Jack Spicer
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Special. Jack. Spicer.
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In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the Jacks, who investigate crime; and the Spicers, who also investigate crimes. These are their stories of investigating crimes.
Wuya: I don't understand why we're traveling to Achievement City, Jack. The place is full of stupid contraptions.
Jack: Stupid contractions? They have a Wipe-Out course. We don't have a wipe out course back at the station. Shawn and Gus support my idea, but Lassie doesn't. Lassie's lame! Stupid luck of the Irish...
Wuya: What are you carrying on about? Lassie isn't Irish.
Jack: The more you know Wuya, the more you know.
Wuya: What does that even mean?! Ugh, who cares. Apparently, this Achievement City is in the county Roosterteeth. Roosterteeth? My God...that sounds like something you'd come up with.
Jack: Thanks, Wuya!
Wuya: Why are we even going there again? Besides your love for their rides.
Jack: Someone stole the tower of pimps! We gotta break in and stop the bad guy from being bad by finding him.
Jack put on his goggles.
Jack: We will find you and we will kill you. Then you will take the tower again and we will find you once more in a less interesting sequel, but in an equally action packed sequence.
Wuya: Dear lord, somebody-
Jack: WE'RE HERE!!!!!!"
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As Jack and Wuya entered the town's gate, they were greeted by a man with multiple tattoos and a Master Chief shirt.
Geoff: Hey, I'm Geoff, the, uh, mayor here. You two must be the detectives.
Wuya: Nice to meet you Geoff. My name is Wuya and this is-
Jack: GEOFF RAMSEY. I LOVE YOU.
Jack hugged Geoff, fangirling.
Wuya: Jack, stop it.
Jack layed off the huggage.
Jack: We prefer the term investigators by the way.
Geoff: Yeah, uh, okay. I'll take you to the city's center.
Jack: Can I do the wipeout course? I'll go cakeless!
Wuya: This is going to be a long day...
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In the core of Achivement City, a couple of the townspeople were hanging around.
MICHAEL: GAVIN!!!!! STOP IT! YOU'RE RUINING THE LAND!
Gavin: Ruining the land? I'm making watermelons. They'll look top.
MICHAEL: YOU DON'T HAVE WATERMELON SEEDS.
Gavin: I see I've ran into a predicament.
Meanwhile, Ray was staring at the karate picture.
Ray: Kwahhhhh....wahh.........
MICHAEL: A PREDICAMENT? A PREDICAMENT WOULD BE NOT HAVING ENOUGH WATER. NOT HAVING SEEDS FOR THE GROWTH OF A WATERMELON IS FUCKING STUPID, NOT A PREDICAMENT.
Gavin: You don't have to be mean. I'm trying to bring life to this city.
Ray: Wah......Kwhah........
MICHAEL: JESUS, GAVIN. I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT LIFE YOU BRING TO THE CITY. WAKE ME UP WHEN THAT HAPPENS. WAKE ME UP.
Gavin: When?
Ray: When September ends, when else?
Geoff, Jack, and Wuya make there way in.
Gavin: Woah, who's the chick? I'd like to get my knob soaked in some of that red lickerish.
MICHAEL: WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
Ray: He wanted to play with her hair.
MICHAEL: WHY THE HELL DO YOU WANT TO PLAY WITH HER HAIR? YOU STUPID IDIOT.
Gavin: Stupid idiot? Is there such a thing as a smart idiot?
Geoff: Lads, lads, come here. Come hither.
Gavin, Ray, and Michael came over to meet the investigators.
Geoff: Where's Jack, Ryan, and Caleb?
Ray: Jack's off building a house, what else? Oh and uh, Ryan's visiting his mom. Apparently, she got put in jail for fighting with her neighbor over some wheat. I didn't know she was Mexican. Maybe she knows my dad. Shoutout to Ray Narvarez Sr.
Gavin: Nobody bloody cares where Caleb is.
Geoff: Anyways, this is Jack and Wuya. They are gonna help find the tower of pimps.
Ray: You mean somebody really stole it this time? I thought you hid it again.
Geoff: Nah, it's really stolen.
Gavin grabbed Wuya's hand and kissed it.
Gavin: Hello love, I'm Gavin Free. Don't let the name fool you. I'm free, but you can tie me up anytime you want.
Wuya: No thanks.
Gavin: Ooooo, I like this.
Ray approached Wuya.
Ray: I'm Ray. Here's a red rose.
Wuya: Thank you.
Gavin: Lay off my woman Ray!
Ray: Back up, your nose almost poked her eye out.
Gavin: Poked her eye out? Your crappy rose nearly cut her wrist. She doesn't cut! She doesn't feel!
Gavin spun over to Wuya.
Gavin: Unless you do cut, then you can bleed all over me. Not from just your wrist. Any place.
Geoff: Gavin, you and Ray go get the evidence from the crime scene and the statements we got from the rest of the townspeople.
Ray: There's more of us?
Gavin: Apparently.
Ray and Gavin began walking away.
Gavin: Hey Ray.
Ray: Yeah?
Gavin: Lay off the hot lady cop.
Ray: Jesus, Triple H, you can't bully your way into everything. I mean come on, stop the bullying.
Back to the crew.
Michael: I'm Michael.
Jack: I'm Jack Nowell Spicer. People call me Jack or Jacko. I prefer The Spice Man or The Spicer.
Michael: I'll call you Jack.
Jack: Well then, I'll call you Michael.
Wuya: Michael, you were the last person in possession of the tower, correct? Could we have a word with you?
Michael: Sure.
Wuya: I'll talk to Michael. Geoff, do you have a place?
Geoff: I have a monolith. Just don't press the lever to the right of the door and you'll be a-oh-kay.
Jack: What about me, Wuys?
Wuya: First, don't call me that in public and second, visit the crime scene. Geoff, I apologize if he ruins anything.
Geoff: No problem. We rebuild quickly here.
Wuya and Michael went to Geoff's large house, leaving Jack and Geoff behind.
Jack: So Geoff, where'd this shindig take down?
Geoff: In front of Michael's place. Let's go.
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At Michael's home....
Geoff: This is the place.
Jack: Pales in comparison to your monoliff and shines in comparison to Ray's dirt house. Very clever city design, Mayor Geoff.
Geoff: Thank you. Gavin and I brought this all together years ago.
Jack: In all those years, is this the first time you've been jacked?
Geoff: No, I've known my wife much longer than that.
Geoff laughs.
Jack: Ha...HaHaHa...yeah, wife. Jacked. I totally know what you're talking about.....wooo, good times, good times.
Geoff: But yeah, no, this is the first time the tower was actually stolen. We have no idea who did it.
Jack: I do.
Geoff: Who was it?
Jack put on his investigator hat and pipe.
Jack: Someone in this town. I'm sure of it.
Gavin and Ray came up to Geoff and Jack.
Gavin: Here's the evidence, Sir Geoff.
Jack: Lemme see!
Jack grabbed the evidence.
Jack: Looks like a hairbow and some ice cream sticks. Any of you wear hairbows or enjoy some ice cream?
Ray: I enjoy ice cream. No so much feeling the hairbow.
Gavin & Geoff: Same.
Gavin: Oh, no touchbacks!
Geoff: It's jinx, you retard. You owe me a soda.
Ray & Jack: KP!!!!
Ray: I would call jinx, but it's a little awkward now.
Jack: I'll buy you a soda later. Hey, you guys want some ice cream? I'm starving.
Geoff: Sure, I know a bar. They serve some sweet ass stuff.
Jack: Chocolate milk?
Geoff: Only the best.
Jack: Woohoo!
The gang lead off to the ice cream shack and a small shadowly figure looks on from behind Michael's house. What will happen next?!!!
That is where we will join our unsung heroes next time, on Jack and Spicer: S.J.S.
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