: (In thought) Shit!

Ao: (In thought) No!

Yasu: (Whispering) Ao, start running and hide, I’ll hold them back and find you when I-

Ao: (Whispering) But I’m too afr-

Yasu: (Whispering) We’re out of time, go.

A hesitant Ao then began heading South.

Kiri student 1: (Whispering) I don’t see the other one-

Kiri student 2: (Whispering) No worries, we get first crack at this piece of shit and so long as we allow Isao the finishing blow, we get to play all we want. snicker

Yasu turned back around once assured his friend complied and moved a bit towards the direction from whence they came in order to cover some ground. He then enacted his Mizu Senbon once more in order to halt their advancement.

Yasu: (In thought) I hope nothing happens to you in the time it takes me to deal with them!

Tendril-like water enhanced projectiles were fired in all directions. The enemies took notice and began to move about within their cloudy covering. One of the foes was then struck but not gravely.

Kiri student 2: Aahh!

Discontinuing his technique, he then took an inquiry approach.

Yasu: (Raised tone) I get why Isao is after me but why are the rest of you in on it?!

Kiri student 1: It’s simple really, one less superior fighter in the ranks means a better chance for the rest of us, even though I’m much better than the lot here, I’m partaking simply because I take pride in killing.

Yasu: (Raised tone) You all know you could’ve just learned the Kanchi no Jutsu (Sensing Technique) and-

Kiri student 1: You’re number one in perception and that gives you a great advantage over us.

Yasu: (Raised tone) This fight only concerns me, you shouldn’t have involved Ao!

Kiri student 2: (Screaming) Everybody in this village is out for themselves and yet you have a friend, you’re pathetic and should be dead for just that! ...You two freaks won’t make it out of this alive!

Yasu: (Shouting) Then come out and face me cowards!

Kiri student 2: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Striking a nerve, the more aggressive natured of the two enemies decides to come out of the powdery obscurity and reveal himself at Yasu’s request.

Kiri student 1: (In thought) Rafu’s temper could get us both killed. He’s an idiot for playing right into his hand.

This arrogant, spiteful and bloodthirsty youth named Rafu, stood over six feet tall with a husky build and hazel hued eyes. Lengthy dirty blond hair with the top stylized in a somewhat wavy upwards manner and the sides slicked back. He wore a black forehead protector, a loose, long-sleeved pin striped steel blue hued shirt, dark gray pants and a gray belt that went across his left shoulder and around his left side at the waist which holstered his sword. Lastly, striped arm and leg pale colored warmers and navy blue open toe sandals completed his attire. His small exit wound which missed any vital arteries was present upon his upper right hand shoulder.

Rafu: (Shouting) Koori! It’s time to take him out!

Koori: (In thought) I suppose so.

The composed adolescent, being shorter in height than his ally, was of a meager build, possessing lengthy spiky charcoal hair, eyes of a persian green hue and fair skin. A black forehead protector was pinned to his right leg, above his knee. He wore a dark green sleeveless shirt, slate gray-colored baggy pants, a striped pale colored arm warmer on his left arm and a striped pale colored leg warmer on his left leg. Bandages wrapped around his right arm and left leg and lastly, tan sandals with slate gray hued straps.

Yasu: (In thought) Now that I have no one to protect, I can focus!

Koori then decided to take the initiative and invoke a technique via four hand seals.

Koori: Suiton: Mizu Houdan no Jutsu. (Water Release: Water Cannonball Technique)

He stretches his arm before himself as chakra infused water emits from his hand in the form of a sphere which fires rapidly in a continuous fashion. An enraged Rafu quickly raises his arm with the katana in hand as it imbues with water and he proceeds to swing it in a rapid arc-like motion.

Rafu: (Shouting) Go-Ryuu Kaiousei no Ringuzu! (Five-Style Neptune’s Rings)

A barrage of orbs, one foot in diameter, as well as five vertical ring-like slashes, comprised of water and each a little bigger than it’s predecessor, accelerate towards Yasu. His only option was to create a defense in such short notice as five hand seals are hastily woven by Yasu in an attempt to counter.

Yasu: (Shouting) Suiton: Suijinheki! (Water Release: Water Formation Wall)

Water kneaded chakra is then blown from his mouth as it ascends with force creating a fence-like blockade. Seeing his orb assault eaten up by the powerful aquatic wall, Koori then ceases his attack. The landscape turned into a drenched terrain as a result.

Rafu: (Shouting) Arrogant punk!

Koori: (In thought) He even has the skills to back up his gift.

Having trained profusely in kenjutsu and building up his speed, Rafu suddenly disappeared from sight with sword in hand. However, his sudden slash assault completely misses his target as Yasu’s keen perception grants him superb evasion.

Rafu: (Screaming) DAMN YOU!!!

Yasu: (In thought) The calmer male seems to be more of a threat.

Was thought to himself as several hand seals were then performed.

Yasu: (Shouting) Futton: Sugoku Kanketsusen! (Boil Release: Super Geyser)

A powerful and huge column comprised of water and steam, gushes from his mouth, initially aimed at Koori.

Koori: (In thought) Kekkei genkai.

A large white beam suddenly clashes with the steaming jet; creating a massive burst of gaseous air and enough force to thrust the sensor and young swordman onto their backs due to their close proximity as the user simply backed away. Vapors now consumed the affected area. Only sustaining several scratches from the fall, Yasu begins to stand as he quickly scanned the landscape for the other two. Who catches his eye first is Koori, as he exhales frosty air and icy particles which shimmer around him.

Rafu: (Raised tone) Yoyyou’re from the cursed Yuki Clan!

Regaining better composure of himself after the stunning revelation, Rafu as well rose from the ground.

Yasu: A Yuki descendant.

Koori: Correct, you see...I had not the choice to reveal my true power for you’re truly a worthy adversary...perhaps Isao failed to grasp how complex it would be going up against someone such as the likes of you.

Yasu: Well look at that, you’re as much of an outsider as myself.

Koori: Do not dare to compare me with the likes of you.

Rafu: (Shouting) I can’t believe I allied myself with cursed trash!

This insolent remark did not riffle the Yuki-student, rather he looked upon his former acquaintance and opponent with a blank visage as he tapped one of the orbiting crystal fragments which caused it to gently slide out of shimmering rotation.

Koori: I attempted to keep it hidden but I’ll make sure that my secret dies with the two of you.

End

____________________

Thank you to everyone who read, in advance! ;)
 
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Chakra Wizard

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Hmmm, interesting time period to write about:) I wonder where the focus is gonna be placed.

Well written for the most part. Try to keep a consistent word tense throughout, though, and don't forget commas when you're listing a bunch of adjectives and/or nouns and periods at the ends of your sentences (the hyphens are mainly for when someone cuts off someone else speaking).

Awesome work starting out, man. Nice to finally check out your writing firsthand*_* lol
 

FaHaD 5212

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This is the first time I've read something written regarding this time period, excellently so :).

The characterization is done impeccably. Your grammar seems to be fine (I can't find mistakes but then again, English isn't my first language). The plot development in interesting to say the least, and it captivates the reader to read more =D.

I like the fact that you made the current 'stuck-up' Ao an easily frightened person in the past :xD:. This Yasu seems to be quite skilled, it seems that he has actually had proper training in the past. Another thing I liked about your work is that even though they were short, Koori and Rafu's dialogues give an excellent map of their personality.

I'm expecting that after a flashy battle, Ao will stumble upon the scene of Isao killing Yasu and in a fit of rage kill him, then mourn his pseudo-brother's death while having passed the exams and so the story would progress. Well, only time can tell :heh:.

Overall, exceptional chapter and I look forward to more ;).
 

Kuroi Honoo

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Hmmm, interesting time period to write about:) I wonder where the focus is gonna be placed.

Well written for the most part. Try to keep a consistent word tense throughout, though, and don't forget commas when you're listing a bunch of adjectives and/or nouns and periods at the ends of your sentences (the hyphens are mainly for when someone cuts off someone else speaking).

Awesome work starting out, man. Nice to finally check out your writing firsthand*_* lol
First of all thank you for checking this out as quickly as you did ;)

Thank you so much for your compliments, it really means a lot.

I do want to say that I never finished school thus my brain isn’t where it should be hence the mistakes. This isn’t an excuse just the truth -_- However, I do enjoy writing and any sort of guidance is very welcomed :)

If you don’t mind, could you elaborate more on the word tense?

I made sure to make those grammatical changes which I think really made my story much much better. Again thank you so much for that constructive criticism. Throughout re-reading the chapter I realized I forgot to add forehead protectors to Ao, Rafu and Koori’s characters but that’s now fixed ;)

I’m pleased that you liked it and hopefully using your advice, my future chapters will come out more satisfactory! =D

very good nice job very interesting.

let me know when you release the next chapter.
Thank you so much for the compliment and for reading it ;)

I’ll definitely be sure to link you to the next chapter! ^^

This is the first time I've read something written regarding this time period, excellently so :).

The characterization is done impeccably. Your grammar seems to be fine (I can't find mistakes but then again, English isn't my first language). The plot development in interesting to say the least, and it captivates the reader to read more =D.

I like the fact that you made the current 'stuck-up' Ao an easily frightened person in the past :xD:. This Yasu seems to be quite skilled, it seems that he has actually had proper training in the past. Another thing I liked about your work is that even though they were short, Koori and Rafu's dialogues give an excellent map of their personality.

I'm expecting that after a flashy battle, Ao will stumble upon the scene of Isao killing Yasu and in a fit of rage kill him, then mourn his pseudo-brother's death while having passed the exams and so the story would progress. Well, only time can tell :heh:.

Overall, exceptional chapter and I look forward to more ;).
Thank you so very much for your compliments! =D I never knew English wasn’t your mother tongue but dude, you sure speak it well, well enough to fool me without even trying ;)

I’m so pleased that my story is perceived as something interesting ^^

Glad that you like who I presented these characters especially Ao! =D Yeah, I’m not the type of writer to write big lengthy chapters thus I’m so happy that I was able to give a sense of these characters’ personalities, etc. even if only through their dialogue ^^

Whoa bro, you have such the imagination and while I won’t reveal whether or not you were right, I’m just amazed at your prediction! ;) Yes, only time will tell indeed ^_^

Again, thank you so much and I’ll link you once I post the next chapter! =D
 

Chakra Wizard

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First of all thank you for checking this out as quickly as you did ;)

Thank you so much for your compliments, it really means a lot.

I do want to say that I never finished school thus my brain isn’t where it should be hence the mistakes. This isn’t an excuse just the truth -_- However, I do enjoy writing and any sort of guidance is very welcomed :)

If you don’t mind, could you elaborate more on the word tense?

I made sure to make those grammatical changes which I think really made my story much much better. Again thank you so much for that constructive criticism. Throughout re-reading the chapter I realized I forgot to add forehead protectors to Ao, Rafu and Koori’s characters but that’s now fixed ;)

I’m pleased that you liked it and hopefully using your advice, my future chapters will come out more satisfactory! =D
Sure thing, bro*_*

I mean past/present. In this chapter's case, you'd need to keep an eye on past tense and ensure everything matches, like -ed endings and the like, cause I saw one sentence that was present tense with -s/es endings on words.
 

Michael92

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So it's finally time to leave a feedback on one of your chapters once more. How long has it been? 3 years? Either way, let me start off by saying kudos for getting back into the game! It has been highly anticipated and also missed. We need writers like you to help teach these younglings how to write :rolleyes: ;) The first impression that strikes me from reading this is the mystery of Black Despair but also the character interaction and plot-pacing of your last story The Adventures of Koetsu (?) and Izumo (? - I never learn those two names for some reason xd). I like the premiss this story present and although I originally thought you were going to write something connected to your past stories, it's not a surprise seeing that you chose this setting. I think you even mentioned the Bloody Mist at a time. I wonder if any of this takes place at the same time or in the same universe as any of your two other Naruto-driven storylines??

I would like to say that your grammar has always been phenomenal although I actually noticed an error in there;

"Water infused chakra needle-like projectiles reaching roughly ten or so feet, are singularly then expelled from Yasu’s mouth." I suppose it should be "were" in this context judging by the given form of the sentence? Are seemed a bit strange to me, but I might be wrong.

Overall a nice first chapter. I was surprised to see the focus being placed at Ao, unless by some weird coincident this happens to be an original character from the same village with the same name? :rolleyes: Yasu has to be original on the other hand unless there's a character from the manga/anime I might be forgetting. For some reason though, I can't help think that he'll die, following the pattern of "the strongest, most brave sacrifices his life to pawn way for a new light."

I'll probably give this chapter another read when I've gotten my "will/strength/motivation" back as I'm kind of tired at this point. I think I managed to get most of it however, even though my review could perhaps have been more fleshed out knowing my standards and the reviews you usually give me, haha. So when are you planning the next release? Will this be a weekly thing or perhaps even more avid than that? I do remember you telling me that you have the 1st arc done, so in the same manner that I have/had 3 chapters ready to go, I suppose it's only a matter of strategising when to release them unless you get the urge to release all at once (by experience though, that's usually a bad move unless you get new readers constantly and the chapters are short. A day or two in between might not be bad going by the NB of the old)...

As for the action, I think you did well starting off with it and all the characters portrayed were interesting enough to make up an opinion about them. I remember how you described things in the past and it seems like the years haven't dulled that ability of yours one slight bit ;)

As for anything else regarding grammar and such, see Eric (CW)'s post, which pretty much covered up the one thing I pointed out and more. A consistent Past/Present form seems to be something most writers on NB struggles with these days, and it takes time and practice to get it right. Anyways, that's it for now, hope you found this review somewhat enjoyable :p ;)
 

Kuroi Honoo

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Sure thing, bro*_*

I mean past/present. In this chapter's case, you'd need to keep an eye on past tense and ensure everything matches, like -ed endings and the like, cause I saw one sentence that was present tense with -s/es endings on words.
Thank you for explaining and you’re completely right. It is something I struggle with and isn't exactly easy for me to correct or even future-wise. I did just make some fixes and I’m not sure if it was all the correct ones but now I know and have an idea so I will definitely try to apply this in anything I do :) ;)

So it's finally time to leave a feedback on one of your chapters once more. How long has it been? 3 years? Either way, let me start off by saying kudos for getting back into the game! It has been highly anticipated and also missed. We need writers like you to help teach these younglings how to write :rolleyes: ;) The first impression that strikes me from reading this is the mystery of Black Despair but also the character interaction and plot-pacing of your last story The Adventures of Koetsu (?) and Izumo (? - I never learn those two names for some reason xd). I like the premiss this story present and although I originally thought you were going to write something connected to your past stories, it's not a surprise seeing that you chose this setting. I think you even mentioned the Bloody Mist at a time. I wonder if any of this takes place at the same time or in the same universe as any of your two other Naruto-driven storylines??

I would like to say that your grammar has always been phenomenal although I actually noticed an error in there;

"Water infused chakra needle-like projectiles reaching roughly ten or so feet, are singularly then expelled from Yasu’s mouth." I suppose it should be "were" in this context judging by the given form of the sentence? Are seemed a bit strange to me, but I might be wrong.

Overall a nice first chapter. I was surprised to see the focus being placed at Ao, unless by some weird coincident this happens to be an original character from the same village with the same name? :rolleyes: Yasu has to be original on the other hand unless there's a character from the manga/anime I might be forgetting. For some reason though, I can't help think that he'll die, following the pattern of "the strongest, most brave sacrifices his life to pawn way for a new light."

I'll probably give this chapter another read when I've gotten my "will/strength/motivation" back as I'm kind of tired at this point. I think I managed to get most of it however, even though my review could perhaps have been more fleshed out knowing my standards and the reviews you usually give me, haha. So when are you planning the next release? Will this be a weekly thing or perhaps even more avid than that? I do remember you telling me that you have the 1st arc done, so in the same manner that I have/had 3 chapters ready to go, I suppose it's only a matter of strategising when to release them unless you get the urge to release all at once (by experience though, that's usually a bad move unless you get new readers constantly and the chapters are short. A day or two in between might not be bad going by the NB of the old)...

As for the action, I think you did well starting off with it and all the characters portrayed were interesting enough to make up an opinion about them. I remember how you described things in the past and it seems like the years haven't dulled that ability of yours one slight bit ;)

As for anything else regarding grammar and such, see Eric (CW)'s post, which pretty much covered up the one thing I pointed out and more. A consistent Past/Present form seems to be something most writers on NB struggles with these days, and it takes time and practice to get it right. Anyways, that's it for now, hope you found this review somewhat enjoyable :p ;)
Well thank you for the nice lengthy review ;)

I know right, it has felt like forever lol Thank you, it's great to be back! =D Thanks again that means a lot! ^^ I see, well I did try to infuse some mystery as I seem to love that genre for some reason lol Yeah, I wanted to do another Naruto based story but something apart :) In a lot of ways this story is similar to Black Despair but it isn’t tied with it or Kotetsu and Izumo.

Thanks for pointing that out as I made sure to fix that and I also applied what CW advised me as well =D

I’ll confirm that this is the cannon Kishimoto Ao character which I really liked and felt since he was disappointedly killed off why not make a fic of his past =D And Yasu/all other characters thus far are original :) LOL you’re not the only one who has predicted Yasu dying. I won;t say for sure, ya’ll have to wait and see

No no no, your review was pretty perfect. I think you’re fine. Read it again if you absolutely want to but in my opinion, you don’t don’t have to as I think you covered everything ;)

That’s a good question, I will probably release the next one a week or so from the date of this chapter posting. And yeah I have the first 3 done but now with all the constructive criticism, I’ll have to go back and edit the last 2 lol

Glad you liked my descriptions and personalities! =D

So thank you again and yes it was definitely enjoyable as it always is :p ;)
 

Michael92

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Well thank you for the nice lengthy review ;)

I know right, it has felt like forever lol Thank you, it's great to be back! =D Thanks again that means a lot! ^^ I see, well I did try to infuse some mystery as I seem to love that genre for some reason lol Yeah, I wanted to do another Naruto based story but something apart :) In a lot of ways this story is similar to Black Despair but it isn’t tied with it or Kotetsu and Izumo.

Thanks for pointing that out as I made sure to fix that and I also applied what CW advised me as well =D

I’ll confirm that this is the cannon Kishimoto Ao character which I really liked and felt since he was disappointedly killed off why not make a fic of his past =D And Yasu/all other characters thus far are original :) LOL you’re not the only one who has predicted Yasu dying. I won;t say for sure, ya’ll have to wait and see

No no no, your review was pretty perfect. I think you’re fine. Read it again if you absolutely want to but in my opinion, you don’t don’t have to as I think you covered everything ;)

That’s a good question, I will probably release the next one a week or so from the date of this chapter posting. And yeah I have the first 3 done but now with all the constructive criticism, I’ll have to go back and edit the last 2 lol

Glad you liked my descriptions and personalities! =D

So thank you again and yes it was definitely enjoyable as it always is :p ;)
Sure no problem ^^ I felt like I owed you that, haha ;D

I get all nostalgic thinking about it. If only Sun and Irfan got back to NB and Wes made a comeback in writing now, it would be just like the good old days, haha xd

Well I guess we will have to see. Like I said, I like the premiss. I'm wondering how dark this story will be however, remembering Infernal Rebirth's sometimes gory scenery. Knowing you though, I'm sure you will find the right balance to keep things interesting ;)

Sounds about logical. Guess you will be releasing the next at the same time as I am then.

No problem yet again, keep up the spirit! ;)

As a little bonus, I am indeed wondering if Chojuro will be playing a role in this story later on (I suppose he's younger than Ao, but I am not too sure), which again could tie the 7 Swordsmen of the Mist into the story somehow too. Either way, will be anticipating what to come.
 

Kuroi Honoo

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Sure no problem ^^ I felt like I owed you that, haha ;D

I get all nostalgic thinking about it. If only Sun and Irfan got back to NB and Wes made a comeback in writing now, it would be just like the good old days, haha xd

Well I guess we will have to see. Like I said, I like the premiss. I'm wondering how dark this story will be however, remembering Infernal Rebirth's sometimes gory scenery. Knowing you though, I'm sure you will find the right balance to keep things interesting ;)

Sounds about logical. Guess you will be releasing the next at the same time as I am then.

No problem yet again, keep up the spirit! ;)

As a little bonus, I am indeed wondering if Chojuro will be playing a role in this story later on (I suppose he's younger than Ao, but I am not too sure), which again could tie the 7 Swordsmen of the Mist into the story somehow too. Either way, will be anticipating what to come.
Well thanks again and you’re so right, like if just those three returned, everything it would feel back to normal lol Who knows, it could still happen :)

Ah yes, you’ve taken me back and well you’ll have to wait and see but thanks for having that faith in me. I just hope I can live up to it

Oh, well I suppose I will attempt to but I’ve seen a lot of writers including yourself :p release chapters not evenly so it kind of takes that pressure of having to release every week like a mangaka XD Although, yeah, Im going to try to release within a weeks time.

Thank you so much again! lol =D

That’s an interesting thought on your part but yeah, he is way younger than Ao. On a website with information about the Narutoverse, both Ao is age 46 and Choujuurou 19 in part 2 of the manga but that would’ve been really cool to do :)
 

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Well thanks again and you’re so right, like if just those three returned, everything it would feel back to normal lol Who knows, it could still happen :)

Ah yes, you’ve taken me back and well you’ll have to wait and see but thanks for having that faith in me. I just hope I can live up to it

Oh, well I suppose I will attempt to but I’ve seen a lot of writers including yourself :p release chapters not evenly so it kind of takes that pressure of having to release every week like a mangaka XD Although, yeah, Im going to try to release within a weeks time.

Thank you so much again! lol =D

That’s an interesting thought on your part but yeah, he is way younger than Ao. On a website with information about the Narutoverse, both Ao is age 46 and Choujuurou 19 in part 2 of the manga but that would’ve been really cool to do :)
Not in a million years my friend xD It would be more likely for John to return than for that to happen, lmao. Wesobi is still around though but I'm not in contact with him any longer "sadly."

Sounds good to me ^^ Take whatever time you need ;)

Well that could indeed bring up some problems, but maybe the 7 Swordsmen of the Mist are in your plans regardless of the fact? I think I remember you saying that even though not all 3 arcs are written, you already have the story planned out? If it's not going to be that long, maybe it won't happen, haha. Perhaps an "open ending" or something with their appearance could be cool. I'm not the writer though, and I'm not even sure where you are planning to take this story, haha ;D
 

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Thank you, I enjoyed it. An interesting read. We never really got to know that much about the other villages in the manga. Wow Ao, so young and afraid, who could imagine he would later steal a byakugan and be an "advisor" to Mei. Looking forward to the next part let me know when you release it. Won't criticize the grammar or anything you have enough other people to do that.
 

Michael92

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Thank you, I enjoyed it. An interesting read. We never really got to know that much about the other villages in the manga. Wow Ao, so young and afraid, who could imagine he would later steal a byakugan and be an "advisor" to Mei. Looking forward to the next part let me know when you release it. Won't criticize the grammar or anything you have enough other people to do that.
Your posts actually reminded me about something. Not only about his Byakugan, but his first hand experience battling Shisui Uchiha. Maybe you should do a cross over chapter with Fahad, Kuroi? xd To have Shisui from his story battle your Ao, haha. That would indeed be crazy, haha. I am curious about that fact though as I had completely forgotten about it myself. Him battling Shisui that is.
 

FaHaD 5212

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Thank you so very much for your compliments! =D I never knew English wasn’t your mother tongue but dude, you sure speak it well, well enough to fool me without even trying ;)

I’m so pleased that my story is perceived as something interesting ^^

Glad that you like who I presented these characters especially Ao! =D Yeah, I’m not the type of writer to write big lengthy chapters thus I’m so happy that I was able to give a sense of these characters’ personalities, etc. even if only through their dialogue ^^

Whoa bro, you have such the imagination and while I won’t reveal whether or not you were right, I’m just amazed at your prediction! ;) Yes, only time will tell indeed ^_^

Again, thank you so much and I’ll link you once I post the next chapter! =D
No problem ;) Thanks, I never thought that you didn't notice.

Yes, this chapter was detailed to an unnatural degree, tell me, how much time did you spend on it?

I think that it will be a mix of mine and Mic's predictions.

No problem, just remember to contact me.

Your posts actually reminded me about something. Not only about his Byakugan, but his first hand experience battling Shisui Uchiha. Maybe you should do a cross over chapter with Fahad, Kuroi? xd To have Shisui from his story battle your Ao, haha. That would indeed be crazy, haha. I am curious about that fact though as I had completely forgotten about it myself. Him battling Shisui that is.
Hm? We could do it. Three chapters and a combined entry for the FFoTM contest, I think that a chapter a month would be the best way to go about it. Also, it will help both our writing skills. Yes, it is a wonderful suggestion and I already have a plot in mind.
 

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Hm? We could do it. Three chapters and a combined entry for the FFoTM contest, I think that a chapter a month would be the best way to go about it. Also, it will help both our writing skills. Yes, it is a wonderful suggestion and I already have a plot in mind.
Well in that regard, I can finally make up for deciding to go ahead with my collaboration idea with Ryan (Germanicus) instead after talks of doing one with Kuroi (and Escorpiius) for ages, which eventually went down the drain. I have yet to realize that plan however even though we have everything planned out, but I'm certain it will finally happen after I finish TLSoSP, acting as my real last work on here xD

And I'm amazed that you actually have a plan O__o It could work as a side story/Chronicle (kind of like I did with my Sasuke Chronicles and Kakashi Chronicles during my first Series... Yes!! Exactly like I did it @__O), just a matter of finding out when/where to fit it in, haha. At first I was just throwing it out there as a random thought that hit me as I realized the fact, but after another consideration, that plan might not be that far-fetched after all. In that regard, you will truly become my successor on the Base, Fahad, walking in the exact same steps as I xD The only thing that's left then is for you to end your "first" story at chapter 15, and then move on to do a 30 chapters long sequel after that xD I am serious though, I was indeed joking with Flawless/Savage/WhateverHisNameIsNow that I had found my successor on the Base to take over once I leave xd

I totally support this idea!! ^^ It's all up to Ivan (Kuroi) then I guess, haha =p
 
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Kuroi Honoo

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Not in a million years my friend xD It would be more likely for John to return than for that to happen, lmao. Wesobi is still around though but I'm not in contact with him any longer "sadly."

Sounds good to me ^^ Take whatever time you need ;)

Well that could indeed bring up some problems, but maybe the 7 Swordsmen of the Mist are in your plans regardless of the fact? I think I remember you saying that even though not all 3 arcs are written, you already have the story planned out? If it's not going to be that long, maybe it won't happen, haha. Perhaps an "open ending" or something with their appearance could be cool. I'm not the writer though, and I'm not even sure where you are planning to take this story, haha ;D
I see, that is sad to hear and it’s the same with me unfortunately.

Well, my lips remain sealed XD However I always love how you can point something out intriguing such as the Seven Swordsman perhaps playing a role =D

I did more or less have the entire story planned out with the first three chapters initially being a small portion in the the first chapter. Although, I instead decided to stretch that out into three chapters, making up this first arc and the rest of the first chapter was separated into the next arc which would also consist of 3 chapters but I I’m not sure whether or not I’ll continue because it’s a ton of editing and could take a span of a month or more.

Thank you for your always interesting and cool thoughts! ^^

Thank you, I enjoyed it. An interesting read. We never really got to know that much about the other villages in the manga. Wow Ao, so young and afraid, who could imagine he would later steal a byakugan and be an "advisor" to Mei. Looking forward to the next part let me know when you release it. Won't criticize the grammar or anything you have enough other people to do that.
No, I should be thanking you for taking time to read my story so THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH!!! =D

I’m glad that you found it interesting as my stories are always fast-paced and not overly detailed (something I need to work on).

I know right, Kishimoto has a brilliant mind and he unfortunately limited the limelight greatly on all the other villages -_-

I definitely will let you know ^^

Well, thank you again and you’re free to give me whatever critiquing you wish. I welcome it as it’s always a help but yeah, Chakra Wizard I think definitely did it the best lol He opened my eyes and he’s such a talented writer. It’s my lack of school and so I’ll never be on his level or even close but this is a hobby of mine and I do enjoy it so :)

Again, thank you so much for reading! ;)

Your posts actually reminded me about something. Not only about his Byakugan, but his first hand experience battling Shisui Uchiha. Maybe you should do a cross over chapter with Fahad, Kuroi? xd To have Shisui from his story battle your Ao, haha. That would indeed be crazy, haha. I am curious about that fact though as I had completely forgotten about it myself. Him battling Shisui that is.
LOL That is crazy!!! The thought never came to mind. I mean, I know a lot about Ao because he’s a character I really like but crossovering with FaHaD due to his Shisui is pretty mindblowing XD You and your brilliant yet sometimes crazy (in the good sense of course) ideas :p ;)

No problem ;) Thanks, I never thought that you didn't notice.

Yes, this chapter was detailed to an unnatural degree, tell me, how much time did you spend on it?

I think that it will be a mix of mine and Mic's predictions.

No problem, just remember to contact me.
You're welcome :)

Thank you again and yes, I did in fact spend a span of several months but it was only because the first plot I had for this entire story I found out after writing a lot of it had a huge error and so that was when my story went on a break and then I began hacking and slashing at it lol It was quite the process and I don’t think this fanfic is all that it could be but my brain is like below average so yeah, I tried my best XD

Well, I like yours and his predictions very much, whatever the outcome will be ^^

Will do ;)

Hm? We could do it. Three chapters and a combined entry for the FFoTM contest, I think that a chapter a month would be the best way to go about it. Also, it will help both our writing skills. Yes, it is a wonderful suggestion and I already have a plot in mind.
Well, I’m shocked lol I’ll say that I’m nervous about it but you do say that you have a plot in mind which is great because I’d rather my partner take the lead in the project because I feel like my writing isn’t all that great and I wouldn’t want to ruin the combo story so if you’d still want to give it a go then just private message me about how we’d go about it and I’ll try to be on board as best I can ;)

Well in that regard, I can finally make up for deciding to go ahead with my collaboration idea with Ryan (Germanicus) instead after talks of doing one with Kuroi (and Escorpiius) for ages, which eventually went down the drain. I have yet to realize that plan however even though we have everything planned out, but I'm certain it will finally happen after I finish TLSoSP, acting as my real last work on here xD

And I'm amazed that you actually have a plan O__o It could work as a side story/Chronicle (kind of like I did with my Sasuke Chronicles and Kakashi Chronicles during my first Series... Yes!! Exactly like I did it @__O), just a matter of finding out when/where to fit it in, haha. At first I was just throwing it out there as a random thought that hit me as I realized the fact, but after another consideration, that plan might not be that far-fetched after all. In that regard, you will truly become my successor on the Base, Fahad, walking in the exact same steps as I xD The only thing that's left then is for you to end your "first" story at chapter 15, and then move on to do a 30 chapters long sequel after that xD I am serious though, I was indeed joking with Flawless/Savage/WhateverHisNameIsNow that I had found my successor on the Base to take over once I leave xd

I totally support this idea!! ^^ It's all up to Ivan (Kuroi) then I guess, haha =p
I can never stop apologizing for not coming through with my part on that colla fic. It hits me every now and then because I know let you down so bad and it’s a terrible feeling but like I said to FaHaD above, I feel like I’d mess the collab up wit my inclusion.

Thank you for wishing us well though as I just continue to feel so bad about that T_T
 

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I see, that is sad to hear and it’s the same with me unfortunately.

Well, my lips remain sealed XD However I always love how you can point something out intriguing such as the Seven Swordsman perhaps playing a role =D

I did more or less have the entire story planned out with the first three chapters initially being a small portion in the the first chapter. Although, I instead decided to stretch that out into three chapters, making up this first arc and the rest of the first chapter was separated into the next arc which would also consist of 3 chapters but I I’m not sure whether or not I’ll continue because it’s a ton of editing and could take a span of a month or more.

Thank you for your always interesting and cool thoughts! ^^



No, I should be thanking you for taking time to read my story so THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH!!! =D

I’m glad that you found it interesting as my stories are always fast-paced and not overly detailed (something I need to work on).

I know right, Kishimoto has a brilliant mind and he unfortunately limited the limelight greatly on all the other villages -_-

I definitely will let you know ^^

Well, thank you again and you’re free to give me whatever critiquing you wish. I welcome it as it’s always a help but yeah, Chakra Wizard I think definitely did it the best lol He opened my eyes and he’s such a talented writer. It’s my lack of school and so I’ll never be on his level or even close but this is a hobby of mine and I do enjoy it so :)

Again, thank you so much for reading! ;)



LOL That is crazy!!! The thought never came to mind. I mean, I know a lot about Ao because he’s a character I really like but crossovering with FaHaD due to his Shisui is pretty mindblowing XD You and your brilliant yet sometimes crazy (in the good sense of course) ideas :p ;)



You're welcome :)

Thank you again and yes, I did in fact spend a span of several months but it was only because the first plot I had for this entire story I found out after writing a lot of it had a huge error and so that was when my story went on a break and then I began hacking and slashing at it lol It was quite the process and I don’t think this fanfic is all that it could be but my brain is like below average so yeah, I tried my best XD

Well, I like yours and his predictions very much, whatever the outcome will be ^^

Will do ;)



Well, I’m shocked lol I’ll say that I’m nervous about it but you do say that you have a plot in mind which is great because I’d rather my partner take the lead in the project because I feel like my writing isn’t all that great and I wouldn’t want to ruin the combo story so if you’d still want to give it a go then just private message me about how we’d go about it and I’ll try to be on board as best I can ;)



I can never stop apologizing for not coming through with my part on that colla fic. It hits me every now and then because I know let you down so bad and it’s a terrible feeling but like I said to FaHaD above, I feel like I’d mess the collab up wit my inclusion.

Thank you for wishing us well though as I just continue to feel so bad about that T_T
Do not blame yourself for my misplaced timing xD None of us were rally ready to do one (especially Escorp), and when I finally found time, none of us were really that interested in doing it, haha xD
I'll leave this comment short and let Fahad take the wheel on any possibly response =p ;)
 

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Awesome job Kuroi! I see good things coming for this fanfic! (And I'm really digging the whole crossover with FaHaD idea)! Great to see you back in the writing game :)
 

Kuroi Honoo

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Do not blame yourself for my misplaced timing xD None of us were rally ready to do one (especially Escorp), and when I finally found time, none of us were really that interested in doing it, haha xD
I'll leave this comment short and let Fahad take the wheel on any possibly response =p ;)
Thank you so much for saying that, it's like a weight's been lifted ;)

Awesome job Kuroi! I see good things coming for this fanfic! (And I'm really digging the whole crossover with FaHaD idea)! Great to see you back in the writing game :)
Thank you and you didn’t have to read it as fast as you did but thank you again =D

At the moment it will spread out into only 3 chapters but I have written more chapters but they’d have to go through a change and not to mention a ton of editing so I’m still unsure -_-

Nice to see your opinion over the supposed collab fic between me and FaHaD ^^ I’m still surprised over it and it’ll definitely be an interesting process.

Thank you once again for reading and commenting, my friend! ;)
 

FaHaD 5212

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Well in that regard, I can finally make up for deciding to go ahead with my collaboration idea with Ryan (Germanicus) instead after talks of doing one with Kuroi (and Escorpiius) for ages, which eventually went down the drain. I have yet to realize that plan however even though we have everything planned out, but I'm certain it will finally happen after I finish TLSoSP, acting as my real last work on here xD

And I'm amazed that you actually have a plan O__o It could work as a side story/Chronicle (kind of like I did with my Sasuke Chronicles and Kakashi Chronicles during my first Series... Yes!! Exactly like I did it @__O), just a matter of finding out when/where to fit it in, haha. At first I was just throwing it out there as a random thought that hit me as I realized the fact, but after another consideration, that plan might not be that far-fetched after all. In that regard, you will truly become my successor on the Base, Fahad, walking in the exact same steps as I xD The only thing that's left then is for you to end your "first" story at chapter 15, and then move on to do a 30 chapters long sequel after that xD I am serious though, I was indeed joking with Flawless/Savage/WhateverHisNameIsNow that I had found my successor on the Base to take over once I leave xd

I totally support this idea!! ^^ It's all up to Ivan (Kuroi) then I guess, haha =p
I'm no apprentice! XD Anyway, I've began the process, sent a PM and all.

You're welcome :)

Thank you again and yes, I did in fact spend a span of several months but it was only because the first plot I had for this entire story I found out after writing a lot of it had a huge error and so that was when my story went on a break and then I began hacking and slashing at it lol It was quite the process and I don’t think this fanfic is all that it could be but my brain is like below average so yeah, I tried my best XD

Well, I like yours and his predictions very much, whatever the outcome will be ^^

Will do ;)


Well, I’m shocked lol I’ll say that I’m nervous about it but you do say that you have a plot in mind which is great because I’d rather my partner take the lead in the project because I feel like my writing isn’t all that great and I wouldn’t want to ruin the combo story so if you’d still want to give it a go then just private message me about how we’d go about it and I’ll try to be on board as best I can ;)
I see, this time you spent planning sure did pay off. Also, your mind and imagination are superb if your reviews on mine and Mic's chapters are anything to go by ;)

I sent you a mail for a start, reply and we'll have a well structured plot. After that is done we discuss how we write it, and so on :xD:
 
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