*This isn't an inner game circle jerk. This is PRACTICAL ADVICE that applies to ANY relationship. Funny thing is, all of this even applies to you if you're single*
I'll be making a mini-series on how to have a successful relationship. I'm writing this series STRICTLY through experience. I've been dating a bombshell for just over a year - and even though we've had a rocky path, there have been a lot of amazing times as well - and I'm grateful for every moment, good or bad. I've learned so much from it and I wouldn't change a thing.
Reasons that your Relationship is Failing
• Not Leading Not being Dominant (aka, she's WEARING THE PANTS) You become easily affected by her emotional shitstorms You've overtime become Needy Your ambition for life / work has become foggy You've cheated / you're seriously considering cheating
A lot of men (actually, most) have relationship problems and don't understand why. Common problems:
"We've stopped having *** / frequency has went down / she doesn't seem interested anymore"
"At the beginning of the relationship it was amazing - now she's a huge bitch all the time"
"I tell her to do things, but she doesn't listen to me"
"We always fight"
Here's the secret answer: you're content and you've stopped caring. That's it. There's a ton of reasons WHY it's failing, and I'll be touching on a lot of them.
Breaking up with your girlfriend WILL NOT SOLVE THIS PROBLEM. I repeat... WILL NOT SOLVE THIS PROBLEM! You are who you are, inside and out - meaning the way you deal with things consciously on a daily basis. If you don't give a shit about women when you're single and your only priority in life is to **** as many as possible, GOOD LUCK when it comes to a relationship. You'll need it. If you stop giving a shit while you're dating a girl, don't expect anything else but a slow or fast spiral downward, painful at that.
Being in a successful relationship is HARD work. There's no, "oh, I got her now soo, I'll just ride the wave". Haha. DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY BUD. However, being single and getting laid consistently is also, hard work. However, once you UNDERSTAND and APPLY these principles to your relationship, your relationship WILL become a breeze because these PRACTICAL THINGS will become second nature. I'll be helping you guys out by breaking these issues up in different parts. Without further ado...
LEADING
If you EVER want to have a successful relationship or marriage (rarely fighting, *** everyday, both genuinely in love / happy with eachother), you NEED to be the Man in the relationship. One of the most important parts is Leading.
What characteristics are associated with Leading?
• Making ALL of the decisions - ALL OF THEM Being that calmness whenever she becomes emotional Having CONTROL over YOUR emotions Being a clean, well-organized, physically and mentally fit Man
• Planning
Making Decisions
Simple decisions from, "what do you want to do today?" to, "which house should we buy?" are questions she will ask and answers you will supply. Period. Women want a MAN, not a boy.
Girl: "what do you want to do today?"
Boy: "I don't know baby.. uh.. what do you want to do?"
Girl: "I feel like going hiking"
Boy: "Sure baby, we could do that"
Girl: "Actually I wanna go for sushi, and then biking..well, I don't know. What do you wanna do?"
Boy: "I donno babe, whatever you want. What do you wanna do?"
OH MY GOD. *head explodes*
This is what a LEADING MAN would have done:
Girl: "what do you want to do today?"
Man: "Lets go for a bike ride - I need to shower first, so I'll be a bit. Babe, put those dishes in the sink and I'll make the bed"
Girl: "okay
"
See the difference? A Man that leads doesn't EVER rely on his woman's shit. You can take into account what she wants to do that day IF she suggests anything, that's totally fine, but if she has no clue and is asking you than YOU make the decision. Women don't know how to make decisions, that's why she's asking you. Another example:
Girl: "I don't know what appetizer I want from the menu. What do you want?"
Boy: "Um... well you can get whatever your heart desires sweet pea"
Girl: "Ugh, I just can't pick between the Calamari or the Gnochi"
Boy: "Um.. well.. get whatever you think will taste better baby"
Girl: "Well.. what would you pick?"
Boy: "Uh... I'd uh.. I don't know babe, you pick"
HOLY ****. *head explodes again*
Again, Leading Man response:
Girl: "I don't know what appetizer I want from the menu. What do you want?"
Man: "I'm feeling the Calamari, I'm hungry as **** for seafood. We'll get that"
Girl: "okay"
You have to make all the decisions - if you don't, she'll by default wear the pants and no woman wants that. If your woman starts wearing the pants, I can guarentee she'll..
a) not be attracted to you anymore
b) you can kiss *** goodbye
c) she'll either break up with you or cheat
MAKE THE DECISIONS. BE A MAN.
Staying Calm When She Becomes Emotional
All women are emotional, to an extent. You can't change it, so don't try. Also, running away from the situation (aka freezing her out) doesn't work either - she'll resent you for it. You need to face her head-on like a Man.
Do not react to her. She's testing to see whether you can be pulled into her un-needed drama / shit storms - don't give in. You'll be the god-damn Beowulf in all of these little situations. If she starts yelling at you, don't yell back. if she starts swearing at you, don't swear back. Instead, smile at her. Use humour and a positive attitude to calm her down.
Girl: "I'm so ****ing sick of you being so slow at things. I'm always GOGOGO and you're so, "yeah i'll get to it". It's so annoying"
Boy: "... baby... I'm so sorry... I didn't realize I was like that... I'll.. I'll do better... *goes in and gives her a hug, or at least tries to*"
Jeeeesus christ. Here's what a Man would do:
Girl: "I'm so ****ing sick of you being so slow at things. I'm always GOGOGO and you're so, "yeah i'll get to it". It's so annoying"
Man: "It's cause I'm Jamaican. YA MON. Nah, it's just how I am. I'm the balance you need "
See how the Man doesn't really give a **** and he's keeping a positive attitude? Sure, he might take into account that he's a little slow at things, but that's just a part of his personality - besides, his girlfriend needs a little balance and that's what his personality is there for. A more serious example:
Girl: "UGH I'm SO SICK of my roommates, they're such ****ing slobs and they don't clean up after themselves"
Boy: "Well...baby, uh.. here, I'll get it..."
Haha, wow. Here's what a Man would do:
Girl: "UGH I'm SO SICK of my roommates, they're such ****ing slobs and they don't clean up after themselves"
Man: "You have two options - either start looking for a new place to live, or set up a chore list for your household. If they don't abide by it, you'll know to start searching for another place to live."
Whenever your woman throws a shit test at you, just brush it off with a positive attitude and some humour. Obviously if it's a SERIOUS issue, than handle it with compassion and sincerity. Otherwise, humour and positivity / not taking ANY of it personally is your golden ticket.
Having Control Over Your Emotions
Never cry around your woman. The moment the waterworks start chuggin' down your face is the moment that she loses trust in you - the moment she realizes, "my boyfriend / husband isn't capable of handling real problems, real issues". She's dating you because you're supposed to be a ROCK. A Man. A Man has skin like a crocodile - tough as ****. The only time you should cry is when there's a death in the family, or some seriously tragic moment in your life that's "worth crying over". However, this doesn't mean you're not compassionate with your woman. Tell her you love her, seldomly. Abide by the 2/3 rule. She tells you she loves you three times, you tell her twice. She gives your three signs of affection, you give her two. It's enough to show that you care deeply about her, however you'll always stay a challenge to her.
Crying isn't necessarily the only emotion you should control. Taking things personally is something you need to change, or else you'll fail at more than your relationship. Some things are easier than others, for example, if some random guy at a bar calls you a ****ing ****** cause I bumped into him - to me, that's easy to laugh at. To others, they may get angry and then react. So whenever your girl says something to you that you know is "mean" by social standards or, takes a personal stab at you, something that she knows will grind your gears, just laugh at it - or don't even acknowledge it. This will show her you don't care about her little stab attempts, you just brush them off as 'things that women do to try and get a reaction out of her man'.
Example: She's PMS'ing, you just fought, whatever.
Girl: "I see you have a little belly flab there, pudgey. Want another cookie?"
Boy: *Doesn't answer, takes it personally, he's calling her names in his head, sits there silently*
Girl: "Haha.. take a ****ing joke, jesus"
Boy: *takes it even more personally, doesn't realize why his gf's such a bitch, starts tearing up*
Brutal... Here's how a Man would handle it:
Girl: "I see you have a little belly flab there, pudgey. Want another cookie?"
Boy: "Haha, yeah. Been eating a little too many doritos lately. That reminds me, it's cardio day"
Girl: *sits there silent, realizes her bf is cool as *****
I used to take things seriously. My friends and parents even noticed it, I would take things personally. My dad told me waaay back, "you need to learn to laugh at yourself". I never really applied that until like, 3 years ago. Ever since then, life got a lot easier. It just 'clicked' for me. I tried it out one night, either ignoring completely or making humour out of something where people were jokingly making funny of me (like friends chirping eachother). Ever since then, it's been a breeze.
Being Clean, Well-Organized, Physically and Mentally Fit
Clean your god-damn room. Make your bed. Brush your teeth. Shave. Manscape down south. Organize and prioritize your LIFE. Do these things DAILY.
Go the gym. Eat healthy. Play sports competitively / recreationally. Go out and be social with FRIENDS. Take care of yourself, physically and mentally. Your woman wants you to be CLEAN. She wants you to be FIT. She wants you to be ORGANIZED. Do these things for YOURSELF, it shows you're a Man with ambition / drive.
Stop Procrastinating. Procrastination will be the end of your life, career-wise, family-wise, with relationship and friends etc. If you have things to do, STOP PUTTING THEM OFF. Especially with your relationship.
Planning
A Man that depends on his girl with plans is doomed - simple as that. My woman's pretty dominant in the sense that she's the "go-getter" type, it's in her nature to make plans on the fly, virtually with everything. I'll let her have a say (which you should), but ultimately whatever we do that weekend / that day is up to me. Don't ever get lazy in this department, because if she starts making all the plans, she'll realize you're a ***** who can't think for himself.
Girl: "What are we doing today babe?"
Boy: "Um... lets watch movies..what movie do you want to watch?"
No no no. Don't fall into the 'couple that always watches movies and does nothing else" trap. Sure, one night once in a while it's fine to kick back and chill, but don't make it routine. It's boring. You become boring. Always have a plan of action for that day. That's how you make a memorable relationship.. that's how you have an exciting life. Wine tours, days / nights out with pals n friends with her, bike rides, mini-putting, travelling, museums, zoo's, strolls-in-the-park, beach, fun sports, theme parks... you get the picture.
Girl: "What are we doing today babe?"
Man: "Darien Lake. Got us ticks a couple weeks ago. Get your shit together, we'll leave in an hour"
In Conclusion
Lead your relationship, Lead your life. Focus on your woman but also focus on your path more (your career, your hobbies). A Leading Man makes the decisions, he stays calm in times of chaos, he has control over his emotions and he's a clean, well-organized, physically and mentally fit guy. THIS is what you should be.. infact, if you're wondering why your relationship isn't succeeding, it's because you're NOT LEADING.
LEAD. She WILL FOLLOW. You'll get more *** than you can conjure. She will be happy, and more importantly, YOU will be happy.
I'll be making a mini-series on how to have a successful relationship. I'm writing this series STRICTLY through experience. I've been dating a bombshell for just over a year - and even though we've had a rocky path, there have been a lot of amazing times as well - and I'm grateful for every moment, good or bad. I've learned so much from it and I wouldn't change a thing.
Reasons that your Relationship is Failing
• Not Leading Not being Dominant (aka, she's WEARING THE PANTS) You become easily affected by her emotional shitstorms You've overtime become Needy Your ambition for life / work has become foggy You've cheated / you're seriously considering cheating
A lot of men (actually, most) have relationship problems and don't understand why. Common problems:
"We've stopped having *** / frequency has went down / she doesn't seem interested anymore"
"At the beginning of the relationship it was amazing - now she's a huge bitch all the time"
"I tell her to do things, but she doesn't listen to me"
"We always fight"
Here's the secret answer: you're content and you've stopped caring. That's it. There's a ton of reasons WHY it's failing, and I'll be touching on a lot of them.
Breaking up with your girlfriend WILL NOT SOLVE THIS PROBLEM. I repeat... WILL NOT SOLVE THIS PROBLEM! You are who you are, inside and out - meaning the way you deal with things consciously on a daily basis. If you don't give a shit about women when you're single and your only priority in life is to **** as many as possible, GOOD LUCK when it comes to a relationship. You'll need it. If you stop giving a shit while you're dating a girl, don't expect anything else but a slow or fast spiral downward, painful at that.
Being in a successful relationship is HARD work. There's no, "oh, I got her now soo, I'll just ride the wave". Haha. DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY BUD. However, being single and getting laid consistently is also, hard work. However, once you UNDERSTAND and APPLY these principles to your relationship, your relationship WILL become a breeze because these PRACTICAL THINGS will become second nature. I'll be helping you guys out by breaking these issues up in different parts. Without further ado...
LEADING
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If you EVER want to have a successful relationship or marriage (rarely fighting, *** everyday, both genuinely in love / happy with eachother), you NEED to be the Man in the relationship. One of the most important parts is Leading.
What characteristics are associated with Leading?
• Making ALL of the decisions - ALL OF THEM Being that calmness whenever she becomes emotional Having CONTROL over YOUR emotions Being a clean, well-organized, physically and mentally fit Man
• Planning
Making Decisions
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Simple decisions from, "what do you want to do today?" to, "which house should we buy?" are questions she will ask and answers you will supply. Period. Women want a MAN, not a boy.
Girl: "what do you want to do today?"
Boy: "I don't know baby.. uh.. what do you want to do?"
Girl: "I feel like going hiking"
Boy: "Sure baby, we could do that"
Girl: "Actually I wanna go for sushi, and then biking..well, I don't know. What do you wanna do?"
Boy: "I donno babe, whatever you want. What do you wanna do?"
OH MY GOD. *head explodes*
This is what a LEADING MAN would have done:
Girl: "what do you want to do today?"
Man: "Lets go for a bike ride - I need to shower first, so I'll be a bit. Babe, put those dishes in the sink and I'll make the bed"
Girl: "okay
"See the difference? A Man that leads doesn't EVER rely on his woman's shit. You can take into account what she wants to do that day IF she suggests anything, that's totally fine, but if she has no clue and is asking you than YOU make the decision. Women don't know how to make decisions, that's why she's asking you. Another example:
Girl: "I don't know what appetizer I want from the menu. What do you want?"
Boy: "Um... well you can get whatever your heart desires sweet pea
"Girl: "Ugh, I just can't pick between the Calamari or the Gnochi"
Boy: "Um.. well.. get whatever you think will taste better baby
"Girl: "Well.. what would you pick?"
Boy: "Uh... I'd uh.. I don't know babe, you pick
"HOLY ****. *head explodes again*
Again, Leading Man response:
Girl: "I don't know what appetizer I want from the menu. What do you want?"
Man: "I'm feeling the Calamari, I'm hungry as **** for seafood. We'll get that"
Girl: "okay
"You have to make all the decisions - if you don't, she'll by default wear the pants and no woman wants that. If your woman starts wearing the pants, I can guarentee she'll..
a) not be attracted to you anymore
b) you can kiss *** goodbye
c) she'll either break up with you or cheat
MAKE THE DECISIONS. BE A MAN.
Staying Calm When She Becomes Emotional
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All women are emotional, to an extent. You can't change it, so don't try. Also, running away from the situation (aka freezing her out) doesn't work either - she'll resent you for it. You need to face her head-on like a Man.
Do not react to her. She's testing to see whether you can be pulled into her un-needed drama / shit storms - don't give in. You'll be the god-damn Beowulf in all of these little situations. If she starts yelling at you, don't yell back. if she starts swearing at you, don't swear back. Instead, smile at her. Use humour and a positive attitude to calm her down.
Girl: "I'm so ****ing sick of you being so slow at things. I'm always GOGOGO and you're so, "yeah i'll get to it". It's so annoying"
Boy: "... baby... I'm so sorry... I didn't realize I was like that... I'll.. I'll do better... *goes in and gives her a hug, or at least tries to*"
Jeeeesus christ. Here's what a Man would do:
Girl: "I'm so ****ing sick of you being so slow at things. I'm always GOGOGO and you're so, "yeah i'll get to it". It's so annoying"
Man: "It's cause I'm Jamaican. YA MON.
Nah, it's just how I am. I'm the balance you need "See how the Man doesn't really give a **** and he's keeping a positive attitude? Sure, he might take into account that he's a little slow at things, but that's just a part of his personality - besides, his girlfriend needs a little balance and that's what his personality is there for. A more serious example:
Girl: "UGH I'm SO SICK of my roommates, they're such ****ing slobs and they don't clean up after themselves"
Boy: "Well...baby, uh.. here, I'll get it..."
Haha, wow. Here's what a Man would do:
Girl: "UGH I'm SO SICK of my roommates, they're such ****ing slobs and they don't clean up after themselves"
Man: "You have two options - either start looking for a new place to live, or set up a chore list for your household. If they don't abide by it, you'll know to start searching for another place to live."
Whenever your woman throws a shit test at you, just brush it off with a positive attitude and some humour. Obviously if it's a SERIOUS issue, than handle it with compassion and sincerity. Otherwise, humour and positivity / not taking ANY of it personally is your golden ticket.
Having Control Over Your Emotions
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Never cry around your woman. The moment the waterworks start chuggin' down your face is the moment that she loses trust in you - the moment she realizes, "my boyfriend / husband isn't capable of handling real problems, real issues". She's dating you because you're supposed to be a ROCK. A Man. A Man has skin like a crocodile - tough as ****. The only time you should cry is when there's a death in the family, or some seriously tragic moment in your life that's "worth crying over". However, this doesn't mean you're not compassionate with your woman. Tell her you love her, seldomly. Abide by the 2/3 rule. She tells you she loves you three times, you tell her twice. She gives your three signs of affection, you give her two. It's enough to show that you care deeply about her, however you'll always stay a challenge to her.
Crying isn't necessarily the only emotion you should control. Taking things personally is something you need to change, or else you'll fail at more than your relationship. Some things are easier than others, for example, if some random guy at a bar calls you a ****ing ****** cause I bumped into him - to me, that's easy to laugh at. To others, they may get angry and then react. So whenever your girl says something to you that you know is "mean" by social standards or, takes a personal stab at you, something that she knows will grind your gears, just laugh at it - or don't even acknowledge it. This will show her you don't care about her little stab attempts, you just brush them off as 'things that women do to try and get a reaction out of her man'.
Example: She's PMS'ing, you just fought, whatever.
Girl: "I see you have a little belly flab there, pudgey. Want another cookie?"
Boy: *Doesn't answer, takes it personally, he's calling her names in his head, sits there silently*
Girl: "Haha.. take a ****ing joke, jesus"
Boy: *takes it even more personally, doesn't realize why his gf's such a bitch, starts tearing up*
Brutal... Here's how a Man would handle it:
Girl: "I see you have a little belly flab there, pudgey. Want another cookie?"
Boy: "Haha, yeah. Been eating a little too many doritos lately. That reminds me, it's cardio day
"Girl: *sits there silent, realizes her bf is cool as *****
I used to take things seriously. My friends and parents even noticed it, I would take things personally. My dad told me waaay back, "you need to learn to laugh at yourself". I never really applied that until like, 3 years ago. Ever since then, life got a lot easier. It just 'clicked' for me. I tried it out one night, either ignoring completely or making humour out of something where people were jokingly making funny of me (like friends chirping eachother). Ever since then, it's been a breeze.
Being Clean, Well-Organized, Physically and Mentally Fit
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Clean your god-damn room. Make your bed. Brush your teeth. Shave. Manscape down south. Organize and prioritize your LIFE. Do these things DAILY.
Go the gym. Eat healthy. Play sports competitively / recreationally. Go out and be social with FRIENDS. Take care of yourself, physically and mentally. Your woman wants you to be CLEAN. She wants you to be FIT. She wants you to be ORGANIZED. Do these things for YOURSELF, it shows you're a Man with ambition / drive.
Stop Procrastinating. Procrastination will be the end of your life, career-wise, family-wise, with relationship and friends etc. If you have things to do, STOP PUTTING THEM OFF. Especially with your relationship.
Planning
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A Man that depends on his girl with plans is doomed - simple as that. My woman's pretty dominant in the sense that she's the "go-getter" type, it's in her nature to make plans on the fly, virtually with everything. I'll let her have a say (which you should), but ultimately whatever we do that weekend / that day is up to me. Don't ever get lazy in this department, because if she starts making all the plans, she'll realize you're a ***** who can't think for himself.
Girl: "What are we doing today babe?"
Boy: "Um... lets watch movies..what movie do you want to watch?"
No no no. Don't fall into the 'couple that always watches movies and does nothing else" trap. Sure, one night once in a while it's fine to kick back and chill, but don't make it routine. It's boring. You become boring. Always have a plan of action for that day. That's how you make a memorable relationship.. that's how you have an exciting life. Wine tours, days / nights out with pals n friends with her, bike rides, mini-putting, travelling, museums, zoo's, strolls-in-the-park, beach, fun sports, theme parks... you get the picture.
Girl: "What are we doing today babe?"
Man: "Darien Lake. Got us ticks a couple weeks ago. Get your shit together, we'll leave in an hour"
In Conclusion
Lead your relationship, Lead your life. Focus on your woman but also focus on your path more (your career, your hobbies). A Leading Man makes the decisions, he stays calm in times of chaos, he has control over his emotions and he's a clean, well-organized, physically and mentally fit guy. THIS is what you should be.. infact, if you're wondering why your relationship isn't succeeding, it's because you're NOT LEADING.
LEAD. She WILL FOLLOW. You'll get more *** than you can conjure. She will be happy, and more importantly, YOU will be happy.