MySusanooIsPurple
Leaf Village Regular 🍃
- Joined
- Apr 25, 2012
- Messages
- 708
- Reaction score
- 37
Very Good!! keep it up!! :sasuke:
Life in Konoha after the War Chapter 7
- Thread starter Sophie Ezra
- Start date
KiraTsurugi32
Member
- Joined
- Apr 24, 2012
- Messages
- 116
- Reaction score
- 9
that's pretty good!
I like the plot, it seems interesting. Your writings is quite good, but their is a few mistakes but that's not a big problem If possible, it would be better if you change how you do the dialogues. example:
“Knock Knock”
''Enter'' Shouted Naruto to the person behind the door. Sakura came in with a smile and greeted Naruto. She sat down to talk when Naruto cut her off.
''Sakura, once the Academy graduation is over I will have the list of Shinobi that are going to the cloud Village.'' Naruto didn't budge his eyes from the paper in front of him. He barely looked at Sakura when she came. But This was a serious matter and he wanted every details to solve this fast.
That lack of attention that she received from annoyed her but now that he is Hokage she will have to get use to it.
''Yeah sure.'' answered Sakura//////////////////
Okay, so that was from the second chapter. This is just an example of how it could be You should explain more their emotions and the actions they do. Oh and write some funny stuff for it to go smoothly (but that is just my personal opinion )
I like the plot, it seems interesting. Your writings is quite good, but their is a few mistakes but that's not a big problem If possible, it would be better if you change how you do the dialogues. example:
“Knock Knock”
''Enter'' Shouted Naruto to the person behind the door. Sakura came in with a smile and greeted Naruto. She sat down to talk when Naruto cut her off.
''Sakura, once the Academy graduation is over I will have the list of Shinobi that are going to the cloud Village.'' Naruto didn't budge his eyes from the paper in front of him. He barely looked at Sakura when she came. But This was a serious matter and he wanted every details to solve this fast.
That lack of attention that she received from annoyed her but now that he is Hokage she will have to get use to it.
''Yeah sure.'' answered Sakura//////////////////
Okay, so that was from the second chapter. This is just an example of how it could be You should explain more their emotions and the actions they do. Oh and write some funny stuff for it to go smoothly (but that is just my personal opinion )
Disquiet
Legendary Shinobi 🐸
- Joined
- Feb 8, 2011
- Messages
- 32,590
- Reaction score
- 2,096
Wow, very nice chapter, I see that you most likely have experienced writing ffs, aside from the grammar issue, it's very nicely done. The dialogue is how I'd expect a naruto ff to be, and the flow of it all is great. Overall, awesome chapter.
Sophie Ezra
Anbu Operative 🎭
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2010
- Messages
- 4,627
- Reaction score
- 407
Great to see Sai having some screen / page timeI also like the way you named Naruto's children! +rep
i am happy you liked it thank you for you comments on my other chapters as well thank you for the Rep
Sophie Ezra
Anbu Operative 🎭
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2010
- Messages
- 4,627
- Reaction score
- 407
Nikohru
Jōnin Strategist 🧠
- Joined
- Jul 21, 2011
- Messages
- 1,285
- Reaction score
- 116
OMG I loved ur fan fic :T_T:
Honestly some of the characters didn't sound like themselves.
The people who sounded most like their personalities were Shikamaru, Kakashi & Sasuke xd
But overall it was great
Are there anymore chapters to come?
Honestly some of the characters didn't sound like themselves.
The people who sounded most like their personalities were Shikamaru, Kakashi & Sasuke xd
But overall it was great
Are there anymore chapters to come?