[Action] Kakuzu's Betrayal | A Jashinist Falls | Pt.1

[DrProof]

Nice one, i'm really lookin forward to the next chapter

So much motivation. :heh: Thanks man!

 

[KGB Kakuzu]

Good stuff!

Poor Hidan...I'd have figured him learning the truth would be a fight lender as he could no longer sacrifice....then again Hidan is hard headed.

 

[Optimistic]

Nice dialogue.It really felt like i was reading the manga(without images).

 

[SasoriOfTheRedSaand]

You should definitely keep this up. You wrote it in a way which I can imagine the two reenacting the whole plot. Good job, and keep em' coming.

 

[DrProof]

Good stuff!

Poor Hidan...I'd have figured him learning the truth would be a fight lender as he could no longer sacrifice....then again Hidan is hard headed.

Hidan is more of a brawn than brains in my opinion in which is why I've portrayed his character that way. Plus Kakuzu did offend his God Jashin. :yeah:

Nice dialogue.It really felt like i was reading the manga(without images).

Thanks man!

You should definitely keep this up. You wrote it in a way which I can imagine the two reenacting the whole plot. Good job, and keep em' coming.

Thanks bro. I will indeed continue this writing, I find it quite fun.

 

[Negative Knight]

Not a bad chapter, one criticism though, use less Japanese names since it makes the fanfic less fluid to read. Otherwise, nice chapter and looks like the rest will be interesting to see

 

[DrProof]

Not a bad chapter, one criticism though, use less Japanese names since it makes the fanfic less fluid to read. Otherwise, nice chapter and looks like the rest will be interesting to see

I thought it would make it more "professional" like including their abilities Japanese names. I'll cut back on using them multiple times, but I feel as if it's better instead of saying the English version.

 

[Fodder#4]

I must admit, it's well written and pretty spot on, character wise. Something I think most fan fiction writers have a hard time doing. The style is something I am not use to, but then again I don't read fan fiction on NarutoBase too much.

I am moving on to the second part right now! I felt like I should read the first one. . In case it wasn't a series of one-shots.

 

[DrProof]

I must admit, it's well written and pretty spot on, character wise. Something I think most fan fiction writers have a hard time doing. The style is something I am not use to, but then again I don't read fan fiction on NarutoBase too much.

I am moving on to the second part right now! I felt like I should read the first one. . In case it wasn't a series of one-shots.

This is my first fanfic, so I wanted to try something unique (style wise). I seem to not have gotten Hidan's persona correctly as said by a few people within this thread. And I have learned from my mistakes. Thanks man, Part 2 is better than Part 1 in my opinion, it's got more strategic thinking, and overall more context.

Chapter 2:

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[ToshiZO]

Hidan is more of a brawn than brains in my opinion in which is why I've portrayed his character that way. Plus Kakuzu did offend his God Jashin. :yeah:


[/I]

hmm thats the thing though Hidan wouldn't just try to attack Kakuzu cause of this...Kakuzu as already shown displeasure towards Jashin and the whole religious ritual. Otherwise it was pretty enjoyable.

 

[DrProof]

hmm thats the thing though Hidan wouldn't just try to attack Kakuzu cause of this...Kakuzu as already shown displeasure towards Jashin and the whole religious ritual. Otherwise it was pretty enjoyable.

I see. Well Kakuzu did threaten to kill Hidan as well so.. Thanks though man! Make sure to read Chapter 2.

 

[Chakra Wizard]

This is one of those "What if?" premises that can either do well or do outright terrible. So far, though, it looks like it's heading more towards the former I like the format you're using, man, and I'm interested to see where you end up taking this

 

[DrProof]

This is one of those "What if?" premises that can either do well or do outright terrible. So far, though, it looks like it's heading more towards the former I like the format you're using, man, and I'm interested to see where you end up taking this

Thanks man! And make sure you view Chapter 2.

 

[SIR HERDERP PRESIDERP SDO]

Funny epilogue Lol

 

[DrProof]

Funny epilogue Lol

I'm glad you liked it Derp. :yeah: