Creative Writing Competition #3 - Submissions

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Pervyy

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Creative Writing Competition #3 Submissions

Theme: End of the World

- Well here is a unique one for you, it's the end of the world folks, take that how you will. Did global warming finally get us? Were a series of nukes set off? Or did some genius some how create a Zombie virus and well, we know how that goes. The point is, you get to decide how the world has got to this point and this is your setting. You have no goals, just set the scene, then focus on the writing style below.


Style: Situational Writing

-That's right, Comedy. It's the end of the world and you've got to make a funny story about it. We've all seen films like Hot Fuzz or cheesy tv series where serious situations are made to be funny. Well now's your time to see if you can do that. You can have some fun writing it and i'm sure we will all have a damn good time reading them.

If you have any questions, feel free to message me or post in the discussion thread. Good luck.

- Rules
-
Discussion


Note: If there are more than 8 entries for this contest, i shall make it Bi weekly rather than monthly.

This thread is for the submissions only. You can discuss Here
 

Pervyy

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Entry #1
She couldn't stop thinking at her own body. She is still amazed about what it can do and how come everything she considered granted was a long chain of tests and errors from Nature.
Biped walking? That was one of the biggest errors. But at least you need just a pair of shoes. Nature took care of humans' budget by making humans walking on two legs.

Yes! This is it! Low budget. Creation by saving raw materials.
Just 2 eyes and no tail. Not complex composed eyes like insects, no strong tail to help to defend and balance your body like all predators. Nature's stinginess is obvious. No fur and no claws. How to be competitive in the wild?
The biggest error is still elswhere, she thought back then.
Why roundness on hips and not just? 'What is it for? all this extra fat all over my body?' she always thought...

Fat, as soft, voluminous and cheap material, changes humans shape in an unaesthetic way. And it retains water in it! Disgusting... A round belly, round hips, round posterior, round.. eh... almost everything. And starting from the very moment when she became self conscious, she started to fight against her own roundness. Thinking back at all her effort to stay in best shape, or at least what she considered to be the best shape, she is now disapointed about how shallow she understood Nature's intentions.

'What for was she moulded like that' you ask? We need just one word - surviving. It was a little too late the moment when she understood this.
Proud of her six-pack, she didn't think that her little fat layer would ever help her.
Global war and famine, which came as plagues over Earth, found her as an attractive young woman, with the lowest fat percentage in her body, muscular and active going to gym in her free time, working hard to make a career in biodiversity research - an ambitious freshman.

The flame of war ignited from a silly misunderstanding... but covered all the Earth in no time. The weaponry used were unusual too. The biological new weapons made the cultivated plants sterile and the last seeds were unable to make grow new crops. Domestic animals didn't have much to eat and vanished most of them. After every single human finished his own food supplies, everything was over. A former wonderful planet became a green desert with greedy non edible plants which covered every land. This was sudden and no one could imagine it or avoid it or prepare for it. Nature itself didn't make humans evolve to face this.

She was of course not prepared for famine. Self starvation was her choice to keep fat away from her body at first and after her diet were rich in proteins to can build harmonious muscles. Now she would desperately need that disgracefully fat layer... After the disaster from the failed agriculture and the end of the food supplies reached her she didn't have anything to eat at all and drank just water.

Day after day her beautiful body became more and more skinny. She was one of the first humans looking like a bag of skin covering bones, a walking living powerless skeleton...
So the global tragedy reached her in the most cruel way, the near end of the all world were less important for her than the end of her own world. She was living for herself, to praise herself as the most successful human being regarding the appareance. From her former look nothing was left, nothing to resemble the old her, except her eyes, or, better said, the fire behind them.

What Nature gave her with generosity, with all the fat she succeded to get rid of, was another substance, the famous grey matter. She never knew that she has such a big brain until her feeble neck became too thin to support it. A cervical collar supported her head and she had to stay in a wheel chair because her legs stopped to be a support for her body.
Desperation took her into a new desire to live, to eat, to get fat! To get fat!! Fat!!!

What she lately had in front of her, every time when she went outside, that poisonous liana covering with fresh green everything, mocking the planet's last residents, became at once her enemy. Her time limit were no more than two weeks until unconsciousness and death.

No one could touch that mutant plant without being poisoned. She took with gloves some of it's leaves and mixed them with water, in three dozen of glass recipients. She put in the mixture various substances, acids and bases, trying to find the way to neutralize the poison. Her tired brain made one mistake... she wanted to put lemon salt in one recipient but put instead normal salt, sodium chloride, without anything else.

Over one week of time, that one recipient became smelly and fermented, small carbon dioxide bubbles rising up from it. Each day she tested the results from every sample with no good outcome. Every one contained enough poison to kill a man.
Her sense of smell was faint but that recipient's content was one day stinky enough to attract her attention. Driving the wheel chair to the table with her research recipients she took and analyzed the problematic one, this time without looking at the others. The small bacteria responsive with lactic acid fermentation made the best job she never could do herself, neutralizing the poison in the mixture and making the green leaves edible. She didn't wait for other confirmation and drank the mixture. The pungent taste was not so bad like she imagined it and it's sourness and saltyness gave her a new energy. She contacted her work boss and reported her discovery after she realised the experiment was indeed a succes.

With last powers the researchers found a way to extract from the fast growing plants an energy pill. This was the moment of renewing hope on Earth. The calculation of damages in just 2 years in human lifes was shoking. But the new concentrated food ended the lost of lives.

Our young researcher became the saviour of humanity. She restarted research to check all possibilities to make the green plant a food for domestic animals. With her team she had positive results, all based on the modest bacteria who creates lactic acid fermentation. Animals had to be domesticated again. Some plants evolved and started to make fertile seeds again. In small steps Nature overcomed the ecological disaster made by humans. But humanity was saved by humans helped by a bacteria.

The values scale was broken but everyone had now as aim the preservation of Nature by respecting it's laws. Biological weapons were distroyed and in the new economic environement the first thing was to keep the balance between resources and exploitation. Wasting food became a crime.

Slowly she recovered from her phisical weakness, and being concentrated in her work's results she forgot about herself.
One year after she looked in the mirror and observed a change which existed but she didn't lately see for real herself, being absent minded. She was looking exactly like she would hate to look 3 years ago, like a normal person, with a visible slim layer of fat all over her body.

Exactly that moment she realised her feelings. She was deeply in love. In. Love. With her new fat layer.
 
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Entry #2

Last To Fall


Using estimates from times long past, it was only about midday. But that was seven billion years in the past, when the days were still only twenty-four hours, and the sky still had more than just remnants of an atmosphere to hide the stars – and, by extension, the Sun – at these early hours. The home star in question now hung in the skies above the Earth on a round-the-clock basis, resulting in a dark side of the planet akin to its long destroyed natural satellite. The Sun burned a deep red as it neared the end of its lifespan, and the resulting coolness took a drastic effect on the landscape. Any traces of flora and fauna were long gone, and the mostly decayed human structures that took their place had frozen over as the Sun finally reached a temperature that was no longer sustainable for life to roam the surface. Indeed, the world was on its last legs, waiting to be consumed by the Sun’s inevitable expansion as it entered its red giant phase, or to freeze over entirely as the Sun went straight from red to white and slowly died down completely without so much as a whimper. And so, the final question remained for the lone haven for life that was planet Earth:

Death by ice?

Or death by fire?

But that was still a few hours away. At least that’s what the reducing timer on the man’s arm said. Just underneath it, a second meter just dipped from ‘2’ to ‘1’, signifying that he was now the last human being on Earth. They were both in specially designed suits to continually provide oxygen and warmth and clipped to the living man’s sides were now two semi-automatic, ion-fueled laser guns, one of which had just been used to pierce through the dead man’s suit, exposing his already graying and freezing body to the outside.

“Who’s laughing now, you little prick?”, the man scoffed at his fallen enemy. He started walking away, intent on finding a comfortable spot to witness the end of the Earth as he knew it. Then suddenly, another idea crept into his head: one final show of disrespect for all the trouble his foe had caused in these final days.

“Well, since I already need to piss.”, he thought aloud with a smirk. Letting the gun he was holding fall to his side, he grabbed each side of his waist and, with one strong push, twisted the bottom half of his suit a few degrees to the left, separating it from its upper half with an audible puff that was lost to the vacuum of Earth's empty atmosphere. Not a second after an inch of space was put between the two, however, the freezing oxygen-devoid air rushed in, instantly covering his body in icy crystals as his skin turned to gray and began to collapse in on itself.

“Ah! No! Wait! Shit! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

And so it was. The extinction of humanity triggered by an act of immaturity. And now no one would get to see the ultimate fate of the world. How very much like us all.



The End
 
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Entry #3

We thought Global warming will kill us one day, it's ice age that's killing us.

Thank you everyone for attending my last stand up comedy show on earth. Well, why wouldn't you? I ain't charging a penny and you get to laugh or throw some penguins at me.

You know I never thought I will be living with penguins. You see right across the street, those gang of penguins are like dictators they made humans their slave and transferring them to Mars. I hope there won't be any dinosaurs.

Okay apart from the lame things, you are here to laugh, but how can I make you laugh, leaving your planet is a sad thing, but you know what is much more heart breaking? Leaving it alone! It's not that I never tried. I even swallowed a magnet; still not attractive! Now you would say, everyone has a good side that someone will finally fall in love with me, but I'm a circle!

You know my friends are the ones who are made for the term "assholes", well I had to make an statement, I couldn't possibly let my single-life ruin my manhood. Once they told me "You know the best thing in the world is to cuddle with the person next to you, when you wake up!"
I replied "I wish you get the best thing in the world when you go to prison"

You see as I'm leaving this place, my city, my country, the whole gigantic planet, I remember some things I did back in my days. There was once a cop who pulled me over and extended his hand asking "Papers", I hid mine and then showed him "Scissors" and drove off. What happened next is a part of my dark history.

In my childhood I once dreamed, I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow, when I woke up, my pillow was really wet, and torn at places.

Well there were other times too, the earth never fails to amuse us. I was in this restaurant and two women were waiting separately for their dates to arrive. Well, I was alone though and not eating just drinking, because after swallowing the magnet and a gigantic marshmallow, I was done with my appetite. Anyways, so the women were waiting and suddenly a rather confused man in formals walk in the restaurant and walks upto one of the woman and says "Sorry darling, I am late. You look rather beautiful than ever, honey"
The woman in front of him, with a thin line of confusion in her eyebrows looks at the man who again opened his mouth to appreciate her beauty "did you do your hair differently?"
In the mean time the woman at the other table screams like heaven had fallen on ground "I am here, John"

I remember in school, two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.The teacher said, "Why are you arguing?" One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

The world is a funny place. At the end of the day, with my voice choking of women hair, because dude they are always everywhere and I with nothing funny in my head right now would just try to leave peacefully.

Author's note : if you find anything funny, congratulations. If you don't, I seriously respect you. Also, not all the "namely funny" things aren't my own. I made a few of those and took a few up. How am I supposed to make you laugh, can't put my face as the fonts.
 
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Entry #4
A Nightmare on Bants Street

Imagine, the whole world falls apart around you, the ones you loved, the life you knew all gone and all's that's left is a you and a few others, gathered together, trying to survive on the roof of a large supermarket. Supplies are running low. The whole place is surrounded by mindless zombies just looking to kill anything they can get their hands on, yet where does this group of surivivors find themselves? That's right, Bants street, the famous land of banter.

The crew:

Mike the Memeless: Lets be real, he's a nice guy but he tries to hard. He's you're typical dad joke kinda guy but he doesn't mean any harm. He's just memeless T_T

Poison chan: The quiet one of the group. Somehow this quiet young lady managed to find her way to surviving the hordes of zombies, one you wouldn't expect. Quietly keeping herself to herself. Or was she plotting?

Pervy: I mean, do we REALLY want to get into all that is wrong with this guy? I mean he calls himself "pervy". Dumbass just about covers it for this little intro.

Lee: The one who has to put up with Pervy. I mean, that kinda says a lot. This man chooses to tolerate the Dumbass on his own accord. Maybe that says more about him 🤔

Sauron: Pervy's "other half". That's right. The saying "There's someone out there for everyone" is actually true. Though i'm pretty sure he's gotta be blackmailing her or something. (Ps. Sauron, blind three times in rapid succession if he's holding you against your will)

Gutsy: The valliant.... viking? Hold up. How the hell did a viking end up on the roof of a supermarket on Bants street?...

Screw this... lets just tell the damn story....





And so it was the group of six misfits ended up on the roof at the end of days, trying to find a way just to survive. All quiet as the groans and savage noises of the Zombies could be heard below. Alarms of cars going off in the distance. Fire's blazed from several buildings as smoke darkened the sky. A solemn moment... broken by the overly loud rumbling sound. All of the group turned to look at a single one.

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Mike: How can you be thinking about food at a time like this?

Pervy: If i can't eat it... and i can't f*ck it... i ain't interested?

Poison: *insert some quiet mumbles*

Lee: You're wasting your time....

Pete: Sauron can't you sort him out?

Sauron: I don't think this is the time for me to f.... ohhhh yeah no... that's a you problem chief....

Pervy: Hold up.... didn't we grab a load of food on the way up here?

It was true. In their mad rush to escape the hordes of hell, they had gathered loads of supplies from the supermarket below, preparing themselves....

Mike: Yeah... we did.... but your fat ass ate most of it then with what you had left.... you tried treat the f*cking zombies like there were fish and seeing if they would f*cking BITE!!!!

Pervy: And now we know.... Zombies aren't like fish.... every day is a learning day!

Mike stood up, his hands out as he stormed towards Pervy aiming to throttle him.

Lee: You're wasting your time....

Pervy slowly backed up against the wall at the edge of the roof, his hands in front of him as he panicked, a drop of sweat dripping down his face as he tried to reason with mike.

Pervy: Come on now mike... don't be like that... it was all about the meme...you know... the way of life Meme and Nut....

Mike: Dumbass everyone we know is dead and you're basically just killed us all as there isn't enough to go around...

Pervy: Mike... mike... don't worry... that's not a problem...

Mike: Ima kill him...!!!

He ran at Pervy ready to push him over the wall. At the last moment pervy stepped to the side with his leg held out. Mike would trip over his foot falling over the edge.

Pervy: See. No problem. One less mouth to feed U_U

Mike: I'm not dead you dumbass....

Pervy looked over the edge. Mike was holding on by the tip of his fingers.

Mike: Help me up you f*cking moron...

Pervy looked at him, dead in the eye, leaned down. Placed his hands on Mike's, and intent look on his face.

Pervy: Survival of the fittest....

With that he pulled mikes hands off making sure he fell into the hordes of zombies below...

Pete: What the f*ck do you think you're doing!!!!

Pervy: Cleansing the Gene pool...

Pete: I don't even....

Sauron stepped in placing her hand in front of pete.

Sauron: Don't bother....

All the while the one that didn't bat an eyelid was Lee. He was too used to this shit from Pervy. And so a little while passed and soon everyone was starting to get hungry. So they all went over to look at the supplies they'd brought up.

Poison: *Insert mumbling*

Gutsy: She's right... i swear we brought more up than this.....

A casual non chalant whistle broke the silence... and guess who it came from...

Gutsy: Pervy...

Pervy: Ohai bud... nah i aint hungry...

Gutsy: Of course you aren't.... you ate everything already...

Pervy: Now... to be fair... Sauron had the last of the water...

Sauron: Bish you pinned me down and almost drowned me crying "You must survive my precious"...

Pervy: That doesn't really sound like me...

Sauron: Bish it was you....

Pervy: Was it though?

Sauron: Ima kill him....

Lee sat sighing as the next 20 minutes consisted of Sauron and Gutsy chasing Pervy around the rooftop trying to rip his throat out. Long story short. Sauron knew his weakness. May have been something to do with breasts. Moral of the story was pervy was laid out with a crotch shot. So much for his gene pool.

In the end it was decided that they needed more supplies and the only way to go about it was to risk heading down into the shop below. Naturally Pervy was volunteered. And to make sure he didn't f*ck up again and some how blow up the shop or something, Gutsy and Lee would be going with him. The gathered some steel poles from the roof to use as weapons, the three of them stood read at the door ready to go down on the count of three. 3.... 2.... 1....

They pulled open the door and there stood a familiar face. Mike. He was still alive. Injured, cut, broken, he'd made it back. Though... Pervy give Gutsy a good shove forwards while pushing the door closed behind him, sending him into mike and crashing down the stairs.

Pervy: Tag, you're it...

Lee: And that's why i say... you're the reason we can't have nice things....

Pervy: Bro... he was gonna come at me...

Lee: You tried to kill him....

Pervy: He shouted at me....

Lee: YOU tried.... to KILL him...

Pervy: But he really shouted at me....

Lee: Ninja... YOU TRIED... TO...

Pervy: But did he die....

Lee: ......

Pervy: Hey it's gone quiet again lets have a ....

He opened the door, four arms shot out and grabbed him....

Pervy: Respect the meme.....

Mike and Gutsy dragged Pervy down the stairs, his cries of pain mixed with their cursing as the scuffle went on. The last cry they heard was pervy's voice.

Pervy: I always knew you were memeless.....
 
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Entry #5

This is the End of the World...

Yup, that's the title alright. Pretty fancy, am I right? What? What's that?? You don't like it?! Oh... You will, eventually, one day-... I hope... But I digress. Uhm?? Oh! Ehm, Chapter X, Balls of Fire, I guess...:



"Zack?"

"Uhm, hello??"

"How about an introduction? Like a prologue of sorts, could you do that for me?"

"Man I have no idea who you are, but alright I guess??..."

"Cool! So, let's begin, shall we? I'll make it quick, I promise, only a few questions to kick things off. So let's see..."


Year? Uhm, 2075...


Sustainable Life on Earth? Hell no...

Any Humans left? Next to nothing now I guess, 300 or less I'd say...

Doomed Earth? Definitely, yes...


Your current situation? Well...



3 friends, one wicked last stand, and the end of the world... What could possibly go wrong??


"Hey nutsack, you're not supposed to eat that..."

A determined, dark voice spoke, yet his clearness wrought discomfort and uncertainty to the recipient.

"W-hy?? What's wrong with the goo??"

"Well for one it's zombie flesh, and secondly-... You'll most definitely die..."

"Oh... I see..."

"Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys... GUYS!"

"WHAT?!"

"You're all so loud, so loud... Why are you so, uhm green-like, Zack?"


The voice of a delusional and lost man reached out, but no wonder though, this was all but the end.

"I dunno, but from all the crack you've been puffing lately it's no wonder you're seeing strange stuff. Either that, or the infection is spreading and you'll turn into one of those dead things very soon..."

"Ahh, cool I guess..."

"Dudes, CHILL... Why are you so serious Zack, eat some goo. We're all gonna die anyways, might as well enjoy it..."

"Well I dunno fellas?! But we just outran a fiery dragon, lost 10 of our friends to that venomous huge freaking plant-like toxic creature, Tom is eating zombie flesh like it was a delicious hamburger, and you Matt, you're so high you can't tell whether we're in freaking 2075 or back in 2050! But alright, I'll be cool, just gonna poke my head out this iron door and get it ripped off by one of those humongous bats!! Yeah... Think I might do just that CUZ I'M LOOSING MY FREAKING MIND FELLAS, C'MON!!"


Bashing his head hard against the door of the old abandoned container they found themselves in, Zack was beyond redemption now. Doom was pending, and all was lost.

"Zack, Zack, Zack-..."

"WHAT?!"

"I'm pretty damn high right now, but even I'm certain one of those creatures heard that-... Oh, guess that's one of them coming for us right now."

"I can hear them, I can hear them! They're not getting my goo, no way, no way, IT'S MY GOO..."

"Ahh fu*k it, this is it fellas. It's been damn fun ride, but I'm sure as shit not gonna die in a bloody container like I'm some illegal immigrant seeking to cross the FU*KING BORDER ALRIGHT?!"


Kicking up the door and with his trusted Assault Rifle in hand, Zack went full maniac and started peppering everything and nothing around them. A huge troll-like creature started walking towards them and swung his arm towards the container, knocking it over and sending all three friends rattling inside like a corn in a popcorn bag, ready to pop. Next thing they knew, the troll had lifted the container up in the air and was peeking inside to scoop out his next meal.

"That's it, so long suckers, may hell burn hotter than a scorched asshole after a trip to an Indian restaurant!!"

Diving out of the container with two knives in his hands, Zack was swallowed whole like a peanut.

"Duuuuude... Did Zack just leave us like that??"

"Wadda ya mean, what about Zack?? I don't even know where we are, I'm so high right now all I can see are clouds."

"Aaah man, I'm about to turn into a zombie from this goo any moment now, might as well make it quick. Later Matt..."


Leaping out of the container, Tom was no more.

"Butterflies... Butterflies everywhere I swear..."

Completely oblivious to what was happening around him, Matt laid down on his back, chilling as the troll for some reason failed to spot him. Letting go of the container, he walked away as the container hit the ground with a loud bang. Rolling out of the container and a few meters away from it, Matt looked at the black clouds as monsters started approaching his position from all angles, fast...

"Hmmm... Something feels off..."

Lighting another smoke, Matt took a deep breath as he puffed a few rings in front of himself, thinking about anything and anywhere his mind would take him. Suddenly in a flash of light, the darkened sky turned clear blue and all the monsters around was lit on fire, burning to ashes in mere instance. The scorched earth suddenly turned green and all life returned to normal. Trees sprouted up, rivers started flowing, birds singing. It was a miracle. Getting up, Matt looked around confused.

"Huh..."

Looking down on his cigarette for a second, he pondered to himself. Then a bright light beamed down from the heaven above and a voice spoke to him.

"Congratulation Matt, you are amongst the 10 people left in the world, and thus, paradise awaits you.

"Uhm... I dunno who you are dude, but I got my paradise right here man with this smoke."

"You sure??"


The voice spoke back.

"Definitely..."

A smug smile formed on Matt's face as he took another poff of his smoke.

"Alrighty then, as you wish..."


The earth was caught on fire and all the monsters returned. Matt was the last man standing, but not for very long I can assure you...

The End.
 
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Entry #6
The Diary of a Former Protagonist

Hey, so yeah, I kinda helped end the world. Whoa judgmental much!

“He did more than help.”

“Do I interrupt you during your inner monologues?”

“My inner monologues remain within.

“Oh, right I need to stop doing the whole narration thing…”

“Don’t you have an audience to address?”

“Ok, but before I move on, are we, or are we not breaking the fourth wall”

“What wall?”

“(Yeah we pretty much shattered it at this point…) Anyway…audience, before I was rudely interrupted…hold on one moment. Won’t be needing these quotation marks anymore…bleep bloop,” and they're gone.

Well my name is Ryujin Draco, former dragon knight of who the hell cares. I eat an abnormal amount of food, get along with everyone, rush into battles, and neve, never *gags* I never give up. Ugh, there I said it. Now that I think about it, I should have said all of that in the past tense. Ahem, I was destined to defeat the dark one who was going to erase humanity. If you didn’t sarcastically do the air quotes with your fingers when you said humanity, please go back and re-read that the right way…I’m serious.

Anywho, you could probably tell the rest of the story better than me. Met a princess…she was totally into me. Had some friends. I knew at least one of them was going to die to bring out my latent potential, but don’t worry they would probably be brought back somehow. I had a gigantic sword. One thing led to another, and now me and the Dark King are best buds. Yeah you read that right; take it all in. Do you feel like you missed something in between? Story of my life bruh. See on one of my misadventures I stumbled across a relic. Being the clueless main character of the story who’s only real purpose was to fight and exploit the greatest armor of device du plot, I touched it without thinking. What was revealed to me was astonishing. You see, I’m just a tool to sell the stories of god. Yep, now you understand how I was using terminology that shouldn’t have existed in my world. It’s because I became woke. So woke that I realized that I was no better than the harlots who lined up on Bastion Avenue. This god created a dark king, and plagued humanity just to make a quick buck? Why couldn’t he just get rid of him? Why put me through all of this crap. I started to realize that wasn’t the only issue. I realized that people only liked me because of the ancient powers of Protag. Would they even bother with someone as meek and humble as I-

“You’re not humble!”

“Hey DK, shut up bro!”

“Nah bro, you shut up!”

“I’m telling a story here!

“Nah bro you’re living it dude!”

“Damn straight!!!!”

Ahem, back to what I was saying…oh yeah the decision. At first it wasn’t so bad. After the initial shock, I was pleased to know that it wasn’t some tragedy I was in. I mean that would suck. I was definitely going to win against this dude. So, imagine my surprise when I finally reach the demon king and get my ass kicked. Not in an epic, bad arse kind of way. I mean utterly destroyed, cry home to your mom butt whoopin. I go off on my own as we attempt to formulate a new plan, best friend died by the way, and I decide to peer into the artifact of NOVELIS one more time. This time it is revealed to me I’m living in a 5 book series. Yeah that’s a lot of nope. You mean to tell me I’m going to live most of my life NOT beating the evil people. In fact, it could be worse. I can beat the Demon King, but then a new prick arrives stronger than the last and its rinse and repeat. That’s when I realized…I don’t even like to eat as much as I do. I’m actually pretty smart, and it feels good to just give up sometimes. Forget selling out to make people I don’t even know happy; I’m going to do the right thing and join the Demon King, and that’s what I did. I quit my job. It wasn’t as bad as I expected. He is a pretty fun guy and he likes me for me you know.

“KISS ALREADY!”

“Execute that man…”

“Wait…hold on it was a joke-,”

So yeah, the world is a lot more peaceful now that we have joined forces. Well there’s a lot less people so it kinda makes sense. The book didn’t sell to well though. I believe Deity Marv had to work at Saint Mickelo Dees after his demotion. Me and the princess are off and on. I don’t know what I did to make her mad but we’re working through it. Lastly, my old friends work for us now; except one who is trying to make a sequel or something. I don’t really care. So yep we’ll probably leave this world soon seeing how we razed it to the ground. It was a good idea at the time and we were both drunk, but it turns out destroying the world is not a long term goal you should have, severely overrated-

“Hey when do I get to tell my-“

“THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU. THEY NEVER DID!”
 
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