Girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me part 2

[GhostProject]

Keeping it short: She's shady.

First thing you want in a girl is integrity. You don't want to mess with those girls who say one thing and do something completely different. Those are the manipulators, don't waste your time man.

Focus on you and hang with your bros, it'll help you out of it.

 

[angelcircus]

Allright dude. Seriously ive been there. Idk how old you are im guessing somewhere between 16-19 i myself am 24. And trust me ive dated plenty of crazies cheats and mixtures of the too. She is playing mind games with you. I know trust me i know that this is way easier said tben done. But just ignore her. Dont answer the phone text her back nothing. Get out there go skate surround yourself with friends and people in general. Go have some one night stands meet a cool ass chick get a friends with benifits thing goin. Nothing serious. All sounds kinda messed up but seriously itll help keep your mind off her and it will get your confidence up. Women arnt wired right esspecially when there young this stupid "cheating" lying "i cant be with you because im obsessed with you" shit is just ignorance. Dont play into her game..and shell notice your gone shell miss you and wonder why you arnt talking to her. Shell realize, youve dusted yourself offand kept living life. And when That happens make her prove to you that shes done being imature and ready for a steady adult relationship. You got this dude. Oh and music is a great thing. Listen to the neibourhood. Eminem also has great pick me up songs such as "where im at ft. Loyd banks" all she wrote solo version. And desperation. Look em up. Good luck with everything man

 

[FunkyFatal]

Girls & guys (girls mostly) these days don't know what love really is. Its a lot more than just a feeling and they don't get that. However, when some girls do get in a long lasting relationship and feel they love that person they fear that that person will leave them or break their heart so they panic and do stupid stuff. They are afraid that they may love in vain, but lack the understanding to realize that what they think may be love is only just lust or a simple growing affection for that person.

Well that all I'm saying i'm going to sleep now i'm tired. The only peaceful place left for us the run away too is the dream world lol....

 

[Sageflash]

It's hard but just move on. At this point it seems she's playing with your emotions and you should finish this off before you get really hurt, out of concern for you man. In the end it's you who decides, I wish you the best and hope you find what to do.

I appreciate your words. I hope so too.

I don't understand why can't you just stay away from this love thing for few days?
Getting numbers of other girls just for the sake of finding another one, because you lost first one isn't the right way of falling in love. I know, when you break up with someone who is that much important to you, it takes some time for you to settle down and move on with life, but you don't need to rush things, because you are still young and have a lot of life in your hands. Meanwhile you can focus on other things of your life, which you must had totally ignored when you were in relationship with her. Think about profession, try to learn different skills, try to focus on your family, your friends, enjoy your life.

Me getting other girls numbers was never for me to jump into another relationship or just get some ass to numb the pain. I've never been that kind of guy. Thinking about it, I guess I did because I wanted to know I was still desirable. That there wasn't something wrong with me and I was still able to be valued. I was the most confident guy in the world til these relationship problems started, now I scrutinize myself under an electron microscope. And I don't know why I think it's something I did, because I was beyond good to her.

Coming off of a very long, very painful breakup myself, i have one thing to tell you.

Whatever she SAYS, what ever she FEELS, anything that comes out of her mouth is a lie. Maybe not a lie to you, but a lie to her. If she says that she wants to be together, she is trying to sugar coat it. If she wanted you, she'd be with you. It hurts so bad i know, but a woman will twist anything to make her feel like a victim and a good guy. They'll play the martyr, they'll make themselves think they're worthless but in the end, if she's lied to you before, she will lie again. Its hard to think this way because it makes you a pessimist. I know, i'm going through it too. You want to feel like theres someone you can ALWAYS trust. maybe such a person exists, but if she's not true to HERSELF about her feelings, she can't be honest with another.

I'm so so sorry for whats happening to you. i know how bad it hurts. but the best course of action right NOW at least, is to remove her from your life. Unfriend her from anything you got. Get rid of ALL of her pictures. Try not to think about her. It is how i'm dealing with my own stuff. it still hurts when i hear her name, or when i see the guy in my college she left me for. But it helps. When i'm not thinking about her, she can't hurt me

Always good to here from you, D1. A big part of me wants to say you're full of shit and that you don't know the ins and outs of what's going on, but the rational side of me says you're one of the few people who would know this.

I wish you good luck and speedy healing too, bro. We may have to start a club or something for guys like us Lol. But I know how you feel and it means a lot you shared. Thanks, my man.

I would right paragraphs to help you with your situation but I'm very sleepy. I just hope things work out for you. That's a dumb excuse to feel like you really have to stay away from someone because your obsessed with that person so much that don't know yourself apart from the other person anymore. XD

If someone really love another they won't make such dumb excuses. Love and like are two different words and they also mean two very different things. She must have mixed feeling about you and whether or not she really loves you. I just hope it all works out lol.

Read my sig and quote I understand what your going through :NO:

It twists the knife, but your sig is on point. I can't lie.

My advice is to let her go. Based on what youve said she seems childish and not not quite ready to be in a serious relationship with you. Sometimes girls start acting this way when they are in that experimental stage. She probably just wants to have fun and shes not taking you serious i guess. All in all id move on. Lifes too short for that you could be missing out on some other chick who is ready to be serious.

This is one of the things that scares me the most, that my pure love is being traded in for some ****ing ridiculous college years of getting drunk and dancing in dingy clubs for degenerates all night. If that's the case... ****, I I'd be beyond pissed.

If her actions indicate anything other than yes (as in yes she wants to be with you), then think of them as a no. It's one thing to care about someone but make honest mistakes. (ex: I'm sorry I was b***chy or mean, etc.) It's ANOTHER thing to claim to care about someone but give them mixed signals. ("we're still together, she's gonna come back to me soon, she just wants me" but shares photos with others that she said are just for you. <-- that's not loyal)

If the relationship doesn't find consistency, then how can it ever be stable?

Based on the bit of information you've given me, I'd suggest moving on-- at least at this point in time. Maybe later on in life after she's gotten it together mentally/emotionally and if you two are interested in each other again you can give it another shot.

The mixed signals are a real *****, but it also means there's a part of her in there that agrees with me. And I don't wanna lose out on that part, because I know when she's like that it's Heaven on Earth on me, while the rest is Hell.

Something mean is in this spoiler.

Spoiler

Your girlfriend sounds like a psychopath

She does have a couple documented mental disorders. Chronic, severe depression, low grade bipolar disorder, shit like that. But it's who she is when she's normal that's got me so hooked on her.

 

[Dannie]

It's just a girl.

 

[onijae]

You gotta move on. My best advice to you is to leave that alone, talk to your other peoples to keep your mind off of her, but don't date just yet. Take a bit of time to be on your own, try to find some things to keep you occupied or even go out and meet new people. I know it's easier said than done, I'm kind of going through the same thing, and this s^%# sucks.

The red flag I've noticed was when she said that she's overwhelmed by the relationship..

You've been together for three years? Why is she now becoming overwhelmed? That screams out "bad" to me, and knowing that alone, you should move on. I highly doubt, that the bit of information as far as her cheating and having family catch you alone is false. So you'd probably want to take care to now stay away from her and her family/don't go to that bday party. IT'S A TRAP!

But in all seriousness, keep away from her now, I feel like she is seeing other people and using you to fall back on when all that doesn't work. Your being numb to all of this now is going to get much worse later(trust me completely on that), and probably keep you from growing/moving on later. You absolutely NEED to drop this relationship and move on. Give yourself a few months of just you time, then go out and date if you feel up to it, but don't date around now, not when your heart is still with her.

Tell her you're done with it. Don't let her suck you back in. It may hurt for a while, but you'll come out stronger.

Chin up man!

 

[Lady M]

I told you my thoughts in a PM since I know a bit more of the story from our past conversations, but I will share something with you about my experiences. This is coming from a female's perspective.

She knows what to say and do to keep you on the shelf until she is sure she wants you. If she realizes she does not want you, she will remove you from that shelf and place a new guy up there.

Not all of us are that way tho.

When I love a man, he is my King and I am loyal until the bitter end, but the guy is the unfaithful one who plays mind games and makes my physically ill from his mental torture, and if I have fallen deep enough, the pull is so strong, I am unable to escape until I have reached a breaking point in my health.

Do not get to that point. Your life may not be with hers, but what if it is with another and you are so messed up from this one that you are unable to focus on the new, promising one that could make your life better? When health starts to get affected and no compromise, understanding or trust exists anymore, it is time to move on.

 

[Jaded210]

I think you should go to the party and just talk to her. Either get closure or decide it's over yourself, get what you need off your chest , yet refrain from acting stupid or saying anything hurtful. Let her know you don't intend On moving on but you can't just sit around waiting her either. Then give her space, if needed, leave the party, and if it's meant then she will come back. I'm a male but from what I've seen, most girls around that age go through a phase of just wanting to party and experience things. Y'all have been together 3 years so you've taken a lot of her older teenage years away. As for yourself, it sounds like you need to learn to be alone and stop being so dependent on a relationship. Just have fun and be happy with yourself, take this time for yourself and accomplish some goals you have been slacking on. If you meet another girl just go with the flow. Maybe you scared her into settling or something or maybe she's just used to you but not truly happy with you. Be happy you don't have kids or didn't get married otherwise she'd take money along with your heart lol goodluck and time will heal everything.

 

[cptenn94]

Sage flash. To me this seems kinda clear.

You seem like you love her.
And she seems like she loves you.

One thing to always remember about women, is they are not supposed to make sense. They are emotionally driven, and that makes them very illogical at times.

I have a question and based on your answer, should determine what you should do.

Is this emotional craze kinda thing new, or has it happened on and off throughout your relationship?

If it is new, then I think, based on everything I have heard you say, that you should be patient and wait on her.
Try to find ways to build her up. Ask her friends and family what is going on with her. Try to help her truly let out what is bugging her.

To me it sounds like she is probably just making up stuff(cheating, family members jumping you etc), to try to drive you away for some reason.


Either way SOMETHING is going on in her head. Whether it is all in her head, or based on something that happened I dont know.

Finding that something, and getting her to talk about it, can help you to fix her, and repair your relationship.


If I were you I would be patient and try to just LISTEN to her(listening to what she says about feelings), not neccesarily doing things). I would wait till we managed to get to the root of her problem, to propose. I would not give up on her.


Either way, I would not go and collect peoples numbers. I would wait till the relationship is completely over before I began to seek another. I would also take some time to be single after the relationship ends if you choose to listen to the advice others are giving.

I am the kind of person who seeks to marry a single person for life. So my advice is different from many of these members, who only seem to seek short/long term shallow relationships for selfish reasons(***, attention etc), and are not interested in finding someone for life, unless she is utterly perfect.

Source; 2 very moody and emotional sisters, who had ALOT(arguably most of the drama) of SELF MADE drama.(stuff that was just all in their head)




If nothing else, listen to what I say here. Do what YOU think you should do. Do NOT do what NB(or I) say you should do. Whatever decision you make, make it completely on your own. Do not let others including me to pressure you to do one thing or another.

If you need someone to talk to, or would like more help, feel free to PM me. I would be more than happy to try to help you try to figure out what is going on, and how to fix it. If you just need somewhere to vent, then I would be more than happy to just listen.

 

[Jack Spicer]

Just drop it dude. Move on, take a break, and relax.

 

[Dannie]

The poll results speak for itself anyway. If you have to wait for a girl to finally feel that she is ready to be with you then she is beside the point and should be irrelevant to your life. Why should I wait for someone who has doubts in their mind? If you have doubts then that relationship is not to be.

 

[Conspirator.]

The core of any relationship is trust. Now answer this question: Do you trust her right now? It's one thing to have an argument with your GF(it happens to everyone). However what you have described; together with your past history, indicates this is something far deeper. The thing is, even if your GF changes and everything becomes good, will you be able to trust her the way you did before? It's probably best for you to end it now and go solo for a while.(just to get out of this love mess)

 

[Sophie Ezra]

I have been in a similar situation not as bad tho and well i would say if she is doing this it might be best to just move on if she is hurting you she sounds confused about what she wants, your first love is someone you will always remember but she may not be the one.

you could wait and hope for the best if you wanted but it may not be the best idea i wish you luck tho and hope all goes well.

 

[Gintõki1]

Mate you really have to let her go. If she really would love you and atleast care a bit about you, you wouldn't be in that situation right now. Don't go to the party either, it will just be the same talking from her and feelings will come up, which will stop you from moving on.

What kind of relationship is this? If she's in the mood to have fun, she wants to be free, be with other guys and do shit, but when she feels alone and needs someone that cares about her, she comes back to you. She is using you, atleast to me it seems like that.

The best is to stop it and move on. Do things to get her out of your mind. Meet up with other girls, hang with friends and have hobbies. And if feelings come up again then talk to friends and let everything out, before you go back to her and get in the same situation again and again.

 

[Ero sennin jiraiya]

I broke up with a girl whom I loved more than any other girl I dated when I was 19 because she cheated on me with he guitarist from the band Lifehouse.(true story, no bs) 5 years later I regret it still. There's more to the story than just that. This girl was beautiful. A very talented artist as well, and we just clicked emotionally even though our personalities were quite different. We stopped being friends pretty soon after breaking up and I miss her greatly. Just try your best to work things out before you write her off. You may regret it even years from now if you really love her as much as you say you do.

People make mistakes. Try not to hold grudges about things. If her behavior doesn't Change I would consider breaking up though. Go to the party and see how things go.....why not. Worst case scenario you confirm that you aren't right for one another.

 

[ChrisWolf]

How old are you?

I hate when people ask this question on threads like this, it doesn't matter if hes 8 or 38 the relationships may have different content but the feelings and thus the way to handle those feelings are the same, it does not matter how old he is.

 

[The Amazing Spider Man]

Think it's best if you move on bro. Not much that she can do except hurt you more. Always good to start over fresh.

This is food for thought -- you do the dishes. U_U

 

[kickassjutsu]

I hate when people ask this question on threads like this, it doesn't matter if hes 8 or 38 the relationships may have different content but the feelings and thus the way to handle those feelings are the same, it does not matter how old he is.

How old are you? And actually it does you can hate it all you want but the advise for an 8 year old and a 24 year old based on "love" issues is completely different knowing some ones age gives you a lot of insight to how their mind may see the situation it self.

 

[Aim64C]

This is a tough one.

We live in a world of broken people where we view each other through a multiplex of cracks and crystalline fissures.

I'll perhaps be foolish and say that I think she's suffering through problems that she could never trust you with. The sharing of 'private' or 'personal' photos like that is almost always a sign of a distorted/damaged view of self-worth.

Now, I say that's foolish because every decent male who hears that 'his girl' is 'hurt' wants to charge off and save the day.

But remember that I said we live in a world of broken people.

If you don't take the time to see to your own cracks - to at least know where the holes are that will trip you up, then there's very little that you can do to help another person.

And, sometimes, being in love with a person is the biggest obstacle to helping them. Other times - it's the only way to be persistent and reckless enough to reach them.

They aren't pokemon, either - so you can't save them all. Not in one lifetime, at least.

Even the whole "She's young" or "Just wants attention" arguments still qualify under the "broken people."

Teens, today, are raised in shattered homes amidst streets in shambles and a shameless media and a lack of adult guidance. Even in the times where good influences were plenty, there were still many broken people and the teens/young adults had a lot of hard lessons to learn.

The more I watch people - the more I analyze my own hardships and those others I'm close to... the more I believe 'events' don't 'break' us.... all they do is expose the weaknesses we already had. It may make a fissure deeper - but it was something that could be seen long before 'it happened.'

The 'old society' - the 'old spirit' - had a way of strengthening people and of empowering them to overcome deficiencies, to spot these faults before they became a problem, and to repair the damage.

The new way is impulsive in all the wrong ways (being impulsive is not necessarily a bad thing) and considerate of most of the wrong things. It literally grinds people apart.

Try to view it all externally.

You are reading/writing a book about you. What would you do as the hero of your own book?

That's somewhat conflicting to the "what would jesus do" and "ask God" stuff... but the point of those things is to draw your view to the external - to the 'third person' - and pull yourself out of your shoes for a minute to take in a greater picture (and if you believe God offers insight to those who ask for it - this would be a place for him to include it).

You have to live and make choices according to what will bring you fulfillment in life.

Fulfillment doesn't mean 'pleasure.' It doesn't mean 'what you want.' It means knowing that you didn't leave things undone. We all are born with the same terminal illness (age) that will eventually claim us. In that light - sacrificing material for the soul is infinitely wiser than sacrificing soul for the material.

That doesn't mean that the material is bad - but that sometimes the right thing to do doesn't make any sense (and certainly never comes with promises).

But this is all very 'grand level' talk.

For the immediate question: "Do I go to the party?"

The question is "what must happen at the party for me to be fulfilled?"

It's rare to find someone who can honestly say: "nothing."

I mean - I could... because I would not know anyone and they would wonder why the heck I was gawking through the window like a creep.... but if you were to throw me into your shoes - it would be next to impossible to go to that party without having some serious expectations of what is going to come of my going there.

Expectations that will most likely go unfulfilled for some time.

But, on the other hand, would you truly feel right blowing the whole thing off? Would it be just as irritating (if not more so) to not go and forever wonder?

you have to be very careful, if you do go, that you are going more so out of neutral curiosity than with the intent to do or accomplish anything.

But, I'm one of the crazy people who doesn't give simple 'do this,' 'do that,' 'to hell with that hoe' answers.

Because those answers are how broken people deal with things.

 

[Prefade]

there is always something better ,, if u love her u will let her go