Well ask yourself, if a perfect partner that you always wished to be with, was there for you and completely loved but only in one condition, and that condition being that you have to control their every action(not literary but tell them what to do), would you still love them?
if the answer is no, then you want the idea of love
if it's yes, then you want to love.
Ultimately this BS for most people, I can't read your what's in your mind, but I can guess and so, if you can't understand yourself, then no one in NB can, really.
EDIT: I just realized this is my first serious answer since god knows how long :lol. It feels weird taking threads seriously here in NB again