[Romance] F**k This S**t

[Waindo]

Tempers flared
Fists screaming through the air,
Skin under nails,
Scalps missing hair,
Words spatter spit,
Hate joins then splits,
None of us blink;
As you say “f**k this s**t”​

 

[Lord F]

Haven't heard or read a haiku in a while.

OT: Nice

 

[Υαmí]

Good, good.

 

[Waindo]

Sure, sure. Thanks.

 

[Υαmí]

Sure, sure. Thanks.

You don't seem very happy.

 

[Edenia]

aggressive but appealing, short and brilliant ^_^

 

[straightup]

This is just constructive criticism. You ask what I thought so I am giving you my opinion.


I feel like your rhyming pattern is too basic. It doesn't neccisarily always have to be one one, two two, etc. I also think that if your going for a hiaku then you should stick to the "rules" of a hiaku. 5-7-5 syllables. But as a regular poem you gotta remember that it's not just the words that make it good. It's the delivery. Start looking at syllabals that sound alike instead of just words. That would really widen up your thoughts and possibilities. Otherwise good job. Sorry man I'm high lmao

 

[Waindo]

You don't seem very happy.

Reading me like a book. :|

aggressive but appealing, short and brilliant ^_^

Thanks Eden. I'm on a writing spree atm. :|
Also found some stuff I wrote last summer.

 

[Chief Toad]

This is just constructive criticism. You ask what I thought so I am giving you my opinion.


I feel like your rhyming pattern is too basic. It doesn't neccisarily always have to be one one, two two, etc. I also think that if your going for a hiaku then you should stick to the "rules" of a hiaku. 5-7-5 syllables. But as a regular poem you gotta remember that it's not just the words that make it good. It's the delivery. Start looking at syllabals that sound alike instead of just words. That would really widen up your thoughts and possibilities. Otherwise good job. Sorry man I'm high lmao

I'm jealous. Chief Toad hasn't chiefed in quite a long time

OP: Nice but, could've swore that was a lyric to a song.

 

[minamoto]

can't believe that Waindo wrote that title xD....nice poem btw !

 

[Waindo]

can't believe that Waindo wrote that title xD....nice poem btw !

Thank you, minamoto-sama.

 

[Starkk]

aggressive but appealing, short and brilliant ^_^

Exactly this man, so aggressive but so enchanting! Fantastic poem!

 

[Waindo]

Tyvm.