LMAO!!! Volume1

[new sage of 6 paths]

Let's laugh and take a break from this crazy threads,shall we?
If u like and want more,just request....okay?

A guy who was an aeroplane
cleaner was
cleaning the pilot's cockpit
and saw a book
entitled, “How to fly an
aeroplane for beginners,
Vol. 1 ". He opened the first
page which said; "To
start the engine, press the red
button". He did so
and the airplane engine
started. He was pleased and
opened the next page, "To
set airplane moving press blue
button". He did so
and the plane started moving
at an amazing
speed. He wanted to fly, he
opened the 3rd page which
said; "To let airplane fly,
please press the green
button". He did so and the
plane started to fly.
He was so happy. After 20
minutes of flying, he was
satisfied and
wanted to land. He opened to
the 4th page. The
4th page said, "To learn how
to land a plane,
please watch out for Volume
2.

 

[Braveknight]

thought its a rap, untill i rememberd the old joke, my grandmother read it when she was 17...now she is 87

 

[NicholasAkatsumi]

I laughed, but not out loud.

 

[new sage of 6 paths]

Oh braveknight,u don't like that one,here's another

During mass, the pastor
announced that everybody wil
give offering according to
howbeautiful their wife is
Some donated 5000 some 2000,
Akpors donated #50. The pastor
was surprise so he asked him.
Pastor : youngman is there any
problem.
Akpors : No sir.
Pastor : I was wondring why you
donated just #50 so is ur wife not
beautiful as much.
Akpors turn to pastor, laugh n
said Pastor, inshort, if u see my
wife you will give me change.

 

[Uchiha Josephus]

Heh, was okay I guess.

Here's another old one:

A [insert ethnicity you don't like] gets on a plane headed across the Atlantic.

Halfway over the ocean the pilot comes on the intercom: "Uhhhh ... folks uhhh ... We've lost engine number 2 to electrical problems, so we'll uhhhh ... be about 15 minutes later than expected ... now cruising at 30,000 feet."

*twenty minutes later*

Pilot: "... Folks, we've uhhhh ... got another engine on the fritz, looks like we'll be half an hour behind schedule ... weather is a sunny 76 in Heathrow ..."

*ten minutes later*

Pilot: "Sorry to say folks but we just lost engine number 1, so uhhhh ... we'll be an hour behind ... uhhh ... "

[Insert ethnicity you don't like] turns to the guy next to him: "Man, I hope that last engine doesn't go out or we'll be up here forever!"



*waits for awkward laughter*

 

[new sage of 6 paths]

Good one josephus...here's another

The students of Warri Grammar
School went on excursion to
Egypt. On the tomb of Pharaoh
was written "1102BC".
The teacher now asked "who
knows what this means?" Nobody
except Akpos raised his hand but
the teacher was not comfortable
and pretended not to take notice
of him. She then asked again and
yet only Akpos' hand was still up.
So she allowed him to answer.
Akpos said "Na,that's Pharaoh's BB Pin"

 

[TheLastSamurai]

You must be registered for see images

 

[Uchiha Josephus]

Good one josephus...here's another

The students of Warri Grammar
School went on excursion to
Egypt. On the tomb of Pharaoh
was written "1102BC".
The teacher now asked "who
knows what this means?" Nobody
except Akpos raised his hand but
the teacher was not comfortable
and pretended not to take notice
of him. She then asked again and
yet only Akpos' hand was still up.
So she allowed him to answer.
Akpos said "Na,that's Pharaoh's BB Pin"

You will never find an ancient [anything] with "BC" written on it. BC and AD were created by the Catholic Church. Hence why we call it the Gregorian Calendar (Pope Gregory the somethingth xd)

Anyway, didn't mean to take away from your joke

 

[new sage of 6 paths]

U aint seen anything guys,here's another.

Government made a special announcement that if
anyone has 5 kids, his salary will be increased to
N500,000. A man heard the news and said to his wife, I
have a kid with my girlfriend. I am going to bring him so
we can add him to our 4 kids. When he came back, he
saw only one of his kids remaining. He asked, where are
the other 3? His wife replied, you are not the only one
who heard the news. THEIR FATHERS HAVE COME FOR
THEM.

 

[Uchiha Josephus]

U aint seen anything guys,here's another.

Government made a special announcement that if
anyone has 5 kids, his salary will be increased to
N500,000. A man heard the news and said to his wife, I
have a kid with my girlfriend. I am going to bring him so
we can add him to our 4 kids. When he came back, he
saw only one of his kids remaining. He asked, where are
the other 3? His wife replied, you are not the only one
who heard the news. THEIR FATHERS HAVE COME FOR
THEM.

Damn! Didn't see that one coming! xd

 

[new sage of 6 paths]

You will never find an ancient [anything] with "BC" written on it. BC and AD were created by the Catholic Church. Hence why we call it the Gregorian Calendar (Pope Gregory the somethingth xd)

Anyway, didn't mean to take away from your joke

Oh!!!

 

[new sage of 6 paths]

Here's another.
Boy: Marry me?
Girl: Do you have a house?
Boy: No..
Girl: Do you have a BMW car?
Boy: No..
Girl: How much is your salary?
Boy: No salary.. but.
Girl: No but. You have nothing.
How can I marry you? Just leave
me, please!!
Boy: I have one villa, 3 property
lands, 3 Ferrari's, 2 Porsche..
Why do I still need to buy BMW?!
How can I get salary when actually
I am the BOSS?
Girl: wanna get married?
Boy: No.!

 

[new sage of 6 paths]

Here's another.

OKON: I saw a strap of your bra.
TEACHER: Okon Get out! No class
for you for a
week!
[Another Boy laughs]
TEACHER: Why did you laugh?
BOY: I saw both straps of d bra.
TEACHER: Get out! No class for you
for 1 month!
[Teacher bends down to pick
chalk & Akpos
started walking
out]
TEACHER: Akpos, why are you
going out?
AKPOS: What I saw just now, I
think my school
days are over!

 

[Uchiha Josephus]

Every night a worn out surgeon comes into a local sports bar and order a strawberry dakari. He doesn't talk much, but he always enjoys it and leaves a big tip. Consequently, the bartender makes sure to have the strawberry dakari waiting for him when he gets there each night.

However, one night the bartender finds that he's out of strawberry for the dakari. He really doesn't want to disappoint the surgeon, so he grabs some hickory and adds it to the drink instead.

The surgeon comes in, takes a sip of the drink and exclaims "Wow! This is amazing! What is it?"

The bartender replies, "Why that's a Hickory Dakari Doc!"



xd The bad jokes are the best xd

 

[new sage of 6 paths]

Every night a worn out surgeon comes into a local sports bar and order a strawberry dakari. He doesn't talk much, but he always enjoys it and leaves a big tip. Consequently, the bartender makes sure to have the strawberry dakari waiting for him when he gets there each night.

However, one night the bartender finds that he's out of strawberry for the dakari. He really doesn't want to disappoint the surgeon, so he grabs some hickory and adds it to the drink instead.

The surgeon comes in, takes a sip of the drink and exclaims "Wow! This is amazing! What is it?"

The bartender replies, "Why that's a Hickory Dakari Doc!"



xd The bad jokes are the best xd

I don't get it?

 

[new sage of 6 paths]

Here's one.

A man and a woman walked
into a guest house and
requested to spend d night
there.
The owner of the guest house,
Mr Ben, who is a member of MFM
refused to allow men and
women stay together in his
hotel because of fornication.
The woman explained;
He is my
son, Not my spouse and so they
checked in.
After 30mins, Mr Ben sent his
maid to go and check if those
folks were truly mother and son.
The maid came back and said;
Sir, she’s truly the mother.
The Boss asked; How did you
confirm ?
The maid Smiled;
Sir I am sure, I
saw her Breastfeeding the Man.

 

[Uchiha Josephus]

I don't get it?

It's a play on words referencing the Nursery Rhyme -> Hickory Dikori Dock ... etc

 

[new sage of 6 paths]

It's a play on words referencing the Nursery Rhyme -> Hickory Dikori Dock ... etc

Oh!! I get it LOLZ

 

[new sage of 6 paths]

Here's my last,unfortunately people aren't commenting.

Akpors has been admiring
his
neighbor's wife. The
neighbor's wife always
gives him
this seductive smile whenever they
greet each other. Akpors
didn't know how to
approach
the lady to tell her of his
desires ... because she's married. So, one day the
lady
herself approached
Akpors alone in his
apartment. AKPORS: Hi.
LADY: Hi.
AKPORS: Is everything
alright?
LADY: Yes. Just need little
help from you (Smiling seductively).
AKPORS: Wow! Anything for
the
angel.
LADY: I...I...I...just don't
know how to say this. I'll be so
ashamed of
myself if I ask and you
say no.
AKPORS: Oh my lady. you
don't have to. I am ready to do
anything for you. LADY:
You know, it's been over
3
weeks since my husband
travelled... AKPORS: Yes! Yes! Yes!
LADY: And even when he's
around,
he has some... (pause for
a while) he
has some disabilities... AKPORS: Oh poor you...
You
must
have been going through
hell!
LADY: I know you'll be
stronger than him...
AKPORS: Sure.
LADY: Can you help me?
AKPORS: Wow! Now? Sure,
I'm ready
if you are ready. LADY: Oh thanks goodness!
that's
why I came to you. Can
you help me
carry our deep freezer
from our kitchen to the next
street for
repairs?