No i'm scared to get married.....what if he starts to hate me or what if he hits me
Getting married isn't a decision to make on a whim.
It's good that you recognize some of the basic amount of trust it requires. Any kind of long term relationship, particularly one where you're living in the same space as another person, requires a lot of trust. But when it's someone you would consider marrying - there are additional emotional trust issues.
Different people have different needs and desires out of a relationship. Some people are just fine in rather 'isolated' relationships - they are very free-standing and independent individuals who only need to be 'together' on a few things. I'm somewhat the opposite - I prefer a girl to want me deeply involved in her life, and I want her deeply involved in mine. Not necessarily 'joined at the hip' - but it drives me up a wall when a girl I am supposed to be in a relationship with is obviously struggling with a problem and she insists on it being 'her problem.'
There's such a thing as privacy - but there's also a need to be needed, for many. If you never get to feel like you're a positive influence on a person's life - then the relationship isn't 'special.'
But, like I said - different people have different needs and desires. Some people want kids, other people don't. Some people are particular about who has what responsibilities, others don't.
A lot of people just don't really discuss things before getting married. They don't really think about -how- their kids should be raised or really discuss how they would raise kids. Then they have a kid only to realize they have two completely different ideas on how a child should be raised.
Or, two kids into the whole thing - it becomes apparent that "house chores are your responsibility" is a bit unrealistic to handle alone and the other person never considered that their "after work routine" (or whatever) might have to change to accommodate changes in the family composition.
As a single person - I don't worry too much about neat and orderly laundry, I hate cooking just for myself so I eat out a lot or just quick sandwiches, I enjoy my vice of computer games and soda and neglect housekeeping.
That would have to change when I marry someone (and it would stand to reason that I would have to marry someone who is tolerant of my way of thinking/prioritizing things). And I would be happy to change those things. I just don't consider them a priority for myself. When other people enter the picture it's a different story.
Of course - a lot of younger people are just not ready for marriage.
If a guy were to offer to marry you - it doesn't really mean the same thing when you're 20 compared to when you're 24 and working to pay the rent. The offer to split the bills with someone who can also fill that empty spot in the bed is a pretty damned good deal in and of itself.
Assuming he works and has other good qualities, of course.
Young people tend to be more focused on the romance/drama of relationships and marriage. It's the "dreamy" stage of relationships where people who are looking forward to the future base their relationships around dreams. While there is nothing wrong with dreams - it tends to skew the expectations of a relationship.
A guy is frustrated when all of the places he wanted to take her are more expensive than he can afford or when the type of home he envisioned raising their kids in is just out of his budget range at 20. Perhaps he's having trouble finding a job that uses the degree he got (or experience he has from something else). He gets irritated at himself and it shows.
On the other hand - the girl is still looking for that romance and breath-taking moments. Or perhaps she's still into 'thrills' and finds the pace of realistic relationships dull. She picks up on his frustration and it just snow-balls into a bad ordeal.
But I'm rambling a bit too much at this point.
