Man, I feel just like you. From time to time I just think about life, my life, this world... And I think about how meaningless my life actually is, how my actions don't cause any meaningful change or impact in our society, on our race, in our world. I know that if I kill myself no one will care, except my family and the few friends I have. But that doesn't really matter because neither mine nor their life have any meaning and worth when you're looking on the scale of the human race, the planet, the infinite Cosmos. Our life, our actions, all our ambitions and dreams will be forgotten in time, less than a drop in the ocean. So if I take my life, it won't matter, it won't matter a bit.
When I think about all this, I know there's actually nothing really stopping me. I don't really have any dreams, I have no meaning in life. I'm currently going to school, following the educational system's path, just because it was always expected of me from my family. Other than for them, I live for the momentarily pleasure I gain in life. You may say I'm a nihilist and I would probably agree with you. I don't think about seriously taking my life but if something really terrible happened or a lot of bad things happened in time, there probably won't be anything to stop me from doing it.
Man, I feel just like you. From time to time I just think about life, my life, this world... And I think about how meaningless my life actually is, how my actions don't cause any meaningful change or impact in our society, on our race, in our world. I know that if I kill myself no one will care, except my family and the few friends I have. But that doesn't really matter because neither mine nor their life have any meaning and worth when you're looking on the scale of the human race, the planet, the infinite Cosmos. Our life, our actions, all our ambitions and dreams will be forgotten in time, less than a drop in the ocean. So if I take my life, it won't matter, it won't matter a bit.
When I think about all this, I know there's actually nothing really stopping me. I don't really have any dreams, I have no meaning in life. I'm currently going to school, following the educational system's path, just because it was always expected of me from my family. Other than for them, I live for the momentarily pleasure I gain in life. You may say I'm a nihilist and I would probably agree with you. I don't think about seriously taking my life but if something really terrible happened or a lot of bad things happened in time, there probably won't be anything to stop me from doing it.
If people think that, it means they don't understand what I'm trying to say. Killing yourself is not a good thing to do, it's actually terrible. But if you tend to look at life with a nihilistic point of view, like I do, nothing really matters, including taking your own life.
I feel that way sometimes. I was at my job yesterday and I keep thinking about how fake and shitty the people I work with are, and just how shitty some people can be in general.
I think about how depression has affected me and a lot of my growth and caused me to start making unhealthy choices such as drinking a lot sometimes just because I want to forget about the day lol.
Sometimes I'm just afraid of my future, like what if something really bad happens and it breaks me, what will I do then?
Pain is kinda just part of our existence though and but on a brighter note if you are able to get through the pain then you become much stronger from it. I live my life hoping I can just make other peoples journey a little easier along the way. Because honestly I dont see much other meaning in being here than just trying to be the best person you can.
That is a great way of thinking, I really look up to people who think like you. If my life and all other life is meaningless, than better try to make the life of other meaningless people better.
And I know pain is a part of life, physical injuries and psychological trauma are things everyone goes through. Sometimes though I think I'm a little weird. Weird in the way that I'm apathetic towards a lot of things. But only towards things concerning me. For example whenever one of my friends or a stranger is sad or hurt or something bad happened to them, I feel empathetic and I try to help them in any way I can. But when my parents told me they were getting a divorce, I didn't care at all. I wasn't fazed one bit. I thought I should be sad but honestly I couldn't less.
That is a great way of thinking, I really look up to people who think like you. If my life and all other life is meaningless, than better try to make the life of other meaningless people better.
And I know pain is a part of life, physical injuries and psychological trauma are things everyone goes through. Sometimes though I think I'm a little weird. Weird in the way that I'm apathetic towards a lot of things. But only towards things concerning me. For example whenever one of my friends or a stranger is sad or hurt or something bad happened to them, I feel empathetic and I try to help them in any way I can. But when my parents told me they were getting a divorce, I didn't care at all. I wasn't fazed one bit. I thought I should be sad but honestly I couldn't less.
Yea for some reason I care a lot about other people, I can sorta just feel someones energy and it affects me. I'm also intuitive in that I can tell when someone is being a dick to someone or being fake as ****...etc.
I sometimes see it as a curse knowing that in order to get through life you have to be around so many cold hearted and selfish people.
The only thing that really helps me is like minded individuals and some of my friends who have shown me that they actually care about me for me and not just what they could gain from being around me.
Yea for some reason I care a lot about other people, I can sorta just feel someones energy and it affects me. I'm also intuitive in that I can tell when someone is being a dick to someone or being fake as ****...etc.
I sometimes see it as a curse knowing that in order to get through life you have to be around so many cold hearted and selfish people.
The only thing that really helps me is like minded individuals and some of my friends who have shown me that they actually care about me for me and not just what they could gain from being around me.
I'm the same way, I can just tell when someone is bulshitting me. I know there a lot of people like that, actually the majority are. I just try to focus on the other ones, or if I'm in a shitty situation I try not to get too heated and do something stupid.
I also appreciate my friends. I can say that I have two real friends. Maybe three. The other ones are simply people, who I'm friendly with, more or less.
I'm the same way, I can just tell when someone is bulshitting me. I know there a lot of people like that, actually the majority are. I just try to focus on the other ones, or if I'm in a shitty situation I try not to get too heated and do something stupid.
I also appreciate my friends. I can say that I have two real friends. Maybe three. The other ones are simply people, who I'm friendly with, more or less.
I... have trouble not getting heated lol. I let people take me to that point sometimes.
But yea I just feel so weird around most people in my life, like I dont really belong. But then when I'm around my friends I feel perfectly normal.
I could say I have one solid best friend. I consider a lot of other people in my life good friends. Some people I met online are actually really good friends of mine. Like they enjoy my presence, and if I'm gone for awhile they'd fill my inbox or ping me on discord like a bunch of times lol.
It just really helps knowing there are at least a few people out there who are looking out for your best interest or care about you and your life. Like, my father doesnt even give half a shit about me compared to some of my friends.
I... have trouble not getting heated lol. I let people take me to that point sometimes.
But yea I just feel so weird around most people in my life, like I dont really belong. But then when I'm around my friends I feel perfectly normal.
I could say I have one solid best friend. I consider a lot of other people in my life good friends. Some people I met online are actually really good friends of mine. Like they enjoy my presence, and if I'm gone for awhile they'd fill my inbox or ping me on discord like a bunch of times lol.
It just really helps knowing there are at least a few people out there who are looking out for your best interest or care about you and your life. Like, my father doesnt even give half a shit about me compared to some of my friends.
I can't always stop myself from getting angry and shouting or breaking stuff, I just want to control myself better and I strive to be better.
I can't say I feel like I don't belong with some people. I mean, I hang out with a certain group of people, we all act like friends, we have fun, but I just think that whatever relationship I have with them won't last. When I graduated our equivalent to middle school and went to high school, I stopped to talking my friends, who were from there, even though I had known them for seven years, some for longer. They were my only friends but we just cut ties and stopped having contact at all. But it doesn't really make me sad. Now I worry a little that I'll have no friends in the future, that I'll just lose my current ones.
I'm sorry about your dad, it's sad that some parents don't support their children. I can't say what it's like since I have been blessed with great parents and a great family and thankful for it. Some people say it makes you stronger, learning to live without the support of one parent, though I'm not sure. I am sure that it is very shitty.
Yea tbh I'm kinda guilty of having some friends who I like never reach out to and the friendship just dies because you just eventually stop talking altogether. Either you are busy or the friendship just naturally started to get boring or something, idk
Thats another thing, family
Fathers not really in my life anymore. He was abusing my mom and me and my brother ended up helping her escape, it was a shit show: had court fighting for custody of the two youngest children (as if he actually cared about them) my mom was shaking and in tears anytime he was around, police had to escort him out the house, him threatening me and my bro, all that stuff. We were all trying our best to make the family work but wasnt gonna with him around. He clearly showed that he never cared about us, he cared about making my mother miserable. I could get into the whole back story but that's like, way too much. He just didnt like that we saw what he was doing.
He eventually stopped picking up the kids (my mom gave him visitations so she could avoid going to court because he was petrified of him, but he didnt even deserve that). His innocent kids, one 5 and one 8, he kinda just stopped caring about lol.
Going on too long but... I'm basically saying. Sometimes family ain't shit either
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Also I just feel like having a positive male role model in my life would've helped with some stuff as well, but it is what it is :0
My moms been great my whole life so that's probably what helped me become who I am now.
Yea tbh I'm kinda guilty of having some friends who I like never reach out to and the friendship just dies because you just eventually stop talking altogether. Either you are busy or the friendship just naturally started to get boring or something, idk
Thats another thing, family
Fathers not really in my life anymore. He was abusing my mom and me and my brother ended up helping her escape, it was a shit show: had court fighting for custody of the two youngest children (as if he actually cared about them) my mom was shaking and in tears anytime he was around, police had to escort him out the house, him threatening me and my bro, all that stuff. We were all trying our best to make the family work but wasnt gonna with him around. He clearly showed that he never cared about us, he cared about making my mother miserable. I could get into the whole back story but that's like, way too much. He just didnt like that we saw what he was doing.
He eventually stopped picking up the kids (my mom gave him visitations so she could avoid going to court because he was petrified of him, but he didnt even deserve that). His innocent kids, one 5 and one 8, he kinda just stopped caring about lol.
Going on too long but... I'm basically saying. Sometimes family ain't shit either
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Also I just feel like having a positive male role model in my life would've helped with some stuff as well, but it is what it is :0
My moms been great my whole life so that's probably what helped me become who I am now.
Don't worry about friends with whom you've lost touch, it only natural to drift apart from somebody if you don't have much in common anymore.
I am really sorry about you having a shitty dad. What you said sounds really rough and hard to deal with. I'm glad your mom cares about you and your brother.
And listen, if you want to talk to somebody about this, about your childhood, your father, you can always write to me, I would love to listen, if you want to
Don't worry about friends with whom you've lost touch, it only natural to drift apart from somebody if you don't have much in common anymore.
I am really sorry about you having a shitty dad. What you said sounds really rough and hard to deal with. I'm glad your mom cares about you and your brother.
And listen, if you want to talk to somebody about this, about your childhood, your father, you can always write to me, I would love to listen, if you want to
Eh I'm alright, life is rough sometimes but I'm oddly optimistic. Basically I know my life could be so much better, but I also always think about how life could be much much worse. I'm lucky for what I do have, and maybe my future could be better instead of worse. It's all about perspective really.
i definitely have during the tougher times of my life, definitely made me stronger though and im happy i didnt. as long as theres another day, theres a chance your life can completely change. definitely something ive learned. like i had nothing and people seemed to treat me like i was nothing...at least the people i didnt want too....now its completely the opposite
i dont think it was logical though, im pretty emotional for a man and it can make me dramatic at times... i really just couldnt see a future where i was, i hated how reality is, how its set up, the stupid shit people care about, the important shit people dont care about....
definitely was a super dark period mentally. even though now life seems to be going in my favor, i still have a lot of the same resentments but i learned a lot about myself and people, going through that made me stronger and if i learned anything, its that nothing stays the same forever
