Conforming is an Issue

[DimLord Urza]

I want to talk about conforming for a little bit while I have some thoughts on my mind and hopefully you can agree, disagree, or share your own.

I had a couple of friends that I was really close with. We all had the same sense of humor, perspectives etc. but eventually I had to leave my old town because of problems going on in my mom's life. This was when I was around 17. I'm turning 19 in a couple days, and I've visited my friends off and on for the past year. I've noticed that since I've left, they've changed dramatically in that they're waaay more obnoxious, waving around middle fingers, etc. basically really trying to show off to everyone around them.

I haven't changed one bit. I've always been respectful and also negligent towards trends, popular things etc. I've always had a lot of confidence in myself so that I didn't feel the need to conform to anything. I graduated at the top of my class and survived high school focusing on myself rather than groups or trying to prove my popularity and I felt great about it, ironically becoming recognized and respected because of those things.

I think for some odd reason, there is a lot of pressure in America to conform and I don't think this is good at all for people of low self-esteem and/or confidence. People that think they lack in many areas try to fill that in with acting "cool" and this in turn does not amount to people being themselves, it amounts to being what fake people who also aren't confident want you to be.

Why don't people realize that trends/groups/popular beliefs do not amount to anything or come close to equating to being an individual? Do some people actually enjoy conforming or are they denying who they really are? Because I know I am absolutely sure that if I wore a backwards hat that said "SWAG" and a gold chain and tried to mimic every dumbass I've seen I would be a lot less happy than I am now just ignoring that stupid shit and being myself.

 

[Yubel]

The trends and popular beliefs are not to blame, it's the weak minded people absorbing them and not having an identity.

 

[DimLord Urza]

The trends and popular beliefs are not to blame, it's the weak minded people absorbing them and not having an identity.

But aren't trends trends in the first place because a lot of people practice them and act with them similarly? Also for some reason, trends seem to be valued highly in America even though they are not important whatsoever to one's actual life, so in my opinion they should have some of the blame.

If weak minded people didn't absorb trends, trends wouldn't be trends anymore or would they?

 

[Yubel]

But aren't trends trends in the first place because a lot of people practice them and act with them similarly? Also for some reason, trends seem to be valued highly in America even though they are not important whatsoever to one's actual life, so in my opinion they should have some of the blame.

True and it's ok to practice it aslong as you truly resonate with whatever is the current trend but if you're just doing it to keep appearances and don't actually like the popular belief/trend or are interested then you're a weak individual, that's where the problem begins.

 

[DimLord Urza]

True and it's ok to practice it aslong as you truly resonate with whatever is the current trend but if you're just doing it to keep appearances and don't actually like the popular belief/trend or are interested then you're a weak individual, that's where the problem begins.

That makes more sense, though I have a feeling that a lot or maybe even the majority of trend followers are doing it just to try to look cool. If our society didn't value conformity so much I think that would fix a lot of the issues I see. I don't like using the term "weak individual" only because anyone could grow up with low confidence based on childhood experiences etc. but certainly their confidence would be improved if conformity wasn't valued so much.

 

[Yubel]

That makes more sense, though I have a feeling that a lot or maybe even the majority of trend followers are doing it just to try to look cool. If our society didn't value conformity so much I think that would fix a lot of the issues I see. I don't like using the term "weak individual" only because anyone could grow up with low confidence based on childhood experiences etc. but certainly their confidence would be improved if conformity wasn't valued so much.

If you're in a position of influence the most important thing for a follower to have is loyalty. Since this relationship isn't clear and is counter-intuitive to make something like that clear. Conformity shows how much power you have over others because the one who conforms puts the group before themselves.

Edit: If you don't conform, you're not loyal and you become an outcast which no one wants because we evolved to be social animals and our reptilian brains associate being alienated to getting eaten by a wild animal because that's how we evolved. The tribe were our lifeline and usually no tribe meant certain death. Today our tribe are simply the group of friends we hang out with.

 

[DimLord Urza]

If you're in a position of influence the most important thing for a follower to have is loyalty. Since this relationship isn't clear and is counter-intuitive to make something like that clear. Conformity shows how much power you have over others because the one who conforms puts you before themselves.

That's a great explanation - I never thought of it that way, but in this case, the leader would be society's expectations right? Like, the need to be cocky/obnoxious + acting like whatever society considers "cool" at the time. In this case, I don't think conformity is good because human beings should not follow a societal expectation. I think it might be more acceptable for one to conform to a human being or individual because there are many more choices and a higher chance of resonating with that choice and complementing your personality. So I am still against conforming as far as societal expectations go, what is your opinion on that? Should that be treated any differently than actual leaders/people?

 

[Jack Spicer]

I think you're analogy of cool and use of "swag" is stupid, out dated, and not real for the majority, but I do understand the point. I wouldn't say it's just America. Everyone in the world wants to fit in and feel normal around others. It's really tough when you're not like people in your area. Only advice is to just keep going on. Do you the best you can. Sometimes, you'll fall apart and hate yourself for being you, but being who you are is the best thing you can do because it makes you happy.

So, yeah, conforming to fit in is not good in the long run because you'll lose you.

 

[Yubel]

That's a great explanation - I never thought of it that way, but in this case, the leader would be society's expectations right? Like, the need to be cocky/obnoxious + acting like whatever society considers "cool" at the time. In this case, I don't think conformity is good because human beings should not follow a societal expectation. I think it might be more acceptable for one to conform to a human being or individual because there are many more choices and a higher chance of resonating with that choice and complementing your personality. So I am still against conforming as far as societal expectations go, what is your opinion on that? Should that be treated any differently than actual leaders/people?

Societal expectations are created by people so you are conforming to others.

 

[DimLord Urza]

Societal expectations are created by people so you are conforming to others.

Alright, but even with your example there are many other aspects of our ancestry that helped us survive that we now have changed for ourselves to fit the modern era. Conformity is no longer important by any means. When you look at things logically, success comes before acceptance and success happens by focusing on yourself, not others. So for this reason, conformity is still out of place unless like you said it complements your personality or you resonate with it.

I think you're analogy of cool and use of "swag" is stupid, out dated, and not real for the majority, but I do understand the point. I wouldn't say it's just America. Everyone in the world wants to fit in and feel normal around others. It's really tough when you're not like people in your area. Only advice is to just keep going on. Do you the best you can. Sometimes, you'll fall apart and hate yourself for being you, but being who you are is the best thing you can do because it makes you happy.

So, yeah, conforming to fit in is not good in the long run because you'll lose you.

Well, when you look at a lot of younger, immature, impressionable children, they throw around words and terms like "Get recked" or "Swag" because they hear older, also immature and impressionable adults using these words to try to fit in with the modern expectations. And I didn't make the analogy to be accurate to the modern era but to make a point (Didn't have to jump the gun and call it stupid). But anyways, conformity literally does not matter. There is not one actual point to conforming unless you feel endangered otherwise, which people with low confidence do, and this is why its value should be reduced in our society. The most successful people were successful for being creative and thinking in a way that nobody else did, the exact opposite of conforming with society.