Yeongwonhi
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The white powder to paradise is not the answer
But to her, she didn’t need an answer
She needed a way out.
Along the silent road, street lights began to flicker as she crossed the road.
She marched down the grey pavement, her movement restricted as her hands were buried in the pockets of her coat. Her long light blond hair whipped her face due to the ever changing course of the wind.
She moved quickly, she moved steadily, eyes only focused on the path beneath her.
Her body shook as she heared a voice. She looked up and it was him.
The Devils messenger.
It wasn’t the man himself that was the accomplice of the fallen one, but what hid inside his sleeve was.
She pulled out the cash from her wallet and scanned the area to check if anyone was around apart from them.
No one, not a soul…
She sighed in relief as she took the small sachet of white powder and gave the man the money she owed him.
They nodded to each other and turned, no exchanging of words. They went their separate ways.
Same as before, her feet moved swiftly against the concrete floor. A foot scraped on the ground, making a grinding sound, she stops and irked. Her ears tingled. She didn’t like that sound at all.
Eyes looked left to right, she checked for cars, not just any other car, but police cars.
She didn’t want to get caught, but the more she thought about it, being caught and put into cell with nothing but pure grey and silence, sounded appealing.
Appealing, as it was still better than being surrounded inside a home with things that reminded her of him.
Things that reminded her of what used to be and never will be again.
She dismissed the painful thought as she continued to look. Hoping that there would be no one.
But secretly hoping that there would.
The coast was clear, she could walk freely again.
Nights like these have always been her favourite as the cold wind stung her cheeks, and icy air entered her lungs.
She headed towards the familiar black door, she reached*for her pockets, and retrieved a key, much bigger than her thumb but smaller than the wedding ring finger.
She shuffled to get the door opened but drops the key.
Panic surged all over her body, resulting in hard and heavy breathing.
No one was there, she was still alone.
Sighing in relief, she giggled. Her heart pounded quickly.
Though somewhat deep within her consciousness, a voice screamed, Please find me! Please find me and get me away from here…
She entered the dark hallway, she headed up the stairs, her footsteps loud as she moved at quite a fast pace.
She maneuvered around as if she didn’t care about her home, as if she didn’t care about anything at all… She felt numb, unfocused, detached.
Her surrounding was neat as much as it was messy.
Books tidily piled on top of one another, yet those piles were scattered all over the place.
Certificates and trophies plastered all over the wall, but they all hung lopsided.
She shifted along the apartment uncomfortably, her delicate hands shook, while her view felt muddled up, as if she was dazed.
She got out a CD case, and fished out the bag of white powder before she assembled them into uniformed lines, separating them with an expired credit card*into four sections.
She rolled up a note, she inhaled*one line.
Then another
Then another
Then another
Yet it still wasn’t enough
ZOOM
Paradise powder. Activated.
Bzz.
She moved towards the mirror, she frowned*at what she saw
A young woman with heavy bags, make up smudged and her dyed blond hair now showing more than an inch of her natural dark roots.
She turned to her side, a photo placed on a mantle captured her eyes. It was a picture; a picture of what used to be, and what never will be again
She pulled a face of agitation, and placed*the image back to its original spot. She looked around the room and sighs, "I’m so messy aren’t I"
She retrieved a comb from an obscure drawer behind a book pile and her make up kit. Tools in hand she began of tidy herself into a presentable state.
Bzzz.
She gathered dirty dishes before she entered the kitchen, a space equally neat and messy at the same time.
She washed the dishes, cleaned the countertop and table. She took a small gander at the her surroundings; pride bubbled midly in her heart at her small accomplishment. She made her way to the fridge, and held the glossy handle loosely and opened it; there was nothing apart from a month old microwave dinner.
She looked at the date and shrugged. She retrieved a fresh plate from a gray plastic dryer next to the sink and placed the container of Mac and Cheese onto the plate and into the microwave, "It doesn’t expire until 2 days"
She looked at the instructions; pierce the plastic lid, microwave for 3 minutes, take out from the microwave, peel film lid and stir, microwave for a further 2 minutes, let set for 1 minute before serving.
Bzz
"3...2...1. Six minutes. Yes, scriptures of Sir Macaroni and Madame Fromage I shall abide by thy rules". She nodded and shuffled back to the living room.
Another line. Inhale.
She tidied the mess.
How many lines? Don't care
She entered the bed room, clothes scattered all over the floor.
She picked up the dirty laundry from her wine stained carpet and shoved the items into the washing machine.
Upon opening a lone*cabinet, a familiar scent approached*her.
Sudden tears escaped her eyes…
Her heart wrenched.
She looked at her hands, they shook violently.
She closed her eyes andpp opened them again.
Bzz.bz.bz.
She was back where she started. "I thought I ... For a second...I - -" A messed up smirk tugged on her lips. "Ah, **** the living room still a mess" She looked at the clock "It's late. I'll do it tomorrow"
As if to make sure, she leaned her head back to get a glimpse of the kitchen "I guess that too"
She threw her head back forward and saw*the broken picture frame in her view.
"This is your fault"*She scoffed while an index finger pointed at one of the figures. She stood up but stumled. "****ing - - stupid bendy...floor" a hand reahes for the image. She held the picture for a small while. She rips it.
Hum. Hummm. Hummm.mm..mm. Ah.. Ah..A..AAARH! ..RRR...RR..Rahh. RAHHHHH! Tick tick. Tick tick.Tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tickytickytickyticktick.
Her slender arms swiped at the shelves. Legs kicked the furniture left and right. What pain her limbs should have felt were substituted with a*cathartic euphoria; adrenaline from her own momentum. Her rampage blew through cushion covers, sofa bared its fibery guts. Livid hands tore through*the cases and ripping them to shreds.
Heart content with the destruction of her home, she stepped back and let out an exhausted breath. She proceeded to wander through the debris,and paused as she passed a mirror.
Eyes baggy, make up a mess, hair a mess. She stared at her reflection for a moment. Her lips jerked to the side and a disappointed smile appeared on the face of her lookalike.
"What a mess"My life is a mess. She managed a wry smirk.
"Asshat. You were the only thing that made it right. Made it all better" She looked down at a crumpled piece of a photograph clutched tightly in her hand.
She tried to swallow a dry lump in her throat.
"A shit"
She walked to her bedroom, it's still messy and nothing changed.
She made her way to the cabinet. A unit she had avoided for the past year in order to preserve what was left behind.
A hand to the handle, she twisted it.
And a familiar scent made it way quickly up her numb nostrils…
She traced along the neatly folded clothes, the neatly folded jeans and pants, the neatly balled up socks, the neatly folded underwear and the neatly hanged up suits and jackets he used to wear.
Collapsing to the floor, she stared at what was in front of her…
Tears welled up in her eyes, everything there was neat and tidy. Deja vu. Deja vu times can-no-longer -remember-how-much
"You were the only thing that went right in my life…"
She crawled her way to the foot of the bed. She flopped and wiggled until she could lean back against it.
"Ah shit. I forgot my Mac n Cheese"
But to her, she didn’t need an answer
She needed a way out.
Along the silent road, street lights began to flicker as she crossed the road.
She marched down the grey pavement, her movement restricted as her hands were buried in the pockets of her coat. Her long light blond hair whipped her face due to the ever changing course of the wind.
She moved quickly, she moved steadily, eyes only focused on the path beneath her.
Her body shook as she heared a voice. She looked up and it was him.
The Devils messenger.
It wasn’t the man himself that was the accomplice of the fallen one, but what hid inside his sleeve was.
She pulled out the cash from her wallet and scanned the area to check if anyone was around apart from them.
No one, not a soul…
She sighed in relief as she took the small sachet of white powder and gave the man the money she owed him.
They nodded to each other and turned, no exchanging of words. They went their separate ways.
Same as before, her feet moved swiftly against the concrete floor. A foot scraped on the ground, making a grinding sound, she stops and irked. Her ears tingled. She didn’t like that sound at all.
Eyes looked left to right, she checked for cars, not just any other car, but police cars.
She didn’t want to get caught, but the more she thought about it, being caught and put into cell with nothing but pure grey and silence, sounded appealing.
Appealing, as it was still better than being surrounded inside a home with things that reminded her of him.
Things that reminded her of what used to be and never will be again.
She dismissed the painful thought as she continued to look. Hoping that there would be no one.
But secretly hoping that there would.
The coast was clear, she could walk freely again.
Nights like these have always been her favourite as the cold wind stung her cheeks, and icy air entered her lungs.
She headed towards the familiar black door, she reached*for her pockets, and retrieved a key, much bigger than her thumb but smaller than the wedding ring finger.
She shuffled to get the door opened but drops the key.
Panic surged all over her body, resulting in hard and heavy breathing.
No one was there, she was still alone.
Sighing in relief, she giggled. Her heart pounded quickly.
Though somewhat deep within her consciousness, a voice screamed, Please find me! Please find me and get me away from here…
She entered the dark hallway, she headed up the stairs, her footsteps loud as she moved at quite a fast pace.
She maneuvered around as if she didn’t care about her home, as if she didn’t care about anything at all… She felt numb, unfocused, detached.
Her surrounding was neat as much as it was messy.
Books tidily piled on top of one another, yet those piles were scattered all over the place.
Certificates and trophies plastered all over the wall, but they all hung lopsided.
She shifted along the apartment uncomfortably, her delicate hands shook, while her view felt muddled up, as if she was dazed.
She got out a CD case, and fished out the bag of white powder before she assembled them into uniformed lines, separating them with an expired credit card*into four sections.
She rolled up a note, she inhaled*one line.
Then another
Then another
Then another
Yet it still wasn’t enough
ZOOM
Paradise powder. Activated.
Bzz.
She moved towards the mirror, she frowned*at what she saw
A young woman with heavy bags, make up smudged and her dyed blond hair now showing more than an inch of her natural dark roots.
She turned to her side, a photo placed on a mantle captured her eyes. It was a picture; a picture of what used to be, and what never will be again
She pulled a face of agitation, and placed*the image back to its original spot. She looked around the room and sighs, "I’m so messy aren’t I"
She retrieved a comb from an obscure drawer behind a book pile and her make up kit. Tools in hand she began of tidy herself into a presentable state.
Bzzz.
She gathered dirty dishes before she entered the kitchen, a space equally neat and messy at the same time.
She washed the dishes, cleaned the countertop and table. She took a small gander at the her surroundings; pride bubbled midly in her heart at her small accomplishment. She made her way to the fridge, and held the glossy handle loosely and opened it; there was nothing apart from a month old microwave dinner.
She looked at the date and shrugged. She retrieved a fresh plate from a gray plastic dryer next to the sink and placed the container of Mac and Cheese onto the plate and into the microwave, "It doesn’t expire until 2 days"
She looked at the instructions; pierce the plastic lid, microwave for 3 minutes, take out from the microwave, peel film lid and stir, microwave for a further 2 minutes, let set for 1 minute before serving.
Bzz
"3...2...1. Six minutes. Yes, scriptures of Sir Macaroni and Madame Fromage I shall abide by thy rules". She nodded and shuffled back to the living room.
Another line. Inhale.
She tidied the mess.
How many lines? Don't care
She entered the bed room, clothes scattered all over the floor.
She picked up the dirty laundry from her wine stained carpet and shoved the items into the washing machine.
Upon opening a lone*cabinet, a familiar scent approached*her.
Sudden tears escaped her eyes…
Her heart wrenched.
She looked at her hands, they shook violently.
She closed her eyes andpp opened them again.
Bzz.bz.bz.
She was back where she started. "I thought I ... For a second...I - -" A messed up smirk tugged on her lips. "Ah, **** the living room still a mess" She looked at the clock "It's late. I'll do it tomorrow"
As if to make sure, she leaned her head back to get a glimpse of the kitchen "I guess that too"
She threw her head back forward and saw*the broken picture frame in her view.
"This is your fault"*She scoffed while an index finger pointed at one of the figures. She stood up but stumled. "****ing - - stupid bendy...floor" a hand reahes for the image. She held the picture for a small while. She rips it.
Hum. Hummm. Hummm.mm..mm. Ah.. Ah..A..AAARH! ..RRR...RR..Rahh. RAHHHHH! Tick tick. Tick tick.Tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tickytickytickyticktick.
Her slender arms swiped at the shelves. Legs kicked the furniture left and right. What pain her limbs should have felt were substituted with a*cathartic euphoria; adrenaline from her own momentum. Her rampage blew through cushion covers, sofa bared its fibery guts. Livid hands tore through*the cases and ripping them to shreds.
Heart content with the destruction of her home, she stepped back and let out an exhausted breath. She proceeded to wander through the debris,and paused as she passed a mirror.
Eyes baggy, make up a mess, hair a mess. She stared at her reflection for a moment. Her lips jerked to the side and a disappointed smile appeared on the face of her lookalike.
"What a mess"My life is a mess. She managed a wry smirk.
"Asshat. You were the only thing that made it right. Made it all better" She looked down at a crumpled piece of a photograph clutched tightly in her hand.
She tried to swallow a dry lump in her throat.
"A shit"
She walked to her bedroom, it's still messy and nothing changed.
She made her way to the cabinet. A unit she had avoided for the past year in order to preserve what was left behind.
A hand to the handle, she twisted it.
And a familiar scent made it way quickly up her numb nostrils…
She traced along the neatly folded clothes, the neatly folded jeans and pants, the neatly balled up socks, the neatly folded underwear and the neatly hanged up suits and jackets he used to wear.
Collapsing to the floor, she stared at what was in front of her…
Tears welled up in her eyes, everything there was neat and tidy. Deja vu. Deja vu times can-no-longer -remember-how-much
"You were the only thing that went right in my life…"
She crawled her way to the foot of the bed. She flopped and wiggled until she could lean back against it.
"Ah shit. I forgot my Mac n Cheese"
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