November 12th, 2013
Probably one of the most frightful days of my life, but also one of my proudest, you see, I was finally able to come out to my mom on that day. Coming out to her was just the first step, but I remember all too clearly the fear that came to me. I met her at Ruby Tuesday's (thought it would be fitting since it was a Tuesday, and who can get mad over a free meal?). I came first in my own car that was presented to me on my 15th birthday a year prior to this event, I was nervous, shaking, but also knew it was something I had to do. She came in and sat down, greeted me like any other mother would do, and ordered herself a drink (She's a Margarita woman). I told her not to drink too much, I wanted to talk about my future, her plans after I leave, things like that before I got into the good stuff. Midway through the meal, I knew it was time.
Me: "So mom, do you think I would be able to afford my own place when I go to college next year?"
Mom: "Well, I think you would benefit more and get the better college experience by having roommates don't you think?"
Me "Yea I guess, but what if some of the guys I room with don't approve of me?"
Mom: "I don't see why they wouldn't approve of you, plus being in college is not just about school, you're also learning to connect with people, growing socially as well."
Me: "...........yea.......I guess you're right, but can't I do that in my own place?"
Mom: "Yes I suppose you could, but do you know which school you plan on going to? And have you looked at one-room dorms at these colleges? They don't come cheap you know."
Me: "Yea, Miami has a scholarship that I can apply for that will fund part of the dorm, I have the grades, so I think that would be a starting point at least."
Mom: "So you want to go to Miami University?"
Me: "Idk.........just something I was looking at..........."
Mom: "Well, first things first, you need to figure out where you want to go, then we'll talk living situations, plus, if you decide Miami University, then you could always commute from home, you're my last, but I have no extravagant travel plans, I work for a living."
Me: "Well mom, I appreciate the offer, but I'm gonna have to pass on that one, you need a break and I need to explore."
Mom: "Well don't do too much exploring if you know what I mean."
Me: "Not really.............."
Mom: "I MEAN don't come home with any kids or pregnant girlfriends!"
Me: "..........you don't have to worry about that mom, a girlfriend is the last thing on my mind."
Mom: "Well I'm glad you're putting most of your focus in school and not in to other things, I was the first in the family to go to University, I want you to continue this positive cycle."
Me: "Well, the Marines isn't my thing, so I won't be following in Christian's foot steps."
Mom: "Well I was actually able to speak with your brother the other day, the plans are still set for him to come back in April, he'll be home for a few months so that's good, maybe you two can look at your prospective colleges together."
Me: "That'd be cool, by then I would have plenty to tell him anyway."
Mom: "Yes, so next time he calls I'll tell him to keep his schedule open when he gets here so you guys can do that."
Me: "Ok that's fine."
I really thought It was going to come out in there, but I just needed the right trigger to do so. My heart was still pounding, racing at every thought, "how could I break this news to her?"
Mom: "So does Robbie know what school he's going to?"
Me: "Me and Robbie aren't really that close anymore........."
Mom: "Well this is news to me! Why not?
Me: I mean, we're still friends, but he's been a little distant towards me for a couple of weeks now, and it pretty much confirms how he feels about me."
Mom: "I don't get it, did you two have a fight or something?"
Me: "Not really, I just told him some things that I don't think he was fully able to comprehend at the moment, so I just decided to give him a little space, plus I'm studying for mid terms too."
Mom: "Well I don't want to pry, but you two are best friends, I'm sure you guys can work it out........"
Me: "Yea........(tear rolls down my eye).........I really hope so........."
Mom: (Staring at me intently) "Brian!? What's wrong? Did you two really get into a fight? There's got to be something you're not telling me...."
Me: (Sighs) "Well mom, there's a lot that you don't know about me, and it kills me that I've kept those things from you which is why I have you here today.......I want you to know about me, why I don't think some guys won't approve.....why I think I've lost my best friend in the world, why Martin was only around for a few months, why I don't think a lot of people won't be understanding......."
Mom: "Understanding of what? Am I missing something here?"
Me: "............."
Mom: ".........yes???.......? I am, well just let me know!"
Me: "................."
Mom: "......Brian you know you can tell me anything right?"
Me: "Maybe............"
Mom: "NO!! You CAN!!!
Me: "Ok mom, well I'm Bisexual........"
Mom: "..................Oh Sweetie!!!!!!"
END
That was the day it all came out, and the day the biggest burden was lifted off of my shoulder.
Probably one of the most frightful days of my life, but also one of my proudest, you see, I was finally able to come out to my mom on that day. Coming out to her was just the first step, but I remember all too clearly the fear that came to me. I met her at Ruby Tuesday's (thought it would be fitting since it was a Tuesday, and who can get mad over a free meal?). I came first in my own car that was presented to me on my 15th birthday a year prior to this event, I was nervous, shaking, but also knew it was something I had to do. She came in and sat down, greeted me like any other mother would do, and ordered herself a drink (She's a Margarita woman). I told her not to drink too much, I wanted to talk about my future, her plans after I leave, things like that before I got into the good stuff. Midway through the meal, I knew it was time.
Me: "So mom, do you think I would be able to afford my own place when I go to college next year?"
Mom: "Well, I think you would benefit more and get the better college experience by having roommates don't you think?"
Me "Yea I guess, but what if some of the guys I room with don't approve of me?"
Mom: "I don't see why they wouldn't approve of you, plus being in college is not just about school, you're also learning to connect with people, growing socially as well."
Me: "...........yea.......I guess you're right, but can't I do that in my own place?"
Mom: "Yes I suppose you could, but do you know which school you plan on going to? And have you looked at one-room dorms at these colleges? They don't come cheap you know."
Me: "Yea, Miami has a scholarship that I can apply for that will fund part of the dorm, I have the grades, so I think that would be a starting point at least."
Mom: "So you want to go to Miami University?"
Me: "Idk.........just something I was looking at..........."
Mom: "Well, first things first, you need to figure out where you want to go, then we'll talk living situations, plus, if you decide Miami University, then you could always commute from home, you're my last, but I have no extravagant travel plans, I work for a living."
Me: "Well mom, I appreciate the offer, but I'm gonna have to pass on that one, you need a break and I need to explore."
Mom: "Well don't do too much exploring if you know what I mean."
Me: "Not really.............."
Mom: "I MEAN don't come home with any kids or pregnant girlfriends!"
Me: "..........you don't have to worry about that mom, a girlfriend is the last thing on my mind."
Mom: "Well I'm glad you're putting most of your focus in school and not in to other things, I was the first in the family to go to University, I want you to continue this positive cycle."
Me: "Well, the Marines isn't my thing, so I won't be following in Christian's foot steps."
Mom: "Well I was actually able to speak with your brother the other day, the plans are still set for him to come back in April, he'll be home for a few months so that's good, maybe you two can look at your prospective colleges together."
Me: "That'd be cool, by then I would have plenty to tell him anyway."
Mom: "Yes, so next time he calls I'll tell him to keep his schedule open when he gets here so you guys can do that."
Me: "Ok that's fine."
I really thought It was going to come out in there, but I just needed the right trigger to do so. My heart was still pounding, racing at every thought, "how could I break this news to her?"
Mom: "So does Robbie know what school he's going to?"
Me: "Me and Robbie aren't really that close anymore........."
Mom: "Well this is news to me! Why not?
Me: I mean, we're still friends, but he's been a little distant towards me for a couple of weeks now, and it pretty much confirms how he feels about me."
Mom: "I don't get it, did you two have a fight or something?"
Me: "Not really, I just told him some things that I don't think he was fully able to comprehend at the moment, so I just decided to give him a little space, plus I'm studying for mid terms too."
Mom: "Well I don't want to pry, but you two are best friends, I'm sure you guys can work it out........"
Me: "Yea........(tear rolls down my eye).........I really hope so........."
Mom: (Staring at me intently) "Brian!? What's wrong? Did you two really get into a fight? There's got to be something you're not telling me...."
Me: (Sighs) "Well mom, there's a lot that you don't know about me, and it kills me that I've kept those things from you which is why I have you here today.......I want you to know about me, why I don't think some guys won't approve.....why I think I've lost my best friend in the world, why Martin was only around for a few months, why I don't think a lot of people won't be understanding......."
Mom: "Understanding of what? Am I missing something here?"
Me: "............."
Mom: ".........yes???.......? I am, well just let me know!"
Me: "................."
Mom: "......Brian you know you can tell me anything right?"
Me: "Maybe............"
Mom: "NO!! You CAN!!!
Me: "Ok mom, well I'm Bisexual........"
Mom: "..................Oh Sweetie!!!!!!"
END
That was the day it all came out, and the day the biggest burden was lifted off of my shoulder.
