NarutAwesome
Jōnin Strategist 🧠
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- Sep 27, 2012
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If you read it already with my last post, thanks, I just need more critics before I record
So I wrote the first and second verse for this instrumental and I need some advice. What should I had to it, word play, more metaphors or comparisons, anything you say I'll take into consideration. Do you like it? I know its what I think but before I record I need critics. Thanks.
starts at 0:12
[video=youtube;yLJ-EPuW1UE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=yLJ-EPuW1UE[/video]
So I wrote the first and second verse for this instrumental and I need some advice. What should I had to it, word play, more metaphors or comparisons, anything you say I'll take into consideration. Do you like it? I know its what I think but before I record I need critics. Thanks.
starts at 0:12
[video=youtube;yLJ-EPuW1UE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=yLJ-EPuW1UE[/video]
Song Title:STAND UP
My heart is a pen, my blood is the ink
So when words hit paper people feel what I think
I still wanna be king even when I'm outta my dream ,
so I’ll wait for the throne, bring all the heat I can bring
set fire to the torch cause it shows desire
put your shades on man my flame finna get brighter
I can't take these gloves off, I'm forever a fighter
when you look into my eye see the eye of the tiger
hear me roar, watch this tiger bear its teeth
and treat his enemies- like their pieces of meat
rip them limb from limb as they lay in defeat
cause he’s tired of oppression, his haters critiques
he’s tired of being mistreated, like he’s obsolete
cuz in everyone’s mind he’s already been beat
but he swears on his life, that'll he'll never be weak
so he gives himself the strength to get back on his feet
You can try to knock me down
You can try to punch me down
You can try to kick me down
I’ll just get up- for the- next- round
You can try to push me down
You can try to pull me down
You can try to shoot me down
I’ll just get up- from- the- ground
*REPEAT CHORUS ONCE MORE*
you can rip out my vocal chords, I will still sing
you can tear off my fist but I will still swing
I will fly even if, you tear off my wings
if I’m a bee I won’t die, even after I sting
now you're fighting a titan,man you can't stomp me
like a car with no brakes, man you can’t stop me
think I won’t hit you, man don't think you wanna see
even if you won a Grammy, to me you're a nominee
let the sleeping dog lie, but y'all woke me up
breaking outta the chains, destroying the handcuffs
monster on the loose, lust for blood, can’t get enough
cause I strike like Zeus, lightning from Olympus
burning those who doubted me to the 3rd degree
homicide to those who abandoned me
genocide to those who stay hating me
in that case the population- would only be me
I walk this road alone, no one is to have my back
cause I feel like a train, can't knock me off ma track
time to turn on the lights, no more shots in the dark
2 foot prints the sand, I’ll make sure I leave my mark
My heart is a pen, my blood is the ink
So when words hit paper people feel what I think
I still wanna be king even when I'm outta my dream ,
so I’ll wait for the throne, bring all the heat I can bring
set fire to the torch cause it shows desire
put your shades on man my flame finna get brighter
I can't take these gloves off, I'm forever a fighter
when you look into my eye see the eye of the tiger
hear me roar, watch this tiger bear its teeth
and treat his enemies- like their pieces of meat
rip them limb from limb as they lay in defeat
cause he’s tired of oppression, his haters critiques
he’s tired of being mistreated, like he’s obsolete
cuz in everyone’s mind he’s already been beat
but he swears on his life, that'll he'll never be weak
so he gives himself the strength to get back on his feet
You can try to knock me down
You can try to punch me down
You can try to kick me down
I’ll just get up- for the- next- round
You can try to push me down
You can try to pull me down
You can try to shoot me down
I’ll just get up- from- the- ground
*REPEAT CHORUS ONCE MORE*
you can rip out my vocal chords, I will still sing
you can tear off my fist but I will still swing
I will fly even if, you tear off my wings
if I’m a bee I won’t die, even after I sting
now you're fighting a titan,man you can't stomp me
like a car with no brakes, man you can’t stop me
think I won’t hit you, man don't think you wanna see
even if you won a Grammy, to me you're a nominee
let the sleeping dog lie, but y'all woke me up
breaking outta the chains, destroying the handcuffs
monster on the loose, lust for blood, can’t get enough
cause I strike like Zeus, lightning from Olympus
burning those who doubted me to the 3rd degree
homicide to those who abandoned me
genocide to those who stay hating me
in that case the population- would only be me
I walk this road alone, no one is to have my back
cause I feel like a train, can't knock me off ma track
time to turn on the lights, no more shots in the dark
2 foot prints the sand, I’ll make sure I leave my mark
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