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- Thread starter MetaC
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This is in the wrong section.
OT: I don't listen to rap (well english rap) but it's okay. 6/10
Your voice doesn't really fit the song it's too "light" if you get what I'm saying. It's only good in the chorus the rest is kind of a mess it gets good than bad.
But the lyrics aren't bad.
OT: I don't listen to rap (well english rap) but it's okay. 6/10
Your voice doesn't really fit the song it's too "light" if you get what I'm saying. It's only good in the chorus the rest is kind of a mess it gets good than bad.
But the lyrics aren't bad.
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Dark Sonic
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Jazzy Stardust
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I just want to say, keep it up and everything. What I say just my opinion and in the end it's up to only you and your thoughts..
Artistically:
So the song is called Fluency right? But there's no focus. The chorus explains the song, but in the first verse you're talking about how great you are before going into it. That's not a transparent expression IMO of someone looking for fluency in life. Second verse was also like you ran out of subject matter and was just trying to get to the hook.
With songwriting the play on words isn't as important as the expression of the emotion, that is the key goal. Find a focused emotion and express that. For instance look at Kendrick Lamar, the majority of the words he uses are pretty simple, but he expresses his emotion clearly without fear. Like the second verse of the song was about a spouse I'm guessing? I didn't really believe it, I know you felt more than what you expressed. The goal of lyricism is to express the emotion, finding ways to express your feeling to others. Style as a lyricist is having certain subject matter to help relate it.
For instance a stylistic, emotional expression from Earl Sweatshirt:
The style is using Baby Mario, who would start crying and going into a frenzy if you didn't get enough gold. But it's a double play on the emotional expression that he got the gold so he wouldn't be crying.
I'm not saying bop his style. But that's what I'm talking about, your style came out on the play of words rather than the emotion. Which is cool for freestyles, not really songs.
The beat has good dynamics, but vocally you have to utilize that. Think of music more horizontally, what I mean by that is the emotional dynamics of the song, the depth. If it's more mellow match that, and match intensity that gains with it as the song progresses. Both in what you're saying and the tone of how.
Lastly your'e trying to write a catchy mainstream song and you're an underground artist. I say this because no one writes a catchy mainstream song. Major labels tell artists how to make their songs more catchy for their audience. Please believe me when I say this. That's why it's called selling out, you comprise your art to fit their mold or use one of their producers to make the verse an exact length, the use of certain syllables and words, etc. Like Fluency and Bouyancy, a major label would tell you to take that off because it's not often used in conversation.
Sonically:
You have to either study audio engineering or find someone who knows it. Mixing is essential, it doesn't seem like it was mixed at all. I could be wrong but you got to balance out the levels.
But that's my two cents and some change. You have potential though, it will unlock in time.
Artistically:
So the song is called Fluency right? But there's no focus. The chorus explains the song, but in the first verse you're talking about how great you are before going into it. That's not a transparent expression IMO of someone looking for fluency in life. Second verse was also like you ran out of subject matter and was just trying to get to the hook.
With songwriting the play on words isn't as important as the expression of the emotion, that is the key goal. Find a focused emotion and express that. For instance look at Kendrick Lamar, the majority of the words he uses are pretty simple, but he expresses his emotion clearly without fear. Like the second verse of the song was about a spouse I'm guessing? I didn't really believe it, I know you felt more than what you expressed. The goal of lyricism is to express the emotion, finding ways to express your feeling to others. Style as a lyricist is having certain subject matter to help relate it.
For instance a stylistic, emotional expression from Earl Sweatshirt:
The emotion he is expressing is how his actions got him to where he is to a female whose not understanding. He got money because he doesn't complain.
The style is using Baby Mario, who would start crying and going into a frenzy if you didn't get enough gold. But it's a double play on the emotional expression that he got the gold so he wouldn't be crying.
I'm not saying bop his style. But that's what I'm talking about, your style came out on the play of words rather than the emotion. Which is cool for freestyles, not really songs.
The beat has good dynamics, but vocally you have to utilize that. Think of music more horizontally, what I mean by that is the emotional dynamics of the song, the depth. If it's more mellow match that, and match intensity that gains with it as the song progresses. Both in what you're saying and the tone of how.
Lastly your'e trying to write a catchy mainstream song and you're an underground artist. I say this because no one writes a catchy mainstream song. Major labels tell artists how to make their songs more catchy for their audience. Please believe me when I say this. That's why it's called selling out, you comprise your art to fit their mold or use one of their producers to make the verse an exact length, the use of certain syllables and words, etc. Like Fluency and Bouyancy, a major label would tell you to take that off because it's not often used in conversation.
Sonically:
You have to either study audio engineering or find someone who knows it. Mixing is essential, it doesn't seem like it was mixed at all. I could be wrong but you got to balance out the levels.
But that's my two cents and some change. You have potential though, it will unlock in time.
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Thanks bro for the advice and feed back! I read all of it and trust me I'm taking it all in. I really appreciate it. Its all good to help me better myself and my art. Its always room for improvement and I have to find my own sound. This particular song isn't my best work and won't be on my upcoming EP, I definitely want to keep up with u so u can check out my later stuff. Follow me on sound cloud if possible.
