HokageNamikaze
Member
You must be registered for see links
I am wondering how good this is.
In comparison to any other stories you have read, how would you rate this or how good is it?
How good is this fan-fiction story in comparison to others you have read??
- Thread starter HokageNamikaze
- Start date
I am wondering how good this is.
In comparison to any other stories you have read, how would you rate this or how good is it?
Im Still Robin
Active member
Donald Trump
Active member
Awards
Everything I see wrong with this:
- "how The Leaf had been the ninja clan who’s ideas of peace for their people had been the strongest."
- "They joined forces with the larger clan of the Stone Village,"
- "He wanted change, and they offered to make him an assassin to bring forth even more death. Unfortunately, the few other ninjas he knew and everybody else agreed. He was the only one who saw things differently."
- “My name is Pedro Namikaze and I come in peace.”
- “The Leaf Village is five miles away taking that path,” said the one with the sword.
- "The ninjas that had been hiding in the trees made their move!!"
I think that's it for this first chapter, so I'll start.
1.) Something I personally dislike about almost all Naruto OCs: They HAVE to come from a canon clan. We barely know anything about Namizake, so the significance of having him inside of that specific clan, and having come from VHitS is basically pointless.
2.) A large majority of OCs have names that aren't Japanese or Japanese oriented. This is another case. I don't mean to sound offending in any way, but I am pretty sure 'Pedro' is Spanish oriented.
3.) This person called a village a clan.
4.) It's short, poorly detailed, and didn't draw me in. That's just me personally.
5.) Trained ninja just pointed this man to the village without knowing his skill level. tf?
If you have any contact with the Author, I'd personally let him know they he could have done better. One of the best ones I've seen is
- "how The Leaf had been the ninja clan who’s ideas of peace for their people had been the strongest."
- "They joined forces with the larger clan of the Stone Village,"
- "He wanted change, and they offered to make him an assassin to bring forth even more death. Unfortunately, the few other ninjas he knew and everybody else agreed. He was the only one who saw things differently."
- “My name is Pedro Namikaze and I come in peace.”
- “The Leaf Village is five miles away taking that path,” said the one with the sword.
- "The ninjas that had been hiding in the trees made their move!!"
I think that's it for this first chapter, so I'll start.
1.) Something I personally dislike about almost all Naruto OCs: They HAVE to come from a canon clan. We barely know anything about Namizake, so the significance of having him inside of that specific clan, and having come from VHitS is basically pointless.
2.) A large majority of OCs have names that aren't Japanese or Japanese oriented. This is another case. I don't mean to sound offending in any way, but I am pretty sure 'Pedro' is Spanish oriented.
3.) This person called a village a clan.
4.) It's short, poorly detailed, and didn't draw me in. That's just me personally.
5.) Trained ninja just pointed this man to the village without knowing his skill level. tf?
If you have any contact with the Author, I'd personally let him know they he could have done better. One of the best ones I've seen is
You must be registered for see links
and it's Sequel. It has it's cliches, but the story progresses in a great way and truly does show character development.