Fanfiction: Ravage Chapter 1

Joined
Dec 8, 2012
Messages
307
Reaction score
6
This is my first fanfiction.
I am not exactly sure if there is a certain style or not so I just wrote the usual way for me.
I hope you enjoy and please leave comments on what you think!!
Thank you!!


Chapter 1
The Beginning of the End

No one is safe in a world without light. The sun has long since vanished leaving nothing but darkness, darkness laced with despair and a tinge of fear. We are all left with no choice but to fend for ourselves. Humanity has gone mad and lost all sense of reasoning.

The period of complete chaos is upon us, a time we ourselves brought near. An extermination of those who are weak-minded and heartless. Only the strong have a chance to survive. But, what is the true meaning of this 'Apocalypse'? Is it truly a simple eradication process of all that further darkens this night, or is it a possible sign of something to come?

These questions go unanswered for some time and are still quite mysterious. But one objective is able to announce itself. Man cannot survive during such mayhem, so we must evolve into something much greater. Life must be earned, however, survival is difficult.

Those who are pure must come to the realization that they are a of a greater existence, and embrace the fact that they are the only thing that protects the world from being consumed by darkness and cast down into oblivion. Roles must be realized and all must come to terms with the situation they are involved in.

Some will be accepted, most shall be denied, and only those who have undergone the age of evolution will be able to save them. Faith is critical while hate is shunned in this dawn of a new age. Never more will crime be an issue, however something exceptionally worse will come to pass. All shall cower in fear by the might of the end.


* * * *




Adrenalin coursed through my veins as I whipped my way through the pitch alleyways of night. If it even had the right to be called night. Vile creatures swarmed around me while I focused on evading them. They clung to the walls racing after me, screeching the most horrific sounds.

My heart pumped oxygen to my deprived lungs; however little it was it still helped. My feet chose that moment to stumble, not to the ground and for just a split second, but it was a long enough time span for the monsters to surround me as I regained my balance. They flashed sharp teeth at me and snarled something fierce. Arms and legs like spiders they crawled forward, once human, but now among those who lost faith. Closer and closer they approached my stunned body, until they were close enough for me to see my reflection in the deep black eyes.
My immediate thought was that my life would now end. Fear seemed far beyond my recognition, and useless to ponder over. It was over. I had given my all but my all had not been enough.

But then something rather peculiar occurred. Heat flared up inside me, near my lower abdomen. It suddenly began to become brighter and my surroundings could now be seen. A curious sight to behold, in a world without light, but I felt no need to question it. It was normal, natural, and had felt as if it was an everyday feeling.

The monstrosities scampered back a few feet and a few even retreated as if the light had wounded them. The snarls became louder, however, I still felt no fear. I stood my ground, and slowly my confidence was regained. I don't understand why though. I suddenly felt powerful and it was the most wondrous feeling of all.

Then I realized the light was coming from me. My skin glowed like a fluorescent light bulb. It shined and pulsed with my heartbeat, growing stronger by the second. With it I felt feelings that urged me forward.

I began walking towards the captivated fiends and once again they distanced themselves. I stepped one step forward. They took one step back. One near the front howled it's cry and then all of my pursuers began to veer off into the darkness. A few stragglers remained but when I calmly approached them, they too disappeared.

I caught the beady eyes of the one who had called off the attack. It seemed so wise somehow - knowing. It knew something I did not. And then he vanished. Not like the others who I could see leaping and crawling away, but he simply vanished leaving a swirling dark mass. I decided not to put stock in it.

My glow began to nullify to a dull throb, and then completely stopped allowing the darkness to consume me once again. My eyes had become accustomed to the darkness but the light had been a shock to my deprived eyes and once again they began their long journey to adjusting.

I cautiously began moving forward, my thoughts veering off without me. The light had come from me when I was in danger. It was like a defense mechanism. I felt power and like I was in control. Fear was far from my mind even when I believed I would die. What could this mean? Never have I felt this way. I’m so confused!

Suddenly I dropped down to my knees. A pain so fierce began in my head. My skull felt as though it was being bashed repeatedly with a rod. It throbbed and pulsed like never before. I clawed at my hair and choked back a scream. The outside of my vision began to blur and darken a shade even more malevolent then night. My heart pounded as my breath came out broken and choppy. I fell to the side clutching my cranium and blacked out.


* *~DREAM~* *

I could see myself, standing in a field holding an amulet. The most unusual thing was the fact that it was light out. The sun was shining and wind was blowing. It was a place I had not yet seen before, and it was quite a breath-taking scene. I inspected the object in my hand. The amulet emitted a dull light and was in the shape of an oversized locket. I was fiddling with it and my subconscious was so occupied with myself it didn’t notice the men in uniforms approaching until they kneeled before me.

“We require your assistance Miss Jessicka ,” The man in the lead said. There was three men on either side of him falling back into a ‘V’ shape. They were on one knee staring at the ground. It irritated me greatly to see them greet me as a higher up.

“Stand. Never do that, if you will. What is it you need?” I watched the man stand and stared into his eyes. He seemed slightly afraid of me. I wondered why.

“We are in need of your abilities in the West Wall. The Maranza are attacking relentlessly. The Elders wish for you to create a barrier to push them back.” He wouldn’t look me directly in the eyes, rather from fear or simply respect I do not know.

I sighed and after pocketing the amulet I stretched. “I suppose so. How long do you think this will take? I haven’t eaten since lunch yesterday.” I began strolling forward at a care-free pace, taking my time. When I passed them they fell in line behind me on the outskirts with the lead man by my side.

He snickered at my impatience and for the first time my conscious self inspected him. He was young, no younger then fifteen yet no older then twenty. He had short brown hair that was slightly styled and had green eyes. He seemed familiar yet didn’t at the same time. “That depends on how long it takes you to build the barrier. Then you can go get your food.”

Truth-be-told, all of this felt proverbial. The amulet, the field, the people; I felt like I new them. I pushed my thoughts away and began to pay attention to what was going on and followed.

They had entered a large room with a numerous amount of people conversing with each other and pacing from one end to another. A tremble shuddered the ground and large room. It didn’t seem to bother anyone, not even my unconscious self, who just continued walking as I questioned the men and told them something that made all of them laugh.

I should probably keep up with them. I walked behind myself as I complained about my stomach growling. Once again they snickered “Stop laughing!! I’m really hungry okay?!” The tremors continued for a bit before they finally stopped.

“We all know that if you say your stomach hurts you just need food. But you seriously eat more than any girl I know,” said the boy on my right side, just behind me. I mumbled something inappropriate and continued walking.

We came to a stop at a tall door that stood twelve foot high and twelve foot wide. One of the snickering men approached a key pad, typed in a code and placed his hand on the scanner. The doors slid open and darkness awaited me.

The sky was not as dark as it is to me now but it was still tinted with shadows. I stepped out into the open following the men and myself. What is this? It was lit a few minutes ago. There was wind too, but where did it go?

“Time to get to work then,” I stretched and popped my neck and began mumbling and drawing in the air. Quite a peculiar sight. I could see slight indentions of flame suspended in the air before my finger. “Dior manes copula meshirade, dranuss may vela chider nosh!” I slashed where I had drawn writing an X and pushed the drawing in the middle with my palm.

The drawing held and flew out a distance away, expanding and contracting. I looked at my subconscious self and saw myself in deep concentration. I glance back at the drawing and saw that it had become some sort of invisible barrier, except it wasn’t invisible. It was like blue flames as they licked the air and intertwined into a complicated network of crossovers and ties.

I turned myself away from the captivating sight back to myself. I was gasping for breath. Whatever I had done had taken a toll on myself. Suddenly my subconscious self collapsed. Weird thing is, I had a feeling that I did as well, because I couldn’t see anything anymore.

I began to hear voices. “Jessicka!! Jessicka wake up!!” I opened my eyes. The boy I had seen stood above me. I rubbed my eyes and saw the complete pitch black sky again. Had my dream shifted?

“Why are you here? Am I still dreaming?” A girl came up next to him and stared at him. She giggled.

“You saw something didn’t you?” She saw my vacant stare and shook her head. “Never mind. We’ve been looking for you for quite some time now. We need to get out of here soon. The Maranza know of her, they’ll try to recruit her as soon as possible.” She grasped my arm and pulled me up. “I’ve been waiting to meet you for some time now Jessicka, I’m Carissa. I kept telling Skylar that I wanted to meet you but we had to wait for you to awaken. You sure took your time!”

I was about to question her when she bounded away and yelled “Come on, hurry up!” when the boy patted me on the back. “Save the questions for later. We’ll explain then. Carissa get back here!” He sighed and took off after her and returned with her slung over his shoulder.

“Eek! Put me down!!” He laughed at her and I snickered. I was wary of them because I had not yet met people who were still stable. I realized I missed being in the presence of others. I decided to relish in the company of these two companions; already had I deemed them trustworthy.

He set her down on her feet and became serious. “We need to leave. Now. Sorry if you can’t trust us, but coming with us is your best chance of survival.” I didn’t like the way he said that. I crossed my arms and glowered at him. Carissa threw her arms around me and started walking.

“H-hey!! Where are we going?” I proclaimed as she withdrew her arms and grabbed my wrist, practically dragging me behind her. She had a fairly strong grip that sort of hurt.

“Just come with us. Ask questions later. We have to get out of the open as soon as possible,” she announced exasperatedly. It seems as though I am not the only impatient person here. It made Carissa a bit easier to get along with.

And so, I was dragged against my will toward wherever we were going. I did not know where we were heading or why we had to get there so soon after meeting them. And my dream still haunted me due to the fact that I had seen Skylar right before I actually met him. One question I didn’t get to as well; how did they know who I was? What was there to explain? I pondered this as we zipped our way through alleyways I had just slept in reminding me of the pain and the intelligent creature.

All of the things that confused me in the time span of a couple of hours rambled through my mind for a bit, before I finally gave up and silently followed the pair to our unknown destination.

(To Be Continued)
 
Last edited:

Never

Legendary Shinobi 🐸
Supreme
Joined
Jun 22, 2012
Messages
32,702
Reaction score
949
first!
I will finish reading in a bit
good so far.
Edit : Read it all, I loved it :p can't wait for the next one my dear <3
 
Last edited:

Skylar Knight

Anbu Operative 🎭
Veteran
Joined
Jul 16, 2012
Messages
3,913
Reaction score
428
I really like it, and I love how you drag the readers in with the girl getting chased by these demons.
Good work, and I can't wait to read more about Skylar ;)
 

Tsuki

Legendary Shinobi 🐸
Supreme
Joined
Apr 27, 2012
Messages
38,848
Reaction score
1,809
This chapter... is awesome! o_o
The way you developped the chapter, the description, the characters :p I love everything about it! :D
It's great you also have ppl we know in the story hehe ^^

Please tell me whenever you have a new chapter.
 

King Cobra

Anbu Operative 🎭
Veteran
Joined
Jan 12, 2012
Messages
4,904
Reaction score
209
**** you A A Ron :p

OT: I really enjoyed and you did great! Keep up the good work I'll keep an eye out for these
 

Reborn

Kage in the Making 👑
Legendary
Joined
Aug 15, 2010
Messages
14,109
Reaction score
1,007
First thing I want to point out is your excellent sentence and overall structure. You divide the paragraphs up rather well and you use a wide range of vocabulary to convey your points. You give great imagery, which is also attributed to your wide vocabulary.

You're descriptions and characterization is executed very well. I could clearly see who each character was and they're personalities. Jessica as the protagonist, she seems to be a stable character in her own right with the faith you speak about in the beginning. However she still seems a little young and naive. She's unaware of her power deep inside, as you mentioned. Then you have those two other characters; Skyler and the other girl (her name slips me at the moment). I like the girl though, she seems really bubbly and energetic.

Now, onto the plot. I can tell you that you're writing really conveys a message but your plot is a cliche and didn't really make me keep reading it. This is probably my own perspective though. You have a great ability to write but the story just doesn't have a real originality. The apocalyptic world with protagonist unaware of her true ability. The story seems to be heading in a direction where there is a journey to stay on the path of survival as well as uncover several secrets blah blah. I'm not trying to sound rude but I feel it's a rather predictable story with not so shocking twists and turns. Now, this is your first chapter so my evaluations may be wrong, but the goal of a first chapter really is to keep the readers interested. Like a spider, capture your prey in the web and then begin to spin your web around them so that they can't escape. The web here was kind of weak. The light thing wasn't something really interesting. You had your protagonist cornered where she should've died, which has been done hundreds of times before. Then you had something miraculously save her that she doesn't know about but her enemies do. Then she meets allies and they begin a journey.

As it stands for me this didn't really interest me enough to want to continue reading the series. If I read two or three more chapters and I see unexpected occurances or something interesting than I may continue but right now there's nothing that gets me very vibrant about this.
 
Top