Haunted...

0neCrazyAngel

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Haunted
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Knowing that this will kill me is a start.

My spine digs into my skin, my thoughts of you
So vivid. I cover my lips but my screams permeate my palms.
How many breaths will I waste before I forget?

Holding to my aging limbs, I pray I’ll live through this
If only this.
Sleep reawakens valuable midnight nightmares of you
And I have to force myself to fleetingly remember that
I do have a beating heart. A damaged, bleeding, infected soul.
Convince me of this as I shove my fist in my open mouth
Feeble, failed attempts
To silence my whispers, your name, my voice.

What are they to say we were once one body?
I scratch the dying flesh from my face, forgetting is just too much.
Too difficult to focus out of my forced, exhausted breathing,
To remove each of your stolen bones from my closet, rid myself
Of each and every aching thoughts of you.

False creations, forced breaking smiles, attempting to slowly heal
When my pale broken skin gives my story away, holds me above.
How do I open my bloodshot eyes to a different world?
How do I convince my shaking body that you never really existed?
Ghosts, spirits, possess each thinning bone, embrace me
I’m not enough for this. Not to push this away.

I'm breaking. I'm leaving my own tortured soul.
Replace me.
Leave in my space an unknown being, one known to safely heal
As I waver away from the life I lead
Down the path you so willingly created for me to follow
In spite of my pain.

My emotions are innocent victims, tangled, weaving
Until it drains me from the lungs, leaving my hands soiled
Emptied from the inside out of every proof of life
Every bruised, choking vein suffocated with your cancerous memory
Every organ left in the stench of agony. Torn apart of me.
I’ve stained my hands with pieces of you, parts of me
My attempts to wipe away each thought of you
Fail miserably as I collapse where you once lay, breathing with me.

I cannot bleed out this evil, this deserving shadow of you
Curiously peeling back the discolored memories from my scars
So I can revisit lost wounds, wandering heartbreak
And wonder where the disease entered, where everything went wrong.
Because of this,
I’m dying.

For long enough, I spent time believing I could forget
the poison, the venom, my fear of death
with you by my side.
Leave me here.
I was captivated, now I’m weary with your
Calloused hands thrusting themselves into my chest
Each day. Leaving me anticipating your next move.
Knowing all the while that your life is killing me off
Second
After
Second.

I’m dying, you know.

But you can’t kill me that easily

~~~~
I would appreciate any comment/s or criticism to improve my writing. thanks guys.
 

Lamperouge

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Its pretty good.
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Yo pappy

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I liked it, depressing as **** though. As I was reading along I was like, "Ok, I got it, you can stop now. Sweet mother of God how depressing are these hyperboles and similes gonna get?!?" lol It's all good though, you covered enough ground for people to interpret it in many different ways, but managed to keep the atmosphere the same from start to finish.
 

AWSUM SID

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Its awesome!!
 

0neCrazyAngel

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I liked it, depressing as **** though. As I was reading along I was like, "Ok, I got it, you can stop now. Sweet mother of God how depressing are these hyperboles and similes gonna get?!?" lol It's all good though, you covered enough ground for people to interpret it in many different ways, but managed to keep the atmosphere the same from beginning to end.

-- thanks alot. i also thought i went a little overboard with the imagery and i agree, this **** is depressing. but i just have to write it otherwise i will self-destruct :lmao: but thanks for the comment. i truly appreciate it
 

izinagi54

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good... depressin but awesome
 
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Yu want honest, I'll be honest:
Drop
Dead
Awesome!!
Lol, I'm a sucker for creepy stuff, those were some pretty sick lines, if ya ask me.
Me want me some more!!
 

0neCrazyAngel

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:lmao: my lil bro. i really think u shouldnt be reading this. i feel like u are too young and i dont want anything like this to ever touch u.. but i thanks anyways. :hug:
 
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:lmao: my lil bro. i really think u shouldnt be reading this. i feel like u are too young and i dont want anything like this to ever touch u.. but i thanks anyways. :hug:

True, I sure am young, but I'm the kind of guy who finished manhunt 6 hours straight. Don't worry I like me a bit of gore :)
 

Tsuki

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Well written, but scaaaaryy :eek: but that's the purpose of a poem so good job ^^
I wish I could give advice :shy: but I'm not very skilled >.<
Keep it up :scorps:
 

〜Angel Reborn〜

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Hey Mia my love what wrong? Did something happen tday? Remember my princess Im by urside in spirit always. Im here for u if u ever need me. I love u <3 :love: <3
 

nj tandi

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This was good.Quite vivid use of words and well harmonised throughout.You kept an idea in mind and stuck to it.
Only one thing- the line 'sleep reawakens valuable midnight nightmares of you'.
But from what I could understand the narrator wanted to forget the other person.References such as 'your calloused hands' suggest so.
Am I right in thinking the narrator deep down still treasures his memories of the other person?

And one more thing.You've written 'torn apart of me'.It should be torn apart from me.Apart is generally followed by from.
But smashing job!I look forward to reading more of your work.
 
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Skylar Knight

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Depressing, but really good :) Awesome work, and keep it up :D +rep ;)
 

Sophie Ezra

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It is not something I am in to really but apart from that It is pretty good plus rep :)
 

Gama

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Good and creepy..
 
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