Legend of Venirex: Prologue (rough draft)

sagemode jinchuuriki

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There was a loud bang followed by dust settling all around the area. What was once a nice lush forest teeming with life became a barren waste land with five people fighting hordes of enemies spewing brimstone smelling, black gel like mist while others where spewing black lightening. As the dust settles a dragon with oceanic colored scales slowly tries to get up. The dragon roars and releases gout of fire towards the hordes. After closing its jaw the dragon’s left back leg collapses from the heavy cuts and bruises running down it. Cuts were numerous on the dragon varying from the size of average size tree branch to the size of a man’s hand. Many of the dragon’s scales were cracking from all the stress and damage inflicted on them. After an ice cold gout of water kills the enemies spewing lightening at them. In the distance a gray looking phoenix can be seen with several large cuts the size of a one hundred year tree trunk.

“Kireck are you alright? This is the second time you have fallen from such heights after we sealed their master away,” the phoenix said to the dragon.
“Worry about yourself Frieca these are minor wound that a dragon like myself won’t notice. Besides my wings are fine” Kireck say to the phoenix in obvious pain but **** an eye towards her saying I have plan.
“Sorry to interrupt this love between you and Kireck but we need a plan if we intend to defeat them permanently” says a rather long, batter, black basilisk that has a size of fifty feet in length making him the smallest of his comrades.
“It doesn’t matter what we do now because we have no way to beat this many dark elves who are at full strength while we are at our weakest moments in strength right now. This war will continue to the next generation without us unless we seal these dark elves here and now. Well time to see how far we have come.” Kireck thinks to himself.
Frieca notices that Kireck still hasn’t gotten back onto his feet and says in concern, “Are you sure your fine Kireck and would you please focus? So Ancirod do you have a plan?”

Ancirod, the Basilisk says in his usual sarcastic tone, “Oh yes I have a plan why don’t we ask the dragon who looks like he is about to die why he is smiling like he has a trump card up his sleeve.” With Ancirod snide comment four pairs of eyes lock onto Kireck waiting for him to spill his plan to the rest of them.
“We have to do a life sealing spell called phantom of dying dragon…” Just as Kireck says those words his four friends quickly hear in their subconscious Kireck talking to wild dragons. Since they had no idea what he was about to say before the wild dragons started talking they listen in but because of the cacophony of thought and images they only heard portions of the conversation.
“Kireck surely the situation hasn’t gotten that bad…” A dragon in brown scales says.
“Youngling this isn’t a gamble you or your friends should---” An elder dragon with green scales says before a baby dragon in orange skin tone overrides his voice.
“Even I know that this is a mistake…” the baby dragon starts to say
“Quiet youngling you shouldn’t be talking if your scales haven’t grown in yet. Why do you insist that this last stand method is the only option you have to ensure the safety of the future? There are…” Another elder dragon says but this one also throws in the memories of how to cause the earth to tremble. This elder dragon gets interrupted by a baby dragon with the same red skin as he has scales.
“We woke up the eldest dragon from his slumber and he agrees with Kireck based on the current situation which he got from reading our minds” the baby dragon with red skin says.
“Thank you Eldest your teachings helped me ensue the means for peace. I won’t disappoint you” Kireck says before severing the connection.
As Kireck gets to his feet and roars another challenging roar. All of his friends look at him wondering how dangerous of a method he chose. All four of them start pouring their energies into Kireck as his energy is quickly draining and fading.
“Thank you, Frieca, Ancirod, Everike, and Boundless. By the way what were your parents thinking when they named you that anyway?” Kireck says to the basilisk, the phoenix, the golden red griffin, and focusing the last part of his speech on a swamp green wyvern. At this point all of them had mortal wounds all over their body. With this each of their bodies turns into another color and a massive blinding rainbow colored explosion that reeked of pure death filled the area.
“My friends I will see you in the spirit world soon. Frieca I guess we went out with a massive bang protecting the world.”

So what did you think?
Is there anything I could have done better on?
 

Souji

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Ah, this is what you were talking about!

Well, I find the premise interesting so far. I noticed some grammatical errors and awkward sentence structure, but I understood the gist of it.

It doesn't really feel like a prologue, though... You seemed to introduce the characters very quickly and not much explanation for their character descriptions, etc.

I'd maybe focus on fleshing out the background story a little more... Other than that, good work.
 

sagemode jinchuuriki

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Ah, this is what you were talking about!

Well, I find the premise interesting so far. I noticed some grammatical errors and awkward sentence structure, but I understood the gist of it.

It doesn't really feel like a prologue, though... You seemed to introduce the characters very quickly and not much explanation for their character descriptions, etc.

I'd maybe focus on fleshing out the background story a little more... Other than that, good work.
Here is the screwy part none of these characters become important until later. Chapter 1 begins the story where I will introduce one of the two main characters that I currently have. This was just meant to be a cliffhanger. This happens before the really story starts.
 
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