KABUTO vs UCHIHA BROS (rewritten!)

[shelke]

Not bad. The ending was decent. Your dialogue scheme is a bit weak though. You cannot insert expressions into dialogues. If this was for 'shits and giggles', then ignore this criticism.

Izanami isn't a Deus Ex Machina; that is something quite different. The problem with it is that it wasn't introduced beforehand, which is why disagreement on this front is justified.

My two cents.

 

[Bad Touch Yakushi]

Not bad. The ending was decent. Your dialogue scheme is a bit weak though. You cannot insert expressions into dialogues. If this was for 'shits and giggles', then ignore this criticism.

Izanami isn't a Deus Ex Machina; that is something quite different. The problem with it is that it wasn't introduced beforehand, which is why disagreement on this front is justified.

My two cents.

I think I could've lived with it if it'd appeared before or come up again. It never did, thus it remains a deus ex machina in my eyes.

Also thanks for the CC, you think? I thought in screenplays that you could and it comes under parenthesis? I do agree my writing style last year was much messier and some lines upon rereading feel plain awkward. It's so hard to convey pauses and somebody absolutely losing his sanity through dialogue! I still struggle with that one haha