Intro to my Book

[HiraishinFTG]

I just wrote the intro to my first book, a fantasy trilogy project. It is a letter (or note) written by the character who will be the antagonist in the series, although I will have him as a POV character along with my protagonist. I'm just now testing the waters of fiction writing. I know I'm a good writer, but I'm not sure if I'm creative or interesting yet.

Let me know how you like (or don't like) this snippet and leave me any helpful tips/comments you have. Thanks! =D=D


I was supposed to be the hero.

It was my destiny, my… my inheritance. And he stole it from me. I was the light that cut through the darkness. I was everything they needed, and more. I have been beaten, shamed, and cast aside by those who needed me most. Accuse me of nothing – these traitors have forced me to do this! This was never my intention.

Their blood is on your hands.

This means war. None of you have any idea what I am capable of. I was meant to be your shield, your light, your eternal protector. My – no, I cannot speak his name – your king has ripped the pulsing heart out of my body and bestowed it on a lesser man. And by spilling the sacred blood of tradition, this man and all of you have committed the highest of all evils.

I will have my revenge.

None will be spared.

This is not over. Though time may wash over my memory and dust collect on the tragedies done here, I will wait, and I will remember. When the time comes , when the winds of change blow, I will strike. And I will have my vengeance.

I was supposed to be your hero. God knows what you have turned me into.

 

[Cunning Linguist]

Is he supposed to be a sympathetic antagonist? Cause he just comes off as whiny

 

[Six Paths]

It looks good...I am stoked to read the book now O.O

 

[TRE MERCER]

Is he supposed to be a sympathetic antagonist? Cause he just comes off as whiny

My exact thoughts.

 

[HiraishinFTG]

Is he supposed to be a sympathetic antagonist? Cause he just comes off as whiny

It's fantasy, so he's a very powerful antagonist. He is egotistical obviously and feels rejected, so he obviously just did something very bad. That's all I can let on though for now

 

[Kai NB]

Without any context to the story, I like it

 

[Cunning Linguist]

It's fantasy, so he's a very powerful antagonist. He is egotistical obviously and feels rejected, so he obviously just did something very bad. That's all I can let on though for now

You mean he just killed the people that he thought betrayed him. He then is declaring war on the rest of them including the yet unnamed protagonist

 

[HiraishinFTG]

You mean he just killed the people that he thought betrayed him. He then is declaring war on the rest of them including the yet unnamed protagonist

Well, kinda. The "this means war" is somewhat figurative, but eventually yes. And at the time of the occurrence, the protagonist is not born yet.

 

[Aomine Daiki]

seems legit. makes me want to read the book.

 

[HiraishinFTG]

seems legit. makes me want to read the book.

Thanks man!

 

[Chakra Wizard]

You could probably give a bit more insight into the world they're in, like "<insert country name> will feel my wrath!" or something like that, maybe hint at whatever specific event it was that sent him on this path. Also, his message seems almost repetitive in some places, so maybe you could cut down on the wording, too (I think two of your paragraphs both revolve exclusively around how "they" needed him).

You definitely have something going on here, though, man. Keep at it

 

[Gyakusetsu]

if this is supposed to be a letter or a note why would he write in his pauses and second thoughts? "My,,,,my". Is he out of paper or something, no backspace, running low on ink and doesn't want to cross out his comments?