Reiku Uchiha
Member
Prologue
He who fights and runs away, lives to fight another day
Looking tearfully down at the note his mother had left him, Itachi allowed a few of his tears to leak from his eyes, shaking his head slightly in distress. It would only be a matter of hours now, all the preparation, all the planning and all the thoughts would be put into an unredeemable action tonight.
“Nii-san?” Slowly, the elder Uchiha heir lifted his head, pupils dilating as the sudden light flooded into his once dark room, the widening of the door only blinding him that much more. Stood between the door and the door frame, Sasuke Uchiha looked into Itachi's room nervously. Subtly kicking his mission scroll under his bed, Itachi looked up at Sasuke and forced a smile onto his face, casting a light genjutsu to rid his face of tears and puffy red eyes.
“Yes Sasuke?”
“What are you doing in here, in the dark?” The seven year old's murmured words were innocently, his face crumpling slightly as he realized his brother could have been spending this time with him. Shaking his head, Itachi slowly forcing himself to his feet. Now was not the time to be changing his mind. He knew he couldn't kill Sasuke, he planned to have the younger kill him, avenge the clan and leave the Uchiha name in glory. And that'd been the plan, up until last night.
[Line]
The moonlight was dark, casting a unearthly glow on all the surfaces it touched. Running his slender fingers across the cool marble of the roof, Itachi looked out over the Uchiha's secret training grounds. It'd been months since he'd last been here, in fact it he been the very day he'd learnt of his latest mission. Total annihilation of the Uchiha clan. Coolly looking up into the moonlight, Itachi brushed his bangs from his face, unable to look upon the Uchiha crest as he played silently with his fingers.
“And who might you be?” As a sure fire reaction, Itachi drew, threw and nailed his target in less than a second. Or so he thought. The orange wearing masked man simply strode forwards, picking up the kunai that seemed to have past right though his body. His hair seemed to dissolve into the night, as dark as the sky went looking furiously untamed, almost as if it hadn't been cared for in years. The man wore a high collared shirt, the material closer to his neck than what Itachi's shirt was, with a small nook etched into the center of the collar.
“Don't bother telling me. You're Itachi Uchiha, aren't you? I've heard lots of promising things about you.” Narrowing his eyes, Itachi let his Sharingan flare up, crimson orbs illuminated in the night air.
“Ah, how silly of me to not introduce myself. My name's Madara. Uchiha Madara.”
[Line]
In exchange for the masked man's promise to not attack the leaf village, Itachi had agreed to let him have his revenge against the Uchiha clan. Which meant that he only needed to kill his parents. In front of Sasuke. Taking a look at the younger Uchiha before him, Itachi felt his heart squeeze painfully in his chest. He couldn't do this. He just couldn't. How could he crush the younger boys vision of his family? How could he tear away everything, leave the boy with no footing, just let him drop into a world of hate and revenge? No matter how hard he wanted to believe, Sasuke would never see the world the way Itachi saw the world. How could he expect that of his younger brother; he hadn't been the one to see the slaughter of hundreds as ninja fought ninja, human fought human. Sasuke hadn't seen a dead body yet, while Itachi had killed more people than he could keep track of. All in the bloodstained name of a peace. Taking another look at his younger brother, the realization hit Itachi hard and fast, just like one of Maito Guy's punches. Sasuke would break under the pressure. He'd crack and lose all his mental stability without anything of his old life. He'd be left scrambling for something to hang onto, but there'd be no ledges to balance on.
Unless...
“Sasuke?” Itachi questioned, turning his head lazily to look at seven year old. The Uchiha instantly perked up, his round onyx eyes looking up into his brothers face as he settled himself down next to his elder sibling. Despite everything that was going to happen tonight, Itachi found the ability to raise his lips into a smile, the deeply carved tear troughs on his face lifting in a way that his fathers hadn't, and would never get the chance to.
“Sasuke. I want you to think very carefully here,” Itachi being, casting his gaze over to the wall on the far side. Scowling slightly, Sasuke tried to see just what had caught his elder brothers interest, but saw nothing but Itachi's plain old bedroom wall.
“If you had a mission, a very important mission, would you go through with it, if it cost you everything?” He asked, closing his eyes and resting his head against the wall.
Just say yes Sasuke. Say yes and I’ll go with the old plan. Please.
“Everything? Even family?”
There it was, the dreaded response. The one response he didn't want to hear from him.
“Yes. Even if you could never see mother and father again... Even if I hated you... Would you still go through with the mission?”
“I don't want to hurt you Nii-san!” Sasuke cried without even a split second of hesitation, his eyes brimming with determination, little puppy fat hands curled into fists. Letting out a shaky breath, Itachi stood up, poking his younger brother in the forehead. It felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, only be replaced by that of an even heavier one.
You're going to hate me Sasuke.
“Go practice your shuriken, where we normally practice. I’ll come join you in a bit, I've got something to do first.” Words laced with a light genjutsu, Itachi watched as he youngest brother nodded eagerly, scrambling to his feet and disappearing out of the door.
It wasn't till the scraping sound of soles against wood was gone that Itachi let go of the genjutsu he'd cast upon his appearance, brushing away the tears that'd began to pool in the hollow beneath his eyes. He approached the wardrobe, taking out the dull white ANBU vest and his arm guards, willing the tears back. As he began to attach the straps, Itachi took ever feeling he held, his empathy, his sorrow, his regret, boxing it away and shoving it deep into the attic of his mind. He'd visit it later, much, much later. Reaching for the Haiti-ate that'd rested on his bedside table, Itachi allowed one bitter sweet smile to stretch across his face. It didn't matter that he had nothing to be happy about. It didn't matter that in mere moments the clan would lay dead. It didn't matter that Sasuke would never know the truth. This would be the one emotion he would let himself to feel before his horrifying act. The hollow feeling was that one emotion, the very feeling that taken up the place his heart had once lived.
As agreed, he met Madara at the entrance to the Uchiha compound, face an emotionless mask as he looked into the one hole in the mask. That one Sharingan eye.
“Shall we begin then, Itachi-kun?” Madara mocked. It would be impossible to mistake the cheer in his voice, the pure enthusiasm at slaying his clan. Former clan, Itachi corrected himself, looking at the now cloaked figure.
“And on this night, the last night of June, the Uchiha clan, perished.” Madara disappeared at his words, and Itachi knew he'd begun. Blood suddenly spurted off to his left, one of his clansmen had met a very messy end. Yet, all was silent. With a grim face, Itachi began his task, body flickering into the nearest house. As fate would so happen, it was that of his aunt and uncle. Without a word, he strode silently up behind his fathers sister, placing the blade of his katana against her neck and pulling it through the jugular before she could make a single sound. Right in front of his Uncle. The man screamed in terror, punching in the number for the Uchiha police. But it was pointless. Madara had already cut the lines. Taking out two shuriken, Itachi threw them fast and efficiently, cutting through the mans two main arteries to his heart. The shuriken remained lodged in the mans chest till the blood pressure burst forth from the arteries. A fitting end for one of the main conspirators. It was at this point, his two cousins came trampling down the stairs, having heard their fathers cry. Seeing both their parents on the floor, blood still seeping out of their bodies even in death, the twin boys looked up in horror.
“Itachi-itoko?” They both whimpered at the same time before Itachi flickered behind the eldest, snapping his neck cleanly. The younger twin didn't even manage a gasp before he met the same fate as his brother. Guilt washed to the surface of Itachi's consciousness as he made his first innocent kill, but the genius forcefully pushed it back. Now was not the time for emotions. He took a moment to observe the blood stained wood that was illuminated by the soon to be dead lanterns, the glossy, lifeless look in his relatives eyes before he vanished, reappearing on the streets and he began to kill off every person in sight, no longer seeing them as people he once knew. He'd be haunted enough without focusing on them. He dispatched his parents last, a peaceful a death as he could give his mother, a gruesome a death as he could give his father. The latter had been the only one to address Itachi after the killing blow. A single question of 'why?'. The younger Uchiha tried not to think to hard on the words, tried to focus on his plan to get away. Madara had already disappeared, probably expecting him to retreat to the Akatsuki, an organisation the masked man had suggested he join. Itachi didn't bother to wipe the blood from his clothes, he knew that the stains would never leave him. Now it was just a case of fetching Sasuke, and escaping as fast as possible.
Just as he'd been expecting, the youngest living Uchiha was sat up against a tree, exhausted. His hands were raw and bleeding from the sheer amount of shuriken that he'd been throwing, till his legs had finally given out on him. His half lidded eyes slowly trailed over to Itachi before he felt his blood stop, body freezing. Itachi was covered in blood.
And he was crying.
“Nii-san! What happened?” Somehow, Sasuke found the energy to jump to his feet, running over to the elder before watching as Itachi righted himself, his body straightening out and his face becoming serious.
“Sasuke, we have to leave. Now. We can't stay in Konoha no more.” Sasuke wasn't even given a moment to comprehend his words as he was thrown over his brothers shoulder.
“Itachi, what-”
“What are you doing?”
Both Uchiha's paused, Itachi slowly turning to look at the sleepy Naruto that'd clearly just woken up from a nap. How he'd missed the blonds massive amounts of chakra, he'd never know. Yet here he was, witnessing the two leaving. It wouldn't bode good if the young Jinchūriki reported he'd seen Itachi leaving with Sasuke. They'd be hunted, and killed upon sight... Itachi refused to go to that length, especially when he'd already gone so far to keep his brother out of harms way.
Suddenly, an idea struck him like lightning, and Itachi let his eyes slowly drift over to the young blonde orphan. Nobody would miss him, and it'd take a few days before the ANBU that were suppose to look after him bothered to report him as missing. The more Itachi thought in this split second, the better the plan became. Naruto would be an invaluable hostage. If any hunter nin came after him, and he was sure there would be followers, he could make a simple threat on the Jinchūriki's life and bam, they'd leave him be. Without emotion, Itachi locked eyes with the Uzumaki and watched as the blonde dropped to the ground like a rock, unconscious before he even hit the floor.
“What're you doing Itachi?” Sasuke was clearly scared, his voice quivering slightly as he tried to wiggle out of his brothers strong hold.
“Just go to sleep Sasuke. Please.”
Making his way out of Konoha's main gate, Itachi took a brief look around before he began his trek away, the two children on his shoulders nothing compared to the other weight on his shoulders. First, he had to get them somewhere safe though. Then he'd be able to grieve. He need to be away from the leaf village. He would return at some point though. Probably when Sasuke and Naruto should have become Genin had they stayed. He'd return in five years. There was a small shift in the air behind him, and if Itachi hadn't been more alert, he would have been missing his left foot now. Carefully placing the two children over a tree branch, the Uchiha turned to look at his pursuer. Danzo had promised him the ANBU would be stood down tonight, but obvious this one had taken it upon herself to make a routine check of the boards before bedtime. How stressful.
“Itachi Uchiha. Why are you running captain?” Slowly plucking a kunai from his shuriken holster, Itachi lazily looked at the latest addition to the ANBU ranks. He'd recognise that flat chest anywhere. Ruriko Namikaze stood balanced perfectly on a tree branch, clutching at the two kunai in her hands like it was the only thing that mattered in the world. Her bright blue eyes ran over to Naruto and back to him, enraged.
“If you think I’ll let you take my cousin anywhere, you are sorely mistaken you bastard.” Forcing himself to smile lazily, Itachi leaned back against one of the trees.
“So, you found my clan Riko-chan? Did you alert the authorities, or decide you could take care of this yourself?” Judging from the enraged look the girl offered him, it was clearly the later.
“Riko-chan, did I teach you nothing?” Itachi's voice was devour of all emotion, his eyes bleeding into the Sharingan whilst he looked at what had once been his favourite ANBU companion. In the time it took for the girl to open her mouth, Itachi was already behind her, dealing a blow to her head and knocking her unconscious within that short space of time. Carefully, he plucked a piece of paper from his back pocket, scribbling down the smallest of messages he could before he attached it to her forehead.
“Be safe Riko-chan, look after the village for me.” He whispered, a single tear dropping from his face before he turned back to the two boys. Sasuke had woken up, and was watching Itachi intently.
“What was that Nii-san? Why were you fighting Ruriko-chan?” Shaking his head softly, Itachi put the younger Uchiha under another genjutsu, picking the two up and looking back at Konoha as he did so. There was the soft clutter of footsteps, someone was coming. They'd find only Ruriko, and no one else.
As of that night, Itachi Uchiha was as good as dead to the leaf village.
*****************************************************
Well, I really really hope I've posted this right. I read the guide, and I think I've got it right.
So, erm, hope you like it, and do you think I should keep it up?
He who fights and runs away, lives to fight another day
Looking tearfully down at the note his mother had left him, Itachi allowed a few of his tears to leak from his eyes, shaking his head slightly in distress. It would only be a matter of hours now, all the preparation, all the planning and all the thoughts would be put into an unredeemable action tonight.
“Nii-san?” Slowly, the elder Uchiha heir lifted his head, pupils dilating as the sudden light flooded into his once dark room, the widening of the door only blinding him that much more. Stood between the door and the door frame, Sasuke Uchiha looked into Itachi's room nervously. Subtly kicking his mission scroll under his bed, Itachi looked up at Sasuke and forced a smile onto his face, casting a light genjutsu to rid his face of tears and puffy red eyes.
“Yes Sasuke?”
“What are you doing in here, in the dark?” The seven year old's murmured words were innocently, his face crumpling slightly as he realized his brother could have been spending this time with him. Shaking his head, Itachi slowly forcing himself to his feet. Now was not the time to be changing his mind. He knew he couldn't kill Sasuke, he planned to have the younger kill him, avenge the clan and leave the Uchiha name in glory. And that'd been the plan, up until last night.
[Line]
The moonlight was dark, casting a unearthly glow on all the surfaces it touched. Running his slender fingers across the cool marble of the roof, Itachi looked out over the Uchiha's secret training grounds. It'd been months since he'd last been here, in fact it he been the very day he'd learnt of his latest mission. Total annihilation of the Uchiha clan. Coolly looking up into the moonlight, Itachi brushed his bangs from his face, unable to look upon the Uchiha crest as he played silently with his fingers.
“And who might you be?” As a sure fire reaction, Itachi drew, threw and nailed his target in less than a second. Or so he thought. The orange wearing masked man simply strode forwards, picking up the kunai that seemed to have past right though his body. His hair seemed to dissolve into the night, as dark as the sky went looking furiously untamed, almost as if it hadn't been cared for in years. The man wore a high collared shirt, the material closer to his neck than what Itachi's shirt was, with a small nook etched into the center of the collar.
“Don't bother telling me. You're Itachi Uchiha, aren't you? I've heard lots of promising things about you.” Narrowing his eyes, Itachi let his Sharingan flare up, crimson orbs illuminated in the night air.
“Ah, how silly of me to not introduce myself. My name's Madara. Uchiha Madara.”
[Line]
In exchange for the masked man's promise to not attack the leaf village, Itachi had agreed to let him have his revenge against the Uchiha clan. Which meant that he only needed to kill his parents. In front of Sasuke. Taking a look at the younger Uchiha before him, Itachi felt his heart squeeze painfully in his chest. He couldn't do this. He just couldn't. How could he crush the younger boys vision of his family? How could he tear away everything, leave the boy with no footing, just let him drop into a world of hate and revenge? No matter how hard he wanted to believe, Sasuke would never see the world the way Itachi saw the world. How could he expect that of his younger brother; he hadn't been the one to see the slaughter of hundreds as ninja fought ninja, human fought human. Sasuke hadn't seen a dead body yet, while Itachi had killed more people than he could keep track of. All in the bloodstained name of a peace. Taking another look at his younger brother, the realization hit Itachi hard and fast, just like one of Maito Guy's punches. Sasuke would break under the pressure. He'd crack and lose all his mental stability without anything of his old life. He'd be left scrambling for something to hang onto, but there'd be no ledges to balance on.
Unless...
“Sasuke?” Itachi questioned, turning his head lazily to look at seven year old. The Uchiha instantly perked up, his round onyx eyes looking up into his brothers face as he settled himself down next to his elder sibling. Despite everything that was going to happen tonight, Itachi found the ability to raise his lips into a smile, the deeply carved tear troughs on his face lifting in a way that his fathers hadn't, and would never get the chance to.
“Sasuke. I want you to think very carefully here,” Itachi being, casting his gaze over to the wall on the far side. Scowling slightly, Sasuke tried to see just what had caught his elder brothers interest, but saw nothing but Itachi's plain old bedroom wall.
“If you had a mission, a very important mission, would you go through with it, if it cost you everything?” He asked, closing his eyes and resting his head against the wall.
Just say yes Sasuke. Say yes and I’ll go with the old plan. Please.
“Everything? Even family?”
There it was, the dreaded response. The one response he didn't want to hear from him.
“Yes. Even if you could never see mother and father again... Even if I hated you... Would you still go through with the mission?”
“I don't want to hurt you Nii-san!” Sasuke cried without even a split second of hesitation, his eyes brimming with determination, little puppy fat hands curled into fists. Letting out a shaky breath, Itachi stood up, poking his younger brother in the forehead. It felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, only be replaced by that of an even heavier one.
You're going to hate me Sasuke.
“Go practice your shuriken, where we normally practice. I’ll come join you in a bit, I've got something to do first.” Words laced with a light genjutsu, Itachi watched as he youngest brother nodded eagerly, scrambling to his feet and disappearing out of the door.
It wasn't till the scraping sound of soles against wood was gone that Itachi let go of the genjutsu he'd cast upon his appearance, brushing away the tears that'd began to pool in the hollow beneath his eyes. He approached the wardrobe, taking out the dull white ANBU vest and his arm guards, willing the tears back. As he began to attach the straps, Itachi took ever feeling he held, his empathy, his sorrow, his regret, boxing it away and shoving it deep into the attic of his mind. He'd visit it later, much, much later. Reaching for the Haiti-ate that'd rested on his bedside table, Itachi allowed one bitter sweet smile to stretch across his face. It didn't matter that he had nothing to be happy about. It didn't matter that in mere moments the clan would lay dead. It didn't matter that Sasuke would never know the truth. This would be the one emotion he would let himself to feel before his horrifying act. The hollow feeling was that one emotion, the very feeling that taken up the place his heart had once lived.
As agreed, he met Madara at the entrance to the Uchiha compound, face an emotionless mask as he looked into the one hole in the mask. That one Sharingan eye.
“Shall we begin then, Itachi-kun?” Madara mocked. It would be impossible to mistake the cheer in his voice, the pure enthusiasm at slaying his clan. Former clan, Itachi corrected himself, looking at the now cloaked figure.
“And on this night, the last night of June, the Uchiha clan, perished.” Madara disappeared at his words, and Itachi knew he'd begun. Blood suddenly spurted off to his left, one of his clansmen had met a very messy end. Yet, all was silent. With a grim face, Itachi began his task, body flickering into the nearest house. As fate would so happen, it was that of his aunt and uncle. Without a word, he strode silently up behind his fathers sister, placing the blade of his katana against her neck and pulling it through the jugular before she could make a single sound. Right in front of his Uncle. The man screamed in terror, punching in the number for the Uchiha police. But it was pointless. Madara had already cut the lines. Taking out two shuriken, Itachi threw them fast and efficiently, cutting through the mans two main arteries to his heart. The shuriken remained lodged in the mans chest till the blood pressure burst forth from the arteries. A fitting end for one of the main conspirators. It was at this point, his two cousins came trampling down the stairs, having heard their fathers cry. Seeing both their parents on the floor, blood still seeping out of their bodies even in death, the twin boys looked up in horror.
“Itachi-itoko?” They both whimpered at the same time before Itachi flickered behind the eldest, snapping his neck cleanly. The younger twin didn't even manage a gasp before he met the same fate as his brother. Guilt washed to the surface of Itachi's consciousness as he made his first innocent kill, but the genius forcefully pushed it back. Now was not the time for emotions. He took a moment to observe the blood stained wood that was illuminated by the soon to be dead lanterns, the glossy, lifeless look in his relatives eyes before he vanished, reappearing on the streets and he began to kill off every person in sight, no longer seeing them as people he once knew. He'd be haunted enough without focusing on them. He dispatched his parents last, a peaceful a death as he could give his mother, a gruesome a death as he could give his father. The latter had been the only one to address Itachi after the killing blow. A single question of 'why?'. The younger Uchiha tried not to think to hard on the words, tried to focus on his plan to get away. Madara had already disappeared, probably expecting him to retreat to the Akatsuki, an organisation the masked man had suggested he join. Itachi didn't bother to wipe the blood from his clothes, he knew that the stains would never leave him. Now it was just a case of fetching Sasuke, and escaping as fast as possible.
Just as he'd been expecting, the youngest living Uchiha was sat up against a tree, exhausted. His hands were raw and bleeding from the sheer amount of shuriken that he'd been throwing, till his legs had finally given out on him. His half lidded eyes slowly trailed over to Itachi before he felt his blood stop, body freezing. Itachi was covered in blood.
And he was crying.
“Nii-san! What happened?” Somehow, Sasuke found the energy to jump to his feet, running over to the elder before watching as Itachi righted himself, his body straightening out and his face becoming serious.
“Sasuke, we have to leave. Now. We can't stay in Konoha no more.” Sasuke wasn't even given a moment to comprehend his words as he was thrown over his brothers shoulder.
“Itachi, what-”
“What are you doing?”
Both Uchiha's paused, Itachi slowly turning to look at the sleepy Naruto that'd clearly just woken up from a nap. How he'd missed the blonds massive amounts of chakra, he'd never know. Yet here he was, witnessing the two leaving. It wouldn't bode good if the young Jinchūriki reported he'd seen Itachi leaving with Sasuke. They'd be hunted, and killed upon sight... Itachi refused to go to that length, especially when he'd already gone so far to keep his brother out of harms way.
Suddenly, an idea struck him like lightning, and Itachi let his eyes slowly drift over to the young blonde orphan. Nobody would miss him, and it'd take a few days before the ANBU that were suppose to look after him bothered to report him as missing. The more Itachi thought in this split second, the better the plan became. Naruto would be an invaluable hostage. If any hunter nin came after him, and he was sure there would be followers, he could make a simple threat on the Jinchūriki's life and bam, they'd leave him be. Without emotion, Itachi locked eyes with the Uzumaki and watched as the blonde dropped to the ground like a rock, unconscious before he even hit the floor.
“What're you doing Itachi?” Sasuke was clearly scared, his voice quivering slightly as he tried to wiggle out of his brothers strong hold.
“Just go to sleep Sasuke. Please.”
Making his way out of Konoha's main gate, Itachi took a brief look around before he began his trek away, the two children on his shoulders nothing compared to the other weight on his shoulders. First, he had to get them somewhere safe though. Then he'd be able to grieve. He need to be away from the leaf village. He would return at some point though. Probably when Sasuke and Naruto should have become Genin had they stayed. He'd return in five years. There was a small shift in the air behind him, and if Itachi hadn't been more alert, he would have been missing his left foot now. Carefully placing the two children over a tree branch, the Uchiha turned to look at his pursuer. Danzo had promised him the ANBU would be stood down tonight, but obvious this one had taken it upon herself to make a routine check of the boards before bedtime. How stressful.
“Itachi Uchiha. Why are you running captain?” Slowly plucking a kunai from his shuriken holster, Itachi lazily looked at the latest addition to the ANBU ranks. He'd recognise that flat chest anywhere. Ruriko Namikaze stood balanced perfectly on a tree branch, clutching at the two kunai in her hands like it was the only thing that mattered in the world. Her bright blue eyes ran over to Naruto and back to him, enraged.
“If you think I’ll let you take my cousin anywhere, you are sorely mistaken you bastard.” Forcing himself to smile lazily, Itachi leaned back against one of the trees.
“So, you found my clan Riko-chan? Did you alert the authorities, or decide you could take care of this yourself?” Judging from the enraged look the girl offered him, it was clearly the later.
“Riko-chan, did I teach you nothing?” Itachi's voice was devour of all emotion, his eyes bleeding into the Sharingan whilst he looked at what had once been his favourite ANBU companion. In the time it took for the girl to open her mouth, Itachi was already behind her, dealing a blow to her head and knocking her unconscious within that short space of time. Carefully, he plucked a piece of paper from his back pocket, scribbling down the smallest of messages he could before he attached it to her forehead.
“Be safe Riko-chan, look after the village for me.” He whispered, a single tear dropping from his face before he turned back to the two boys. Sasuke had woken up, and was watching Itachi intently.
“What was that Nii-san? Why were you fighting Ruriko-chan?” Shaking his head softly, Itachi put the younger Uchiha under another genjutsu, picking the two up and looking back at Konoha as he did so. There was the soft clutter of footsteps, someone was coming. They'd find only Ruriko, and no one else.
As of that night, Itachi Uchiha was as good as dead to the leaf village.
*****************************************************
Well, I really really hope I've posted this right. I read the guide, and I think I've got it right.
So, erm, hope you like it, and do you think I should keep it up?
