Mayhem chapter 1

Death Bringer

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this is my very first fan fiction. please tell me your thoughts on it.



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setting: a man and woman on a cliff at night looking down at a village

details: the woman is a few feet behind the man as he stares down at a village


???: ..Haru...


haru: Amaya, just tell me...tell me what i am.

amaya: your a... hero

haru: would a hero have killed two Innocent people tonight!

a slight breeze of wind passes through as haru is waiting for an answer

haru: a hero is a meaningless name unless given value, and i have not given any value to that name.

amaya: a hero is not judged on his opinion but on the opinion of the ones giving him that name. and in my eyes you are a hero.

haru: then tell me, why is it that my sword is tainted with the lives of others?

amaya: to maintain the balance in this world, for every good there is a bad for every opening there's a closing, for every life there is a death.

haru: those are the words saburo sensei used to speak of.


flash back

setting: kid haru,kid amaya and there former sensei sitting in a public diner eating​

saburo: eat up, remember its on me.

haru and amaya in unison: thanks sensei!

saburo smiles at them as they start eating as if they hadn't ate in a week

a group of three strangers walk in the diner and starts walking toward saburo, amaya and haru


stranger 1: well look at what we have here, ive never seen you around here before and It looks like your in my spot.

saburo: we dont want any trouble, we are almost finished.

stranger 1: well, sorry my friend but it looks like trouble has found you.

he takes out his sword

stranger 1: but i think we may be able to cooperate if you let us have that girl for a while

he smiles at saburo while the other two strangers are smiling at amaya

saburo slides back from the table and stands up

saburo: disgusting

stranger 1: a tough guy huh!?

he slings his sword at saburo but before the sword hits saburo, saburo has already taken out his own sword and has cut the mans arm off


the man screams as the other two strangers go to attack saburo


saburo kicks the the second stranger in the stomach and when the man bends over in pain saburo slashes his sword upwards killing the man

the 3rd stranger goes too unsheath his sword but before he gets a chance to take his sword out saburo has already cut the mans neck


all three strangers are laying on the ground lifeless in a pool of there own blood


setting: saburo, amaya and haru are walking through a village at sunset


amaya: thank you sensei for not letting them get me...

haru: hey sensei

saburo: yes haru?

haru: why did you kill those men, you could have just injured them.

saburo: yes but if i would have done that instead of killing them then they would have done it to someone else.

haru: how do you know that sensei?

saburo
: because, if they would have lived then they would have eventually found someone else to pick on and who knows they might have even killed them. because i killed them that means that ive spared the lifes of anyone that they would have killed. its the way of maintaining the balance of this world.for every good there is a bad, for every opening there's a closing and for every life there is a death. because i killed them ive spared the life's of there next victims, but at a cost.

amaya: a cost?

saburo: yes, now my sword is tainted with there deaths.



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Nikkou Arashi

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You sure have good English grammar to begin with. The chapter seems to be pretty plain though. But, I guess its because its just the beginning. I've noticed though that none here really practices much about giving a synopsis for what they're story is all about. Its actually a good way to give readers a little overview - just a suggestion though.

Nice going for a first write up! Keep it up, then!:)
 
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