FearxDeath
Active member
Hey, I wrote this, im really tired, dont want to type alot. But i wrote this story and want some feedback on what people think. btw this is fear, havent posted in a WHILE, not sure if anyone remembers me lol, hopefully there are still a few old faithfuls online >__<
I could easily write a better manga than this trash. I like the idea behind this, a manga based on an offshoot of "WoW". But this is like writing a manga based on math, yeah sure math teachers are gonna get a kick out of it, but most everyone else are gonna be left out of the loop.
Personally I think the art is better than 2/10, I would say more like 6 or eve 7/10, its not the same kind of style were used to seeing in mangas which makes it refreshing for a change. The story again is 0/10, even with a bad premise like a WoW based manga the story still falls short. It feels like filler, "Wheres the beef?", am I really just sitting here seeing this guy getting better at playing WoW?
Ive been thinking of a manga/story that would be awesome, ill write a bit here, let me know what you think.
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The Year is the late 12th century.
There is a war going on that humans are not privy to, an angel like race called the Naru, tasked with watching over earth, are fighting amounst one another. One side believes that the future of earth depends on directly controlling it and its inhabitants (Faction Y) while the other believes that earth should be left on its own and intervention should only happen if there is no other option (Faction X). These two factions have been warring for centuries. And alas humans are being dragged into the mix.
Normally humans are weak, they possess souls but none so powerful to challenge Naru. But the NaruY have started taking humans and harnessing their souls for power. While a single humans soul doesnt possess much power when hundreds are put together can be quite formidable. With this new found power NaruY has started winning more and more battles and have ended the century long stale mate.
* There is also a 3rd faction of Naru, peaceful Naru who do not believe in the war, instead they live like hermits amounst the people, teaching and guiding humanity towards a better future.
This is the backstory^
The story starts with a boy named Bourn, who is found unconcious in the center of a burned down village by a man who claims to be an ex soldier, the only thing we know about this boy is the strange tattoo of a white dragon he has on his shoulder. The fires are not of this world? Could it be the that the Naru have started waging war on the humans?
_
There is alot of exposition here that I will skip through for the sake of time
- The humans have become aware of the NaruY and their kidnapping and killing of humans and have waged a war against them. They are doing this by summoning them to earth, trapping them and then draining them of their energy and storing it in a tattoo so they can use later. But they only Naru they know how to summon are NaruX, and so they begin hunting the very people trying to defend them, how are they to know there is a war going on?
- This along with the power gained by NaruY from harvesting humans the NaruX find themselves in a losing war and many begin to jump ship. We also find out that NaruX have begun placing themselves in positions on power within earths most power kingdoms as kings and advisors.
- NaruX once were more than willing to fraternize with humans knowledgable enough to summon them, as this technique was known only by Naru and taught only to humans Naru trusted dearly. But with this betrayal the leader of the NaruX has banned any NaruX from going to earth in order to must up troops and defend themselves from attack.
- Humans who managed to steal power from NaruX now find that power useful in wars between other humans and use this power to conquer kingdoms and acquire power. But as they use up the power they stole they need to gain more, and a traveling wizard is more than willing to trade this information on how to gain more power, for a price. It turns out that humans souls are much like Naru souls, except alot weaker, so you just need drain alot of them.
- Meanwhile the boy with a dragon tattoo has spent that last year staying with this ex soldier who taught him how to fight. The boy uses this prowess to defend his new home (devastated by the loss of his old one). This was easy back when the kingdoms had to save their Naru Power for important wars less they use it all and become powerless, but with a new means of gaining more power they are encouraged even more to conquer more territory and use the prisoners captured as sacrifices for power.
------------------
Long story short the ex soldier was actually a Naru part of the 3rd faction, he was put off by the warring Naru and frequently took trips to earth as he found earthlings peaceful and aggreable. And he was a very strong soldier at that, one of the generals. As they protect the town he sees bourn use Naru powers to defeat his enemy. How can this be!!
It turns out that Bourn was the result of humans first trying to steal the powers of the Naru. At first instead of simply storing of energy within tattoos they attempted to merge the soul of a Naru with a humans, with a childs soul still being undeveloped they made the perfect ginuea pig as theyre souls were immediately ripped apart by the Naru's. Atleast that is what they thought, after a period of time these kids would lose control of their Naru incinerate everything withing a 100km radius. Normally the kids would be destroyed along with the blast, but there was something special about bourn, the town he had destroyed was 400km and yet it was completely destroyed, not only that he lived through it. What could this mean?
The ex soilders says that the humans merged bourn with a particularly strong Naru, one that was thought to have died in the war but was infact abducted by humans early on during their testing.
^ All this takes about 15-20 manga chapters to get through
Then we get to the action
Ex soldier trains bourn in how to use Naru and they go from kingdom to kingdom ridding them of NaruY influence. Bourn grows during this time making friends and foes and learning new things. As they dethrown more kingdoms the NaruY have come to notice what they were doing. The first two kingdoms they defeated were small fry, the NaruY didnt even notice. But as the 3rd kingdom falls they realize someone is attacking them, they think it is the NaruX launching an attack on them and they send out spies to figure out what is going on.
Meanwhile the NaruX figure out that someone is fighting against the NaruY... have the humans finally figured out what is going on? Most NaruX think nothing of it and agree they still need time to lick their wounds, but a few NaruX decide to follow up on this lead and figure out what is going on. Btw they learned this from a NaruX that is a spy within the NaruY, dum dum duuum!
When the NaruX come accros bourn and the ex soldier they are shocked as they thought he died a long time ago. It turns out that he didnt die, but reveals he had had his souled merged/chained to a young boy, OMG!, the other Naru offer to rid him of the boy saying once the boy dies he would be free of the chain (turns out the other boys exploding may have been caused by Naru trying to break the chains), "what is one boys life when you being free can save hundreds?" they ask, the ex soldier maintains that once you start thinking that way you become no better than the NaruY. While they dont fully understand his point they do respect his decision.
Towards the end of the manga you have a big boss battle between Bourn the and ex soldier, a very strong NaruY and a few NaruX who came to bourns aid. The battle goes on and at the end both the NaruY is destroyed, but bourn is mortally injured. The NaruX make an attempt to help, but are too weak to do anything, and besides if he dies they get a general back which would go a long way in strenghting the NaruX faction so its a win win. At the end of the manga the ex soldier sacrifices himself to save bourns life. With the ex soldier now dead bourn is a regular human and the NaruX are quite displeased and leave immediantly as they have no reason to stay, bourn is now left alone without his "father/friend".
- time skips a bit here as we reach the end of the manga
After healing and greiving for a few months in seclusion bourns decides to walk to the nearby town to see what has gone on. To his surprise the NaruY have been quite busy and are trying to re establish power in this territory. "When will it end, when will they learn" he mutters as he walks into battle. "They all owe, every last one of them owes me" bourn whispers as he clutches his fists. "And every last one of them will pay with their lives". Bourn rushes towards the enemy, with the last page being what seems to be him using a Naru power. DUM DUM DUUMM!!!
This took an hour to write, I am tired and sleepy, there are bound to be grammatical errors, idc. I hope you like it, I just wish I could draw, I think this would make an awesome manga.
I could easily write a better manga than this trash. I like the idea behind this, a manga based on an offshoot of "WoW". But this is like writing a manga based on math, yeah sure math teachers are gonna get a kick out of it, but most everyone else are gonna be left out of the loop.
Personally I think the art is better than 2/10, I would say more like 6 or eve 7/10, its not the same kind of style were used to seeing in mangas which makes it refreshing for a change. The story again is 0/10, even with a bad premise like a WoW based manga the story still falls short. It feels like filler, "Wheres the beef?", am I really just sitting here seeing this guy getting better at playing WoW?
Ive been thinking of a manga/story that would be awesome, ill write a bit here, let me know what you think.
-------------
The Year is the late 12th century.
There is a war going on that humans are not privy to, an angel like race called the Naru, tasked with watching over earth, are fighting amounst one another. One side believes that the future of earth depends on directly controlling it and its inhabitants (Faction Y) while the other believes that earth should be left on its own and intervention should only happen if there is no other option (Faction X). These two factions have been warring for centuries. And alas humans are being dragged into the mix.
Normally humans are weak, they possess souls but none so powerful to challenge Naru. But the NaruY have started taking humans and harnessing their souls for power. While a single humans soul doesnt possess much power when hundreds are put together can be quite formidable. With this new found power NaruY has started winning more and more battles and have ended the century long stale mate.
* There is also a 3rd faction of Naru, peaceful Naru who do not believe in the war, instead they live like hermits amounst the people, teaching and guiding humanity towards a better future.
This is the backstory^
The story starts with a boy named Bourn, who is found unconcious in the center of a burned down village by a man who claims to be an ex soldier, the only thing we know about this boy is the strange tattoo of a white dragon he has on his shoulder. The fires are not of this world? Could it be the that the Naru have started waging war on the humans?
_
There is alot of exposition here that I will skip through for the sake of time
- The humans have become aware of the NaruY and their kidnapping and killing of humans and have waged a war against them. They are doing this by summoning them to earth, trapping them and then draining them of their energy and storing it in a tattoo so they can use later. But they only Naru they know how to summon are NaruX, and so they begin hunting the very people trying to defend them, how are they to know there is a war going on?
- This along with the power gained by NaruY from harvesting humans the NaruX find themselves in a losing war and many begin to jump ship. We also find out that NaruX have begun placing themselves in positions on power within earths most power kingdoms as kings and advisors.
- NaruX once were more than willing to fraternize with humans knowledgable enough to summon them, as this technique was known only by Naru and taught only to humans Naru trusted dearly. But with this betrayal the leader of the NaruX has banned any NaruX from going to earth in order to must up troops and defend themselves from attack.
- Humans who managed to steal power from NaruX now find that power useful in wars between other humans and use this power to conquer kingdoms and acquire power. But as they use up the power they stole they need to gain more, and a traveling wizard is more than willing to trade this information on how to gain more power, for a price. It turns out that humans souls are much like Naru souls, except alot weaker, so you just need drain alot of them.
- Meanwhile the boy with a dragon tattoo has spent that last year staying with this ex soldier who taught him how to fight. The boy uses this prowess to defend his new home (devastated by the loss of his old one). This was easy back when the kingdoms had to save their Naru Power for important wars less they use it all and become powerless, but with a new means of gaining more power they are encouraged even more to conquer more territory and use the prisoners captured as sacrifices for power.
------------------
Long story short the ex soldier was actually a Naru part of the 3rd faction, he was put off by the warring Naru and frequently took trips to earth as he found earthlings peaceful and aggreable. And he was a very strong soldier at that, one of the generals. As they protect the town he sees bourn use Naru powers to defeat his enemy. How can this be!!
It turns out that Bourn was the result of humans first trying to steal the powers of the Naru. At first instead of simply storing of energy within tattoos they attempted to merge the soul of a Naru with a humans, with a childs soul still being undeveloped they made the perfect ginuea pig as theyre souls were immediately ripped apart by the Naru's. Atleast that is what they thought, after a period of time these kids would lose control of their Naru incinerate everything withing a 100km radius. Normally the kids would be destroyed along with the blast, but there was something special about bourn, the town he had destroyed was 400km and yet it was completely destroyed, not only that he lived through it. What could this mean?
The ex soilders says that the humans merged bourn with a particularly strong Naru, one that was thought to have died in the war but was infact abducted by humans early on during their testing.
^ All this takes about 15-20 manga chapters to get through
Then we get to the action
Ex soldier trains bourn in how to use Naru and they go from kingdom to kingdom ridding them of NaruY influence. Bourn grows during this time making friends and foes and learning new things. As they dethrown more kingdoms the NaruY have come to notice what they were doing. The first two kingdoms they defeated were small fry, the NaruY didnt even notice. But as the 3rd kingdom falls they realize someone is attacking them, they think it is the NaruX launching an attack on them and they send out spies to figure out what is going on.
Meanwhile the NaruX figure out that someone is fighting against the NaruY... have the humans finally figured out what is going on? Most NaruX think nothing of it and agree they still need time to lick their wounds, but a few NaruX decide to follow up on this lead and figure out what is going on. Btw they learned this from a NaruX that is a spy within the NaruY, dum dum duuum!
When the NaruX come accros bourn and the ex soldier they are shocked as they thought he died a long time ago. It turns out that he didnt die, but reveals he had had his souled merged/chained to a young boy, OMG!, the other Naru offer to rid him of the boy saying once the boy dies he would be free of the chain (turns out the other boys exploding may have been caused by Naru trying to break the chains), "what is one boys life when you being free can save hundreds?" they ask, the ex soldier maintains that once you start thinking that way you become no better than the NaruY. While they dont fully understand his point they do respect his decision.
Towards the end of the manga you have a big boss battle between Bourn the and ex soldier, a very strong NaruY and a few NaruX who came to bourns aid. The battle goes on and at the end both the NaruY is destroyed, but bourn is mortally injured. The NaruX make an attempt to help, but are too weak to do anything, and besides if he dies they get a general back which would go a long way in strenghting the NaruX faction so its a win win. At the end of the manga the ex soldier sacrifices himself to save bourns life. With the ex soldier now dead bourn is a regular human and the NaruX are quite displeased and leave immediantly as they have no reason to stay, bourn is now left alone without his "father/friend".
- time skips a bit here as we reach the end of the manga
After healing and greiving for a few months in seclusion bourns decides to walk to the nearby town to see what has gone on. To his surprise the NaruY have been quite busy and are trying to re establish power in this territory. "When will it end, when will they learn" he mutters as he walks into battle. "They all owe, every last one of them owes me" bourn whispers as he clutches his fists. "And every last one of them will pay with their lives". Bourn rushes towards the enemy, with the last page being what seems to be him using a Naru power. DUM DUM DUUMM!!!
This took an hour to write, I am tired and sleepy, there are bound to be grammatical errors, idc. I hope you like it, I just wish I could draw, I think this would make an awesome manga.
