Time to end the misery. The bullying. The crying.
Hello there fellow SasuKarin shippers. It has been over a month now that we were confronted by the terrible ending of the Naruto series. To us lovers of SasuKarin SasuSaku was a painful slap to the face. That day I was at school. A place I hate anyway. A place where only misery hunts me. I looked forward to the last two chapters of Naruto. I was excited. So much.
I wanted to see Team Taka reunite with Sasuke. It was what I hoped for so much. None of my hopes became reality and there I was - devasted. Shaking full of despair. I did not know how to deal with it. I was unable to eat for two days. Pathetic right? Hah.. yes I know.. I am so pathetic that I can’t even stand myself anymore.
Of course, the endgame shipments were not the only thing that pained me. By being on sites like tumblr, facebook, twitter I was still able to see my OTP live. By reading beautiful fanfics and by realizing I was not alone. I tried to smile and be happy. Even though ever since Naruto ended there hasn’t been a single day without tears.
SasuSaku instead of SasuKarin becoming canon was painful enough but something else destroyed my soul completely.
Ever since Karin has been introduced she was my favorite character. Before that, Sasuke was my favorite character. Why? Because I identify with those two. I lost both of my parents in a war overseas when I was fairly young. From then on I went from orphanage to orphanage, from one family to another. I lived under cruel conditions and I was never able to forget the dying faces of my parents. I cried so much. I cried and cried. There seemed to be no escape. Every orphanage I have been at, every family that adopted me was abusive. I have never known anything else but beatings, mockings, starving and being called ugly and stupid. I hid in my room every day. I was praying that I would turn 18 as soon as possible so I could stand on my own two feet. And then it finally happened! I turned 18 some months ago and I was finally able to live on my own. Ever since my parents died I had but one happiness.
The Naruto series. Again, quite pathetic right? Heh… I was never able to make a single friend. Whenever I tried I was used. Dragged somewhere to be fooled and mocked. There was no happiness in my life, just this series named Naruto. Sasuke - the man I identified with always made me feel like I can go on. And then Karin was introduced. A girl who had suffered the same fate as Sasuke and me. I loved her. So much. So genuinely. And since she too was a female I could identify with her so much better than with Sasuke. Her witty conversations with Suigetsu and Jugo always made me smile. They relaxed me and made me forget everything that ever happened to me. And when she showed her affection for Sasuke I was fangirling over how cute her love for him was! If back when I was bullied by other children, beaten and mocked, no parents or family to give me hold, if by that time someone came by and saved me from my abusers. I would love him for eternity. I would devote my entire being to him. This is why - I could always absolutely understand Karin’s love for Sasuke. It was genuine and pure. But like me, she was bad at expressing her feelings. Aren’t we all a little weird at trying though?
Sasuke did not have the chance to find out how genuine her feelings were. Their care for one another shown whenever they save each other could be seen as “just working well together” by either party. But clearly to me, they loved each other! Sasuke did not believe Karin loved him. And neither did Karin believe Sasuke could ever love her.
And now.. Karin is left all alone. She was not even around Team Taka after the war. She is alone. As alone as she had been from the start. Alone and hurt. The same as me right now. The same as me several years ago. This is, by far the more painful of the two. To know she was left alone. Who knows where..
I just want to say Thank you to everyone who has supported me. Everyone who has made me happy by beautiful SasuKarin fanarts /fictions. They made me happy when I thought there was nothing left for me to smile.
But I think, I can not hold up anymore. Ever since Naruto ended the shipping wars have become worse than ever. My facbook roleplay profile was reported over 40 times and disabled because I shipped with a Sasuke. I have been getting hate mail for posting SasuKarin stuff on my blogs and facebook. I have been getting death threats. I started to cry again, because all of this just reminded me on my past.
Back when I had no friends and everyone was bullying me. The SasuKarin fandom is small and it gets bullied so heartlessly by the bigger fandom SasuSaku. Even if SasuKarin does not attack them, they feel the need to insult us, threaten us and harass us. I am sick of it. I don’t want to be bullied anymore.
I don’t want to deal with this pain anymore. As I said, there is nothing else in my life that can make me happy but SasuKarin and Karin. But with this terrible hatred and the bullying just because I like a character that is not as popular as others I have lost everything. I feel caged. I can’t stand this anymore. So I decided that I will end it today. Everything. There is nothing left for me in this life. No happiness, no friendships, no love.
I would like to bid you all farewell. I envy all you people for being so strong. I wish I was like that. But I suppose the difference in our pasts might play a role. I am pathetic. I know that much already. I don’t need 1000 of SasuSaku shippers to tell me. I am weak and pathetic. And I decided to do myself and everyone else a favor and get rid off my existence.
Just know everyone who has brought me happiness by their fanarts. I love you. And thank you. I know you will be able to keep it strong and I am proud of you all!
I am happy right now actually. Happy to finally be freed from all this pain. Like Plato said, the human body is a cage. Only if it escapes that cage the soul can be truly free.
So this is my decision, good bye to everyone. And thank you once again!
